After Alastor's Last Panic Attack, Angel's Been Keeping A Close Eye On The Radio Demon. Unfortunately

Animated Halt O'Carrick Concept

look, I know it's late, but I just finished watching this movie (again), and you CANNOT convince me that I'm the only one who's thought this. Tell me I'm wrong, if Halt were to ever be animated (with a better haircut) he would look EXACTLY like this:

Ballister, my beloved, this man is just Halt in another timeline. I mean come on. Any scene where he's hugging younger Will? Bam:

Halt and Crowley being gay? Boom, feast your eyes:

AND

And of course:

And obviously, you can't forget the ever allusive Halt Smile:

I swear, I'm so emo for this thought that now refuses to leave my head. I thought about this the first time I watched the movie, and I'm still thinking it. I refuse to picture Halt any other way now, and no one can stop me. If you're on the train, you better be fucking COMMITTED because we're going to the end of the tracks with this, baby

This???? 100% yes. (and definitely not because these are some of the stims I have shut up I'm not projecting-) and of course, as I am wont to do, I'm going to add to this

Accidentally reveals his knowledge of the internet by saying "Open na noor!!" every time a door is locked with someone on the other side

if there's NOT someone on the other side, he will dramatically pull on the door while screaming "Let me in! Let me IIINNNNN!", further exposing himself for being online

Will randomly say "You dumb whore" in the thickest possible country accent when dealing with inanimate objects

Clicks his teeth together loudly whenever it's been a little too quiet for a little too long

Automatic deadpan "Ow," every time he drops an object

A long pause followed by "I'm setting myself on FIRE," at the slightest inconvenience

Letting out really high pitched "hhhhhh" whenever he's stressed, but only if he's not in a situation where he needs to control his reactions

Randomly grumbling radio static from behind closed lips

Letting out quick little huffs of air whenever someone goes to ask him a question, to the point that he almost sounds irritated, but it's honestly just a habit

May or may not have been exposed to an episode or two of Smiling Friends, and constantly quotes Allen, but particularly "Thank god, finally. What the fuck?" in a surprisingly accurate imitation. No one knows why he quotes it because he'll do it completely at random

However, he will say "I'm tired of running errands for this happily married couple," (again, surprisingly good impression) whenever Charlie or Vaggie asks him to do something for them, but only when he's around Husk or Angel for some reason

In the middle of the night he'll just SCREAM the whole scene from Shrek about the muffin man, but a lot of the time no one will actually hear anything until they randomly hear him SCREECH "tHe MuFfIn MaN!!!!!!" at 2 in the morning. He has not seen Shrek. He honestly doesn't even know what it is, he just heard it a couple times from the kids in Cannibal Town and now has it irreversibly stuck in his brain

Automatically mocks Angel whenever he starts whining about something out of pure instinct

"Thanks, I hate it." All the time.

"Mother, I Hunger," in a frighteningly deep voice while he is cooking

He has somehow come across the Miette meme, and will constantly quote it, replacing "mother" with the name of whoever has slighted him. He'll have huge eyes, high pitched Victorian-child esque voice, pinned back ears, The Works

Thank you for listening to my TedTalk, Autistic Alastor has my whole heart

Vocal stims i think that Alastor probably has:

-Making trumpet sounds and parading around the kitchen

-Making god-awful elk sounds whenever a storm blows the lights out

-Fake sobbing without contorting his face whenever the room gets a little too quiet

-Unironically singing 2011 songs outside of the bathroom door where Lucifer is in and gradually getting louder the longer he's in there

-Screaming. Just screaming.

-Barking or meowing at the worst possible times

-Saying "AUR NAUR" a bit too loud in public.

hello its me- haunting your dashboard and askbox once more haha-

i saw this somewhere else but I don't remember where; what would hell's version of winter be like? I remembered your headcanon about alastor getting cold easily and I would just like to share my vision.

so hell has an extreme climate- we know that- so winter is basically Antarctica. not alastor-friendly AT ALL, it only ever happens once in a blue moon in hell so he's never really had to deal with this before. the whump possibilities are endless lmao. all-around suffering for the deer man.

do with this what you will! no pressure ofc, this is more like a concept you could make your own story or au with so i'm not sure if it counts as an ask- but do whatever you wanna, and if you did ever do a fic, (if that be a series or a one-shot) I would love to make a comic or cover as a Collab! :D

PLEASE never apologize for haunting my dash/asks, this blog is very ghost-friendly!!!!! All ghosts are allowed to haunt as they please!!

As for your beautiful vision: I love it. I will help it grow and will nourish it until it becomes a beautiful whump monster right here on my little laptop. Not sure WHEN I will make it happen, but I WILL make it happen. For now though, I will simply add to this headcanon (expect whatever I add to probably end up in the fic lol)

Winter in Hell is quite the phenomena - only occurring around once every century or so. It doesn't stick to a set schedule though (Lucifer still shudders when he remembers that time that they had five winters within the span of a single decade.) They are also completely by surprise: the most notice Hell has ever had for a winter is that the temperature dropped five degrees in one day. The next morning, sinners couldn't even open their doors the snow was piled so high. And of course, it wouldn't be Hell if the winters were the normal length, no. Winters in Hell can be anything from six months to the record of three motherfucking years. The last winter took place in the late 1910s - about a decade or so before Alastor died.

As mentioned in my previous headcanon, Alastor is a Louisiana boy. And Louisiana did not receive a SINGLE FUCKING INCH of snowfall the entire time Alastor was alive (trust me I CHECKED, that shit is WILD). That means a few things. 1.) Alastor has never seen snow in his now 120ish years of existing. 2.) Alastor has never felt anything below 50°F his entire existence. 3.) Alastor is painfully thin, which means his body has no way to preserve heat. And 4.) Alastor does not appear to have any clothing besides his three-piece suit that he wears all the time in Hell's usual blazing temperatures with seemingly no issue. Of course, this means that his suit would do nothing for him in Actual Cold Weather since he's so used to it.

With all of this knowledge, the only conclusion I can draw is that once winter actually hits, Alastor is royally FUCKED. Especially considering that a winter in Hell is compiled of all of the worst things about winter. The cold air is dry, and the wind is sharp and biting - in the way that leaves your face stinging and your hands and lips splitting. Somehow simultaneously, the snow can change between huge flakes and straight-up sleet, which if you've ever been in sleet, you know it sucks major ass.

If someone doesn't give Alastor a heated blanket He Will Die. Alastor makes the mistake of going outside exactly twice (because let's face it, I love him but this man is too prideful to accept that the weather will kill him after only one attempt - he's Just A Bit Dumb). Both times he has to be rescued by someone at the hotel after he almost fucking freezes to death like An Idiot, and he manages to also get hypothermia both times because he refuses to do anything in halves. After he also almost freezes to death in his room (which is how they find out there's a draft), he's not even allowed in there, and they move him to a guest room right next to Charlie and Vaggie's room that Lucifer added a fireplace to. He alternates between the kitchen (the oven is very warm and Food), his room (the fireplace is very warm and the bed is cozy), and the couch in the lobby (the fireplace is very warm and the couch is cozy and also Alastor is antisocially social).

He is cold. He is miserable. He is perpetually shaking like an old chihuahua. Some of the residents thought it was funny at first, but that quickly stopped after the first Almost Death. They have to watch him because Alastor becomes very despondent, and if he stops shivering, he needs to be warmed up again. Alastor is more exhausted during the winter then he has ever been in his entire existence due to all the energy his body is burning trying to stay warm. He's sleeping more than ever, but he looks absolutely terrible - eyebags so dark they look like a goth guy's eyeshadow, hair a mess, and an overall very strained look about him. He also eats a lot less, so he begins losing weight which is the exact opposite of helpful in this situation. It gets to the point where Husk is willingly braving the elements to get to the butcher shop Alastor likes just to get sinner meat so he will hopefully get something in him.

This winter is the first time any of them have ever seen him willingly snuggle up to someone, and it's fucking LUCIFER because this little bastard puts out the most heat because for some reason that it part of being a seraphim. Lucifer for his part just kinda lets it slide because Alastor would probably die if he didn't and that would make Charlie sad. Ok, and he kinda reminds Lucifer of when Charlie was little and would snuggle up to him, but that's no one's business but his own. If he's a little softer with Alastor afterwards, and less easily provoked by the sinner, that is also no one's business but his own.

hooo, I really let this one get away from me lol. Hope you enjoy this, and please feel free to haunt me as much as you want!! And when I eventually get this pushed out, it would be absolutely fantastic if you decided to make a comic/cover. I absolutely love your art

As an asexual, Alastor is so valid for this😭

Look, sometimes I see someone who is really pretty and I completely shut down. Do I want to bang that person? No. But holy SHIT they're pretty, and I have to tell myself to stop looking so I don't make them uncomfortable. So Alastor? Completely valid babe. Get it.

Also, his face in the 4th panel is killing me🤣 baby's first crush and it hit him like a freight train

Poor Husk, can't even have a break even in summer break and Al, looks kind of those smitten girls, trying to spy on their crushes (I don't blame him though XD).

Credits

would you say all your fics are in the same AU?

honestly, not really. The therapy pig series and "Both Arms Cradle You Now" are in the same AU but besides that, they're all separate unless they're in a series together. Good question though

Will: I just saw Halt drop his cup of coffee

Will: It's been 45 minutes but he's just staring at the puddle on the ground, tears silently streaming down his face

Will: Honestly, at this point I'm too afraid to help

I literally love this whole thread with my entire being, and I'm not entirely sure why.

Halt gets to Skandia and Erak sees him and decides, "Hey, Halt is an old friend, might as well see what he's up to," and now he also gets to see the absolute chaos unfold as this unintended throuple meets up and has to explain themselves to each other. Erak doesn't think he's ever seen any of them so embarrassed before. While he may be able to put it aside for Karina and maybe Thorn if he does some begging and is extremely lucky, Halt has no such chance because of how much of a sarcastic pain in the ass (mostly affectionate) Erak finds him to be. Erak will not only never let Halt live this down, he will gleefully spill the beans to every mutual friend he and Halt have

According to the wiki, Karina Mikkelswife is two years older than Halt and that feels cursed somehow

part 3 to the Therapy Pig Fat Nuggets series

Only chapter 1 is out rn, but I should be updating on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so keep an eye out

Lovers of deer Alastor should definitely take a look lol. This was requested by @guesswhocouldntsleep feast my friend

Alternate title was "Seeing How Much I can Traumatize Alastor Before Characters Start to Break the Fourth Wall Over It"

Edit: all chapters are now posted

Will: Dumbest scar stories, go! 
Cassandra: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. 
Alyss: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. 
Gilan: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. 
Horace: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. 
Halt: 
Halt: I have emotional scars.

Bonus:

Will:

Will, concerned: You good dad?

Halt, sobbing on the floor: I don’t know what I’m crying more about, the fact that I’m not ok, the fact that someone finally asked me, or that you just called me dad.

Halt:

Halt: I love you too son.

Who doesn't enjoy a good chat fic? This is mostly some blurbs for when I hit a roadblock on my WIPs (looking at you Therapy Pig series) in order to avoid the dreaded Total Writer's Block

Will update randomly though I currently have about 4 chapters written out. I'm just giving myself time between posting to make more chapters and work on other WIPs

These assholes have so much unhinged potential if everyone would just stop being COWARDS about it

Edit: Chapters 2 through 8 are posted