Damian: Do You Have Any Special Skills?

Damian Wayne goes to medical school to become a doctor and IMMEDIATELY the rouge gallery tries to indoctrinate him into being evil.

It’s not even that they know he’s Robin, it’s just that they think it’d be hilarious if they made Brucie Wayne’s son evil.

i love the headcannon that both tim and cass look scarily alike, to the point they could be twins.

like they both share the same general lithe build, they’re the same short height, cass has a short bob while tim has his baby mullet, their training is similar due to their backgrounds with lady shiva and the loa, and (depending on your headcanon) both waisan- so i can definitely see instances where they’re confused for each other or where they mess with everyone around them.

cass on patrol in red robin gear so tim can go on a date with bernard:

random thugs seconds away from being one hit k.o’d: yo since when did red robin start melting into the shadows like an eldritch horror?

jason: hey tim -

cass: wrong.

jason: no, im pretty sure you’re tim, i gave you that scar right there in your neck

cass: nu-uh, this is from cain

jason:

cass:

jason: well this got awkward…

steph hugging tim from behind: hey babe

tim: wrong wayne

steph: ew, i should’ve known, your ass isnt nearly as —

tim walking away with his fingers in his ears: lalalalala im not listening to you

damian: i think you’re the only one in this family i respect

tim who has been silently hanging out with him for the past 3 hours: aw thanks damian, i’ve come to love you like a brother too

damian: drake? i thought you were cassandra, my apologies, i retract my previous statement

tim: don’t care, you love me, don’t try to deny it

lady shiva hugging both tim and cass: my beautiful twins, such well trained weapons, unfortunate that you both ended up with cain

bruce pulling his children back: tim isnt yours…

shiva: well that cant be right, he’s s the spitting image of my sister carolyn, and that birth was far too painful to only produce one small child

tim: woah full circle, my drag-sona is called caroline, maybe you are my mom, i wouldn’t put it past janet drake to adopt

bruce: tim no, you’re not even the same type of asian

cass: too late, we’re blood

shiva: see!

Damian Wayne gets caught by the press while sneaking away and hanging out in civilian clothing with Red Hood and Bruce finding out they know each other isn’t even his biggest problem. his biggest problem is that the interviewer asked what his connection is to the crime lord and why they have on camera the guy calling Damian ‘habibi’, and, panicking about whether or not Bruce seeing this interview could leak Jason’s identity, to throw him off the trail Damian said that Red Hood is his parent.

Interviewer: wait. but… i thought that Bruce Wayne was your biological father?

Damian, panicking even more because both Jason and Bruce would kill him if people thought that Brucie Wayne was the Red Hood’s identity: what, don’t you support trans people? Hood was my mother.

Jason only finds out what Damian did when after a week of confusedly nodding at the trans pride pins people kept wearing and pointing out to him on the street, and Damian refusing to look him in the eye, Nightwing shows up during patrol crying laughing about how Bruce Wayne got asked during a gala about his secret affair with a crime lord and held his champagne glass so tightly it exploded in his hands.

Bruce, on the other hand, got sent the interview clip by Tim halfway through breakfast, whereupon hearing the audio start Damian climbed out the nearest window to get away. after a slightly paranoid text to Talia about whether or not she was in Gotham wearing a face covering helmet every night, be proceeds to freak the fuck out. he has no idea who the Red Hood is, or how Damian knows him. He also has no clue that Red Hood knows HIS identity, and fully plans on showing up to Wayne events in the helmet to antagonise Bruce by stealing food and demanding they talk about the ‘custody arrangements’ of their son. all he knows is that Damian broke a window in his haste to Not Explain Anything, and that Dick and Tim are wheezing hysterically on the other side of the house.

Jason and Tim:

Damian is an animal person, and I like to think that he has pets of all kinds. Including illegal ones and legal ones.

He probably has gone to his father more than once to get him to get a permit for a pet.

Damian, walking over to Bruce at that point in the day when he agrees with anything: Father?

Bruce, exhausted™: Yes Damian?

Damian holding up a paper: May you sign this?

Bruce not even reading the paper: yeah sure

Damian two weeks later walking into the manor with a pet ferret in hand: Father, I’ve named him Jason. Do you like him?

Bruce remembering that ferrets are illegal to own in New Jersey without a permit: He’s lovely… how did you.. get him?

Damian: You signed the paper two weeks ago

Bruce who doesn’t remember that but knows he definitely signed something: oh… okay

Here…. Imagine, tim preg. But litreally know one except bernard and tim knows yet.😭😭😭💀💀💀💀

"Imagine, Tim pregnant—" Done.

And, yeah, they would somehow either forget to tell everyone, or they'd just... Not.

—

Tim, throwing up in a dumpster mid patrol:

Stephanie: Oh my god, Red Robin is dying!

Jason: I don't think their doing that bad, sure the place closed on mian, but—

Cassandra: Your brother!

Jason: Huh? Oh.

Bruce: What's happening?

Tim: Oh, nothing, my bad. I just should've swallowed.

Tim, promptly passing out:

Damian: . . . What?

Cass: We've got him.

Stephanie: Spleenless wonder.

—

Tim, calling Jason at three in the afternoon: Jason. I need Subway.

Jason: . . What?

Tim: Bern is still at classes. I'm hungry.

Jason: So go get food.

Tim: Can't, injured my ankles during patrol last night and last time I tried to drive with a sprained ankle I lost my license for a year.

Jason: F#&#&$... Just wait for Bernard to get off classes.

Tim: You're starving me!?

Jason: I am not driving forty minutes to pick you up and get you a sandwich!

Tim: Fine, I'll call Dick.

Jason: He lives over an hour away.

Tim: And, yet, he'll get me a sandwich.

Jason: Oh my gods I wish Bruce closed the door on your face... Fine. Fine! I'm coming! Driving forty f#&$-#& minutes to get you a SANDWICH!

Tim: Thank you.

—

Damian: You've been avoiding spicy foods for than usual lately.

Tim: Uh . . ? Thanks . . ?

Damian: Suspicious.

Tim: No, it's not! I don't like spicy foods.

Damian: You usually eat Alfred's chilli though.

Tim: Well, not tonight.

Damian: Suspicious...

—

Kon: . . . Rob?

Tim: Yeah?

Kon: Why do you have two heartbeats?

Tim:

Kon:

Tim: Bat training.

Kon: Oh, okay.

—

Bernard: You really shouldn't be patrolling while pregnant.

Tim: Probably, but on the bright side I can say our kids been a vigilante since they were in the womb!

Bernard: You're impossible.

Tim: Their first vigilante name can be "The Egg"

Bernard: You're insane.

Tim: Glad you finally realized it.

—

Bruce: Now, this is a high stakes mission, so... Where's Red Robin?

Stephanie: He said he'll pass.

Bruce: . . . What?

Cassandra: He's not coming.

Bruce: . . . Why?

Dick: Maybe he's sick?

Jason: Could be hiding an injury.

Damian: Perhaps he's quit and decided his time is better used maintaining his horrid wreck of a boat.

Duke: Maybe he's pregnant.

Bruce: That's impossible.

Stephanie: How's that impossible?

Bruce: I had birth control specifically made for him.

Dick: He could've stopped taking it.

Damian: Don't be ridiculous, Drake would never willingly continue his cursed bloodline.

Duke: Bruce didn't even want to, man was snagging kids off the streets before he'd willingly get your Mama pregnant.

Damian: SAY THAT TO MY FACE!

Cassandra: No, no fighting.

Bruce: . . . Tim would tell us if he was pregnant, right?

Stephanie: Would any of us tell Bruce if we were pregnant?

Everyone:

Bruce: What?!

Jason: If I was pregnant I'd be on a remote island with Kori and Roy to avoid the stress you f#-$%-$s put me in.

Stephanie: I avoided Bruce like the plague when I was pregnant, he was NOT about to adopt my baby.

Cassandra: I would've terminated the pregnancy a week before I had sex.

Dick: I would be trying to get my life together.

Bruce: Why do you all have plans for this?

Dick: . . . Do you not have plans for this scenario?

Bruce: . . . I—

Stephanie: OH MY GODS, HE DOESN'T HAVE PLANS FOR IF WE GOT PREGNANT!?

Jason: Hate to point it out, but didn't the Joker get pregnant one time?

Bruce: . . . Moving on—

Duke: Why do none of y'all have plans for if your partner was with you?! I'd be chilling with my loving spouse!

Damian: That requires them to be loveable.

Jason: Kori and or Roy would be the reason I got pregnant.

Bruce: CARRYING ON!

—

Stephanie: You're getting fat.

Tim:

Stephanie:

Tim, breaking down into tears:

Stephanie: I'm sorry!? I didn't mean it! I was joking!? Tim, are you okay!?

—

Clark: So, uh, Bruce..?

Bruce: What is it?

Clark: Tim told Kon the other day... something interesting?

Bruce: Spit it out.

Clark: . . . Is it part of bat training to have two heartbeats?

Bruce:

Bruce: What?

Clark: Kon has been hearing double heartbeats from Tim—

Bruce: I gotta go.

—

Tim, snapping pop tarts in half to stick in a large bowl of several different kids of ice cream, then dumping two boxes of pocky into them, topping it with chocolate syrup and powdered sugar: . . . I don't even like sugar—

Bruce: TIMOTHY JACKSON DRAKE-WAYNE!

Tim: Oh no.

—

jason: why are you looking at me like that?

damian, age 4, wondering why jason looks white if he's his brother: you're colored wrong

jason: what the fuck?

Wait… I just found out that this picture comes from Jon’s dreams… you mean to tell me Jon dreamt up Damian in this outfit………

In dishonour of whatever that new Harley Quinn series is, here’s my Nightwing!

Design notes

no you know what you guys are right. reverse league son reveal. Jason comes back to Gotham and does his crime lord thing before tentatively starting a truce and returning to the batfam and one day Dick asks who Bruce’s favourite child is.

Bruce: i love all three of my sons equally.

Jason, without thinking: three? what about Damian?

Bruce:

Tim: who the fuck is Damian

Jason, freezing:

Jason:

Jason:

Bruce: *carefully* Jay, who is Damian?

Jason: I have to leave.

-

Jason, on the phone with Damian: so i ALMOST blew it-

Damian: ?! BUT I AM NOT READY FOR FATHER TO KNOW ABOUT ME YET-

Jason: shut the fuck up i’m older than you- and i said ALMOST. i told them that Damian was the name of my imaginary twin back when i was a kid and that i’d just gotten muddled up after the resurrection.

Jason: so you’re in the clear but when we finally do introduce you, we’re gonna have to say that Talia let me name you and i named you after my imaginary twin.

Damian:

Damian: Ahki please do not tell them that.

Jason: no im gonna. you called me a twat last week. so im gonna.

Damian: god forbid a boy try to expand his vocabulary