I Think Damian's Art Blog Would Be An Accidental Secret. Like He Just Never Mentions It (put Of Sight

i hand batman a baby. batman takes the baby. bruce wayne adopts the baby. the baby is introduced to the family. the family is not impressed.

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Bruce, cooing over his new baby: aw, good evening honey, did you have a nice nap? of course you did, daddy was here the whole time! *proceeds to kiss the baby’s cheek multiple times*

Damian, beside them: *actively bleeding*

Tim: do you feel it now

Tim: do you feel your significance slowly dwindling

Tim: you are a middle child now damian

Tim: do you understand your fate. a middle child, damian. a middle child.

Damian:

Damian, unsheathing his sword: not for long

Before the baby’s Arrival…

Jason, admiring a motorcycle:

Bruce: *buys five*

Jason, glances at a shirt:

Bruce: *buys every color*

Jason: *stomach growls*

Bruce: *books the most expensive restaurant*

After the baby’s Arrival…

Jason: b

Bruce, attentively listening to the baby’s babbling, not even turning his head: hm?

Jason: can i buy this

Bruce, imitating airplanes to feed the baby: sure *tosses card*

Jason:

Jason: im hungry

Bruce, playing peek-a-boo: alfred. kitchen.

Jason:

Jason: *pretends to faint*

Bruce, moves baby away to safey, not sparing him a glance: yes sweetie that’s your brother jay. can you say it? say j-a-y

Baby, giggling, slapping jason’s face: da!

Bruce, gushing in excitement, picking the baby up: da?! did you say dad?! im right here baby! dad’s here!!

Jason:

Jason, still laying on the floor:

Jason, curling up:

Tim, walking by: middle child…the curse of the middle child…

Baby:

Dick: BABY :DD!!

Baby, with Bruce:

Dick: baby :D!

Baby, with Bruce, whose time and attention is now solely dedicated to the baby:

Dick: baby :)

Baby, with Bruce, whose time and attention is now solely dedicated to the baby, which means he no longer pays attention to his first child:

Dick: baby :(

Baby, with Bruce, whose time and attention is now solely dedicated to the baby, which means he no longer pays attention to his first child who just wants to spend time with his dad again because he misses him so much:

Dick: BABY >:[

Cass:

Baby:

Cass:

Baby:

Baby: *cries*

Cass: *narrows eyes*

Baby: *cries louder*

Cass: *hears bruce’s footsteps*

Cass, eyes narrowing again: smart baby

Baby: *stops crying* *smiles* *starts crying again*

Cass: you think dad will pick you?

Cass: *also starts crying*

Bruce, banging the door open, doesnt even notice Cass: BABY

Baby, sniffling, already being rocked in Bruce’s arms:

Baby, making eye contact with Cass:

Cass:

Cass: *starts crying for real*

Jim:

Barbara, glaring at her phone:

Jim:

Jim: haven’t seen bruce around these days…

Barbara: *glares at phone even harder*

Jim: must be busy with his new baby

Barbara: *types furiously while still glaring*

Jim: who knows how long ‘til he visits again

Barbara: *tosses phone out the window and leaves the room*

Duke, leaning against Bruce while playing a game:

Baby, on Bruce’s chest:

Baby: *slaps Duke’s game away*

Duke:

Duke, pursing his lips: *picks game back up* *leans against bruce again*

Baby:

Baby: *slaps Duke’s game away*

Duke: IS IT ‘CAUSE IM BLACK

Spoiler, tapping her foot impatiently: ugh where is he

Batman, gliding in:

Spoiler: finally! you’re la— IS THAT THE BABY.

Batman, baby strapped to his chest, wearing their own domino mask: …hm.

Spoiler: why. did you bring the baby.

Spoiler: it’s our hang-out day

Spoiler: me and you fighting crime and sitting on rooftops eating bat burgers

Batman, cowl ears drooping: …but the baby…

Spoiler, tears in her eyes: just admit you dont love us anymore!

Spoiler: *runs off*

Batman, in shock:

Spoiler, getting in the batmobile parked nearby: how was that

Red Robin, handing her money: perfect

Robin: tt this had better work

Oracle, watching Batman pace around guiltily through a camera: it will.

Orphan and Red Hood, huddled at the back, both mumbling: he ignored us…his favorites…he ignored…

Nightwing, also mumbling: replaced again…how many more times…

Signal: *snoring*

The small boy and the big demon. (Jason Todd - Damian Wayne)

Harley and Tim fighting after Tim came out as nonbinary:

Harley, swinging a bat at Red Robin: are you wearing lipstick?

Red Robin, dodging and sweeping at her legs: yeah actually. I'm trying out make up recently.

Harley, doing a cartwheel to dodge: it looks nice but thats a whole lot of red on your costume. I think black might look better.

Red Robin, sliding passed her and pulling her off balance: you think?

Harley, pinned: yeah! Come visit me in Arkham tomorrow and show me how it looks 'kay?

Red Robin, handcuffing her: yeah! Want me to bring you a coffee?

Harley: if you bring me a vanilla chai, I'll give you some pointers on how to do your nails. What are your pronouns by the way?

Red Robin: they/them

Harley, being put in the batmoblie: got it!! see you tomorrow!

Batman, whose been hearing all of this over comms: what the fuck just happened?

something something lord supermans son jon hating damian for a lot of reasons but mainly for being beautiful

as much as i love angst i do also adore familial league of assassins shit, and since i keep seeing them on my tiktok fyp i cant stop thinking about those videos of idiot teenagers in military training being. teenagers. and thinking of jason and damian. just those two having weird little gimmicks and traditions that confuse the absolute fuck out of the rest of the family from their time at the league.

damian will refer to grapes as ‘assassination implements’ because of that time jason tried to throw one at him, missed, hit ra’s in the back of the head, and to avoid getting out of trouble gaslit him into believing it must have been some kind of dart that hit him from a coup attempt. ra’s went into lockdown and had the entire base searched and jason’s been lying about it for a year, nodding along whenever ra’s brings up the ‘irritating failure that escaped capture’.

nanda parbat had a specific bar that a lot of the assassins would go to when off-duty for a break, but damian wasn’t allowed because talia said he was too young so jason and a couple other loa workers dressed him up in fake facial hair and convinced the bartender he was just a really short old guy to get him in, and since then whenever they talk about something damian’s done that he wasn’t supposed to do they say it was ‘old man brutus’ that did it. bruce has no idea who the fuck brutus is or why two of his sons find his existence so amusing.

whenever the assassins were fucking around on loa grounds they would have a specific low-down gravely tone of voice that when any of them saw talia or ra’s approach, they would use to warn the rest of the group by saying ‘al ghul’ in that tone to indicate everyone had to straighten up and act like they were training. damian can copy that tone perfectly, and will use that voice when saying non-sensical words like ‘ooby-dooby’ and ‘birch tree’ because the tone makes jason instinctively straight up and whirl around like a soldier hearing the word ‘sergeant’. it works every fucking time.

one of damian’s tutors and jason’s mission colleague hated coconut milk with a fucking passion and would rant about it every time it was brought up in conversation. a lot of the guys would take bets on how long she could go talking about it and then purposely brought it up to set her off as a game. every time anyone around the loa base was seen with coconut milk somebody would respond ‘what would eden say if she saw you with that?’. tim dick and bruce do not know who eden is or why they hate coconut milk and at this point they’re too scared to ask.

all im saying is the loa becomes much funnier if we consider it just to be a very strict assassin boarding school that jason attended and damian grew up in.

Image refference + draw of the selfie under the cut

I havent posted in a whileee havent I, you know how artblock is ;b

Let’s start it off strong:

Hallucination Jason… or at least they think he is?? Basically, fics where Jason pretends to be a hallucination because a) he’s a wacky little guy or b) ANGST ANGST ANGST AGHHHH

what you’re longing for (you claim to abhor) by Ghxst_Bird (52k, 12 chapters)

“the not-actual-hallucination Jason Todd tries the less hands on approach to getting revenge. It ends up backfiring spectacularly.

aka. the non traditional way to (reluctantly) reintegrate into the family after being dead, coming back to life, and becoming a crime lord, Jason "Red Hood" Todd edition”

Great fic!! Really enjoyed it, lots of suspense and secret identity fun. On the longer side for these types of fic and still very enjoyable

miss me? by envysparkler (6k)

“Jason’s plan to observe his family’s reactions to his resurrection…does not go as intended.”

Pretty much the epitome of this type of fic. Definitely worth the read, Jason is terrible at pretending to not be concerned about his family’s mental health 😭

i’m not crazy, i’m just seeing things by envysparkler (2.9k)

“Dick knows it’s going to be a bad day when he comes home to his little brother standing in his apartment.”

Another one by the same author- this time from Dick’s POV! I really enjoyed the switch as I don’t see it too often.

his worthless savior by destiny919 (2.4k)

“It makes the victims fixate on whoever they most want to save them from the nightmarish hallucinations still caused by this toxin, the GCPD report - corroborated by Batman - had said.”

Jason and Tim!! I mean he’s.. sort of apart of a hallucination? In which: Red Hood vs. The Adoption Instinct

BONUS:

birdsong by ScarlettSwordMoon (22.7k)

After getting a face full of Scarecrow’s newest toxin, Dick isn’t haunted by his typical nightmares. No. This one has little green pixie boots. AKA Batman: Ego but make it Robin.

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP. This one isn’t Jason-Centric at all, but oh my god it is so good + features hallucination Robins so I just had to include it. Amazing analysis of the mantle of Robin. One of the best Dick-centric one shots out there, 100%. Go read it right now I promise it’s worth it!!

Red Hood: damn, my jacket has a hole in it

Nightwing, in a joking voice: you know What Else has a hole in it?

Red Hood: *rolls eyes* what?

Nightwing: my side *passes out*

Red Hood: !!!

was going through some timkon clone baby things that i ranted to my friend about and found an absolutely devastating message about tim and the baby accidentally ending up in the middle of shooting/villain attack in gotham as civilians and as soon as they get out and get to the manor tim just holds his kid close to his chest and completely shuts down on the couch, to the point where he's unresponsive to anyone, including the baby who pats his chest softly "daddy let me goooo" bc he CAN'T let go, he needs to protect his child and he won't be able to do it if he let go, so he just stays right there on the couch with a handful of a child and just. stares into nothing