Okay But Imagine Its A Normal Day On Coruscant But Similar To Real Life There Is A Paparazzi And Someone

Breaking the ACOTAR 4th wall:

Rhys: I won the Blood Rite. But Cassian had to carry me the last bit.

Gwyn: Me too.

Rhys: My sister was decapitated and I had to see the traumatic remains.

Gwyn: Me too.

Rhys: I underwent devastating sexual assault.

Gwyn: Me too.

Rhys: I’m a halfbreed.

Gwyn: Me too.

Rhys: We have a lot in common.

Gwyn: We do.

Rhys: So why do Elriels insist on protecting you from sexual intimacy, call out how you aren’t a real Carynthian and ridicule your roots but not me?

Gwyn: That would be because I’m a rival love interest for Azriel and they have to tear apart my character to invalidate my relevance and keep their sinking ship afloat.

Rhys: *picks at lint* Gross.

Gwyn: Yup.

i need help understanding mor and the dynamic between cassian and azriel.

TLDR; i dont get why this dynamic is so important! for mor, its two issues here and they aren’t connected. mor can reject az and keep her true sexuality a secret so why is she so insistent on being shitty to az? azriel getting rejected isn’t going to break his entire heart forever; az is a big boy he will be ok. god i hate this dynamic so much.

ok so this girl doesn’t have the courage to tell azriel that she doesn’t like him that way (or ever).

but its been 500 years of pining; like ?? i think he knows his heart has been broken?? hes a spy master; his entire profession is him seeking secrets and i would even assume knowing how to read people and such. i feel like after 500 years, he can pretty much confirm shes not interested in him. and then using cassian whenever theyre together should also signify something? are we banking on azriel to be a Head Empty dumbo man who doesn’t have an ounce of self awareness and emotional intelligence here?? mor constantly flirts w cassian as a joke. mor needing cassian to be a buffer sounds like she just wants him as the third wheel but nothing else and thats really shitty thing to do. how can she think she can keep it up?? how can she also assume cassian won’t try to find love?? she doesn’t love az why stop him from finding love???

she straight up only likes females no? she’s already sleeping with other people. thats a known fact. azriel has also slept w other people. they dont sleep together but they do just hang out–like buddies?? they go to ritas, they hang out in the houses at valeris, they do night court jobs together-ish but thats it? that sounds like what friends do. so if she rejects azriel, the worst that seems to happen is that they won’t hang out like they used to.

i flipped through ACOWAR to make sure im not missing anything and this is part of what she says:

“I’m not sure I can give my entire heart to him in that way. And…and I love him enough to want him to find someone who can truly love him like he deserves. And I love myself….I love myself enough to not want to settle until I find that person, too” (ACOWAR, 592)

“I should tell him. I need to tell him. Mother above, after last night, I should. But…It’s gone on for so long. So long. I’m petrified to face him–to tell him he’s spent five hundred years of pining for someone and something that won’t ever exist. The potential fallout…I like things the way they are.”  (ACOWAR, 593)

she says this shit!! two contradictory paragraphs!!! how are you gonna be like let az find love/i want to find love and then backtrack and be like wait i like this dynamic??? what??????? in between those two line she says this:

“It’s stupid, I know. It’s so stupid and cruel that I do this, but…I slept with Helion just to remind Azriel…Gods, I can’t even say it. It sounds even worse saying it.”

“To remind him that you’re not interested.” (ACOWAR, 593)

what is this?? literally what the fuck?? this line right here makes mor sound like such a dick. this is literally cruel; she knows hes got intense feelings for her but she does this still?? is this some kind of power trip she likes???

yes it can be heart breaking to lose a friend but at the same time stringing them along and being so elusive is worse is it not?? yes it will probably hurt az a lot especially if his feelings are super intense but i think they as characters are capable of going past this. it might not be like before, but they will still be supportive of one another.

but also consider this: what would be the consequence of rejecting azriel? will he go on a rampage? will he shut out the IC forever? will he abandon them? is there a darkness to him that makes mor afraid to speak her actual feelings? cuz i feel like at worst it would be a few awkward moments here and there but ultimately it would just be over with and they will be friends again. does she really believe that az would continue to be a hopeless puppy following her around in the hope of her loving him forever or does she think he’ll reject love forever if she rejects him? she hasn’t given him actual romantic love back so he might not be missing much. and even her words about fucken helion just to remind az she’s not interested is treating him shity enough (which also leads me to why does he love mor? did he know her before rhys brought her to the illyrian camp all those years ago when she and cassian did it?) i know she wants to keep liking females a secret, but rejecting az won’t make people automatically assume she isn’t straight.

i can’t help but think literally all of mor’s reasoning for not telling az and keeping the dynamic going is garbage. the stakes aren’t that high! shes being a bad friend and stifling both cassian and azriel! idk how az’s heart isn’t already breaking?? im really mad SJM is trying to play this up as a big thing and making this dynamic seem so important to these characters but for mor, its two issues here and they aren’t connected. mor can reject az and keep her true sexuality a secret. azriel getting rejected isn’t going to break his entire heart forever; az is a big boy he will be ok. god i hate this dynamic so much.

Keep reading

the mandalorian season 3 episode 4: the foundling has no reason to be as funny as it is 😭😭 like come on

din djarin accidentally makes bo-katan join his weird cult

din djarin saying “next challenger” and then setting down the smallest little 1 foot tall child to fight a child who is at least 4 feet tall AND ALSO PAZ VIZSLA’S KID???

din djarin sassing said 4 foot tall kid

grogu absolutely destroying that kid by backflipping over him multiple times and then winning the training darts thing after literally being taught how to do it 30 seconds beforehand

THAT KID THEN BEING TAKEN BY A FUCKING PTERODACTYL AFTER TALKING SHIT?/!-?-?-!-?? (bad day for ragnar)

grogu’s oversized chestplate 😭😭😭

all the mandalorians’ jetpacks running out of fuel and them grunting and panting as they try to scale the mountain

all of the mandalorians suddenly just getting up and dispersing to eat in private because what else are they supposed to do

THEM BRINGING HOME THE PTERODACTYL’S THREE KIDS AND BOKATAN TELLING THE ARMOURER THAT THEYRE FOUNDLINGS 😭😭😭

the fact that, as you get a new piece of armour, you just have to sit in the armourer’s little lair as she makes your pieces like 🧍🧍

anyways the mandalorian is silly as hell bro 😭😭

HOEAB Headcanon

When Lehabah journies to the bone quarter, she’s staring around her in wonder at the green hills, the sun shining, and she turns around to see 6 wolf shifters smiling at her.

And a tall, beautiful male smiles down at her and says “you must be lehabah. we saw what you did for Bryce and for Syrinx. You are incredibly brave.” Laying his hand over his chest.

And Lehabah just goes a fiery pinkish tinge.

“Connor, you’re just as handsome as BB said you were.” And the warmth in his smile at that, could put the sun to shame.

HOT TAKE:  Aayla Secura was being prepared to be a future Council member.  In the scenes that aren’t direct Council chambers meetings, she’s frequently there with the other Jedi Masters to strategize, with a consistency that no other Jedi are (Luminara, for example, doesn’t get the same amount of appearances). Almost every scene is one where they could have easily added in another Jedi Council member, they could have added Shaak in for her in almost every scene, they could have added Saesee, they had models for both of those characters.  And it’s not that she’s giving a mission report that’s unique to her, she’s just there, as a presence, consistently, as part of even the most sensitive missions. SO, I AM FULLY CONVINCED AAYLA SECURA WAS BEING PREPARED AS A FUTURE JEDI COUNCIL MEMBER AND I LOVE THAT FOR HER BECAUSE SHE ABSOLUTELY DESERVES IT, AAYLA IS KIND AND COMPASSIONATE AND GETS SHIT DONE AND TEACHES AHSOKA AND PUTS HER LIFE ON THE LINE FOR THE CLONES AND CARES DEEPLY ABOUT PEOPLE. /THIS IS AN AAYLA SECURA STAN ACCOUNT JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING

The Bat Boys would be Swifties

au where anakin raises his kids in complete secret. but- BUT- they still live on coruscant. with padme.

no one knows who the father of the amidala- cough cough SKYWALKER- twins is, and some conspiracy theorists come up with a few names- rush clovis, bail organa, hell, they even throw obi wan in there. a few even throw anakin's name out, but after a short disappearance by them, they say, shakily, that theyve changed their mind.

however, the jedi council starts to figure out one by one that anakin is the father. its starts with obi-wan, who knew it from day one. then yoda finds out because anakin mutters under his breath, "i have kids to take care of, man" when confronted with a mission. plo koon finds out when he sees anakin leaving padmes place with a photo of his kids. it goes through the entire council like, this, but no one mentions it. they all think they're the only ones to know

and they dont even say anything! some of them start leaving anonymous packages with little care items at anakin or padmes door and some place small notes under anakin's doorframe. the entire jedi council (and also the entire 501st, who has known since the beginning) is acting like a daycare center for the skywalker twins. this is mostly because anakin goes six days without sleeping and is tired all the time

so 95% of the jedi council knows, and guess who doesnt? mace "HES TOO DANGEROUS TO BE LEFT ALIVE" windu is completely oblivious and all he thinks of anakins condition is "karma, bitch"

but one day anakin stumbles into the jedi council room, barely functioning, running on four hours of sleep for a week, and he says "im out. kick me out of the order. i have two kids and a wife and i feel like im about to collapse. i dont care anymore. kick me out. i can get a job on the streets. sorry"

AND MACE IS LIKE "skywalker, take a seat- WHAT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING NAME OF THE FORCE DO YOU MEAN? GET OUT! YOURE OFF THIS COUNCIL AND OUT OF THE ORDER!!"

but tHEN every single jedi in the room shouts, at the same time, "NO!" and they all look at each other, and at the same time, ask, "you knew too?"

mace is completely stunned as the jedi start being like "oh yeah i was giving him the anti depressants what were you sliding under his door?" "i was the one giving him the aspirin" "obi wan was definitely giving him the kindness notes"

despite the fact that this is NOT the jedi way, they agree to keep anakin in the order, take him off the council, and actually pay him someting better and give him a little bit less missions ("ANAKIN AND OBI WAN ARENT THE ONLY JEDI WE HAVE, GUYS")

mace is in shock and actually tries to bring it before the senate but bail organa is chancellor and hes like "lol nope those are my god children" and he files the complaint case back away.

Can't convince me it didn't happen.

Q

You know what? I want Valkyrie shenanigans. Give me Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn debating if - no, not it - how long it would take to suffocate a man with their legs. Straight up, manslaughter by the power of thighs, and spite alone. 

Nesta is out of the running because Cassian distracts her too much. Emerie obviously would rather do something else with someone else. Gwyn is too competitive to let this go and she is a woman of science - she needs to know. 

Cassian snorts and tells her “good luck” - not quite picking up the chaotic determination she has. Enter Azriel, who agrees to be her sparing partner, and when she asks if she can try a new move, for curiosity sake, he allows it. He does not know what he is signing up for and his shadow didn’t snitch on their favorite girl. 

She’s pulling some Natasha Romanoff shit. 

Em and Nes find them in a very suggestive position but Gwyn is gleeful to have Azriel’s head locked between her legs, and she’s so close to literally sitting on is face, and she’s squealing. “ONE MINUTE AND THIRTY-SIX SECONDS! THIRTY-SEVEN! THIRTY-EIGHT…” 

He’s NOT tapping out - he’s not going to admit defeat - but he’s turning blue and he’s slapping her knee as he’s biting back whatever he wants to say. 

Cassian is standing behind them, shell shocked. Of ways to go, Azriel, is this really it, you kinky son-of-a-bitch?! Gwyn is so delighted to have this man on the brink of death - and Azriel is too stubborn to admit it. 

He’s literally flapping around like a fish out of water. He’s struggling and she’s not letting up. At this point, Emerie and Nes are blockading Cassian who’s pretty sure Azriel is too dumb to admit he’s out breath. The Valkyries want to see this through. 

Gwyn’s weakness? Tickling - and she’s screaming as he found her weak spot. She tumbling off him, crying in laughter, and he gasping for air, blue in the face. He’s glaring at the audience and basically same energy as this.