YOU Don’t Have To Be Perfect To Be Loved. But I Do

YOU don’t have to be perfect to be loved. but I do

Autism and Maladaptive Daydreaming

If you are autistic, you might also recognize this experience;

You have recently found a new hyperfixation and it's making you so happy to spend time on it. But after an unspecified amount of time, it starts to kind of infiltrate your thoughts even when you're not engaging with it directly.

Whenever you're not engaging with the hyperfixation directly, it still somehow takes over your brain. You imagine yourself doing the thing you hyperfixate on. Or making up whole storylines and fantasy worlds connected to your hyperfixation.

Let's say you, for example... Play a game called Palia. And it's been a month and a half. You've played almost every single day since you started and you even see parts of it in your dreams. And there was this one character, lets give him a stupid fictional name... Teth, and you at first didnt really mind him.

But then you decided to explore the romancing function/storyline with this... Teth. And now, a few weeks and dozens of fanfics later, it is actively causing you to imagine him everywhere, going with you in your day to day life. You came up with a reason why he would be invisable in your life. But you can still sort of imagine him hovering around you at all times. You talk to him when you're alone. Its giving you butterflies thinking about him and listening to his voice lines and reading fanfics, even trying a character ai just to satisfy that craving for a connection with a person who doesnt exist.

And now, it's starting to weigh on you. It's not as fun anymore. The butterflies hurt your stomach and make you anxious, the anxiety is causing you stomach problems. And every chance you get, you imagine different scenarios with him for hours on end, leaving no room or energy for other hobbies or people.

The daydreaming has become maladaptive. It wont leave you alone, you feel like you're always being watched and silently judged, even though you know damn well you are alone in your room eith the curtains closed and the door locked. The pressure to mask and be perfect even when you're alone is slicing your energy in half. Some days are worse than others, but especially at night, the nervousness descends on you as your thoughts obsess over "Teth".

Some part of you likes it, because it's the thrill of a new obsession, a new hyperfixation. But another part wants it to stop, to be able to calm down and unmask when the game is not on and I- I mean you are alone.

This is a real experience for over 45% of autistic people. Making up stories and daydreaming extensively to escape into a world where we might have just a little mote control over life. You might think to yourself "ugh, so creepy" but I implore you to reframe that thought. This often happens involuntarily. Autistics dont often know its gonna be this bad. We think its all in good fun or just feel like chasing that good dopamine for a while. But sometimes, it just gets so out of hand, beyond our control.

Anyway, this was about me and my current experience dealing with Maladaptive Daydreaming. Ive always done it, but it gets worse when Im not completely happy or some needs go unmet. Im obsessed with Palia and that soup-loving, doofus of a man has creeped into my head and is conducting illegal things in there. It's becoming a problem and he needs to skedaddle.

If you have any questions about this though, feel free to ask. (Tho I dont answer rude ones)

21 notes View Post

vsmumu

1 month ago

without a doubt this is the strongest indicator that we are swiftly heading to a recession