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The Hotwife and “Cheating” - How Many Men Really Want This?

I felt compelled to write this post because it’s a topic that seems to have been coming up more frequently with “D” and I.  There is a definite fascination and desire on his part to have me “cheat” as a Hotwife, or essentially to be kept in the dark for some of my encounters and interactions until they are over. To be clear, thus far all of our Hotwife adventures have been completely transparent - he seems the interactions between my lovers (and perspective lovers) and I, he gets screenshots of all of our text messages, he gets to experience me “getting ready” for my dates and then he’s the first person who I message or call once my date leaves.  This has been the Hotwife lifestyle as I understood it, but there seems to be a growing fascination with me going out and doing things - whether just a date and a kiss to a full on encounter - without his knowledge, until I tell him about it later in an “Oh, by the way, guess what I did today” manner.  

Being a Hotwife at all was a leap for me, because in the beginning it felt as though I was cheating on our relationship, and having come from a past with an abusive ex husband who cheated on me regularly, I was just “never going to go there”.  I suppose I was able to eventually get into the Hotwife lifestyle because while it was essentially “non-monogamy”, it wasn’t really “cheating”, because he knew about everything from start to finish.  

The actual “cheating” aspect of being a Hotwife seems to be fairly common, at least from what I have read on Tumblr and other websites.  Husbands who get intense pleasure from their ladies going out and being with other men only to be “told” about it afterwards - basically giving them no choice or control in the manner, keeping them on edge and wondering if “today is the day that she’s going to do it again”, etc.  There seems to be an eroticism in this aspect of relinquishing control for the partner of a Hotwife, and almost a torturous desire to feel that at any moment your woman may decide that she wants to go off and have a good time with someone else.  

Psychologically speaking, maybe it’s a reminder that what you “have” isn’t something that you necessarily “own”…that your woman could go out and be with another man at any point (and most of us could, because it truly wouldn’t be that difficult for me, at least) and you are always on the edge of possibly losing her.  It makes the sex more intense…almost like breakup/makeup sex without the actual breaking up.  

I’ve tried to see the sexy in this, trust me.  I’ve tried to apply it to myself and my own feelings - if D were to do this, how would I feel.  I would feel betrayed, unloved, and, quite honestly, I would probably consider leaving the relationship, because I don’t handle the “not knowing” or the “betrayal” aspect of things well.  But, D, on the other hand, finds an immense pleasure in it, and who am I to judge this?  We’ve talked about things, and he’s admitted to me that even when he was in his 20′s and 30′s and dating, he got a certain torturous pleasure when his girlfriends would cheat on him.  He also admitted that he wanted his past girlfriends, and even his last wife more (all be it only for a short while) when she had cheated on him.  

So…if this is really what he wants, should I give it to him?  It wouldn’t be that difficult…likely easier than what I am doing now in juggling my “regular lover”.  But, I would have to train myself to be deceptive…and is that really a good thing for our relationship?  These are the questions I have, and I wonder just how many partners of Hotwives out there really do like this idea of being “cheated” on…maybe some of you can help me with this.  

Unless you’re worshiping ass or feet, you’re pretty much useless to women.

Hi guys; congrats on that successful tumblr. I just created an account just to drop you a word. For some reason I find that whole consensual betrayal thing very arousing. Okay not sure if you see it that way but... From reading your posts though, while it's clear that M gets a boatload of emotions out of it, it's not 100% clear to me if H just wants to do other guys for fun (and for M's) or if she actually is a bit sadistic and enjoys tormenting M. How much do M's feelings add to H's experience?

Thank you and I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to send us an ask.

The truth is… I’m not exactly sure of it myself. I don’t get off on hurting M as much as I do teasing him and flaunting my sexuality around him. But as I said in a previous post I think on some subconscious level I actually may be sadistic in that I get aroused when I see him emotionally anxious and all of that. It’s fun and the sex is its own reward but something both M and I have noticed is that I do get considerably more turned on when we play (talk and think) around things like me denying him sex or forming a strong emotional connection with someone else (and at our most extreme… me even physically leaving him to have a more intense or permanent sexual relationship with another man). But even though it gets me hot as I said I can’t explain it. But can anyone out there actually explain why certain kinks turn them on while others don’t?

So yes I guess it’s a bit of both. Sex with other men (and recently especially with my ex) is incredible for me… but so is hurting and betraying M to some extent too. I can’t explain either of them but having them both together can feel intoxicating. It’s like adding your biggest turn on/kink to your second biggest turn on/kink. it makes you hot on a level that goes through the roof even if you don’t know why. Couple that with my kinks for submissiveness and that feeling of “falling for someone” which is actually a very real possibility now with my ex… it doesn’t just go through the roof… but the stratosphere as well.

Maybe that just makes things more confusing but I hope it helps.

- H

“First rule of the Hotwife Club”

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(via profputo)

In the morning I get to fuck my wife, but only if I clean up the mess her lover left behind last night…