[video By Dhtoomey. Caption: Breaking News, Short Kings)

Lovely.

[Caption start]

*Speaking quickly* So before Halloween I decided to get online and try to look for some abandoned cemeteries.

So I ended up finding one but it was in the middle of the woods so I decided to just plug some coordinates and take a chance. And I found something a helluva lot scary.

As I am walking the path to find this abandoned cemetery, um… *voice getting louder* Hands! Hands! Everywhere!!

By now you’re probably thinking to yourself, easyise, hands don’t just crawl what are you talking about? You would be correct.

Um- SPIDERS! FUCKING SPIDERS! DRACULARACHNIDS THE SIZE OF MY FUCKING HAND!!!

So after pissing myself and driving home, uh- I came home and looked it up on the internet and found exactly what it was I saw.

*Louder voice but not quite yelling* And here it is fam! Uh people like to call ‘em golden silk orb weaver *voice getting louder* but I like to call them NIGHTMARE FUEL DIPPED IN YELLOW FUCKING PAINT.

*Yelling* YOU SEE THE UNHOLY SIZE OF- THERE IS NOTHING AMAZING ABOUT THAT ON YOUR FACE!!

WHAT KIND OF ALIEN VS PREDATOR SCP SATAN SHIT-

IS THAT ONE EATING A FUCKING BIRD?!?!

THIS THING IS LIKE VOLDEMORT FUCKED A DEMAGORGON BUT SURE LET’S PUT IT ON A GREETING CARD!!!

*In a incredulous tone* SATAN DOESN’T EXIST?!?! THEN WHY WAS I MET WITH A FOREST-FUL OF THIS SHIT?

CHECKMATE ATHEISTS!

[Caption End]

who else is in the mood to walk barefoot over the moors in a blood-red velvet ballgown w anguish in ur soul and wet leaves in ur hair while the wind blows moodily and dramatically?

I am in tears

who wants to go to the aquarium with me i want to stand in cold rooms for two hours straight and look at jellyfish and maybe pet a small stingray

mans a cannibal but just couldn’t digest the grimace shake

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