Internal Persecutor

[image ID: An image of the right half of A rectangular flag with colored stripes in the following order: dark red, medium red, bright red, black, white medium grey, and the darkest grey. The black and white lines are thinner than the other stripes. The left half of the image is transparent.]

[image ID: A rectangular flag with colored stripes in the following order: dark red, medium red, bright red, black, white medium grey, and the darkest grey. The black and white lines are thinner than the other stripes.]

[image ID: An image of the left half of a rectangular flag with colored stripes in the following order: dark red, medium red, bright red, black, white medium grey, and the darkest grey. The black and white lines are thinner than the other stripes. The left half of the image is transparent.]

An Internal Persecutor is an alter who's persecutory behaviors target the system itself, whether it be other alters or otherwise internally. [An Internal Persecutor typically doesn't target those outside the body.]

coined by @destructionsys !! flag by @littlest-bugz [aka us!]

BASIC COLOR MEANINGS

Dark Red ; The negative feelings associated with being a persecutor

Medium Red ; The pain caused to the system by the persecutory behaviors

Bright Red ; The persecutory behaviors the persecutor participates in

Black ; The targeting of the system

White ; The safety those on the outside have

Light Grey ; Representing the system as a whole, all alters in the system

Dark Grey ; Representing the pain inflicted on other alters of the system

Darkest Grey ; Representing the negative feelings towards the system.

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I keep getting harassed for my abusive past actions even though i'm trying my best to recover and said sorry, it makes me feel sometimes like I'm unfixable and just destined to be a monster forever, and that I deserve to feel in pain, how do I move on from that?

You aren't a monster or incapable of change. All you can really do though is keep your side of the street clean; keep doing better, and give yourself grace. We are allowed to be kind to ourselves, even when no one else is. We can't change the past, and we can't change how it affects other people, nor their response to what happened. I know it's a sucky thing to accept, and accepting that doesn't make any of those permanent, dehumanizing judgements true.

You are who you are today; not who you were before you learned better. Set boundaries as you need to, and remember there will always be people who will support and love you. People are complicated and far from perfect. There is a future for you, and that future can be bright and peaceful. Just stick around and keep going, and you'll find it. ♡

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