Trying To Write But Im Sos Tressed I Keep Disassociating

Kindness Isn't Spineless

Luffy x GN!Reader. TW Mentions of abusive relationship. Some cursing. 3045ish words.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

While the two of you are walking you choose to stay silent. You’d like to talk, of course, but you’re scared. It’s stupid, you told Luffy and yourself that you wouldn’t be like this; but the thought of Luffy finding out you had such a relationship feels so shameful. Not to mention, what if he doesn’t believe you? Mante has done so much more good than you, of course anyone would doubt it; sometimes, even you doubt it. Mante, the handsome, kind, talented philanthropist. The man who had climbed from the bottom, the one that gives hope to others that were in his position. Maybe... it’s just better if Luffy doesn’t know. What if he finds you weak for allowing yourself to be manipulated and abused for so long? The other option is he does believe you, but if that happens he isn’t going to brush it off. Even if you don’t like it, Mante is good for people. You were just the exception, and not all the time. Your mind goes to the people in his charity, the kids that light up at the sight of food. You… you just aren’t as important as the majority. Even if you want to think otherwise, you can’t. All options lead to ruin if Luffy finds out. ‘We haven’t been on a date like this in a while, just focus on that.’ You tell yourself, too distracted to notice Luffy staring at you.

“(Y/n).” He says and you jolt slightly.

“Y-Yeah?” You’re clearly anxious, dread filling you. Luffy frowns, he can tell you aren’t okay.

“Nevermind.” He wants to force you to tell him, or make assumptions to help you; but he knows that won’t help. Not in the way that you need. You two eventually make it to a hill with some trees, a good view of the festival below. He sits down with you next to him, fighting his instinct to grab you immediately and tell you you’re stupid for hiding things from him. You’re his crewmate, his nakama, his love. You taught him that romantic love doesn’t always have to be passionate, something you have to change yourself for, or complicated. He just wishes that you were as understanding and bold for yourself as much as you are for others. His hand squeezes yours lightly and you stare at it, then at him. Luffy’s face is calm, but his eyes are slightly nervous.

“Luffy…” You hate that you’re making him make that face. You’re caught between a rock and a hard place. Do you fight for yourself and escape this prison of self doubt and forced silence; or do you let yourself be whittled away for the greater good. You aren’t even with him anymore, you escaped him, but it feels like you haven’t. You can talk and make connections, but it just feels like your cage is bigger. That the spaces are wider, you’re still trapped but if you narrow your sight to the space outside your cage, you can pretend that you’re free. While you’re lost in your thoughts you feel yourself pulled closer to your boyfriend. He doesn’t say anything, just holding you there, holding your hand through the bars of your cell. Tears prick at your eyes, but they don’t fall yet. Instead you reach for comfort, turning to hug Luffy’s side with your face on his shoulder. Being this sad when you’re away from your ex to where it’s affecting your current relationship, you feel like a bad person.

“I think you’re great.” Luffy says softly and you look up at him, shocked for a moment how he somehow read your mind. He laughs slightly at your reaction, “Shi shi shi, did I get it right? I knew you were thinking bad stuff about yourself.” his bright smile turns to a warm one. “It feels like a thought you’d have when you’re like this.” He presses his forehead to yours. “And it feels like a thought maybe I’d have if I was like this.” His mind goes to Ace and how he had let the death of his brother almost ruin his life, almost erase the memories of friendships he had made. Support in that time saved him, so he’ll be your support now.

“Luffy, I’m sorry.” You respond, guilt welling up inside you realizing you’re making him remember his own trauma. “I don’t want to keep things from you, I don’t; but it feels so… complicated. I wish it wasn’t.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” The captain says, but you know better, this is different from what Luffy has gone through or how he had saved your other crewmates. You know this isn’t as simple as beating someone up. You put your head in your hands, you’re stressed. So stressed, it feels like your cage is only getting smaller and the void around you is only getting darker. It’s only when you hear Luffy getting up when you panic, did he get tired of this?

“(Y/n)?” It’s like cold water was splashed on you, you turn around and see him, Mante. “Gods, it’s really you.” His face is blurry, your brain instinctively trying to block it out to protect you. Luffy steps in between you two, his face serious. Mante’s intimidated, but his focus is on you so much he manages to stand his ground. “I haven’t seen you in so long, I thought you might’ve died for a while but I saw your wanted poster and-”

“Hey.” Luffy’s voice booms. “What do you want from them.” Mante flinches, you’re all outside but the tension is high as if in a stuffy room. He has a nervous smile on, trying to save face.

“I’m not here to do anything bad. I just wanted to see them, maybe talk for a bit. My performance ended a while ago and I had noticed you and your friend-”

“Boyfriend.” You manage to correct him and his expression falters.

“...Boyfriend.” He repeats. “I.. I noticed you and your boyfriend going somewhere earlier, but I couldn’t follow you since I was busy.” You scowl, the audacity for him to try and come to you; and for what?

“I left you, Mante. I don’t care how I did it but I left you.” His eyes darken for a moment, Luffy catches it and gets into a fighting pose.

“I’m not even doing anything to you and you’re being rude to me. Did you even actually 'leave' me? You just ditched me, I know I had faults but to leave without even saying anything is cruel.” Memories of your escape come to mind from Mante’s words, and how risky it was.

“Cruel?” You scoff and stand up. “I’m the cruel one? What were you gonna do if I said something? You were unstable, you could barely handle me saying anything ‘bad’ about you.” You clench your fists. “You fucking asshole, acting as if it was that easy. As if I could just go to you and say ‘Hey I want to break up’ when you know damn well you would’ve done anything to stop me. Even if you had to kill me to do it.” You’re shaking, terrified. It’s to be expected, he had broken you down over and over to make you like this. Weak, pliable, “kind”, scared. Luffy can see your trembling and he’s doing everything in his power to stop himself from punching Mante to hell, telling himself that you deserve to do this yourself. If he were any younger he would’ve already snapped and tried to solve this with what he thinks would help, but he’s matured now; even if he’s radiating murderous intent. Mante can’t even take a step towards you. Your hand goes to Luffy’s, holding it. He calms down slightly.

“You.. You’re exaggerating, I wasn’t that bad. You’re remembering things wrong since we were both in rough times.” He’s defensive, already using those same words you would hear back then. “You have to understand my point of view, (Y/n). I never wanted to hurt you, I would just lose control sometime but still never hit too hard-” Luffy snaps and tries to run to Mante but you wrap your arms around his waist.

“Let go! He hurt you!” Your boyfriend says, adamant. Even with his maturing he can only tolerate so much.

“Luffy please, just.. stay with me.” Your voice is breathy, stopping yourself from having a panic attack. The sight helps him calm down slightly and he hugs you.

“We don’t have to be here, I’ll tell the rest of the crew we can leave.” His anger is only pacified by your comfort being more important.

“W-Wait, I’m sorry.” Mante suddenly apologizes. “I didn’t think you were this affected, but I should’ve been better to you anyway. I.. I’m sorry for that, and I’m sorry for treating you badly in the past.” The apology you wanted for so long… you’ve gotten it. So why is it so much less satisfying than you thought? The cause of your pain is here, looking genuinely guilty, you should be happy. This should be it for you, fix you, free you; but it isn’t.

“...Did you even love me?” You ask your ex, continuing to talk before he can respond. “You hurt me, so much. You’re right, you were going through a rough time, I thought about that every time I would have to stand there and take your anger or calm myself down alone when I had the chance. ‘He’s stressed, that’s all.’ ‘He loves me, just has trouble sometimes showing it.’ I made excuses for you over and over. After I escaped I didn’t know what to think, I didn’t have anything. Sometimes I even considered going back to you because I would struggle so much being alone. Maybe I even would’ve, if I didn’t have the privilege of being found.” You look at Luffy, who feels a mixture of anger and happiness. “I can tell what you’re thinking, you think I could’ve done it on my own even if you and the others didn’t find me, right?” He stares at you, then nods. “I knew it, feels like a thought you would have.” Your words calm him more and brightens a little, smiling at you. Mante stands there, face dark. “Are you expecting me to expose you? Let everyone know how horrible you can be inside?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you decided to, but I.. I really hope you don’t. I’m helping people, and you’ve already seemed to have moved on.” He has a point, except you haven’t been fully able to move on yet. You hug your boyfriend for a bit, then pull back to walk to Mante.

“I’m not going to tell anyone.” You say and both his and Luffy’s eyes go wide.

"You aren’t-”

“You aren’t!?” A crowd of voices say. You’re startled, and look to the side to see your friends minus Robin and Franky. They were hiding, and attempted to hide again. It’s pointless and Usopp quickly tries to save it.

“Well we were just passing by and we just got here don’t worry-” Usopp starts but Zoro interrupts him.

“I’ll slice him to pieces if you want me to.” Usopp stares at Zoro in betrayal. “Only if you want me to.” He reiterates.

“You’re seriously not going to say anything? Are you still scared?” Nami says, worried as she casually pushes the two men to the side. “You don’t have to be scared, you know.” She knows how it feels to be stuck, too scared to ask for help that you’d even cover for your abuser. Nami doesn’t want you to feel like that. The sight of your friends, here and worried, unlocks something in you, helps you realize something. You can get out of your cell, that you didn’t have to hide this for so long. Here you were, assuming that they wouldn’t be able to take it, that it would bring up bad memories or make things uncomfortable but even Nami isn’t forcing you to do anything. Your chest feels lighter, and you turn back to Mante.

“I’m not doing this out of the kindness of my heart.” You say as you shake your head, walking to Mante. “I’m doing it because I can, because I decided that I’m tired of letting him control me.”

“(Y/n)..” Mante says, looking guilty but touched. “I don’t deser-”

“Yeah, you don’t, and I’m not doing this for you. Don’t get me wrong.” Your hand reaches up and grips Mante’s neck. “I am not a pushover that’ll forgive anything. You do good to the world and you seem to have been trying to repent, that’s the only reason I’m letting you free.” Your hand tightens its grip and Mante tries to gasp, struggling. “Your retribution will be using the rest of your life to help others. If I ever hear even a rumor that you’ve done something like this again, embezzled money, taken advantage of someone, stopped your charities, anything. I’m coming back, and I’m giving you your punishment with my own hands.” With that, you let him go. Mante coughs and gasps to gain his breath, your friends more satisfied now. He looks pathetic like this, coughing, like your places have switched. You’re different from him though, anger is only a sign he still has a hold over you. You’re done letting his emotions control yours. “I want you gone. Leave.” He looks up at you, emotions conflicting in his mind. Guilt, appreciation, fear, but you want none of it. He stands up and you take a deep breath. “Wait” You say before he can leave. He turns to face you and you punch him in the stomach, hard. He coughs and gasps, you do it again with your other hand. Okay, some anger is natural emotion, and you won’t let him go free without some pain, he just objectively deserves it. Plus, if he gets a bruise his dancer outfit will show he can just cover it up, you did it plenty of times. “Okay, now leave.” He struggles to walk and you watch him as he limps away. Once his figure has faded you breathe a sigh of relief, another big weight lifted off your chest. You crouch down with your head hanging, you did it, that was insane you actually did it.

“Shi shi shi.” You hear a familiar laugh from next to you. Luffy’s crouched down next to you too, looking happy. “You didn’t need me at all, see?” He says, pleased. You wrap your arm around him and pull him in for a hug, which he gladly reciprocates while kissing your cheek. The joy emanating from him is contagious and you end up smiling too, pulling back to smooch him. He smooches back and soon the two of you keep peppering kisses on eachother’s faces, giggling a little.

“Yohohoho~ Youth is very good to see.” Brook says with a hand on his mouth as you two act lovey dovey.

“Hahaha!” Jinbe laughs heartily. “That it is!” You look at your crewmates, all of them looking happy, even if Zoro is pretending he finds it annoying. He’d rather have this than you miserable. Sanji is happy for you two as well, of course, even if he wishes he also had what you have, no he’s not crying from jealousy he’s just having a nosebleed from his eyes. Usopp gently pats him on the back, offering comfort awkwardly. You look back towards the festival, you’re happy. Even if this isn’t magically going to completely pull you from the cell you’ve been trapped in, Luffy and the others have opened the door, letting you know that even if it’ll take time for you to fully come out, they’ll always be there. You even spot an eyeball and an ear surrounded with petals on a tree, smiling at it as the firework show starts. Everyone sits with you, watching it as they start to talk and enjoy the pretty lights. They couldn’t leave you behind after all, and walking around in a crowded area is overrated anyway. Chopper jumps up and down happily, making happy noises as his eyes shine. Your eyes trail to Luffy’s, whose hand is intertwined with yours.

“Thank you.” You whisper while looking down to not only him, but all your friends too. You’d assume they didn’t hear you, but when you look up at Luffy he’s smiling at you.

“You’re welcome!” He says, and you look to the side to see your crewmates looking at you too. Apparently you had whispered it in the small moment it was silent before the fireworks continued.

“You’re welcome too.” Nami smiles at you and winks.

“Me too, me too!” Chopper exclaims while hopping onto your lap. Everyone else says the same, even Zoro who was quietly arguing with Sanji, and Usopp who had pretended not to hear at first to save you from the embarrassment. Is this bad luck or good luck? You’re so happy to hear these “You’re welcome”, but you also feel like collapsing and playing dead possum style from getting caught saying something sappy. The fireworks have already started up again though, so you decide to slowly turn your attention to that, praying that your friends and boyfriend take the hint. Thankfully they do, and you all spend the rest of the festival in each other's presence.

Bonus:

“WAHHHH YOU’RE WELCOME TOO (Y/N)!!!” Franky says while sobbing, pouring tears from his eyes as Robin lightly chuckles, having finished telling Franky what had happened.

“You can tell them when they’re back.” She says to the shipwright, who’s on his hands and knees crying so hard he would definitely pass out if he weren’t a cyborg.

“Y-You’re right.” He says, getting motivated. “I’ve got to make sure they have a SUPER place to come back to.” Franky says as he gets up, quickly running inside the ship to build you something you’d like. Robin puts her hand to her eye again, looking at your embarrassed but happy face, her mood improving more when she sees your hand squeeze Luffy’s. She’ll get something ready for you too, you’re her precious friend as well, after all.

Phew finally finished, sorry I took so long I suddenly lost the motivation for it and I got into replaying P5r then I started Hollow Knight. But I got it. Sorry if the ending and how it ended up is unsatisfying. There are a lot of stories where everything ends up okay and I kinda felt like not doing that. Ofc things CAN end up being okay but I felt like there wasn't enough stories where the abuser wasn't just very clearly evil and no good. As someone who's been through bad things from people who have multiple sides I felt like this was the best thing to do. If you want Mante in jail you can say that he ended up doing something bad and you did whatever punishment you want, I left it somewhat open for that, but this is where it ends for the story I wrote. People are many, even bad ones, and life is complicated. If you have someone in your life that you are unable to fully cut off or bring to full punishment i feel for you. This ending wasn't a "Well you should just forgive and forget" it was more of a "Even if things are complicated there is still ways to break free from your abuser"

Bro's struggling to get signal on the Sunny 😭😭😭

wish you could see what asks you sent because sometimes i be sending one and take a nap and then i'm like "wait did i really send it or was that a dream or did i forget to send it"

alright bet it was a close fight too

Imagine trying to slap a fly and getting fiberglass sized pines on you ouch

Asexual people opening their tag and seeing that fuck ass character again.

its so hot im actually in hell dude i cant even sleep because of the stupid armrests on these chairs digging into my sides whenever i try to lean to rest a bit. Its so fucking hot too and my ass is sweaty and keeps heating these uncomfortable chairs up so they're like ovens to my buns which only makes everything worse if I had slightly less shame I woulf just sleep on the floor deadass

by the time i get out of this airport ill be having nightmares of it i cant believe im gonna be stuck here for almost 24 hours. I could be using that time to be doing more.important things like sleeping or jerking it

About lil ol me!? If you say so.

Last Song: Disappearance Addiction by Kairiki bear (My fav vocaloid artist) The one on youtube specifically with the animation theres many versions of the song

Last Book: The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan. Id already read it but felt like rereading it since its in my campus library. Dropped it though. Not because its bad, its great, the humor aged pretty well too, just didnt want ti have to borrow it and possibly have it go overdue and the library is cold after a while. Maybe ill get back to it.

Last Movie: Sonic 3. Watched with some friends and family. Was pretty funny. But so cringe. I cant blame sonic for being cringe in the movie because it fit his character being cringe but that "Konichi-what" took actual life from my body. Also we were really late so we missed like 20 min of it and that was basically the part i first saw with no context.

Last Game: Cult of the Lamb. Its fun. Just so fucking glitchy. Its crashed multiple times and glitched so bad id had to quit it multiple times. Its such a shame considering how fun it is too.

Last TV Show: One piece, if not counting anime then Arcane. Though im on like episode.. 3.

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Sweet. I love sweets. Sm. I love them. I feel like between a bad sweet and a bad savory or spicy its always the bad sweet thats usually gonna be better.

Relationship: Single. Im not really interested in relationships. I dont have crushes either. Ive never really been super in relationships especially seeing how miserable people will be just because they aren't in one. Not that i can't go in one, I just don't crave it.

Favorite Color: Yellow and Brown. Yes i know shit and piss but i do like the colors. Bananas, bees, sunflowers, its a good color combination. Brown is a very warm calm color and yellow a very bright happy color. Im not too picky about colors though.

Last Internet Search: Big five personality test. I heard from a psychology person online that Myer Briggs one actually is not good and that Big five one is better so i was doing it but got bored.

tags: @worstgenerationloser @kaivenom @hannahbarberra162 @silverinkbottle @worstscholar

I cant think of anyone else. You don't have to do this though. I won't go crazy.

TAG GAME - 10 People I'd Like to Know Better

thank you for tagging me @zorua-adorable !

Last Song: anna sun by WALK THE MOON

Last Book: junji ito's lovesickness collection

Last Movie: descendants 3 lmao

Last Game: fire emblem: path of radiance

Last TV Show: alice in borderland

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: sweet 100%. i have such a sweet tooth it's a bit of a problem

Relationship: single and not planning on changing that any time soon

Favorite Color: purple 💜

Last Internet Search: fahrenheit to celsius

no pressure tags: @ambeer6 @biblicallyaccurate-candylady @in-a-bucket @nerdofmanymediumsandfandoms @rencatuive @tophats-tea @biggestlen @bleuflowerfields @hqwthornes @asexual-shelly

WHY IS ODA NOT TAKING CARE OF HIS HEALTH?? HES GETTING LIKE SUPER SICK HELLO WTF SOMEONE PUT HIM IN A CHAMBER THAT SUPPLIES HIM WITH EVERYTHING OR SKMETHING 😭😭

small update i didnt eat or drink anything because it hurt and it turns out i cant even handle a single day. I didnt even not eat nothing i still ate breakfast and had a cup of tea i thought i was good for the day til i was better tomorrow but when i got up i was DYING bro. Its like im running always even if im sitting god forbid walking around i start panting and dying like i ran a marathon and unless im laying down im permanently out of breath. Sucks. I ended up forcing some soup and half an apple down. Drank some more tea and some suero (the suero fucking burned too) and im back to laying down. I feel like one of those people thats bedridden except now im bedridden. Thankfully theres people in my house so im having some help getting food and tea. But phew. im bedridden. try to g3t some fluids and soup and sugars even if it hurts guys apparently you still need it even if its literally just a day.

was cleaning yesterday like a good person and apparently bleach fumes can mess up your throat even if you're an ADULT HUMAN and its WATERED DOWN and just for mopping the floor and i have a sore throat so bad that i cant drink water or eat without pain and it sucks so bad. I don't have energy bc i just havent been drinking water the whole day bc it hurts 😭 i just drank a small cup of tea and had a big meal for breakfast hopefully itll be gone by tonorrow. makibg my nose runny too and it hurts to swallow my own spit.