Found This On Insta.

this is literally my moveset😭

I love it when he does that.

a long overdue hug for the Beatles (aka only way to get to Jules) - 𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

My upload schedule sucks so I'm doing more drawings (yay, a chance to play with artstyles!)

This is a drawing of the short segment below from one of the parts of my fic "Sacrifame" which is called "Skipping Practice":

... “Let’s get packing then boys-” Ah, what are you doing, hey, no, we see each other every single day- You already hugged me today! “Oh, what is happening?” “Julia, we missed you so much!”, Geo no. “Can you be more active like today, please! Please!”, Ringo stop. “Julia…”, Paul finally decides to hug me, “my Julia…” “People, this is just for today. I’ll be sure not to mess up again, and I’ll come as John-” “No, don’t be away! Please! Don’t go to some place where we can’t reach you!”, what is this man, "Geo is right, we can’t reach John.”, Ritch is spilling bullshit- “We are exactly the same person.” “NO, YOU ARE NOT! John hates me!” “And you think I still love you?” Oh, Geo and Ritch didn’t know we had a fight. Fuck. “Lads. I promise I’ll be more active. Even as John, who has a big ego.” “Arrive on time please, that’s how I’ll see you care!” “Macca, I promise.” “Alright, Lenny.”, a bit too tight of a hug! We have to pack. Well, I’ll hug ‘em a bit more. ...

You can read it in full here.

If you want to read some other story within that fic just click here.

yours truly has played around with artificial intelligence

just listen to this absolute masterpiece (questionable)

(this is just the beginning...)

playful ahh murdocs

I think you can sense where this is going :D

Wholesome repost for reaching 50 likes! (In terms of my fic Sacrifame, it's totally something Julia loves to do for Cyn). Thanks everyone💓

John Lennon and Paul McCartney humorously hiding Cynthia Lennon from photographers, February, 1964. — From the documentary "What's Happening! The Beatles in the U.S.A."

𝟏𝟗𝟔𝟗.

𝓢𝓴𝓲𝓹𝓹𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓟𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓮

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

Julia’s line of thought

I have overslept. Again. It feels like a chore to go to sessions. I never wanted to feel that way about it. I think I’m done with his bullcrap… He always talks about how we don’t try enough and that we should do this this way, or do that that way! Prissy bitch! I shut him down, but for what? For him to make a ruckus once again! I worsen the situation by being overly impulsive and mad, my anger issues have become unbearable. Yoko makes it better but it really drags me down… I have to find my bandages…

Not under the table where I usually put them… Fuck. No, I have to focus… Maybe they’re on the bed… No… What the hell is going on…

Not in the bathroom, nor the dirty laundry, nor the kitchen or living room! Oh, no… How am I going to go to practice?

Though I’m mad at McCartney, that doesn’t mean I could just fuck over Ritch and Geo. But would it really make a difference if I came as Julia for once? I know we had some rehearsals as the Beatles where I was meself but I really dunno. That was so long ago… Yoko has disappeared off to somewhere. That is by itself quite unusual. Maybe we had an argument or something, I can’t remember… I remember what I did yesterday but some parts were unbelievable and hazy because of the drugs. Anyway, I think there is no harm in going as me. I could dress up as Johnny without my bandages but I think I’m going to go all in. My main dresser hasn’t been open in god knows how long! So, um, what colour should I wear… Green is my favourite… Hm… This one is simple yet elegant - not really that a rocker needs to look elegant. We aren't going to make much progress today. I can feel it. 

Door is locked. Driver doesn’t need to know about Julia. Taxi called. Got in!

“Hello, where to?”

“Twickenham Studios.”

“Alright, miss…”, oh god, he is looking at me inquisitively. Though he could only be killing his boredom that way. Just smile, Lennon, smile.

It feels so nice to be out of the spotlight. No personal driver, no substances, no one! So fun.

“Miss, you look oddly familiar… I think I’ve seen you in magazines and newspapers… Aren’t you like a singer or something?”, ugh.

“Oh, I get that a lot. No, I work as a nurse.”

“Nurse, well, that’s odd… I could’ve sworn I’ve seen you…”

Please, not today, not today.

“Sorry I asked that. We should be arriving at Twickenham real soon, so prepare the amount as it’s written on the little list.”

Twickenham, Twickenham! Oh. Here it is. Fine, I’ll give him that amount. Maybe even… No, Lennon, that would be awfully stupid of you! You had to lie… You don’t need to own up to it. Though it would be silly. Imagine I give him a simple autograph from John Lennon himself and he concludes it’s me! Funny, but if we were real for a moment, he wouldn’t have a clue if it’s real and maybe wouldn’t even find it. I’ll plant it somewhere. Maybe make two, one for the driver, one for the guest. Or more if someone really checks well. Hahah!

Twickenham Studios. Welp, I’m here. Very, very late. I hope the lads have made some progress.

“Goodbye, sir, and thank you for your service.”

“You paid me Miss.”

I must be smiling so wide. Miss. I missed being called a Miss. Still, I need to get to the studio, and oh lord, there are so many Beatlemaniacs at the entrance waiting to come in. I feel sorry for John fans because they won’t see him today. Let me through!

“Do you have any sort of clearance, Miss? We cannot just let anyone in.”

“Don’t you “Miss” me!”, oh, god, I have used my John voice in front of about a dozen people.

“I ask you again, what is your reason to go inside? And I do not take “seeing the Beatles live” as a valid reason.”

Well, as you see, I am a Beatle. Yeah, you know, the one that is quite late and should be getting to her lads who are hard at work-who am I kidding, they’re panicking because I’m still not there. You know, John Lennon?

“I’m really sorry… But…”, should I try that or… Is there a backdoor? No, I don’t think so. Even if there was, it’s smarter to be clear with the guards.

“I need to see my twin brother John for a private reason. If you don’t believe me, ask the other Beatles, they could vouch for me, I know them quite well. Name’s Julia Victoria Lennon.”

The guard looked over at me.

“Well, I do see the resemblance, but I still have to check with the others. I’ll be back.”

I’m in deep trouble with McCartney today, aren’t I?

It feels like centuries are passing by? A lot of girlies went home by now. Where is that guard? I’ll check out what the remaining weird Beatlemaniacs like to do and tell the lads if it’s funny.

“Who are you here for? I’m for George.”

“I’m for Paul, obviously he is the most handsome.”

“I’m for Ringo, he is so silly.”

“I agree with the most handsome part. Um, I'm here for a different reason.”, smile.

“Oh… Still, sad John’s missing all morning.”, the George girl told me.

“All morning! He f-messed up so bad.”, is this good acting?

“Yeah, I hate it when he makes Paul mad.”, the McCartney girl said.

“McCartney is mad. Oh, there is going to be so much drama.”, why am I talking?

“I think they’re going to work it out for sure.”, Ritchie girl, you are so cute.

“Yeah… yeah.”

The guard walked out and the girls rushed by my side.

“They confirmed it. I’ll show you the way to their practice room. Mr. Lennon is still not here.”

“Aww, well, show me the way and I’ll follow!”

The girls were starry eyed.

“How is she getting in?” 

“Haven’t you heard the theory that John has a twin sister? It’s true. That’s so fab!”

“Can you get us in?”

Oh fuck. Of course they scream. My poor ears. I already have bad eyesight. I don’t need poor hearing as well.

“No need to show the way, sir, I’ll do it.”, McCartney the Prick shows up at last, “And girls you can’t go in, just esteemed guests such as uninvited Julia Victoria Lennon could come in.”

The girls sighed. McCartney was fuming under that smile of his.

Close the door. Turn around. And I think I’m going to get yelled at right about now!

“JULIA VICTORIA LENNON! How did you get this late to the studio! And why aren’t you here as John? We have made absolutely ZERO progress without you, Jules! Ugh!”

“Can I enter a room without you fighting with me or do I have to dream of it? For that matter, how come you didn’t get inspired? Were you too lazy? Huh, JAMES PAUL MCCARTNEY?”

Geo and Rings are tuning their instruments. They look tired. I’m happy they’re smiling. Weak smile from me to them. 

“Wait a second, lads, where are the wives? And George Martin?”

“In the lunchroom! Hello, Julia!”, George, stop running towards me, you’ll trip on a cable.

FUH. The others were far away to hear this conversation. But they would be coming back. 

Sigh. “Thank God, they aren’t here yet.”

Aww, Geo, no need for hugs. Ritch too? Looks like they missed their sis Jules a lot.

“Hi.”, Ritch…

Where’s my chair? Oh, there it is. This screw like this, that one like that and voila! Tuned guitar!

“That is quite a nice dress… It compliments your eyes…”, McCartney hadn’t complimented me in a while based on my physical appearance.

“Thank you… Paul.”

Of course he blushes, of course. Does he miss his Julia? What am I thinking? No, he doesn’t.

“Then lads and… birdies.”, McCartney started the session.

“I’m a lad too, you git!”

“Lads! Let’s run through the program again.”

“One, two, three, four!”

Sing, play, fuck up the rhythm, fuck up the harmony, then be a genius and get it even better. I hear footsteps! Stop playing! I got off the chair and left my guitar.

The birds are here. Glynnis is with them. Wait, Glynnis is with them! OH SHIT!

“John came?”

“No, I’m his twin sister, Julia.”, fuck we were filming!

“Is this a joke or no, you are female.”

“I know my brother is such a comedian! Um, where is he?

“I think he won’t be coming today… He is too late and the footage is already taken.”, aww, Glynnis is sad. Thank goodness I didn’t get caught.

Paul, stop panicking. Geo is going to fuck up his eye and Ringo is smiling too wide and fake to my liking.

“But I’m sure I heard John’s voice.”, Glynn, don’t think about it.

“You are John’s sister! Pleasure to meet you! My name is Maureen.”, this is not going to end well.

“Hullo.”, I did my traditional John greeting.

“Hi, my name is Linda.”, oh, Linda… A nice woman. No wonder why Paul decided to be with her. Reminds me of a certain best friend I haven’t seen in a while…

“Great to see you, Julia!”

“Oh, Pattie, I’m glad to see you too!”, aww a hug.

“Well, what has John done this time?”, Pattie… Why?

“John and I need to talk about Aunt Mimi and private things so I can’t tell you.”

“Oh, oh, that’s fine.”, Linda the assurer, “No need if it’s a touchy subject.”

“Thanks.”, a wide smile.

“You remind me of him.”, Maureen thought, “No wonder you are twins when you both look and act so aloof. Though, you have impeccable style, Julia.”

“I know.”, ha. I feel so pretty.

“So, let’s sit over there while the men play.”, Linda, guide us. 

“Oh, great Linda, show me the way.”, what a joke.

She chuckled.

“Weird… I like it! Well, my little follower, we have arrived to the chairs of nevermore! Once you sit down, there is a high chance you’ll spend the next five hours sitting down on them.”

“Rest my weary bones.”, another joke from the master herself.

They all laughed.

I forgot what girl gossip was like- Wait, I can talk about my favourite topic. Are there any mags on the table? Yeahh! Great, let me just open it and ask the girlies.

“Who is your favourite actor?”

“GAH, very hard!”, Maureen is practically squeaking, “I like… Cary Grant..”

“I like Tom Selleck, he is handsome.”, Pattie outright admitted. Cool.

“Hm… Tough, but I would say, hm, hm, Tony Curtis.”, good pick Linda.

“I love James Dean. He is beautiful and inspirational…”, best answer.

I am already having fun. I never thought I’d miss mindless traditional girl topics and here I am. Ahhh, this feeling is so nostalgic. 

“Julia, where do you get your dresses from?”, Maureen asked.

“Hm, it really depends. Some are from Liddypool and some are from here. This one for example is from boutiques. I think this one is from “Biba”. “

“You have to introduce me to all of them, I’m a fish out of water here… Tough being an American in England.”

“Oy, Linda, don’t worry. You fit right in. But if you want some gear clothing, I can show ya!”, silly Linda.

“If you want a great place for shoes I would recommend Saxon’s. A little bit expensive, but fashionable.”, Pattie is right.

“Is money really a problem for us?”

Haha, of course they chuckle. I feel like I could do this all day. Why are they looking at each other so weird?

“Julia, I hope this is alright with you, but we like to play a game where we try to guess when John will come and why he’s late.”, Pattie asked

Oh my God. Hahahahhahah.

“Alright! It’s funny, tell me what are your bets?”

“I think John will come in ten minutes. He overslept and got stuck in traffic.”, well Pattie is half right.

“I think John will come in half an hour. He was writing something at the flat and forgot about the rehearsal. John is aloof like that.”, Linda is off by a long shot, but that is a possibility that could happen.

“I think John will come in an hour, because he doesn’t care for rehearsals and is purposely avoiding the rest of the band. Ringo is suffering so much because of his shenanigans.”, Maureen is half right too. I don’t care as much for rehearsals as I used to but I wouldn’t abandon my friends because of boredom.

“What’s your bet?”

“He won’t come… If they told him about me, he wouldn't come.”, why am I sad? Why would I be sad? Why are the girls sad? Pattie understands, those two are confused.

“John and I are sometimes close and sometimes distant. Mostly distant. It’s not even because of fame, it's because of our different paths in life and how much we don’t agree with our world view… I think the only thing that connects us now is music.”, good thinking, me!

“That doesn’t mean he won’t come to talk to you… Maybe he wants to work things out?”, Linda is quite an empath.

“You are right, Linda, I should hope for the best outcome.”, smile. The girls are smiling too. I should let them get back to some lighter topic. What is this conversation in the other room?

“John should’ve already come!”, that’s Yoko for sure.

“He still isn’t here. Your husband is making us wait a long time for rehearsal.”, Glynn was correct. But John couldn’t come.

“That man is-I can’t believe it! Maybe he sleeps too long but he would never do this!”

“Well, obviously he did it. Look at the band. They are tired and miserable, they wouldn’t want that on footage. The staff feels the same. I feel like I am wasting my time, and I do not want to feel that way when I am doing a project with the Beatles.”

“That’s not important. What’s important is that he isn’t home… God knows where he is.”

Lads are on the brink of rolling their eyes at Yoko and pointing to me.

“Look, he made you come here and waste your time, the band’s, his sister’s, the wives’ and ours.”

“Say again?”, oh no.

“The band’s, his sister-”

“Oh, Julia. That’s unexpected.”, she is going to kill me.

“Yes, I never knew he had a twin sister.”

“He never found her that important. I’ll sit and wait there then, then I’ll go back to the flat and check if he’s back.”

“Thank you Mrs. Ono.”

She is coming this way. Don’t make a scene, don’t make a scene, don’t do anything.

“Hello.”

“Yoko, finally, is John with you?”, Pattie asked, “See, I was right that he would come in ten minutes!”

“No, John is not with me.”

“What a pity.”, I did not need to snark. Fuck, her eyes are full of anger and flames. Kind of hot if you ask me.

“Julia, we haven’t seen each other in person yet.”

“Yoko, nice to meet you.”

I am on the edge of bursting with laughter, I have literally said to my wife nice to meet you, ahhahah.

She isn’t in the same mood.

“If you want to talk with John and I’m sure you are here for that reason I could tell him later what you said.”

“No. No need for that with you. But there is a certain thing I want to discuss with you.”

We are getting heated. About to have another scolding lesson from my wife.

“Then everyone, we’ll be back soon.”, Yoko’s smile radiated her rage.

“See you later.”, Linda smiled blissfully ignorant.

“See ya.”, what a greeting Lennon.

We walked to the other room. Silly girls whispering: “I think she is best friends with John’s ex wife so she is surely going to discuss that with Yoko.” I miss Cynthia, she was the greatest. But John, John isn’t great for her anymore. John is a bad bad bad thing for women and only Yoko can handle him.

“Lennon, why are you here without one makeup, two bandages- And your glasses are John’s not Julia’s! For you it would only take one night of drinking to blow your cover!”, Yoko I know. A small pause.

“Sometimes you act like child.”

“I am child, dearest.”

She chuckled.

“Yeah, you are the most big, I mean biggest child I saw.”

“Love you too, Yoko.”

“How are they going to practice?”

“Should I just call them from a random phone and tell them that- OR NO!”

“What great idea do you have?”

“You go there and tell them that John told you he is not coming to practice.”

“Okay, John…”

“And when dusty old Glynnis goes away I can practice with the lads with no stupid cameras.”

“Not a bad idea, love!”, a small kiss on my cheek.

“Then go and execute the mission, commander.”

“Of course, general.”

That’s clear. I am going back to the main room.

“Have you cleared everything up?”, Pattie, don’t worry.

“Yeah, I’m glad that’s over with!”, sigh, smile.

“I knew that everything would be fine!”, Linda is cheery.

“Where is Yoko?”, Maureen questioned. Of course.

“I dunno, we both went back here…”, hahah excuses excuses.

Well, that wasn’t that long.

“John called!”, she is running towards the lads.

The rest of the Beatles look unamused. I think they’ve been waiting to make progress but they are one member short and that member is just in the other room. Glynn lit up.

“And?”

“He is not coming. He is feeling sick.”

“Well, he should recover and help us create a program for the concert!”, Paul, the greatest actor.

“Looks like Julia was right…”, Linda was saddened.

“Don’t worry, he’ll come to the next practice early I bet! Even though he is lazy he is responsible.”

“That isn’t a word I’d describe your brother with but alright.”, Maureen!

“That would mean that practice is over and the rest needs help packing.”, George Martin sighs. Don’t look over here, don’t look over here, don’t look- Well, too late. His eyes widened.

“Yes, you’re right.”, Glynn is packing. My plan is working. Glynn and the crew packed so fast and went so quick!

“Pattie, please go home, this wasted so much time!”, Geo has figured my plan out.

“You too, Maureen, it will be a long while till we pack.”

Linda is sad.

“Are you going to shoo me away too?”, did she ask Paul like that? I could never do that so softly like her…

“I don’t want to waste your time any further.”, Paul’s chuckles…

“I’ll be going too.”, Yoko…

“Tell him you have seen me, alright… And that I’m fine with you.”

“I know you’re fine with me… You are more than happy with me.”, Yoko, you genius.

“Bye, everyone.”, they all said in unison.

So many byes have been exchanged. The staff goes away. So, George Martin, the lads and I are left.

“John, you absolute idiot.”, George Martin why?

“I forgot where my bandages were.”

Don’t facepalm yourself, Paulie!

“Julia… You git! Made us practice without you for so long!”

“I was there.”

“You have to be at your guitar not with the birds!”, Geo was angry.

“If you are so excited for practice I’ll practice with you!”

“Yay, we are all here!”, Ringo, you cutie.

The real practice began. We made some progress! A few more songs. Ahh, I know Hazza’s look.

“Paul, we should run through one Harrisong.”

“Which one, Jules?”

“Which one, Geo?”

“Um, “I Me Mine.””

“Alright, boys, let’s do “I Me Mine” and finish with “Don’t Let Me Down”.”

“How fitting Julia, since you decided to come and be active in practice.”, gah! I can’t say Paul isn’t right.

“One, two, three, four-”

We sounded great! Geo was very happy he got permission to do the song. For “Don’t Let Me Down” it still needs work. I scramble the text a million times, and Paul’s harmony is just too much! Ritch is great on both of the songs. Hazza is great on mine but on his song, his guitar playing seems to falter when he sings. Macca is perfect at playing but his constant nagging can be noticed even in the songs. Gotta cut back.

“Got that on tape?”

“It’s not tape-worthy!”

“Paul. Stop being overbearing to everyone here!”

His eyes literally want to set me on fire.

“Lennon, it’s necessary to get the best results!”

“Well, McCartney, as Monroe said, nobody's perfect! So, we got to keep most of the takes! You never know…”

Oh, softened. Geo and Ritchie are sad. God, let’s just go home.

“Let’s get packing then boys-”

Ah, what are you doing, hey, no, we see each other every single day- You already hugged me today!

“Oh, what is happening?”

“Julia, we missed you so much!”, Geo, no.

“Can you be more active like today, please! Please!”, Ringo stop.

“Julia…”, Paul finally decides to hug me, “My Julia…”

“People, this is just for today. I’ll be sure not to mess up again, and I’ll come as John-”

“No, don’t be away! Please! Don’t go to some place where we can’t reach you!”, what is this man talking about? 

“Geo is right, we can’t reach John.”, Ritch is spilling bullshit-

“We are exactly the same person.”

“NO, YOU ARE NOT! John hates me!”

“And you still think I love you?”

Oh, Geo and Ritch didn’t know we had a fight. Fuck.

“Lads. I promise I’ll be more active. Even as John, who has a big ego.”

“Arrive on time please, that’s how I’ll see you care!”

“Macca, I promise.”

“Alright, Lenny.”, a bit too tight of a hug!

We have to pack. Well, I’ll hug ‘em a bit more.

“Lads, you stayed a whole hour after closing. We should get packing and get going before someone barges in.”, father Martin always on schedule.

“You heard him.”, good leading me, “Time to say goodbye for the night.”

Finally, I’m free. But I missed those long big hugs. So, let’s put the guitar in place, done! Purse… Still at the women’s part. Taken! Put on the jacket… 

“Anyone need any help?”, this is the last thing I need to do.

“No love!”, fine Macca.

“Yeah, no need, I’m all set.”, Rings too.

“No.”, Geo looks like he can’t get his things together but alright. But, he finished as fast as Paulie.

“George Martin, I promise I will check my costume parts before going to bed so as to not arrive as Julia again when we are filming, which I also forgot.”

Martin chuckled.

“I can count on that, Lennon.”

“Yeah. Lads, I’ll see ya tomorrow then, I should be calling a taxi now-”

“No, Julia, I’ll drive ya.”, of course.

“Well, Macca is drivin’ ya then. See ya two later.”, Geo, do not support him.

“And did I accept?”

“What’s the harm there, Jules? See ya.”, Ritch winked.

“I’ll be seeing you, The Beatles.”, Martin left, closing the studio.

Leaving me and prissy pants alone.

“Are you happy?”

“Yeah, I’m happy you are willing to talk to me like I’m a normal human being, not a rival.”

“Um, if you want to drive me home so much, I’ll allow it.”, do not blush. He isn’t worth your time anymore.

His car is close. He is quiet… Passenger seat! He has the key of his car but he isn’t starting the car yet.

“Julia…”

“Paul…”

A minute of silence.

“I…”

“You…”

“You see how much fun we had today… You brightened up our day as Julia. We missed you.”

“Already know that.”

“I missed you.”

“I know that too.”

“Julia! What I am saying is! You should retire John once and for all.”

“I’m not doing that.”

No. He did not say that-

“We’ll make up something for John. Love, I want you with me. Doesn’t have to be the Beatles, though I love that the most…”

“John is the Beatles… He is as much your songwriting partner as I am.”

“You’re right. We’ll break up the Beatles and make our own thing.”

“But you, you care about the Beatles!”

“Of course! They are my everything, but John, John hates me, he hates me so much it’s unbearable.”

“I don’t hate you as John.”, god why is he so sad, “And why would you want to retire a part of me! Then you don’t love me fully!”

“I love you both! It’s just- You are now so different as John it’s killing me… Ever since Yoko…”

“Yoko? No. She isn’t at fault. I am.”

“No, she is manipulative and money grabbing and she makes important decisions for you! She dragged you further into drugs!”

“You can’t say that about my wife!”

No, Paul don’t…

“You are still John aren’t you? Say that you hate me! Say it!”

No, no, Macca!

“Macca, I love you.”

A small kiss. A nothing kiss.

“I love you to the moon and back. If there is anyone that understands me, it’s you. And I understand your prissy ass quite well too.”

A small breezy chuckle.

“That’s the Paul I know.”

“I love you, Julia.”

“Let’s forget about this sobby part. I’ll try to be better, I swear.”

“Then let’s get you home, darling.”

“Wait, Paul… I’ll think about it. Alright?”

“Really?”

“I will. But don’t get your hopes up.”

Another chuckle. God, I love that man. I need to sleep. 

“Julia, wake up.”, smooth and silky, what a nice voice.

“Already here, aww.”

“Well, Jules, Johnny, see you tomorrow.”

“See you, pretty princess.”

Oh, oh! A kiss on the- I haven’t kissed him in so- Wait! Another one. And another one. And a couple more.

“I’m heading now.”

“I love you.”

“I adore you, Paul McCartney, I adore you. Remember that. Any bit of rivalry as John is because I want to be like you so organized, experimental and polite. Though, I don’t like leaning into it as much as you do! Bye.”

Oh god, he is crying. That is cute.

“I love you, my smart woman. I love you so much. Even though there is another, I love only-”

He drove away. Couldn’t hear the last part. But I guess he wants to say he loves me the most. Funny… What a nice day. Yoko is asleep. Get ready for sleep. Get in the bed. Close your eyes. Imagine… Imagine… Imagine everything goes well after you abandon John… No… That can’t be… That will never happen… Never… But it’s lovely to imagine…

Rest of Sacrifame

𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟑.

𝓗𝓸𝔀 𝓣𝓸 𝓣𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓐 𝓢𝓽𝓻𝓪𝔂

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

May Pang’s Diary

I have new findings to write down! Today has been two months since I began working as Yoko Ono's secretary. Job was easy enough. Sort through schedules. Deal with callers. Write down important dates. 

Mrs. Ono would visit or call me and let me know everything that needed to be done that day. She is a very capable woman. The media was able to capture that part of her. That's why I like her. But something else caught my eye which made me want to work here.

A piece of work that was her world famous, macho, peace loving husband John Lennon. Mr. Lennon was, in fact, the first man I ever fell in love with. When I met him in person one time, we clicked. Or I clicked with him. He seemed to be too drawn up by drugs. Still, he left a big impact on me. Being that I only ever felt attraction to women, I was happy for once I liked a man. But I was ever so suspicious and began to doubt my feelings. After confirming I indeed felt an undying passion towards him, I began to study him more closely.

Mr. Lennon has an interesting character. He, as a man, behaves very stereotypically, even more so than others in public. Though he was always trying to be sustained.

Meanwhile, in the studio, he would be more relaxed and sensitive, and more true. And that was the man I fell in love with. Or perhaps not.

He was... More feminine. More delicate. More open and caring. More emotional. More everything. He was more. He wasn't a cynic and a great thinker like people described him. In there he was... Just not like other men. Not even close. A fighter, but considerate. Drugs made him lose his manners but that wasn't really Mr. Lennon anyway.

I wonder why Mrs. Ono insisted on doing drugs with him. She is running away from something and I think that something was her husband's true nature - the feminine and overlooked side of him.

So. I did a little digging. 

Turns out, USA's current most wanted musician doesn't have birth records. Never got made. No record in schools. No record anywhere. Records begin in 1961. when he married his first wife, Cynthia. ID was made only after the Beatles struck gold. 

Note said: "John had lost his original one, and we were more than happy to make him a new one."

It was suspicious from the very beginning.

I looked through and found out Mr. Lennon had a sister. She was drop dead gorgeous and I wanted to meet her immediately. She lived in Mr. Lennon's childhood home. I tracked it down. She was scheduled to return to it a few days after the pair finished recording Mr. Lennon's new album. I was reminded of a story Mrs. Ono told me about stalking her future husband and giggled. I went to the house at that time just to catch a glimpse of her.

She was... Everything. She looked just like her younger brother but more mature and stoic. More... Just a sight to behold. My heart beat fast... But knowing her from Mr. Lennon's explanations which were brief she was:

"A goodie two-shoes."

"Prissy."

"Much too emotional."

I love those kinds of people. And that kind of girl.

She walked towards the house with a wistful expression like Mr. Lennon usually does.

The beauty's name? Julia Victoria Lennon.

She, unlike her brother, has her documents in check. She is weirdly absent from Mr. Lennon's photos and vice versa. She too had a knack for rock music. Their mother was a rock enthusiast.

I wanted to ask her about her brother so I came closer.

"Miss, miss!", I called out.

Her gaze fluttered towards me and she dismissed me.

"What do you think of your brother?"

"John?", she thought hard, her voice striking me as practically the same as her brothers, just a bit more "Julia" song type than "Twist and Shout".

"I dunno, he is doing fine and I'm happy for him."

"And you?", I enjoyed her.

She felt entraced by my watchfullness.

"I... I'm alright, thanks. What's your name?", she asked. She looked like she knew me already and was putting on an act. God, those eyes are so pretty.

"May Pang, at your service.", I chuckled.

"Julia Victoria Lennon, I suppose you already knew that. Why did you bug me of all people? Me and John had a falling out. I haven't been in contact with him since he left Cyn."

"Oh. I wanted to get some more information about Mr. Lennon. I suppose I'm doing this in one part for his wife's needs, I'm her secretary."

Ms. Lennon's face scrunched up.

"Why couldn't she just ask him? He would've told her."

"He likes to lie, and you know that. You were close with him. But you don't have any pictures with him, why's that?"

Ms. Lennon looked into my soul and told me:

"John burned them infront of me."

"He... Was he that cruel to you?"

"I was cruel to him... We were cruel towards eachother. I never took him seriously enough."

"He shouldn't have burned them. You are pretty. Would be awful to lose more pictures of you."

Ms. Lennon blushed. Was she?

"I, thank you... I forgot what it felt like to be called pretty."

"Forgot? I thought men flew at your sight?"

Ms. Lennon chuckled like only a fair lady would.

"Not really, they don't have the time to see me."

She patted my shoulder and I was brave and took her hand and kissed it. Ms. Lennon acted like she didn't notice. She looked at me with a familiar glare and said:

"Thank you for your attention. You made my day special."

Those words were engraved into my mind.

When I came back from Liverpool, Mrs. Ono was sadder and more nervous than usual.

"How did he- How did sh- Fuck that, how did he know..."

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Ono, what's the schedule for today?"

She looked at me silently and gave me the papers. She was visibly more frustrated.

"Is it about Mr. Lennon?"

She nodded.

"What is it this time?"

"He found out that I was spying on him."

"Oh."

The mysterious Ms. Lennon lied to me. She told her brother about it.

"Now he is making a mess. I've lied to him too many times. What a hypocrite!"

"Yes.", I ordered the notes.

"Listen, May, he will come by today. If he sways, tell me. Because usually at these times he would get himself drunk. Try to hold him here as long as you can!"

"Yes ma’am.", then she left.

I worked on paperwork and calls until I heard a ring. I opened the door and who else but Mr. Lennon strolls in with a couple of vermouths? Why vermouth? That's a female drink.

I sat down with him. Oh god, he reminds me of his sister so much. She is like a goddess.

He drank a whole bottle of it on his own.

"Weak.", he mumbled half drunk, "Mayyyy!"

His voice was softer and fluffier. He is so...

No, I was imagining him as a woman all along! That's why I have a crush on him! He is... A man? Or...

His hair floated everywhere like Julia's. His smile was... So delicate. Everything about him seemed ladylike at that moment. 

And that's when I concluded.

There is no Mr. Lennon. There was no man to begin with. It was Ms. Lennon, the lovely lady with a yellow dress and a beautiful rose emblem.

It was obvious now why Ms. Ono hated to talk about her husband's sister. Ms. Ono fell in love with the masculine part. I fell in love with the feminine part. And I wanted those lips now. God...

"Julia.", I calmly whispered with utmost want, "How long are you going to pretend?"

And weirdly, the woman? played along.

"I dunno, till I die?", she laughed and kissed my hand making me blush and retreat. God, she is so cute and lovely.

I went back to my station and worked.

The next day, Mrs. Ono was relieved that her husband- or her partner- her spouse didn't cause any more problems.

"I'm so proud of him! I don't know how he kept himself together yesterday... May, May!"

"I'm sorry I was thinking about someone special."

"A man? Or... Hm, a woman?"

I got defocused and saw Lennon walk in.

"God. So divine. She is...", I mumbled.

"So it is a she.", Ms. Ono chuckled.

"Julia is so pretty.", I finished.

"You like... My husband's sister?", her face scrunched.

I chuckled.

"No, it's a different Julia."

She brightened up.

"Well then, I have a delicate matter for you to handle. Follow around my husband and see how rough his affair is. I won't explain it in detail, just bring me the letters that arrive in his other home... Alright? I will tell him he needs to sort out his paperwork and that you were sent for that reason. He has been meaning to that for a while, and hasn't gotten to it."

"Yes. You are the organized wife afterall."

Ms. Ono went on her way dragging her spouse to her and explaining that I needed to accompany him.

He was amused.

"Yoko, love, see you then. Miss Pang, right?"

"Miss-ter Lennon, what is the paperwork you need help with?", I almost made a mistake.

He chuckled.

"Follow me then. And John is just fine. Or Lennon if you are uncomfortable."

I smiled.

"Fine, Lennon."

He sped up his steps and I kept up with him like a dog. From the back I could only see Julia. He led me through the busy NYC streets. Nobody approached him today on this walk. We arrived at a building and he grandiously stopped me by putting a hand on my shoulder. Must've been defocused by his hair. God.

"We have arrived."

He took out his keys and opened the entrance door to the building. We went upstairs and entered his flat. It was... In utter chaos. Which was expected seeing his situation with Yoko. 

"This is... Where in this pile of paper is the stuff that needs to be sorted?", I asked.

"Hmm... Those are just songs, dear. The pile of paperwork that needs to be sorted is in the other room. You could look at those, seeing that my wife is currently on my tail in every single way. It doesn't really matter who sees them."

I took some papers. Half of them were crossed out songs. Some comments were like:

"It doesn't matter."

"Without Paul you're nothing."

"Not melodical enough."

"I'm repeating myself. Paul never repeats himself."

Paul. Paul. Paul. Was Lennon still obsessed with Mr. McCartney? That could be the reason why my boss wants to know what he’s been doing.

We went into the only clean room in the whole apartment. In it were two piles of documents.

"Please, sort out this hell for me.", he pointed towards the papers.

"Alright.", I began working. 

"I will try to clean the flat, your visit was a wake up call. What if Yoko walks in? She would be fucking livid."

I laughed. Lennon went to the living room and began cleaning.

I am fast and sorted the documents in no time at all. Now, I have to look through the dressers and find conspicuous items. I opened the small hidden compartment in the table. There were letters being exchanged between... Julia Lennon and Paul McCartney.

Hm... Why would they be in Lennon's posession?

I decided to take them. Maybe that was the affair my boss was reffering to. But I couldn't be sure. So I opened the dresser. In there, there were some unnamed letters. I took those instead, putting the ones I took first back to their place.

The dresser was filled with the most colorful and stylish dresses the eye could see. Lennon seems to have an eye for female fashion too. He was stylish for a man. Sometimes too much. So this is evidence of an affair! Except it isn't. Sitting there, freshly washed, was a checkered yellow dress with a rose emblem. It had puffy sleeves and a puffy skirt and it was Julia's. Why would Lennon have Julia's stuff? I even stopped being polite. God, her name. Her face, everything. I stole the dress. I did. I wanted to wake up everyday beside it. Lennon walked right in when I closed the dresser.

He lifted an eyebrow.

"Ms. Pang, I see you have done the sorting earlier than expected. I commend you on your swiftness.", he wove his words carefully, "Sometimes I ask myself why don't I get a share of you meself?"

"You could always ask for my services?"

He approached me. Intently. My heart skipped a beat.

"What are you doing?"

He placed his lips on my eyes. What the hell was he doing, and why was I enjoying it? Julia...

He-He-How did he-

"Making sure Yoko doesn't get a hold of this! Oh, love, you thought I would be so dumb to let you have the *very private and juicy* letters I exchange with... A person that you shouldn't know about or care about. Oh, I despise them."

"Your exchange with... Julia? Or no. That couldn't be true."

"Why not?", he smiled wide.

"Because...”, I was speechless.

"Exactly."

"You... Lennon, I'll find your weakness somehow."

"I know you will, you are capable."

"Why is your dresser full of your sister's dresses?", I asked.

"Why did you steal one of them then? Do you like it? If you asked me for permission I would've gladly let you have it."

He notices absolutely every detail.

"She... Wore this one when I met her."

"Oh.", he sighed, "You wanted to look as pretty as her?"

"No, it's not my size. I am... Could I even share this with you?"

This felt like a confession more than a sharing of facts. Lennon is Julia, this is the chance to prove it, based on his reaction.

He was amused by my behaviour. He was excited to learn what my intention was.

Wait... Was Lennon queer too? Why would he be with Mrs. Powell all those years? Or no? Was it an act to uphold some fame while playing around with the person he hates! This is too much.

"It should be right for you to know, because Ms. Ono knows too."

"Oh, so this is top secret.", he threw himself onto the armchair and spread his legs in expectation.

"I like women."

"What?", Lennon asked in pure disbelief, putting his glasses down.

I came closer to him.

"I like women. I like Julia."

"You what?", he was absolutely red. I thought he was angry, but he began touching his face and looked at his hands. I think he felt embarrassed and like he was caught in a stupid situation.

"You like... Julia?"

"The moment I saw her I realized I was in love with her. Not you."

"You liked me?"

"I like you?"

"You...", he was speechless.

"I want to see you again in this."

"Again?", he was stammering in confusion, "This can't be happening... This isn't... How it's supposed to go..."

"And how is it supposed to go, Julia?", I asked.

His mind didn't seem to notice that I changed the name.

"I... You were supposed to like John, not... Not Julia. Julia never got a confession. John only got those. No... She did get one. Only one. The most important."

"Paul?"

"My... Macca...", he mumbled and reset, "How the fuck do you like her?"

"Where is your mind?", I asked him or her.

"I asked you plain and simple."

"I ask you to dress in this. I like your wavy hair. I hate that you straighten it. I hate that you need to pretend. I hate that you put yourself up to this."

"What?", it was obvious there was no John Lennon anymore. 

"Dress in this. We're going to go do girl things."

"I can't do those... I'm… I’m out of practice-", she grabbed her hand.

"We are going whether you like it or not, Julia."

"I would ask you how you know, and I would then break your ribs, but for some reason I don't find the urge to do that."

"Stop pretending and let's go. Dress up."

Julia had gone to the bathroom and I heard squeals of excitement. She must've missed this.

After about half an hour she was back to the way I saw her in Liverpool. I could settle with only being friends with her. Wait, that meant! Julia and Paul have an affair!

"God, that was the affair all along.", I said.

Julia was confused and adorable and I couldn't let my boss know more about that. And... I think Julia is trying to change... Lennon is working on his image.

"Well, where do you want to go, Ms. Pang?", her voice stayed absolutely the same, except for the tone of speaking. Lennon was cocky, Julia was caring. 

"May is fine."

"May. Where are we going?"

"Hm, let's go to a shopping center!"

"I'll lead the way."

She was spewing bullcrap earlier. Men looked at her as much as women looked at her alter ego. No one approached us and we went shopping with no problems.

"May, which is your favourite store? I just love this one-or no, maybe this one is more up your alley? It’s fun and elegant like you!”

She chuckled.

“You know, you are pretty. Men look at you. Women are envious. Just see their reactions.”

She shrugged me off, “Thank you, but I don’t agree, missy.”

“And for the store. I like the choice. I want to buy something.”

“Yay!”, she excitedly dragged me inside.

“This formal section was made for you! Or no, maybe I got used to seeing you as my wi- I mean Yoko’s assistant. Gets confusing.”

She had a hunch for people’s taste.

“Yes.”

She stared at me carefully choosing the shirt and skirt that went together. I chose the navy skirt and white shirt and orange dots.

“Yeah it's a contrasting color scheme. Love it. Even better, you have orange pumps.”, she studied, “Let me just check the quality-”

I brushed her hand with intent. She carefully checked every seam.

“Try it on, and if it fits and looks nice on ya, I’ll buy it. You deserve it for figuring out little old me.”

How generous. I rushed to the dressing room and changed my clothes. I went out of the dressing rooms.

“That’s great! I am buying it.”, that made me blush.

“Thank you, Julia.” 

“And you can’t call John normally, tsk tsk.”, Julia scoffed, “Anytime.”

I changed and handed her the clothes so that she could pay. She paid with no problems. Maybe she was finally calm, Lennon always had a lot of trouble with payment, he would get either swarmed with complaints about his career or get a lot of discounts. Mrs. Ono would misuse the second.

“Where to next?”, I asked.

“I want to drink a nice cuppa and eat a tin of mint choc cookies.”

“Really?”

“Could we go to a park and do that?”

“Alright by me.”

We went back to Lennon’s house and took a box of her favourite cookies and made some piping hot black tea that went with it. We transferred it in some fancy metal cups. Very soon, we arrived at Central Park.

“Exactly why you should trust John to buy the most useless looking thing and for him to be absolutely right about you needing it someday!”, Julia talked about herself in the third person.

I felt a presence. 

“Cheers, May.”, she lifted her metal cup, “For smart women everywhere.”

“For us.”

I tried the dessert. No wonder it’s Julia’s favourite, it’s minty yet sweet like her alter ego and her. We talked some more. She told me how hard it is to spend so much time alone, because Yoko worked all the time and that she felt like a dead weight even though she wrote a whole bunch of stuff. She sang to me a couple of songs that she wrote during her solo career and the Beatles. She tore up when I requested Here, There and Everywhere.

“I don’t know if I could sing that one. Paul was better at that.”

“Is Mr. McCartney that important? You have a whole exchange between him and you! And it’s you as Julia!”

“Maybe he is! I dunno. He writes nice melodies. I'll give him that.”

“Wait, what I mean to say is… Paul is a great songwriter. He was the best partner I ever had.”

Is her brain that split?

“You don’t need a partner to feel whole. They just compliment you.”

She chuckled.

“May, you are really funny.”

She made a pause.

“But, you are right. I always forget that. Then I’ll sing it for ya.”

She sings well. So beautiful… It’s deep, because of years of pretending to be a man, but wispy. And the more she sang, she got better and fluffier tones making me feel so great.

“I like it.”

“Macca still sings it much better. But… Thank you.”

We began small talk. Julia would go into philosophy and weird facts. I’d pull her back or sometimes even engage in her topic… She is so engaging. Until we ate the entire tin. I have talked with her for too long. What if Mrs. Ono suspects something!

“I should head back to Mrs. Ono, she is most likely thinking about why I got held up at your place for so long.”

“Yes, you should. It was nice today, May.”

I blushed.

“Nice… I’m glad, Julia.”

She hugged me, oh my! 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”, she kissed my shoulder.

“Alright. I’m going.”

“Bye, May!”

“Bye, Julia.”

I need to get back to my workstation and inform Mrs. Ono about her spouse’s documents and affairs. Well, no affairs. I went into the office.

“Good day, Mrs. Ono. The documents have been a hassle. I’ve checked about possible affairs and I have figured out that there was no physical evidence… Yet. Lennon is doing fine, he cleaned the apartment and is quite tired.”

“Tired enough to go on an escapade with his wife’s assistant? May, you lie well, and that’s why you are my secretary, but I figure you out anyway.”

My question was how did she know, but I kept quiet.

“You are asking yourself how? I saw you exit with Julia.”

Oh, so that was why I was uncomfortable for a moment in Central Park.

“You know too.”

“Of course! I get married to a liar?”

“So?”

“I know which Julia you were thinking about. Saw you leave the apartment. Followed you.”

“And.”

“Because of that irritating Paul McCartney always being on my husband's mind, I need you to do me a favor.”

“A favor? I’m your assistant, I can help you with anything.”

“I want you to be with my husband for a while. With John please. I need him to understand that there can be no affairs.”

“Oh… I can be with your wife, no problem. I already like Julia.”

I said something wrong.

“Wait, wait. No, not with Julia. Julia is completely unimportant.”

“But she is still-”

“No, she is a… Manifestation of John’s inability to give in to his ideas completely. No, she is the REASON McCartney keeps bugging John and me.”

“Okay… With your spouse?”

And she again sighed, but didn’t want to correct me any longer.

“Try to help John relax… He is on edge all the time because of her and McCartney. That affair needs to end.”

“Oh…”, but isn’t that against that smile’s wishes… I need to do my job. And this is in the description of my job.

“Alright.”

“Thank you, May.”

That’s the end of my findings. John Lennon is Julia Lennon. I am his partner. He is illegally with his wife. I will try to fix his problems as much as I can… Even though I respect Mrs. Ono very much and think she is quite smart, the thought of rejecting Julia is stupid. I will try to keep her intact. Maybe I am as blind as a bat like John is…

Rest of Sacrifame

this was truly iconic

me too man me too

Lennon/McCartney (part 3/?)

(part 1) (part 2) (part 4)

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