HOEAB Headcanon

Padme: You're annoying.

Anakin, in his head: Enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words

nesta antis trying to put a negative spin on the valkyries’ friendship is so weird to me

it’s literally the only friendship in the series where there isn’t a weird power dynamic (except maybe feyre and lucien but that friendship is hanging by it’s last thread)

rhys literally pulls the high lord card on his friends whenever they don’t follow his orders and that is so weird. cassian is out here calling his rhys ‘high lord’ and it’s like … aren’t you guys supposed to be best friends of 500 years?

does amren actually like anyone in the inner circle? i’m not so sure. why does mor not feel comfortable coming out to the inner circle when she’s known them for five centuries? and i’m not even starting on the cassian/mor/azriel situation that has been going on for centuries. they might be family to each other but they have the weirdest dynamic ever

and isn’t the IC supposed to be feyre’s great new family that always includes her in things? then why did they hide the truth of her pregnancy from her? they would clearly choose rhys over her any day and it’s not surprising because feyre’s only tie to them is being rhysand’s mate

and this argument that ‘nesta’s abuse needs to be called out by gwyn and emerie’ WHAT? they know she had an unhealthy relationship with her sisters and parents and they know she was a bitch and they don’t care because she’s working on herself and she’s been nothing but a great friend to both of them. are they supposed to hold a meeting with feyre and nesta and make them apologise to each other and talk it out?

but if these antis are so adamant that bad behaviour gets called out by friends then why don’t the antis want the IC to call rhys out for sexually assaulting and abusing feyre UTM? why don’t they want the IC to call out amren for being as big of a bitch as nesta is to everyone? why don’t they want anyone to call out azriel for making mor uncomfortable for 500 years?

it’s clear they just hate that nesta made her own friends and is happy with them (and i understand it’s hard to see a character you hate thriving with new healthy friendships) but it’s so weird to try and make this friendship a negative thing when it’s literally the healthiest and most uplifting and positive relationship in the series

I love how Kit Fisto just decided he was gonna be shirtless for the battle on Mon Cala

All of the Mon Calamari and the Quarren are wearing clothes in these episodes but Kit Fisto decided it was a tits out kind of weekend

i need help understanding mor and the dynamic between cassian and azriel.

TLDR; i dont get why this dynamic is so important! for mor, its two issues here and they aren’t connected. mor can reject az and keep her true sexuality a secret so why is she so insistent on being shitty to az? azriel getting rejected isn’t going to break his entire heart forever; az is a big boy he will be ok. god i hate this dynamic so much.

ok so this girl doesn’t have the courage to tell azriel that she doesn’t like him that way (or ever).

but its been 500 years of pining; like ?? i think he knows his heart has been broken?? hes a spy master; his entire profession is him seeking secrets and i would even assume knowing how to read people and such. i feel like after 500 years, he can pretty much confirm shes not interested in him. and then using cassian whenever theyre together should also signify something? are we banking on azriel to be a Head Empty dumbo man who doesn’t have an ounce of self awareness and emotional intelligence here?? mor constantly flirts w cassian as a joke. mor needing cassian to be a buffer sounds like she just wants him as the third wheel but nothing else and thats really shitty thing to do. how can she think she can keep it up?? how can she also assume cassian won’t try to find love?? she doesn’t love az why stop him from finding love???

she straight up only likes females no? she’s already sleeping with other people. thats a known fact. azriel has also slept w other people. they dont sleep together but they do just hang out–like buddies?? they go to ritas, they hang out in the houses at valeris, they do night court jobs together-ish but thats it? that sounds like what friends do. so if she rejects azriel, the worst that seems to happen is that they won’t hang out like they used to.

i flipped through ACOWAR to make sure im not missing anything and this is part of what she says:

“I’m not sure I can give my entire heart to him in that way. And…and I love him enough to want him to find someone who can truly love him like he deserves. And I love myself….I love myself enough to not want to settle until I find that person, too” (ACOWAR, 592)

“I should tell him. I need to tell him. Mother above, after last night, I should. But…It’s gone on for so long. So long. I’m petrified to face him–to tell him he’s spent five hundred years of pining for someone and something that won’t ever exist. The potential fallout…I like things the way they are.”  (ACOWAR, 593)

she says this shit!! two contradictory paragraphs!!! how are you gonna be like let az find love/i want to find love and then backtrack and be like wait i like this dynamic??? what??????? in between those two line she says this:

“It’s stupid, I know. It’s so stupid and cruel that I do this, but…I slept with Helion just to remind Azriel…Gods, I can’t even say it. It sounds even worse saying it.”

“To remind him that you’re not interested.” (ACOWAR, 593)

what is this?? literally what the fuck?? this line right here makes mor sound like such a dick. this is literally cruel; she knows hes got intense feelings for her but she does this still?? is this some kind of power trip she likes???

yes it can be heart breaking to lose a friend but at the same time stringing them along and being so elusive is worse is it not?? yes it will probably hurt az a lot especially if his feelings are super intense but i think they as characters are capable of going past this. it might not be like before, but they will still be supportive of one another.

but also consider this: what would be the consequence of rejecting azriel? will he go on a rampage? will he shut out the IC forever? will he abandon them? is there a darkness to him that makes mor afraid to speak her actual feelings? cuz i feel like at worst it would be a few awkward moments here and there but ultimately it would just be over with and they will be friends again. does she really believe that az would continue to be a hopeless puppy following her around in the hope of her loving him forever or does she think he’ll reject love forever if she rejects him? she hasn’t given him actual romantic love back so he might not be missing much. and even her words about fucken helion just to remind az she’s not interested is treating him shity enough (which also leads me to why does he love mor? did he know her before rhys brought her to the illyrian camp all those years ago when she and cassian did it?) i know she wants to keep liking females a secret, but rejecting az won’t make people automatically assume she isn’t straight.

i can’t help but think literally all of mor’s reasoning for not telling az and keeping the dynamic going is garbage. the stakes aren’t that high! shes being a bad friend and stifling both cassian and azriel! idk how az’s heart isn’t already breaking?? im really mad SJM is trying to play this up as a big thing and making this dynamic seem so important to these characters but for mor, its two issues here and they aren’t connected. mor can reject az and keep her true sexuality a secret. azriel getting rejected isn’t going to break his entire heart forever; az is a big boy he will be ok. god i hate this dynamic so much.

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I think Anakin and Padme deserve to Stay Besties in any AU that isn't Anidala specifically because their love languages are absolutely buckwild and insane to almost anyone else, but match up to each other pretty perfectly, which means that if they aren't dating each other, they are the exact right person to have egging the other on and enabling whatever unhinged bullshit they're planning on doing in the name of romance.

Anakin thinks he needs to serenade his partner? Padme hires him an orchestra.

Padme wants to meet daringly under the cover of night with her new secret lover because that's the only right way to do it? Anakin is staging a kidnapping for her, zero questions.

Anakin is swooning over how his love interest was kissing him! but it was actually lips-to-leg attempts to suck out the venom of a bad bite (something you're not even actually supposed to do, but hey, the Force slowed his heart down enough that maybe it helped! and he survived anyway, it's fine)? Padme is over the moon for him, that's so romantic!

Their brain cells are so, so allergic to each other. Put them in a room and all common sense flees in the face of "okay, but if I challenge her to a sword fight--" "Padme you can't challenge a Sith to a sword fight." "No no, but if I challenge her and then you swoop in for me as my substitute, and I promise a kiss to the winner and you throw the match--" "Okay I don't want to lose to Ventress but oh my god, I love it."

Move aside, Idiots to Lovers, there's a new ballgame in town!

Friends to Lovers to Idiots

dude waxer deserved better. i hope theres a universe where waxer is living on ryloth with that little twileck girl and boil

When you think too deeply about silly haha ghost mystery drama show and remember it’s literally a story about children that died. Kids, some of which weren’t even old enough to have a driver’s license, who didn’t even get to graduate yet, that died traumatically or were brutally murdered and now have to spend the rest of eternity haunting the halls of the school they never got to leave, watching generations of other kids get to grow up when they’ll never get to. They were only high schoolers, man 😭

this sucks so bad i need to (remembers suicide jokes only make my mental health worse) join an expedition to find the northwest passage

Rhys: “So let’s see if I’ve got this; you have immense shadow power, incredible combat skills, height, tattoos, secrets, dead parents, a thirst for vengeance, the weight of the world on your shoulders, a rebellion to lead, and a dragon?”

Xaden: “Yeah? I mean, there’s also my girlfriend who I’m completely in love with and 107 people under my protection but-”

Rhys: *frantically flipping through papers* “this is the hyper-intelligent girlfriend with unprecedented lightning powers? The one you speak to with your mind and call a nickname permanently?”

Xaden: “I do only have the one girlfriend. Kinda offended you’d think otherwise.”

Rhys: *signs a paper* “Adopted. The rebellion thing is handled. Me and your aunts and uncles have got this. Your new mom is going to need some time to add you and your mate to the family portrait gallery. Your bedroom is upstairs, knives are in the training ring, family dinner is every Thursday, your allowance is infinity and your curfew is never.”

Xaden: “I am…. Older than your wife?”

Rhys: “Did I fucking stutter?”

In an interview in 2015 SJM said that Lucien liked to be irritating and I started to imagine him with the brothers, he must irritate them a lot, I can only imagine in that scene that he gave Feyre something to eat and then laughed at her.

Lucien was absolutely the most annoying child EVER to his himbo brothers. Picture it:

Six* brawny brothers who like to fight, fuck, and cause problems on purpose

*More like five and a half, since Eris is smart and has layers and whatnot

ANYWAYS.

Along comes Lucien, who is a tiny little nerd who asks a bunch of questions and who is very clearly Not Like the Others™️ and you get these brothers who are constantly annoyed.

Honestly picture Beron like the Burger King and all of his sons like ginger Gastons who have no tolerance for this child who cites chapters and verses during regular dinner conversation and probably speaks like six languages and who never seems to get sunburned.