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i'm reading the kids are alright: a turks side story and there's a bit where the turks have decided to look for jenova again, but there's a lot of interference from the people from edge, so when kyrie canaan gets attacked, tseng goes to check on her (and sort of kidnap her... dw about it), but she has a conversation with kadaj of all people and when i tell you tseng was freaking out.

"Opposite her was a teenage boy with silver hair and a well-structured face- and Tseng immediately felt his heart rate increase. He bore far too strong a resemblance to that infamous Shinra Company creation. Maybe it's just the silver hair, Tseng tried to tell himself, but the piercing eyes, too, called him to mind. A man once hailed as a hero who later tried to destroy the world.

"The memory of facing Sephiroth and all his fury came rushing back- being cut down, left for dead. It was all the Turk could do to stop his limbs from trembling as he looked the boy in the eye."

like DAMN. tseng is one of the most stoic, put together people in this universe- to get the information that from his point of view, sephiroth renders him terrified?? that's fucked.

i've said it once and i'll say it again: the worst part of final fantasy iv is the the part right after they defeat the giant of babil and cecil makes rosa and rydia get off of the lunar whale because "he needs to protect them" (implying they cannot protect themselves) (they've been functioning as healers for the last 10 hours of gameplay and cecil can't learn white magic past cura. he can't heal for shit!) (implying the final team against zeromus is going to be five men.) and then rosa and rydia sneak on the lunar whale and they come along anyway.

you will never convince me that makes sense. that after years of knowing rosa, that out of the blue cecil no longer respects rosa as a knight, and rydia as a summoner. NONSENSE. random, misogynstic nonsense.

in honor of me finally recovering from this flare up (GRARGH.) i am inflicting my ache on vincent.

after literally 3 decades of practically hibernating, vincent likely had a lot of issues with aches and pains when moving too much- being active. his limits are hard for him to keep track of until he's past them, because they change on him quite often.

he finds that cold helps more than heat- it reminds him of the cold of the nibelheim manor. he doesn't necessarily like that aspect, but when he ends up settling with cid in rocket town, the cold up there is a comforting cold.

after taking a 4 month break after beating the story, i am back on my rebirth grind for the plat (i'm going to go insane but i like platinum trophies.)

i imagine for christmas that kain and cecil have a hard time with gifts. not giving gifts, but being able to accept them from each other (and rosa). like, they'd be those people that are like, "oh, no, don't get me anything this year," or "i'll just be happy with seeing you," which are nice sentiments and all, but rosa's love language is absolutely gift-giving (and acts of service, but that's a different comversation).

so eventually they have to have some sort of conversation that's like "you deserve gifts, i want to get you gifts, i don't feel pressured to get you gifts, i want you to appreciate them, etc. etc." and yknow im just thinking about that

rewatched advent children (complete) recently and it really just makes me so sad for kadaj. i mean, loz and yazoo don't even feel like people in the way that kadaj does- they don't have the sass and snark of sephiroth, they don't command a room the way that sephiroth does. but all kadaj wanted was to be loved. he wanted to be wanted, and his creation led him to believe he could only be loved by jenova (who is incapable of love) by becoming sephiroth, by becoming someone else entirely. kadaj is not sephiroth, he is a remnant of who jenova made sephiroth into. he isn't even a remnant of who sephiroth truly was- of the man that angeal and genesis and zack and lazard and glenn and matt and lucia got to know. kadaj likely doesn't know who any of these people are- because jenova didn't care about who sephiroth was, only his power as her puppet, her pawn. kadaj was never going to get what he wanted, and that fucking sucks.

imagining domestic reevincid brings me life y'all

vincent napping on the couch

reeve working from home on a laptop

cid baking in a cute little apron

vincent reading with reading glasses

reeve doing the dishes after a meal

cid working on vehicles in the garage

vincent doing laundry

reeve doing taxes

cid buying groceries

domestic reevincid

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i like to imagine reeve is embarrassed, a little, about using cait sith. everyone else on the team can use their real bodies, really be in the fight, physically put their lives and livelihoods on the line. aerith gainsborough dies, in their quest to save the planet from sephiroth. in dirge of cerberus, he holds himself as if he doesn't see himself as a real member of the group, only someone who helped out.

i think yuffie probably helps the most with this- recalling things cait sith did in battle, treating him as if he's been there the whole time. (she's probably got a little bit of it on her own, what with being the youngest member, and with different motivations than everyone else.)

when cid and vincent get clued in on reeve's imposter syndrome, they're probably much less subtle about supporting him. cid isn't exactly a subtle man in the first place, and vincent doesn't do a lot of nuance in his day-to-day life (autistic old man.). telling reeve how proud they are of the good he's doing, attending all his little team building whatchamacallits, just generally doing their best to be supportive. by being the best husbands they can be.

how awful do you think cecil felt when kain disappeared in mist? after accidentally annihilating an entire village, the guilt was already flooding in, let alone when he realized he personally dealt with rydia's mother. then the one person he had in the moment to rely on slides away in an earthquake that he definitely also could blame himself for (this is the most anxiety ridden man i've ever seen. he most definitely blames himself for that.) and is left with rydia, whom he dutifully takes care of, even though she hates him with all her guts (at the time).

imagine the self loathing, thinking that he condemned someone he loved to a death between stone and ash, thinking he could have prevented all of it if he'd simply had the guts to tell the king of baron "no". or investigated the ring he'd been instructed to deliver further. or anything else. but he didn't have time to dwell on it, because he needed to protect rydia, and that was his fault too.