Now This Is Powerful. Having Felt Bogged Down All The Time By Thinking I Had To Be Responsible For Things

Just read TGCF again and couldn't stop imagining long hair Jungkook from BTS as Hua Cheng. Anyone else see it?

breaking the cycle of generational abuse takes time.

the truth of that cannot be overstated. for a child, it warps and reshapes everything: their understanding of themselves, what their place is in the world and how they engage with it.

when we first meet Sam, she just seems like a cold, aloof, ever-composed high achiever. the more we learn about her past, the clearer it becomes that this was by design, not by choice.

Sam learned from a young age that love and acceptance were contingent upon her compliance. it was transactional- to be earned by meeting her grandmother's expectations, never freely given with no conditions. she took the one thing a child needs the most and dangled it like a prize over Sam’s head, making her work for it.

and if Sam needed any further motivation not to stray from path she was placed on, all she had to do was look to her sisters- both of their lives a tragic example of the consequences of disobeying. imagine how afraid she had to be, and for so, so long. it's heartbreaking.

then Mon came along- letting light and so much love in with her.

with that in mind, next week's preview wasn't a big shock to me. painful, yes- but mainly because it rings so terribly true. the roots of abuse run deep and are long-reaching- often much further than we expect.

I can count on one hand the amount of times I've actually liked high-tension or conflict in a finale. it usually feels like a cheap emotional ploy- lazy writing in an attempt to keep the audience coming back. in my opinion, that's absolutely not what we're seeing here.

the end still remains to be seen, but I have no doubt Sam will finally, permanently end the cycle. it's just that a little more work, a little more struggle, unfortunately- has to happen first.

a toxic foundation laid over a lifetime has finally been cracked, fractured. thanks to love, the biggest work is done. for me, next week doesn't seem like a step back at all.

it's just the last breaking of the wheel.

a note on Nueng, my beloved: sometimes, tough love is incredibly necessary, especially when you're so far gone in a situation that you can't see it for what it is. I was thrilled Nueng was there to provide an equally-strong opposing voice to their grandmother's authority. the one point I strongly disagreed with her on is calling Sam "soft" for continuing to bend to her grandmother's will.

Sam's reluctance to leave even when it's killing her has everything to do with a lifetime of conditioning and love for her grandmother (which she doesn't deserve)- she's not weak; she's a victim. she did find her strength when she walked away, and I fully believe she's going to realize just how strong, capable and worthy of love she is by the end.

The Curse of the Yiling Patriarch

When the Wen Remnants were farming I imagine they had to clear the land of corpses and things like that, maybe they quietly gathered the remains in a area WWX warded. The corpses had died with various trappings such as small jewels and finery that were completely saturated with resentment that genius WWX would never ever touch with the longest barge pole ever.

Post siege the Jins think the Cursed treasure is WWXs wealth and take it for themselves, the curse spreads rapidly.

WWX is ressurected partly to bring down JGY and partly to break what is assumed to be his anti-theft curse on the cultivation world. The curse that turns people into living skeletons by moonlight removes any satisfaction via food or drink as well as rendering them immortal... And spreads with every time a piece of Cursed Treasure is sold.

(It's basically the Cursed Aztek gold from Pirate of the Caribbean The Curse of the Black Pearl. Because cursed living skeletons seems right up there in Yiling Patriarch aesthetic and he'd probably think it very ironic and get a good long laugh out of greedy Jins getting cursed by gold.)

The first time Wei Wuxian uncovered the gold, he warned the Wens to never touch the damn thing. There was a curse so heavily entwined with the treasure that Wei Wuxian didn't want to know what would happen if someone touched it.

He made sure to leave warnings and a barrier around the damn stuff so that none of the Wens would accidentally stumble upon it.

He would have never imagined the implications of what would happen after he and the Wens died.

.................................................

The Jins has struck gold.

And quite literally at that.

After Wei Wuxian had offed himself for them, the Jins took it upon themselves to help clear the Burial Mounds of any dangerous materials. And of course seal them away! I mean, why would they take away the Yiling Patriarch’s items if not to make sure they were properly taken care of?

So of course, seeing the gold - regardless of the fact that it was saturated in resentment and had a whole barrier and warnings to STAY AWAY from it - the Jins pocketed all that wealth and decided to make sure it stayed away from the wrong hands.

As they turned away, unbeknownst to them, several red, glowing eyes glared at them viciously.

..................................................

The Jins returned to Koi Tower, their greed satisfied by the amount of gold they carried. Jin Guangshan grinned gleefully as he examined the gold that had been collected by his men.

They held a banquet under the moonlight, celebrating in the riches plundered from the Mounds. but not even half a shichen after the sun sank, resentment curled around the people who had touched the gold, turning them into skeletons. At first, chaos reigned in the room before people found out that they hadn’t turned into mindless beasts. They still had their rationality. They even discovered that once they took shelter from the moon, their skin would return to normal.

But in any case, all those who had touched the gold were cursed. And they had no idea how to fix it. 

At once, they figured that the Yiling Patriarch had placed a curse on them and everyone damned him a thousand deaths. They’d figure this out and make sure that that demonic cultivator’s soul would never reincarnate.

.

.

But that wasn’t the end of the curse. In an attempt to rid themselves of the cursed treasure, the Jins spent the money on food and supplies, on pleasure and wine.

However.....they soon found out that they could not taste their food and drink, that they could not feel pleasure. They could never feel satisfied no matter how much wine they drank, their food turned to ash in their mouths, and their lust could never be slaked.

This could have been enough to kill a cultivator but they found that they couldn’t die. They had thrown themselves into an eternal hell of their own making. And had consequently affected everyone else with this curse in their attempt to rid themselves of it.

At first, they could tolerate being immortal but never sated. But as the years went by, as more and more people touched the gold and were cursed, they began to lose their sanity.

No one was safe.

The Lans, Jins, Nies, Jiangs. Common folk, cultivator. Everyone who had deigned to touch the gold had been cursed.

Years passed and the curse continued to wreck havoc among people.

.

.

.

Ten years later.....

Wei Wuxian gasped back to life, his mind in disarray. He took stock of his surroundings, his body, and sighed.

Why meeeeeee????

...............................................

“Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!” Wei Wuxian nearly toppled over in laughter. “Hahahahaha, oh my god--ohhh, this is so great!”

“Wei Ying.”

“Aiya, Lan Zhan, let me relish in this joy for a bit, okay? Anti-theft--” He giggled. “Anti-theft curse? Me? Lan Zhan, oh, I’m not that powerful, hahahahaha.”

“You are.” Lan Wangji said stubbornly.

Wei Wuxian blushed a little, “Lan Zhaaaan, you can’t just say something like that with a straight face!”

“....Can.”

The two of them were currently sitting in the inn room after confronting Nie Huaisang about the Man-eating Tomb. Lan Wangji had just finished telling Wei Wuxian about his supposed curse on the cultivation world for stealing the gold he had hidden away.

Wei Wuxian cleared his throat, “Anyway, it was not me who did that, er-gege. It was the spirits of the Burial Mounds.” He made a face. “Well, the more ancient ones. The Burial Mounds used to be a simple cemetery, from what the spirits had told me, but because the spirits of the deceased were often unappeased, their resentment just stewed for centuries on end. 

People tried to appease them with gold and food and wine and it did work at first, but as more unappeased spirits - who didn’t want all that - appeared, gradually people just left them alone and Burial Mounds became what it is today.”

“I see. Will they still want to be appeased now?”

“You’re thinking of helping them?”

“Mm.”

“Hmmm, well, some could. Not all. I did my best to listen to them and give them some comforting advice but it didn’t always work. Some were just too angry.”

“Could playing Rest or listening to them through Inquiry lessen the resentment in Burial Mounds?”

“Oh, for sure. Which reminds me, there were a few Lan spirits there in the Mounds. I’m sure they would love to hear you play! But anyways, about the cursed gold that turned people into skeletons - which, by the way is totally deserved. Did they not see the ‘STAY AWAY ’ signs I made? Honestly, the stupidity of the Jins. 

But umm, you just have to return all the gold to where you found it. I believe there was also a payment of blood that was needed too? Not entirely sure what the requirements for that are, but I think having everyone who had touched the gold spill a little blood after returning it would do. It'll satisfy the ghosts' bloodlust. They're pretty possessive of their treasure.”

“I see. Do you recall how many pieces there were?”

“Eight hundred eighty-something. I can ask the spirits for specific numbers but it should be around there.”

"Mn. How will we transport the gold without getting cursed?"

"I think it might be easier to let the cursed return the gold. We can just inform them of the cure."

"Okay. I know a few locations where they are. On the way to collecting the body parts of the corpse hand, we can tell those people to return the gold and return them to the Mounds."

"Sounds like a plan!"

______________________________________

Sooooo I ran out of steam and didn't know what else to write.

But here's a summary of how it might go from there: the gold eventually is returned and everyone is cured. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji bring JGY down and get together. It's pretty much canon aside from Wei Wuxian being a little more feared than normal since people thought he cursed them. WWX' tries to convince them it was j's name is cleared and sentiment towards him is a little better because they've been cured.

Hope you all enjoyed this!

And sorry for taking so long to post. My grandpa recently died so I was sad for quite some time.

You can protect me from everything, but you can't protect me from you.

✨✨EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION✨✨

(or at least, how I experience it)

when your brain is a car that won’t start, it’s pretty annoying.

What symptoms of depression actually look like

Increased irritability and/or anger when you don’t know why

Feeling numb or having muted emotions in response to upsetting or exciting situations

Lack of interest or passion, in general, for things you once loved

Inability to concentrate or stay focused

Change in sleep patterns, be it not getting enough sleep, having trouble falling asleep, or sleeping far too much and not feeling rested

Exhaustion overall, even for “no reason”

Missing deadlines for projects or assignments

Withdrawing from social activities

Feeling guilty for missing deadlines or withdrawing from social activities

Needing “the rest” because you’re so exhausted, but feeling worse because you stay in bed or on the couch most of the day

No motivation to actually get up and do basic tasks

Hating yourself for not responding to your friends or to important emails on time, but not being able to force yourself to do it

A passing desire to die or just not exist, but not being full-blown suicidal

Not an exhaustive list by any means. What other ways does depression manifest?

Villa No. 12 in Iporanga, São Paulo

As a parent, you don’t get privacy until you are on your own. My house, my rules, my money, my decision.

Don’t like it?

Too bad.

I am the parent here. I’m not your friend. I’m your father.