It's Always How Are You And Never

Things to know about me:

Ben Barnes can fuck me up on any holy day

This was truly amazing! You are such a great writer and I will be re-reading this!! Thank you so much for this!!

WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN DEMONS | KAZ BREKKER

Fandom: Shadow and Bone

Summary: Y/N is Pekka Rollins's estranged daughter, and finds help from a surprising party to get rid of her father. @misssociopath

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Y/N Rollins (female), Pekka Rollins, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, also Wylan Van Eck even though I haven't read the actual books yet.

A/N: Seriously, I was so excited about this request and later, because of things, I thought I wouldn't be able to write this after all but I did it!! This request was amazing and gonna be honest, this fricking deserves to be a whole ass series... and I just might to make one inspired by this request but meanwhile, have a mini version. I hope you like it!

Warnings: mentions of death, murder, violence, toxic parent relationship, mentions of trauma, a bit of angst and stuff, what would you expect after reading the summary :D

Word count: 4.2k :)))

Your feet tingled from the cold as you splashed through the many puddles of the Barrel’s narrow streets. You walked so quickly that you almost ran, not wanting to give yourself time to think. You had to do something to stop your father from terrorizing Ketterdam.

In any other scenario, a pretty girl like you hurrying through the streets of the Barrel like that would make an instant sitting duck out of her. But you weren’t just any pretty girl.

You were Y/N Rollins. And despite not being in good terms with the monster you had the displeasure to call your father, nobody would dare to even whistle after you in fear of him. If someone tried, their friends would be quick to shut the poor bastard down. Not that you complained.

Those dimly lit streets of Ketterdam were a sight you had been familiar with ever since you were a little girl. At first, your father had had the intentions to raise you to be the next leader of the Dime Lions, but no matter how much he had tried to brainwash you into believing that violence and cruelty is the only way to thrive, you had decided otherwise. You saw the people where he saw kruge. You saw souls, innocent souls who fell to Pekka’s ploys. One of the cases that had been carved in your mind, you remembered the two boys, the older brother being so sure that Pekka would make him rich and his little brother just blindly following along. They were just kids. Naive and innocent, your father wrapped them into his web so easily. Children were his favorite target, because they were so easily manipulated.

You remembered how had to play a servant girl, distraction to the younger brother, and you had to call your father “Mr. Hertzoon”. Your father had claimed that it’s a game and that they’re just playing along. But soon your father had fooled all their money and left them to the streets. You didn’t understand exactly what had happened then, but after hearing they had died from the Plague, it was a waking up call. Because of those two brothers, you realized what kind of man your father really was.

At twelve, you had started to warn his newest targets, help them escape your father’s grip. Most didn’t believe you, but you got some out. It took him several years to realize why some of his targets were fleeing, but when he realized it’s you, he had beaten you up and disowned you, left you to the streets as he had left so many before you. Pekka never spoke about you again, but as the people of the Barrel knew who you were, you had never once been harassed or robbed. People were too scared of your father. He hadn’t advertised your betrayal as it would have affected his reputation negatively, but you saw how his grip on Ketterdam was tightening in a quick pace and you realized you had to do something.

You had heard about Kaz Brekker, who had a war going on with your father. You didn’t know what Pekka had done, why this Brekker despised him so much and your father was just as oblivious about that. He sometimes wondered about it aloud, sure different gangs were always competing with each other, trying to get the most territory, but this Kaz Brekker looked at Pekka with so much anger and despise that it wasn’t just a regular intimidation technique between gangs. It was like he actually held some personal grudge against your father, but your father said he had never even heard about anyone called Kaz Brekker before him.

But Kaz Brekker was your best bet against your father. You wouldn’t be able to take him down on your own, so now you were on your way to the Crow Club, silently praying to the Saints that they would believe you and not shoot you on sight.

A bulky doorman and his slightly thinner, but still muscular partner blocked your way to the Crow Club. You were soaked in rain, shivering from cold and your body begged you to get somewhere inside, but you had decided to get to the Crow Club, even with force if needed.

You knew it was a stupidly lucky shot, but you just marched up to them and told them about your business - you wanted to speak with Kaz Brekker.

"And why would Y/N Rollins want to speak to a man who is planning to kill her father?" the man scoffed, clearly thinking it was just a trick. You glared at him.

"I'm here to make a deal, I'm not here to answer to you." you answered and the doorman huffed, crossing his arms before leaning towards his partner.

"Get the boss."

You shifted on your feet, suddenly nervous. You had no idea what your father had done to Kaz Brekker to make him hate him so much, but he was your best bet. You knew it was something bad, because you had seen him kill a child in front of their mother to punish her for betraying him and even worse stuff which you'd rather forget. You wanted him gone almost just as much as Kaz Brekker did, you couldn't let a monster like him to have control over the city.

You heard a cane thumping against the floorboard, nearing the door, and you straightened up quickly. The second doorman peeked through the door carefully before stepping to the side, and Kaz Brekker came to view, eyeing you up and down as he placed his cane in front of him, clutching it with both hands.

"What is your business here?" he asked, and you swallowed. Suddenly it was so much harder to speak to him, suddenly you were fearing that you wouldn't feel believable enough, you had never said it aloud that you wanted your father dead. But you had to say it, or they would turn you away.

"I want Pekka Rollins dead." you stated as loudly and clearly as you could, and Kaz cocked his eyebrow.

"And you assume I would just believe you when you say you want your father dead?"

You cast your eyes to the ground. "I can't do it alone. And you're the only one with skills and motivation to do it."

Brekker looked at you, probably seeking out for hints that you were lying. But apparently he didn’t find any, so he nodded at his doormen and turned around, silently signaling you to follow him.

The Club went deadly silent the moment you stepped inside. Everyone knew who you were, and you noticed some peering at the door. If your father would step inside with the Dime Lions, it could trigger a shooting scene. But it was just you, in your soaked clothes and wet hair, still shivering slightly. If you were anyone else, someone might offer you their jacket for warmth, but being a Rollins meant that people were afraid of you too. They were just assuming that you were just like your father, if not even crazier, incredibly ruthless and purely vile and evil, that you would have grown up to be his top torturer who keeps her victims alive for weeks before killing them. Referred to as “Blood Princess”. Their assumptions were that you would be like that, more or less, that Kaz Brekker would be a cute little puppy licking their face compared to you. Nobody ever knew that you were nothing like your father, not even anything like Brekker was, but that was understandable. You had never told those people you had rescued from Pekka who you were, just in case. You didn’t want a reputation as a savior, you much preferred to stay in the shadows.

Before long, your body started thanking you for getting inside, and now you were on your way to discuss about the fate of your father. Thoughts were circling in your head all the way to his office. Would Kaz Brekker believe you? What if he would try and use you as a bait, or if he thought it’s a trick and imprisoned you, or killed you? You had seen how he looked at your father before too, there was definitely something personal involved.

Soon you were in his office, and Brekker locked the door behind you, turning his back on your for just a moment, but you knew he was watching you with his senses, he would know if you tried to attack him from behind. You felt the tension in the air. He turned again, walking to his desk and sitting down, gesturing to the chair and glancing at you, before he browsed through some of his papers and pushing them aside. You sat down slowly, as if to fear that the chair would kill you when you sat down. The tension was so thick that you were sure that Brekker was considering to kill you right now.

And to be honest, Kaz kind of wanted to kill you. Seeing you, knowing you existed because of a man who killed Jordie and him… the thought alone made him want to throw you against the wall and bash your head in with his cane. But the only reason he had decided to take you in and talk with you, was because he saw sincerity in your eyes and heard a glint of despise in your voice when you told him that you wanted Pekka dead, the same kind of despise what he felt, even if it was much weaker. And with your help, he might finally have a way to strike the man from his nightmares down for good.

And you didn’t even look like your father, fortunately. You looked more like your mother. Kaz could look at you without seeing that man throwing him and Jordie out, getting flashbacks of Jordie getting sick, seeing his dead body, feeling water, feeling rotten flesh under his hands. He didn’t feel any of it, he felt like he was looking at any young woman sitting in front of him who wanted to strike a deal. A deal to take Pekka down. He just had to push the thought of you actually being Pekka’s daughter out of his mind.

You cleared your throat awkwardly and Kaz realized he had been staring. He fixed his composure on that instant, and narrowed his eyes at you before he spoke.

“You want me to help you to take Pekka Rollins down.” he repeated your request from earlier. You nodded. Kaz could see that you were strained, he could see you hadn’t ever even dipped your hands in blood like this. You were nervous, but not in a way that would have made Kaz think it’s a trap. You seemed to be afraid of saying it aloud, that you wanted someone dead. You were quite different from all those horror stories people had told about you, that you’d be a “Blood Princess” who Pekka uses with extreme cases of torture. But as you sat there, Kaz noticed that those stories were far from the truth.

It seemed like you wanted Pekka dead for the safety of other people, not because of your own anger and despise you held for him. Anywhere else, it would be a twisted way of kindness, but it felt like an act of a Saint here at the Barrel. You could be the Blood Princess everyone spoke about, you could as well stab Pekka on the throat while laughing like a maniac but instead, you had come to him to seek for help. You didn’t have guts to do it yourself, much less skills and stealth, but you were innocent, your hands hadn’t been stained by blood yet. You felt so many deaths pressing on you, but you had never purposefully helped Pekka to fool anyone. All your childhood, it had been a game. Just a fun game where you got to play a servant girl. And after realizing what had been happening, you had started to try and warn people of Pekka.

“Why should I trust you?” Kaz questioned and you took in a breath. You had practiced this conversation over and over on your way here, knowing that the question would come in some form. But now you felt like you had forgotten everything you had wanted to say.

“Pekka is a bad man. Even here at the Barrel. He’s… he has fooled money from the poor, even from the children.” you swallowed, a picture of those two brothers flew past your mind again. “I realized what was happening when I was almost 11. Pekka threw two children out after fooling their money from them. I remember them, two brothers, I had to pretend to be a servant girl, I played with the younger brother who was around my age and could have befriended him…” your voice caught in your throat, and Kaz frowned. “I saw them almost every day while at town, begging for food. Pekka never let me go to them and say hi. Then they just disappeared, and I heard later that they had died from The Queen’s Plague. I don’t even know what their names are, just nameless children dying and for what? It’s on my father, he killed those two boys. That’s what woke me up all those years ago.”

Kaz’s mind flashed with a picture of a servant girl playing puzzles with him. She didn’t talk much, but she seemed to enjoy his company. They haven’t even introduced themselves to each other, but they didn’t need names to come along. His frown deepened, but he chose not to say anything. It was better if you thought that he was dead. And he was dead in his own way.

Kaz wanted to believe you. And he did believe you. But he wasn’t sure if he would just be able to push the thought of you being Pekka’s daughter aside, he didn’t like to have a Rollins in his ranks. Even when he saw that you were being sincere and you really wanted your father dead. There had to be some heavy reasons for that to happen, more than just him and Jordie.

“I have to think about it.” Kaz finally decided and cast his eyes to his papers. You nodded, knowing to expect that he wouldn’t just take your help just like that. You kind of wanted to ask him why he hated Pekka so much, maybe you could even bond over his reasons, but you decided to keep your mouth shut. You couldn’t risk poking the beehive now when you had walked past it almost undisturbed. But you saw it in his eyes when you talked about Pekka, it was something painful for him. Something he had buried away and tried to prevent it from shining through, but you knew people well enough to see it clear as day. You stood up from the table, prepared to leave and wait to hear his decision.

“I’m staying at-”

“You’ll be staying at the Slat until I make my decision. Under our supervision.” Kaz interrupted you.

Ah. You sighed and nodded your head. “Of course. Will someone accompany me when I go and cancel my reservation? I’m- I was staying at Smoking Falcon.”

Kaz took in a deep breath and made his way to the door, and you followed him. He stopped by one of the Dregs. You felt a churn in your stomach, he was just a boy, and your father would have made a boy of that age kill someone already, but this boy didn’t have that tormented, dark look on their face. You could see that he hadn’t killed anyone, one reason more why Kaz was better than Pekka. Every moment you felt more and more like you made a right choice by taking the risk. Now you could just hope it would carry itself over and Kaz would agree to trust you even that little bit.

“Go to the Smoking Falcon and tell them that Y/N Rollins’s reservation is cancelled.” Kaz’s voice snapped you out from your thoughts, and the boy took the parchment Kaz handed to him and then he glanced at you with a swallow. You tried to reply with a kind smile which only seemed to terrify him. The boy ran off, and Kaz let out a huff.

“He thinks you’re the Blood Princess. Smiling makes them think that you’re ready to rip throats out, I wouldn’t bother.” he told you. You nodded and sat down on the barstool.

“I knew to expect that.” you answered and looked around the club. “I hope that with time, I’ll be able to prove to everyone that I’m not my father.”

There was a brief silence between you two, but you were glad to see that people at the club had stopped staring and had continued with their conversations and gambling tables.

“I hope you know I’m not a good man either.” Kaz suddenly said, and you turned to look at him.

“I know. There are no people who are entirely pure in the Barrel. You gotta do what you gotta do to survive.” you answered, and your gaze wandered around the club once more before you turned it to your lap.

“Boss-” you heard someone say and looked up again, seeing a Zemeni man stopping in his tracks to stare at you, lifting his arm up and causing a red-headed man collide with him.

“What?” Kaz asked, and the Zemeni blinked.

“...I just heard that Y/N Rollins is seen around here, but I see she’s with you.” he muttered and looked at you like you had just grown a tentacle on your forehead. Then he moved closer to his boss and muttered, “Kaz, what are you doing? She’s Pekka’s daughter.”

You kind of wanted to express how you can hear him, but you kept quiet.

“I’m not stupid. I’m fully aware of that.” Kaz told him back, not keeping his voice down and the guy looked at Kaz like he’s crazy. His gaze jumped between you and Kaz, before he backed down and left the scene with the other young man. Kaz rolled his eyes, and the errand boy came back, telling Kaz that your reservation had been cancelled.

“I’ll escort you to the Slat.” Kaz then told you and you silently followed him out from the Club.

---

The room was small and it didn’t have windows and the oil lamp was broken, but you didn’t expect anything grand and cool. A place to sleep in was more than enough, and the bed was comfortable too, at least more comfortable than in Smoking Falcon. You were confident your back would never forgive you for these past months you had to sleep on that “bed”.

Kaz had told you that he expects you not leaving your room before morning, and that you had everything you needed to survive until the morning. And that was true, you had a small bathroom and tap water. You were slightly hungry, but that would have been too much to ask at least for now. You had quickly familiarized yourself of the layout of the room so you wouldn’t stumble in the middle of the night, and now you were comfortably under the covers, and let yourself to fall into dreamless sleep.

---

The next morning, Kaz had informed you that he accepts your proposition and you started planning out how you would take Pekka down. It was a little bit awkward at first, you being his greatest enemy’s daughter. You sensed it from him, the despise, the hate. But as months went on, it faded. Sometimes you even joked during sitting together at his office. And as months went by, the “Blood Princess” faded away. People started to like you. Especially Jesper, Inej and Nina spent a lot of time with you. Jesper had protected his boyfriend Wylan from you a lot at first, apparently thinking you would hurt him, but soon he couldn’t help but befriend you too. Matthias was the toughest nut to crack, but Nina assured you that he’s just stubborn. You felt like you had a family there.

You were the only one who could talk back to Kaz if he said something hurtful. He listened to all his Crows’s opinions, but he listened to you differently. You didn’t notice it, but Nina started saying that Kaz likes you and implied that you’d like him too. You snorted the thought away. But all the other Crows seemed to agree and that made you think.

Were you really falling for Dirtyhands?

Another two months passed, and the Crow Club had gone silent earlier that day since Nina had announced that she’s holding a big waffle party, and that left just you and Kaz sitting by yourselves. You two were conveniently the only ones not invited, and judging by Nina’s smirk, she had done it by purpose. That sneaky little hopeless romantic.

So now you were at the bar with drinks in hand, just sitting in silence. And you didn’t know why you wanted to ask it, but you did. Your level of trust had reached a level that you dared to ask it.

“Kaz, I have wanted to ask this since the beginning. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” you bit your lip, and Kaz turned his gaze to you, silently asking you to continue. “What is it between you and Pekka?”

Kaz stiffened up, and for a moment there you thought he doesn’t want to answer. You muttered a “I’m sorry” and a long silence ensued between you two.

“We have met before. You and I.” Kaz finally sighed, and your head snapped at him.

“What?”

“You mentioned that you remember two brothers who Pekka took as his victims. That they were your wakeup call.” Kaz began, and you nodded slowly. Kaz took a deep breath in. “I was the younger brother.”

Your eyes widened, and you were silent for a while. Then you uttered out, “But… I thought that you and your brother died.”

Kaz stared into the nothingness, not saying anything for a few seconds. “We did.” he then muttered.

You frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I died and rose from the ashes. Jordie… was left for the sea.” Kaz sighed again. “And your father is responsible for his death. And one day I wish to have revenge on Pekka, for Jordie. But I’m not sure if anything will ever make it right. If anything is bad enough for what he did to me. I’m not sure if I can ever get away from my demons.”

Your heart raced. You had thought of those two boys for years, somehow they had just struck into your mind. Usually Pekka attacked the overly confident, grown men. Sometimes foolish couples in love who dreamed of moving away from Kerch and buying a nice mansion in Ravka. But along with Jordie and Kaz, not children. Not defenseless, naive children who barely had skills to survive in the world on their own. You had thought that even he wouldn’t have guts to do that, and yet he did and used you as his little helper.

You saw the pain in Kaz’s eyes even when he tried to hide it. You had seen it from the start, but now he had opened up and the pain was even more prominent. You wanted to hold his hand, to tell him that you’re proud of him and that Jordie would be happy that he survived, even if he didn’t think so. He saw himself as a monster now. Kaz Rietveld would have been terrified of him. But you saw he was still redeemable. You had to do bad things to survive in the Barrel, especially if you ran a crime organization, but he was capable of love. You wanted to hold his hand and tell him that, you wanted to make him feel how much he meant to you already.

“You’ll get to avenge Jordie. I promise.” you said, your voice breaking slightly. Kaz’s eyes softened at the crack of your voice just for a second. “And Kaz… we all have our own demons.” you told him, and he gazed deep into your eyes before nodding slightly and turned back to his drink.

And that’s when you knew it - you had fallen in love with him. You knew he probably wouldn’t feel the same way, at least not being ready for such feelings, but the other Crows saw it immediately. He was in love with you too, even if he hadn’t admitted it to himself yet.

And one day, you’d get back to Pekka. Together.

---

Okay it kinda felt like I hurried the ending but I didn’t really know what else to put in there tbh and I was afraid this was getting too long (because nowadays Tumblr doesn't let us make awfully long posts) :D Feedback is always appreciated and any comments make me 100x happier than “just” likes or follows!! If you want to be anon, you can also send in an ask ^^

Also speaking of reblogs: reblogs and feedback/comments are more important than just likes, just another reminder :) Tumblr has been built on sharing and its algorithm doesn't work properly from likes. Especially if you're on my taglist, I would appreciate if you commented on or reblogged my works even once in a while, a lot of you just leave likes but nothing else.

Tags: @musicallisto @take-me-to-ny @mindofasupernova @lxncelot @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @someoneovertherainboww @vintagebitc @fandomstuffff @montsepliego @thatpremedicinestudent @number-0-iz @just-a-new-start @kaqua @booksreplacedmysoul @readingslumpfanfic @dancingwith-sunflowers @shadowhuntyi @rika90 @imma-too-many-fandoms @the-abyss-gazed-back @thereagles @kiwijulia @beatitlikeabongodrum @louweasleymalfoy @aliiiyyaaah @malfoys-demigod @aleksanderwh0r3 @gallysonegoodlung @maybe-potato @dustyjjumpwings @whatiswrongwithpeople @thegirlwiththeimpala @periwinklemax @lazyotakujen @bookfrog242 @mrs-brekker15 @notplutos @brekkersbane @subjecta13-thefangirl @datrie @hinagiku0 @brekker-zenik @ilovemarvelanne1 @statsvitenskap // if you want to be on my taglist, comment "tag me" on this post or send me an ask where you ask to be added for Shadow and Bone + any other fandoms you want. If your name is crossed out, your blog is hidden and I can't tag it here. I can try to remember to tag you in the replies but would help a lot if you turned the setting off from your settings. (Desktop settings -> choose your blog -> turn "Hide [yoururl].tumblr.com" + "Hide [yoururl] from search results" off)

I’m just saying that if y’all need good Kaz imagines how follow my lovely friend xx

CRIMSON AND BLACK | KAZ BREKKER

FREDDY EVENT, send in requests for any of Freddy Carter's characters (NOT the man himself (= no Freddy Carter (the real person) x readers), only his characters)!! The event will be on for an indefinite time, if you're unsure, see if the event post is pinned. If it is, then it's still on. (Other requests are open too, but they go to my normal to-do list which I'm not able to start doing anytime soon)

Summary: Y/N has suffered a lot since her childhood, making her to be someone children were scared to see in Ketterdam. Then she meets someone who she can finally relate to, and that feeling wants to grow into something more. requested by anon

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

Characters: Y/N (female), Kaz Brekker, mentions about the Crows + mentions about Jordie, Pekka Rollins and reader's parents.

Warnings: trauma, mentions of violence, death, blood, descriptions of torture, I also used some exact dialogue from the book at one part because of a Marvelous Plot Twist™. Also they are in their 20's at the end of the fic because of the show.

Word count: 1.6k

Ever since you were born, your parents had been gathering money to move away from Ketterdam. Move somewhere safer to raise you. Your mother had become pregnant accidentally, they weren't meaning to have kids - not in that age, they were barely 19 when they had you. But they kept you, falling in love with you the moment they saw you. You were poor, but a happy family anyway.

Finally, when you were nine years old, your parents found a solution. A kind merchant had offered to help you move to Ravka, have land, enough food for the rest of your lives and the most important of all, you'd be safe from all those filthy criminals that tormented Ketterdam. You'd get a happy childhood, the one your parents had always dreamed of you to have.

Hope had gotten the best of them, and the man turned out to be a very skillful conman, and soon you found yourselves at the street, penniless and hungry. The greed of Ketterdam had swallowed your happiness and later, after the Plague taking them, you had swore for revenge against the man who had tricked you.

Robbert van Delden, the name would sit as tight in your head that it could as well be tattooed in your brain for as long as it needed. Until you'd get him killed by your own gun - no, blade. You wanted to make him suffer for as long as possible. You wanted his life to end in agony, his blood coating the walls as you'd beat him and slash him, hearing his screams, begs of mercy, finally him begging you to just kill him. But you wouldn't, you'd torture him until he wouldn't have the strength to scream anymore, and then leave him there to bleed out, or to die from thirst or hunger. You would have gotten your revenge.

And then maybe you wouldn't feel so empty inside anymore. Maybe you could even move on after that. It was the only thing that kept you going anymore. To take down that monster called Robbert van Delden once and for all.

You met a boy your age not long after who had gone through a lot too. You told him about van Delden, and he, in return, told you about Hertzoon. You figured that Ketterdam had a lot of twisted merchants, maybe van Delden and Hertzoon had even worked together, due to so similar and calculated pattern.

You learned the boy was named Kaz, and you introduced yourself as well, and so you began working together. You tricked people, Kaz had found out that he was really skilled with cards and lockpicking, and taught you too. You stole food together, two minds thinking better than just one. The only difference with your personality and wit was that he didn't stand touch, where you had no problem with it. You bought a pair of leather gloves for him just so he'd stand it just a little bit better, and soon you two were known for being so young, but with your skills being extraordinary. People had tried to offer you a place in their gangs, but you had always said no, you planned to kill those two merchants that had ruined your lives, help each other hunt them down, and then leave Ketterdam. Maybe you'd stay together, maybe you'd separate after that, but the main focus was to kill van Delden and Hertzoon.

Despite all your will to have revenge, neither of you didn't think to actually meet the merchants ever again - until one day, years after living in streets with Kaz, you saw him. Van Delden stood there at the shop, and Kaz seemed to freeze too when he saw him. Without even thinking, you both pushed through the crowd, but were stopped by a giant bruiser.

"Shop's closed." he grunted at you, looking at Kaz and you, probably noticing the identical storms in your eyes.

"I can see it's open." Kaz growled at the big guy.

"You'll have to wait."

Kaz was starting to lose the last of his patience, as he growled, "I need to see Jakob Hertzoon."

The brute raised his eyebrows. "Who?"

Kaz looked at him with eyes that would have scared you if he looked at you like that. He looked like he could have stabbed the brute right there as his hand shot out to point at the window, and you noticed he was pointing at van Delden - and you understood. "Jakob fucking Hertzoon. I want to talk to him."

The bruiser looked at you two like you were out of your minds. "Get your head straight, lad. That ain't no Hertzoon. That's Pekka Rollins. Want to get anywhere at the Barrel, you'd best learn his name. Now get out of here, both of you."

Kaz pursed his lips, clearly wanting to keep arguing. But instead, he took a few breaths and then turned around, disappearing into the crowd again. You followed, trying to keep up with Kaz. You had seen him angry before, but now he looked more furious than ever before.

You had walked through the streets for a while, not talking, Kaz trying to let his steaming anger out the best he could. When he finally stopped by your squat, legs basically quivering from all the walking, you had gone inside and sat down with him, offering him a drink which he accepted.

"They were both Pekka Rollins," you mumbled after a few minutes of you sitting there quietly. "They're all the same person."

Kaz turned to look at you slowly, frowning slightly. "What?"

"Van Delden. Hertzoon. Rollins. They're the same person."

Suddenly, it dawned to him too. That's why it had been so similar pattern, how in sync they had acted. Rollins knew how to charm fools - children, parents, every poor person. Milk all the money he could possibly get off of people, and use their trust to trick them. It didn't matter who got hurt.

You both laid awake that night on your makeshift beds that were closer than most at the squat, but not too close. You could have used each other's warmth, but you always respected Kaz's boundaries with everything. So you were just staring at the roof quietly, planning what to do next. Eventually, you came into a conclusion that it would be the best to join a gang - Dregs, to be exact. Become equals to Rollins, feared, ruthless, respected. The kinds children would be scared with so they would not run off too far. So that day, you went straight to the Slat, asked to see Per Haskell and joined the Dregs. You'd be rising in ranks in no time - your hate and will for revenge would take care of it.

---

It had been ten years from that moment, and everything had gone like you planned. You both were Per Haskell's right hands, running the business for him. Most respected you more than they respected Haskell - only newbies didn't, because they hadn't seen you in action.

You were always buried in work together, planning for heists. Inej came by every once in a while, providing you information about your new target for a heist before slipping away again. Over the years, you had gathered a group of the most trusted people and called yourselves the Crows. You were closely working together, often pulling heists only by the seven of you.

But at some point of your partnership, after working so closely with Kaz - you had noticed you had developed new feelings for him, past partnership, past your friendship. They had been brewing for years, ever since you were teenagers, but it took a lot more time to catch what was it.

Feelings.

For someone like Kaz Brekker.

Other Crows had of course noticed it. Maybe you had too, but you had ignored it for ages. They also claimed that Kaz clearly loves you too, but one of you had to come forward in order to find happiness. But at least that couldn't be true, even if your feelings were true, there was no way Kaz's would be.

And even if they were, you didn't believe you'd be ready to anything romantic. Loving someone didn't fit into your life situation, in your plans. Happiness was overrated, you didn't need happiness, you needed revenge. Just like Kaz needed that too.

So you kept ignoring those feelings, pretending you weren't feeling something deeper than friendship towards him.

And unbeknownst to you, but Kaz did the exactly same thing. He ignored his feelings, his deep affection towards you. He believed you wouldn't like him back anyway, and even if you did, some silly romance would only distract you. It was better to have a professional relationship - maybe somewhat friendly, even. Kaz didn't want friends, nor did he need them, but he still thought of you as a friend. You had stood by him since he was just a boy, just like he had stood by you. You understood each other more than anyone else, and when you worked together, things were done efficiently.

That's why he never said anything, and neither did you. Maybe in the future, when things had gotten better, or then not. But whatever would happen, you'd always have a special place for each other, just a little bit of warmth in your cold hearts.

---

If you enjoyed this oneshot, PLEASE INTERACT BEYOND JUST LIKES!! The ratio between likes to comments and reblogs is really discouraging for writers and a lot of us have already left the community because of it...

Kaz taglist for the Freddy event: @scandalous-chaos @brekkers-desigirl @bb-skyrunner // send in an ask to be added, and specify which of Freddy's characters do you want to be tagged on! (This taglist is for Freddy event only, I won't take character taglists for anyone else than Freddy's characters)

I am waiting for this 

how freaked out do you think people who only watch the show will be when/if they reveal Kaz’s backstory

Do you know what a harlequin is? A harlequin’s role is to serve. It’s nothing without a master. No one gives two sh*ts who we are, beyond that.

Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020) dir. Cathy Yan

Y’ALL THIS IS SO FREAKING CUTE!!! IT HAS ME IN MY FEELLSSSSSSSSS GO READ IT!!!!!

Dancing In The Rain | Kaz Brekker

Summary: Exactly as the title says. Kaz and reader dance in the rain!

Warnings: Mentions of getting sick, just a lil sweet and carefree innocence, not proofread, probably bad.

hope you all like it, let me know what you think! requests for kaz are open! - parker

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If Ketterdam wasn’t known for it’s violence and crime, then it was most definitely known for it’s rain.

Every day seemed like it rained, almost like the Saints above saw the carnage of the streets and tried to wash it away. But, no matter how much rainfall bestowed Ketterdam, the cobblestone roads would always remain red.

Most people complained about the weather, grumbling to themselves about wanting sun for a change. You didn’t understand it. You loved the rain. Sure, the sun was nice on the occasion it happened, but you’d always been in pure adoration for the gloom that hung over Ketterdam.

That was something Kaz didn’t quite understand about you, among other things. Well, to be quite frank, Kaz didn’t truly understand anything about you, other than the obvious. Which was that you were utterly too good to be in Ketterdam of all places, with him of all people.

He’d tried telling you that before, saying that somewhere, all the way out in the great beyond, there was destined to be somewhere better, safer, with more opportunities and people to give you all that you deserved.

You never listened though, stating that regardless of how cruel Ketterdam could be, it was your home. Besides, you’d add, where else would you get rain quite like this?

Which brought you to where you were now. What started off as a night in the Crow Club, surrounded by your best mates, had somehow ended with you rushing outside as soon as you heard the familiar patter of rainfall on the rooftop.

In your excitement you’d forgotten your cost, not that you cared, but Kaz did. He’d been the one to find you sick last time you stayed out in the rain too long after not bringing it along, and he’d rather not have to see you in such a poor state of health again.

Sighing to himself, he got up from where he had been sat at the back of the club, talking to Inej when he saw you leave from watching Jesper gamble to scurry outside. Right away he knew what that meant, so he grabbed his cane and your coat when he walked past wear you once sat, and headed towards the doors.

Pushing them open, he was instantly met with a gust of wet wind and the smell of rain, and the sight of you... dancing.

He watched you for a moment as you smiled to yourself, twirling back and forth down the street, blissfully unaware of him watching. Kaz felt the corners of his lips upturn slightly at the way you looked so carefree. Who would’ve thought that one of the most skilled thieves and assassins in cursed Ketterdam, could look so angelic and innocent while dancing in the rain.

Kaz was so lost in his thoughts of you and the way you were beaming, that he didn’t even notice you had finally noticed him. “Kaz?” you asked, your voice was light. His dark eyes snapped to yours, you squinted at him. “How long have you been standing there?” He didn’t answer, instead he gestured to your coat that he had in his arms and held it towards you.

“I don’t need it,” you said. Kaz lifted a quizzical eyebrow at you. “Y/N,” he said to you, in his usual stern remark. “If you aren’t going to put your cost on, then I think it’s time you come inside now. Wouldn’t want you falling ill again, now round we?” His words made you stop in your place, no longer moving to the sound of distant music from nearby.

“Oh what, you don’t want to play nurse Kaz again? I thought you liked taking care of me when I’m sick.” Kaz rolled his eyes at you. “No, not really, Y/N. Now, come on, as I said let’s go inside.” He turned his back to go back inside, but noticed you still standing in the rain. “Y/N,” he spoke, tilting his head towards the door as a way of telling you to follow.

“Just a little longer, Kaz, please?” You looked like a little kid begging their parent for candy, so sweet and innocent, nothing like the criminal you actually were.

Kaz pursed his lips. “Fine. But I’m going back inside. If you’re not in there in the next few minutes, I will drag you myself, got it?” He didn’t wait to hear your answer, knowing you’d most likely listen, and turned to head inside once again.

However your voice rung out once more, calling his name. “Kaz?” It came out in a question, almost like you were unsure to ask. He turned his head towards you, and saw you had your hand outstretched to him.

An invitation.

“Care to dance with me?” You asked him, half joking and half serious. You knew that the likeliness of him accepting the offer was incredibly rare.

Which was exactly why you were dumbfounded when he turned from the doors and walked towards you, wordlessly saying yes to the proposal.

He didn’t take your hand, which didn’t surprise you, but he dude sway lightly from side to side, which did surprise you.

Holy Saints, Kaz Brekker, the bastard of the barrel, was actually dancing with you, and in the rain nonetheless, like one of those pathetically cheesy romantic novels you guiltily read sometimes.

Shaking your head out of your stupor, you began to follow his lead, moving to the beat of rain and the sound of music from the nearby homes and clubs.

Both of you seemed to lose track of time as you enjoyed each other’s presence, smiling and uncaring that your clothes were soaking wet and you’d both most likely wake up with the sniffles. That didn’t matter to you, and it didnt seem to matter to him either.

You were both content and carefree, just dancing in the rain.

— AND YOU MASTER, WHAT DOES YOUR HEART TELL YOU YOU’RE MEANT FOR? — INFINITE SADNESS

Hi the only thing I care about today is Susan Sarandon's twitter

“My mother told me I can get addicted to meth, cocaine, vodka, whiskey, and cigarettes. She told me those things can get trapped within my veins, and flush me down a hole. I’ve never gotten addicted to the deadly things my mother told me about. But I got addicted to a human with a destructive soul, and I swear I wish I got addicted to the things my mother told me not to because they don’t have a soul to run away from me.”

— Alexa Evangelista (via vodkakilledtheteen)

Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home.

Happy September 1st!