Virginhater - Mildly Evil

had a dream I went to a hozier concert and mr. hozier stopped singing and pointed to me in the crowd and asked me to go get him some extra crispy tofu and a blueberry shake for after the show and then the crowd passed his debit card to me and when I got it I could see his real legal name was Horace Bob-omb

if all of us are autistic then none of us are autistic

Fourth time now I've tried to propose to my wife and has gone horribly wrong first I put the engagement ring in the wine glass she drank that next time I tried putting it in the cake she ate that at the last point I decided to give it to the waiter to give to her she still ate him too like I've lost so much money but God what a woman

who up hating pop psychology

when you’re staring into the pasta water thinking i bet it wouldn’t even hurt if i stuck my hand in there that’s the angel talking

Cigarettes give you cancer, alcohol gives you cancer….. what’s next? the fire retardant in my ceiling that I like to inhale for good luck???