Saw That My Bio Says 19 But I Am Now 20 And I Had A Cognitive Dissonance Moment,,, I’m Twenty? I Am

I can’t believe Russell T. Davies just invented camp

Oh look its just me and my grief and my jealousy and my bitterness and my fruitless wishes to be better again <3

Hal Borland / M. Cumulus Life, Illuminations / Mary Quant / Unknown / Take a Load Off, Joanna Franklin Bell / Unknown / The Wild Marsh Four Seasons at Home in Montana, Rick Bass / July Moon, Louise Townsend Nicholl / VSCO: vxdb / The Months, Linda Pastan / Instagram: KJP / Lot, Bryan Washington / Tumblr: nobodysflower

Hi all, here are some Diotima quotes from Plato’s Symposium that are making me lose my mind at 2 am. All quotes are from the Cambridge University Press (2008) Translation.

I wait every year for summer, and it is usually good, but it is never as good as that summer I am always waiting for.

Henri Lebasque, Village au bord de la riviere | Martha Gellhorn

Guys help I am making myself sad just to feel something I need to stop !! I am in a toxic relationship with my past self

Hello Void I went to the Lorde concert tonight and my life literally changed I am healed, so many bangers, divine unmatched vibes, top 10 life experience chefs kiss

Today

I laughed until my abs ached with a coworker over silly emails. I wrote texts in iambic pentameter at the bus stop for the fun of it. A baby leaned on my chest like I was the safest place in the world, and another stretched her arms up to me to be held like I could bear her to the moon itself. A book about emotions during Holy Week written for toddlers moved me so much I read it twice. I walked briskly, squinting into warm sunshine, the brightest in days. I saw Jesus more clearly in the character of Moses by reading Acts 7 as if for the first time, I empathized with Paul as I reflected on this murderer going before his old enemies to declare his new allegiance, the shame, the fear. I marveled that Stephen saw Jesus standing at the right hand of God, a Chekhov’s gun I recalled in my class this evening, which, by the way, was the best I’ve been to so far. I realized it’s all about the long slow work of building a community. All of it. This is the work of God Himself. And we image Him in a thousand little ways, with our singing and storytelling and desire to create beautiful, uncorrupted things. Tears pricked my eyes as I realized this. I cooked myself a delicious dinner from scratch while singing Sondheim with my roommate, and put away leftovers for tomorrow. I ate peanut M&Ms and pineapple upside down cake, and felt food freedom and joy in my body. This body can hold two hefty babies at once. This body can sprint to the bus stop and jog up the escalator. This body can do a silly little dance in the kitchen and slide on the tile in socks. I felt seen in my botticelli shirt, known as people recognized that not once but twice I’ve worn artwork. I gave Abby a big hug. I spoke of church without shame in my class, though my heart raced before. I puzzled over the poem mine own John poynz on the metro, missed my stop, and had to backtrack. I read Dracula and chuckled at how girlhood hasn’t changed in 100 or 1000 years. Humans have always laughed and cried and shared salacious stories with their friends. I fretted over what to wear to the movies tomorrow night to see my friends all together. I felt useful and accomplished today. I felt so, so human today. I nearly cried euphoric tears while washing dishes. What greater joy could there be than to be alive on a Wednesday? What greater hope could there be than a realer, truer, freer life to come?

There is no poem that I could write to say

In better terms than this plain journaling

The wonders of existing in the world

Embodied, in community, and free.

I’m weak and I’m decaying, sure, that’s true

But I will never be this young again

And never have more clarity of thought

Or lightness in my heart than I do now.

Great God, what gift you’ve given me to see

That greatness isn’t some ambitious goal

Or changing the whole world, just baby steps,

and loving others through the little things.

Miss Lois told me that and she was right.

Amen and glory hallelujah, Lord!

Am I lonely or just bored? Are those the same thing? Can we all be bored together? Do I cause my own suffering?

Tonight’s self-sabotage in the form of staying up way too late is soundtracked by everybody wants to rule the world which I am absolutely losing my mind to, the melody is so -/({#%£?{#£}~!}]€£%{, that is to say an incompressible yummy heartbreaking work of genius, how can it be so happy and so sad at once? Why do I feel so emotional about this? Screee