Unstableflames

marlena by julie buntin

I keep getting harassed for my abusive past actions even though i'm trying my best to recover and said sorry, it makes me feel sometimes like I'm unfixable and just destined to be a monster forever, and that I deserve to feel in pain, how do I move on from that?

You aren't a monster or incapable of change. All you can really do though is keep your side of the street clean; keep doing better, and give yourself grace. We are allowed to be kind to ourselves, even when no one else is. We can't change the past, and we can't change how it affects other people, nor their response to what happened. I know it's a sucky thing to accept, and accepting that doesn't make any of those permanent, dehumanizing judgements true.

You are who you are today; not who you were before you learned better. Set boundaries as you need to, and remember there will always be people who will support and love you. People are complicated and far from perfect. There is a future for you, and that future can be bright and peaceful. Just stick around and keep going, and you'll find it. ♡

D.M. Aderibigbe, from “Letter from My Father, Odysseus”

Good morning, you have to be the thing that saves you

Ptolemaea - Ethel Cain

i don't know if anyone needs to hear this, but in case someone does... if you were abusive as a child, and adults in your life knew about it but did nothing to stop you, encouraged you, or maybe even forced you into it... that's neglect, and abuse in the latter case. they failed you. they failed you horribly, and they should have taught you better.

and if your abusiveness was impacted by experiencing abuse, trauma, or mental health concerns... the adults in your life should have been there for you. they should have genuinely supported you by helping you find ways to healthily manage what you were going through. they shouldn't have just let you hurt others, and likely destroy some of your relationships in the process.

yes. you are responsible for your actions, abuse included. but the adults in your life... they were still responsible for taking care of and teaching you. but they failed you, and i'm sorry they did. you (and those at the receiving end of your abuse) deserved much, much better. i hope by now, you've grown into a healthier person, and are able to have safe, fulfilling relationships.

but if not... let this be your sign to change. let this be your chance to grow. i promise you, whatever sense of control and power abuse gives you isn't at all worth the damage, pain, and suffering it leaves in its wake. if you don't believe me... you'll understand either once you change, or the consequences finally bite you in the ass.

who up feeling like an open wound that will never heal

you’re in her dms, i’m on her dni, we are not the same

when david kushner said “oh i love it and i hate it at the same time”, i thought about you