Alastor's Contractor Wants To See Him. It Turns Out She Isn't Happy About His Recent Slip Ups...

This???? 100% yes. (and definitely not because these are some of the stims I have shut up I'm not projecting-) and of course, as I am wont to do, I'm going to add to this

Accidentally reveals his knowledge of the internet by saying "Open na noor!!" every time a door is locked with someone on the other side

if there's NOT someone on the other side, he will dramatically pull on the door while screaming "Let me in! Let me IIINNNNN!", further exposing himself for being online

Will randomly say "You dumb whore" in the thickest possible country accent when dealing with inanimate objects

Clicks his teeth together loudly whenever it's been a little too quiet for a little too long

Automatic deadpan "Ow," every time he drops an object

A long pause followed by "I'm setting myself on FIRE," at the slightest inconvenience

Letting out really high pitched "hhhhhh" whenever he's stressed, but only if he's not in a situation where he needs to control his reactions

Randomly grumbling radio static from behind closed lips

Letting out quick little huffs of air whenever someone goes to ask him a question, to the point that he almost sounds irritated, but it's honestly just a habit

May or may not have been exposed to an episode or two of Smiling Friends, and constantly quotes Allen, but particularly "Thank god, finally. What the fuck?" in a surprisingly accurate imitation. No one knows why he quotes it because he'll do it completely at random

However, he will say "I'm tired of running errands for this happily married couple," (again, surprisingly good impression) whenever Charlie or Vaggie asks him to do something for them, but only when he's around Husk or Angel for some reason

In the middle of the night he'll just SCREAM the whole scene from Shrek about the muffin man, but a lot of the time no one will actually hear anything until they randomly hear him SCREECH "tHe MuFfIn MaN!!!!!!" at 2 in the morning. He has not seen Shrek. He honestly doesn't even know what it is, he just heard it a couple times from the kids in Cannibal Town and now has it irreversibly stuck in his brain

Automatically mocks Angel whenever he starts whining about something out of pure instinct

"Thanks, I hate it." All the time.

"Mother, I Hunger," in a frighteningly deep voice while he is cooking

He has somehow come across the Miette meme, and will constantly quote it, replacing "mother" with the name of whoever has slighted him. He'll have huge eyes, high pitched Victorian-child esque voice, pinned back ears, The Works

Thank you for listening to my TedTalk, Autistic Alastor has my whole heart

Vocal stims i think that Alastor probably has:

-Making trumpet sounds and parading around the kitchen

-Making god-awful elk sounds whenever a storm blows the lights out

-Fake sobbing without contorting his face whenever the room gets a little too quiet

-Unironically singing 2011 songs outside of the bathroom door where Lucifer is in and gradually getting louder the longer he's in there

-Screaming. Just screaming.

-Barking or meowing at the worst possible times

-Saying "AUR NAUR" a bit too loud in public.

"I'm not short. I'm just uncommonly untall."

-Halt, Will, and literally every ranger besides Gilan

Some Lee!Alastor Headcanons to Fuel My Brain

The lee!alastor tag has been painfully empty for the last few days, so I've decided to contribute a few headcanons of mine for you all to see and consider as you wish. Feel free to add on to this post with headcanons/rants/fics/whatever of your own if you want, I was just personally experiencing withdrawal symptoms and needed to fuel my addiction lol

(These are tickle headcanons for those unfamiliar with the terminology. If that isn't your thing, just scroll right on by)

First thing's first. Something I think everyone is sleeping on? Scalp massagers. Specifically the wire ones. I personally think those things are ticklish as fuck, and I'm far from the only one. The majority of us have come to the agreement that Alastor's ears are also ticklish as fuck. Just take a moment with me and imagine the potential:

Someone (probably Angel, or Lucifer) gets a scalp massager and is going around trying it on other hotel residents when they aren't paying attention. It's just for fun, and they're getting the typical reactions (jumping away, super startled, or just completely Unphased). Then, they manage to catch Alastor by surprise and do it to him, but instead of the typical reaction, Alastor startles before bursting out into staticky giggles. Alastor has no clue WHY it tickles so much, but it does, and he's practically paralyzed in a weird half-curled position as whoever has the massager just keeps running it over is head over and over. He can't try to escape, he can only giggle and babble out nonsense words, especially when the ends rub up against his ears which only makes it MORE ticklish, which he didn't think was possible. After the other demon shows mercy (and somehow isn't immediately slaughtered) Alastor develops a healthy fear of the massager, and grows incredibly anxious with anticipation and adorably flustered any time someone brings one out

Speaking of massagers brings me to my second headcanon. This man CANNOT get a massage or he will absolutely die. People who are tense can be more ticklish as a result, and since Alastor is already incredibly ticklish, having tense muscles makes this 100x worse. I have really tense shoulders, and any massage there immediately makes me hysterical, and I imagine Alastor would be the same. If he was comfortable enough to do so, he would be the kind of person to absolutely die if he were to get a full-body massage because it would tickle so damn much - even through the pain that comes with massages. Rosie likes to pretend to massage his shoulders and neck just so she can tell him to stop squirming and giggling so much because she's trying to help him

Another quick headcanon. I like to imagine that he's mostly covered in fur, and while it isn't terribly long in most places, it can still get tangled after a shower, or after being smothered by his clothes all day, so he has to brush it regularly. This is an absolute nightmare for him. Even when he's brushing his own fur, he has to stop every few seconds because he starts laughing too much in certain areas, like over his sides or belly for example. No matter how often he does it, he never gets used to the feeling, and it only gets worse if someone else (usually Rosie) does it for him. At least if he does it himself, he can stop once he starts laughing. It makes it take a long time, but it's less flustering. If Rosie (or Satan forbid someone else for whatever reason) brushes his fur, she usually tries to get a much done at once as she can, so she usually keeps going until he's begging for a break. Also, she thinks it's absolutely adorable, so she'll keep brushing areas that make him squeal long after all the tangles have been removed

Last one for now is that he can feel the static from people's phones. If he's close to someone when their phone rings, he can usually feel the static of it crawling teasingly over his skin. It usually isn't a big deal, but if someone is being bombarded by calls that they keep ignoring (let's say Valentino obsessively calling Angel Dust), the static quickly becomes overwhelming and he'll beg the person to answer their phone or turn it off, if straight up bashing it against the nearest wall isn't an option. It doesn't tickle a particular area, more of an all-encompassing tickle over his entire body. If he gets to the point of begging them to answer, it's usually because he can't hold his laughter and squirming anymore and is trying not to make a fool of himself. He feigns annoyance so people don't find out the real reason he wants the calls to stop. The secret comes out when Angel absolutely refused to answer Valentino one day, but didn't want to turn off his phone because he was in the middle of doing something on it, and Alastor finally broke and curled up where he sat, giggling hysterically and begging Angel to turn his phone off

That's all I have for now, I hope you enjoyed these headcanons. If you decide you like them enough to incorporate them into anything you write/draw, tag me!!! I'd move to see it. Also, as mentioned earlier, feel free to add onto this as you wish, I'd love to see how you all make these headcanons your own

I literally LOVE this take with all my angst loving heart. It makes sense too - the parent who doesn't fucking HIT you is always the best parent, even if they do shit that's actually just as bad, because kids don't understand how damaging it is to not receive love from a parent - they just know that that parent (AKA Alastor's mom) isn't hurting them, so obviously they're amazing, right?

I imagine that whatever scenario happens where his mom gets to see him for a bit, the others all meet her, and they're expecting this loving saint of a mother based on the way Alastor talks about her but instead they see this woman who always looks guilty when she looks at Alastor. There's none of the warmth a typical caring mother has when she looks at him. They can all see it, but for some reason, Alastor just doesn't. None of them can tell if he knows and is just ignoring it, or if he genuinely thinks this is what a mother's love is - this solemn distance and one-sided enthusiasm.

He knows though. He just tries not to think about it, and tries to love her enough for both of them.

To make things even worse, I imagine that whenever she was talking to Lucifer, Alastor overheard everything. He knew his mother didn't love him, but it still hurts to hear it from her own mouth. Then for Lucifer to say that no one else loved him either? Again, it was something he knew - he didn't really think anyone else cared for him, but hearing out loud stings.. After hearing them talk, he just goes to the kitchen with a big (painful) smile on his face and begins making one of his mom's favorite recipes. If she has food she loves, maybe it will make being around Alastor a little easier for her

I often think about a What If scenario in which Alastor's mother was actually just. Not a good mom. I don't mean in a "she's evil" sense or anything, I just mean it in a "she didn't want children" sense. Or at least, not children with Alastor's father.

I like to think about Alastor's mother doing her best, but her best isn't good enough because 1, this wasn't the life she wanted, and 2, her child's face reminds her of a man she hates. As a consequence, she doesn't actually love Alastor, and feels guilty about it.

Meanwhile, Alastor grows to understand his mother doesn't love him, but he still loves her because she stuck around anyways. Sure, she can't look him in the eyes, but she's still around, still feeding him, sewing patches into his clothes, teaching him life lessons. And most of all, she doesn't physically harm him, which isn't something he can say about his father.

Of course, the lack of love from both of his parents still does a lot of psychological harm that he's just not aware of.

Animated Halt O'Carrick Concept

look, I know it's late, but I just finished watching this movie (again), and you CANNOT convince me that I'm the only one who's thought this. Tell me I'm wrong, if Halt were to ever be animated (with a better haircut) he would look EXACTLY like this:

Ballister, my beloved, this man is just Halt in another timeline. I mean come on. Any scene where he's hugging younger Will? Bam:

Halt and Crowley being gay? Boom, feast your eyes:

AND

And of course:

And obviously, you can't forget the ever allusive Halt Smile:

I swear, I'm so emo for this thought that now refuses to leave my head. I thought about this the first time I watched the movie, and I'm still thinking it. I refuse to picture Halt any other way now, and no one can stop me. If you're on the train, you better be fucking COMMITTED because we're going to the end of the tracks with this, baby

hey, is the same anon who asked about the playful punishments series! that’s not selfish at all, don’t worry! i also write, so i completely understand lol i don’t love writing characters who aren’t my favorites either. completely valid!!

thank you so much for the headcanons!! 💜

Thank you, love you, you're literally so sweet😭🥺

Me, looking at you in my inbox:

This is the first fic I've ever written and posted, and I literally woke up at 1 AM to write it, only to immediately fall back asleep once I was done. I hope to write more in the future, especially when I get back from my 5ish month hiatus around the end of November, so let me know how I did!

Don't mind me, just gotta put a little theory about gravity falls out into the world now that it's been revived

WARNING: minor Book of Bill spoilers

So in the BoB and the 3rd journal, Ford mentions that he needs to destroy the journals, but turns back on it because of "the importance of his research". However, he could have just torn out the pages about summoning Bill and the portal and burned those, and the rest of his research would have been safe

So why didn't he?

You could argue that it was because he couldn't reason through his growing paranoia and admittedly delusional state, and that is valid considering everything Bill was putting him through at that point - but it also would have been one of the first things to cross his mind, right??? He'd already said that he was planning to dismantle the portal, but was putting it off for some reason - again, something that didn't make any sense considering how terrified he was that Bill would be able to start it up again.

In the BoB, it talks about how Bill tormented Ford to try to get him to open the portal again - physical, psychological, and emotional torture on top of very real threats and gaslighting. There was also a point where Bill showed Ford that he could take full control of Ford's brain, turning off memories (such as his own name) at will, and Ford would be completely unable to tell that the memories were gone until Bill brought it up

So, here's my theory: Bill knew that Ford was planning to burn the journals/the pages about the portal, which were his only chance to enter the third dimension. He couldn't let that happen, so he fucked around in Ford's head - planted a few ideas, erased a plan or two, and suddenly, Ford was much more concerned about his research surviving than he was a couple hours ago. Concerned to the point that he wanted to hide his journals rather than destroy them. Basically, Ford being so protective of his research was due to more of Bill's manipulations in his mind that he never found out about. It's the only reason I could think of about why he went from 100% ready to burn the journals to being willing to physically attack Stan for trying to do just that

Anyways, that's all, figured I should get my theory out in the world now that canon actually backs it up a bit more than before BoB came out

Halt: Will?

Will: Yeah Halt?

Halt: When it's only 7:30 in the morning and I've already heard a question that I know will be one of the top three dumbest questions of the day, it depresses me

Will: Sorry Halt

Hiatus Notice

This is going to be my last post until December. I mentioned it in my first post on this hellsite, but I have to leave for training and won't have any access to my phone for about 5 months. If I'm lucky, I might start getting access to my phone after the first 10 weeks, but I wouldn't place any bets on it. Once my training is done I'll go back to posting as normal.

Wish me luck, and I'll see you all sometime around Christmas!