Okay, Why Is This Perfect🥺

Understandable have a great day.

get back:

looking for mary julia...

I drew a colorized version of the astronaut photoshoot with Paul...

he is so cute in this pic💫

Masterpiece

good morning

Wholesome repost for reaching 50 likes! (In terms of my fic Sacrifame, it's totally something Julia loves to do for Cyn). Thanks everyone💓

John Lennon and Paul McCartney humorously hiding Cynthia Lennon from photographers, February, 1964. — From the documentary "What's Happening! The Beatles in the U.S.A."

𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟑.

𝓗𝓸𝔀 𝓣𝓸 𝓣𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓐 𝓢𝓽𝓻𝓪𝔂

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

May Pang’s Diary

I have new findings to write down! Today has been two months since I began working as Yoko Ono's secretary. Job was easy enough. Sort through schedules. Deal with callers. Write down important dates. 

Mrs. Ono would visit or call me and let me know everything that needed to be done that day. She is a very capable woman. The media was able to capture that part of her. That's why I like her. But something else caught my eye which made me want to work here.

A piece of work that was her world famous, macho, peace loving husband John Lennon. Mr. Lennon was, in fact, the first man I ever fell in love with. When I met him in person one time, we clicked. Or I clicked with him. He seemed to be too drawn up by drugs. Still, he left a big impact on me. Being that I only ever felt attraction to women, I was happy for once I liked a man. But I was ever so suspicious and began to doubt my feelings. After confirming I indeed felt an undying passion towards him, I began to study him more closely.

Mr. Lennon has an interesting character. He, as a man, behaves very stereotypically, even more so than others in public. Though he was always trying to be sustained.

Meanwhile, in the studio, he would be more relaxed and sensitive, and more true. And that was the man I fell in love with. Or perhaps not.

He was... More feminine. More delicate. More open and caring. More emotional. More everything. He was more. He wasn't a cynic and a great thinker like people described him. In there he was... Just not like other men. Not even close. A fighter, but considerate. Drugs made him lose his manners but that wasn't really Mr. Lennon anyway.

I wonder why Mrs. Ono insisted on doing drugs with him. She is running away from something and I think that something was her husband's true nature - the feminine and overlooked side of him.

So. I did a little digging. 

Turns out, USA's current most wanted musician doesn't have birth records. Never got made. No record in schools. No record anywhere. Records begin in 1961. when he married his first wife, Cynthia. ID was made only after the Beatles struck gold. 

Note said: "John had lost his original one, and we were more than happy to make him a new one."

It was suspicious from the very beginning.

I looked through and found out Mr. Lennon had a sister. She was drop dead gorgeous and I wanted to meet her immediately. She lived in Mr. Lennon's childhood home. I tracked it down. She was scheduled to return to it a few days after the pair finished recording Mr. Lennon's new album. I was reminded of a story Mrs. Ono told me about stalking her future husband and giggled. I went to the house at that time just to catch a glimpse of her.

She was... Everything. She looked just like her younger brother but more mature and stoic. More... Just a sight to behold. My heart beat fast... But knowing her from Mr. Lennon's explanations which were brief she was:

"A goodie two-shoes."

"Prissy."

"Much too emotional."

I love those kinds of people. And that kind of girl.

She walked towards the house with a wistful expression like Mr. Lennon usually does.

The beauty's name? Julia Victoria Lennon.

She, unlike her brother, has her documents in check. She is weirdly absent from Mr. Lennon's photos and vice versa. She too had a knack for rock music. Their mother was a rock enthusiast.

I wanted to ask her about her brother so I came closer.

"Miss, miss!", I called out.

Her gaze fluttered towards me and she dismissed me.

"What do you think of your brother?"

"John?", she thought hard, her voice striking me as practically the same as her brothers, just a bit more "Julia" song type than "Twist and Shout".

"I dunno, he is doing fine and I'm happy for him."

"And you?", I enjoyed her.

She felt entraced by my watchfullness.

"I... I'm alright, thanks. What's your name?", she asked. She looked like she knew me already and was putting on an act. God, those eyes are so pretty.

"May Pang, at your service.", I chuckled.

"Julia Victoria Lennon, I suppose you already knew that. Why did you bug me of all people? Me and John had a falling out. I haven't been in contact with him since he left Cyn."

"Oh. I wanted to get some more information about Mr. Lennon. I suppose I'm doing this in one part for his wife's needs, I'm her secretary."

Ms. Lennon's face scrunched up.

"Why couldn't she just ask him? He would've told her."

"He likes to lie, and you know that. You were close with him. But you don't have any pictures with him, why's that?"

Ms. Lennon looked into my soul and told me:

"John burned them infront of me."

"He... Was he that cruel to you?"

"I was cruel to him... We were cruel towards eachother. I never took him seriously enough."

"He shouldn't have burned them. You are pretty. Would be awful to lose more pictures of you."

Ms. Lennon blushed. Was she?

"I, thank you... I forgot what it felt like to be called pretty."

"Forgot? I thought men flew at your sight?"

Ms. Lennon chuckled like only a fair lady would.

"Not really, they don't have the time to see me."

She patted my shoulder and I was brave and took her hand and kissed it. Ms. Lennon acted like she didn't notice. She looked at me with a familiar glare and said:

"Thank you for your attention. You made my day special."

Those words were engraved into my mind.

When I came back from Liverpool, Mrs. Ono was sadder and more nervous than usual.

"How did he- How did sh- Fuck that, how did he know..."

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Ono, what's the schedule for today?"

She looked at me silently and gave me the papers. She was visibly more frustrated.

"Is it about Mr. Lennon?"

She nodded.

"What is it this time?"

"He found out that I was spying on him."

"Oh."

The mysterious Ms. Lennon lied to me. She told her brother about it.

"Now he is making a mess. I've lied to him too many times. What a hypocrite!"

"Yes.", I ordered the notes.

"Listen, May, he will come by today. If he sways, tell me. Because usually at these times he would get himself drunk. Try to hold him here as long as you can!"

"Yes ma’am.", then she left.

I worked on paperwork and calls until I heard a ring. I opened the door and who else but Mr. Lennon strolls in with a couple of vermouths? Why vermouth? That's a female drink.

I sat down with him. Oh god, he reminds me of his sister so much. She is like a goddess.

He drank a whole bottle of it on his own.

"Weak.", he mumbled half drunk, "Mayyyy!"

His voice was softer and fluffier. He is so...

No, I was imagining him as a woman all along! That's why I have a crush on him! He is... A man? Or...

His hair floated everywhere like Julia's. His smile was... So delicate. Everything about him seemed ladylike at that moment. 

And that's when I concluded.

There is no Mr. Lennon. There was no man to begin with. It was Ms. Lennon, the lovely lady with a yellow dress and a beautiful rose emblem.

It was obvious now why Ms. Ono hated to talk about her husband's sister. Ms. Ono fell in love with the masculine part. I fell in love with the feminine part. And I wanted those lips now. God...

"Julia.", I calmly whispered with utmost want, "How long are you going to pretend?"

And weirdly, the woman? played along.

"I dunno, till I die?", she laughed and kissed my hand making me blush and retreat. God, she is so cute and lovely.

I went back to my station and worked.

The next day, Mrs. Ono was relieved that her husband- or her partner- her spouse didn't cause any more problems.

"I'm so proud of him! I don't know how he kept himself together yesterday... May, May!"

"I'm sorry I was thinking about someone special."

"A man? Or... Hm, a woman?"

I got defocused and saw Lennon walk in.

"God. So divine. She is...", I mumbled.

"So it is a she.", Ms. Ono chuckled.

"Julia is so pretty.", I finished.

"You like... My husband's sister?", her face scrunched.

I chuckled.

"No, it's a different Julia."

She brightened up.

"Well then, I have a delicate matter for you to handle. Follow around my husband and see how rough his affair is. I won't explain it in detail, just bring me the letters that arrive in his other home... Alright? I will tell him he needs to sort out his paperwork and that you were sent for that reason. He has been meaning to that for a while, and hasn't gotten to it."

"Yes. You are the organized wife afterall."

Ms. Ono went on her way dragging her spouse to her and explaining that I needed to accompany him.

He was amused.

"Yoko, love, see you then. Miss Pang, right?"

"Miss-ter Lennon, what is the paperwork you need help with?", I almost made a mistake.

He chuckled.

"Follow me then. And John is just fine. Or Lennon if you are uncomfortable."

I smiled.

"Fine, Lennon."

He sped up his steps and I kept up with him like a dog. From the back I could only see Julia. He led me through the busy NYC streets. Nobody approached him today on this walk. We arrived at a building and he grandiously stopped me by putting a hand on my shoulder. Must've been defocused by his hair. God.

"We have arrived."

He took out his keys and opened the entrance door to the building. We went upstairs and entered his flat. It was... In utter chaos. Which was expected seeing his situation with Yoko. 

"This is... Where in this pile of paper is the stuff that needs to be sorted?", I asked.

"Hmm... Those are just songs, dear. The pile of paperwork that needs to be sorted is in the other room. You could look at those, seeing that my wife is currently on my tail in every single way. It doesn't really matter who sees them."

I took some papers. Half of them were crossed out songs. Some comments were like:

"It doesn't matter."

"Without Paul you're nothing."

"Not melodical enough."

"I'm repeating myself. Paul never repeats himself."

Paul. Paul. Paul. Was Lennon still obsessed with Mr. McCartney? That could be the reason why my boss wants to know what he’s been doing.

We went into the only clean room in the whole apartment. In it were two piles of documents.

"Please, sort out this hell for me.", he pointed towards the papers.

"Alright.", I began working. 

"I will try to clean the flat, your visit was a wake up call. What if Yoko walks in? She would be fucking livid."

I laughed. Lennon went to the living room and began cleaning.

I am fast and sorted the documents in no time at all. Now, I have to look through the dressers and find conspicuous items. I opened the small hidden compartment in the table. There were letters being exchanged between... Julia Lennon and Paul McCartney.

Hm... Why would they be in Lennon's posession?

I decided to take them. Maybe that was the affair my boss was reffering to. But I couldn't be sure. So I opened the dresser. In there, there were some unnamed letters. I took those instead, putting the ones I took first back to their place.

The dresser was filled with the most colorful and stylish dresses the eye could see. Lennon seems to have an eye for female fashion too. He was stylish for a man. Sometimes too much. So this is evidence of an affair! Except it isn't. Sitting there, freshly washed, was a checkered yellow dress with a rose emblem. It had puffy sleeves and a puffy skirt and it was Julia's. Why would Lennon have Julia's stuff? I even stopped being polite. God, her name. Her face, everything. I stole the dress. I did. I wanted to wake up everyday beside it. Lennon walked right in when I closed the dresser.

He lifted an eyebrow.

"Ms. Pang, I see you have done the sorting earlier than expected. I commend you on your swiftness.", he wove his words carefully, "Sometimes I ask myself why don't I get a share of you meself?"

"You could always ask for my services?"

He approached me. Intently. My heart skipped a beat.

"What are you doing?"

He placed his lips on my eyes. What the hell was he doing, and why was I enjoying it? Julia...

He-He-How did he-

"Making sure Yoko doesn't get a hold of this! Oh, love, you thought I would be so dumb to let you have the *very private and juicy* letters I exchange with... A person that you shouldn't know about or care about. Oh, I despise them."

"Your exchange with... Julia? Or no. That couldn't be true."

"Why not?", he smiled wide.

"Because...”, I was speechless.

"Exactly."

"You... Lennon, I'll find your weakness somehow."

"I know you will, you are capable."

"Why is your dresser full of your sister's dresses?", I asked.

"Why did you steal one of them then? Do you like it? If you asked me for permission I would've gladly let you have it."

He notices absolutely every detail.

"She... Wore this one when I met her."

"Oh.", he sighed, "You wanted to look as pretty as her?"

"No, it's not my size. I am... Could I even share this with you?"

This felt like a confession more than a sharing of facts. Lennon is Julia, this is the chance to prove it, based on his reaction.

He was amused by my behaviour. He was excited to learn what my intention was.

Wait... Was Lennon queer too? Why would he be with Mrs. Powell all those years? Or no? Was it an act to uphold some fame while playing around with the person he hates! This is too much.

"It should be right for you to know, because Ms. Ono knows too."

"Oh, so this is top secret.", he threw himself onto the armchair and spread his legs in expectation.

"I like women."

"What?", Lennon asked in pure disbelief, putting his glasses down.

I came closer to him.

"I like women. I like Julia."

"You what?", he was absolutely red. I thought he was angry, but he began touching his face and looked at his hands. I think he felt embarrassed and like he was caught in a stupid situation.

"You like... Julia?"

"The moment I saw her I realized I was in love with her. Not you."

"You liked me?"

"I like you?"

"You...", he was speechless.

"I want to see you again in this."

"Again?", he was stammering in confusion, "This can't be happening... This isn't... How it's supposed to go..."

"And how is it supposed to go, Julia?", I asked.

His mind didn't seem to notice that I changed the name.

"I... You were supposed to like John, not... Not Julia. Julia never got a confession. John only got those. No... She did get one. Only one. The most important."

"Paul?"

"My... Macca...", he mumbled and reset, "How the fuck do you like her?"

"Where is your mind?", I asked him or her.

"I asked you plain and simple."

"I ask you to dress in this. I like your wavy hair. I hate that you straighten it. I hate that you need to pretend. I hate that you put yourself up to this."

"What?", it was obvious there was no John Lennon anymore. 

"Dress in this. We're going to go do girl things."

"I can't do those... I'm… I’m out of practice-", she grabbed her hand.

"We are going whether you like it or not, Julia."

"I would ask you how you know, and I would then break your ribs, but for some reason I don't find the urge to do that."

"Stop pretending and let's go. Dress up."

Julia had gone to the bathroom and I heard squeals of excitement. She must've missed this.

After about half an hour she was back to the way I saw her in Liverpool. I could settle with only being friends with her. Wait, that meant! Julia and Paul have an affair!

"God, that was the affair all along.", I said.

Julia was confused and adorable and I couldn't let my boss know more about that. And... I think Julia is trying to change... Lennon is working on his image.

"Well, where do you want to go, Ms. Pang?", her voice stayed absolutely the same, except for the tone of speaking. Lennon was cocky, Julia was caring. 

"May is fine."

"May. Where are we going?"

"Hm, let's go to a shopping center!"

"I'll lead the way."

She was spewing bullcrap earlier. Men looked at her as much as women looked at her alter ego. No one approached us and we went shopping with no problems.

"May, which is your favourite store? I just love this one-or no, maybe this one is more up your alley? It’s fun and elegant like you!”

She chuckled.

“You know, you are pretty. Men look at you. Women are envious. Just see their reactions.”

She shrugged me off, “Thank you, but I don’t agree, missy.”

“And for the store. I like the choice. I want to buy something.”

“Yay!”, she excitedly dragged me inside.

“This formal section was made for you! Or no, maybe I got used to seeing you as my wi- I mean Yoko’s assistant. Gets confusing.”

She had a hunch for people’s taste.

“Yes.”

She stared at me carefully choosing the shirt and skirt that went together. I chose the navy skirt and white shirt and orange dots.

“Yeah it's a contrasting color scheme. Love it. Even better, you have orange pumps.”, she studied, “Let me just check the quality-”

I brushed her hand with intent. She carefully checked every seam.

“Try it on, and if it fits and looks nice on ya, I’ll buy it. You deserve it for figuring out little old me.”

How generous. I rushed to the dressing room and changed my clothes. I went out of the dressing rooms.

“That’s great! I am buying it.”, that made me blush.

“Thank you, Julia.” 

“And you can’t call John normally, tsk tsk.”, Julia scoffed, “Anytime.”

I changed and handed her the clothes so that she could pay. She paid with no problems. Maybe she was finally calm, Lennon always had a lot of trouble with payment, he would get either swarmed with complaints about his career or get a lot of discounts. Mrs. Ono would misuse the second.

“Where to next?”, I asked.

“I want to drink a nice cuppa and eat a tin of mint choc cookies.”

“Really?”

“Could we go to a park and do that?”

“Alright by me.”

We went back to Lennon’s house and took a box of her favourite cookies and made some piping hot black tea that went with it. We transferred it in some fancy metal cups. Very soon, we arrived at Central Park.

“Exactly why you should trust John to buy the most useless looking thing and for him to be absolutely right about you needing it someday!”, Julia talked about herself in the third person.

I felt a presence. 

“Cheers, May.”, she lifted her metal cup, “For smart women everywhere.”

“For us.”

I tried the dessert. No wonder it’s Julia’s favourite, it’s minty yet sweet like her alter ego and her. We talked some more. She told me how hard it is to spend so much time alone, because Yoko worked all the time and that she felt like a dead weight even though she wrote a whole bunch of stuff. She sang to me a couple of songs that she wrote during her solo career and the Beatles. She tore up when I requested Here, There and Everywhere.

“I don’t know if I could sing that one. Paul was better at that.”

“Is Mr. McCartney that important? You have a whole exchange between him and you! And it’s you as Julia!”

“Maybe he is! I dunno. He writes nice melodies. I'll give him that.”

“Wait, what I mean to say is… Paul is a great songwriter. He was the best partner I ever had.”

Is her brain that split?

“You don’t need a partner to feel whole. They just compliment you.”

She chuckled.

“May, you are really funny.”

She made a pause.

“But, you are right. I always forget that. Then I’ll sing it for ya.”

She sings well. So beautiful… It’s deep, because of years of pretending to be a man, but wispy. And the more she sang, she got better and fluffier tones making me feel so great.

“I like it.”

“Macca still sings it much better. But… Thank you.”

We began small talk. Julia would go into philosophy and weird facts. I’d pull her back or sometimes even engage in her topic… She is so engaging. Until we ate the entire tin. I have talked with her for too long. What if Mrs. Ono suspects something!

“I should head back to Mrs. Ono, she is most likely thinking about why I got held up at your place for so long.”

“Yes, you should. It was nice today, May.”

I blushed.

“Nice… I’m glad, Julia.”

She hugged me, oh my! 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”, she kissed my shoulder.

“Alright. I’m going.”

“Bye, May!”

“Bye, Julia.”

I need to get back to my workstation and inform Mrs. Ono about her spouse’s documents and affairs. Well, no affairs. I went into the office.

“Good day, Mrs. Ono. The documents have been a hassle. I’ve checked about possible affairs and I have figured out that there was no physical evidence… Yet. Lennon is doing fine, he cleaned the apartment and is quite tired.”

“Tired enough to go on an escapade with his wife’s assistant? May, you lie well, and that’s why you are my secretary, but I figure you out anyway.”

My question was how did she know, but I kept quiet.

“You are asking yourself how? I saw you exit with Julia.”

Oh, so that was why I was uncomfortable for a moment in Central Park.

“You know too.”

“Of course! I get married to a liar?”

“So?”

“I know which Julia you were thinking about. Saw you leave the apartment. Followed you.”

“And.”

“Because of that irritating Paul McCartney always being on my husband's mind, I need you to do me a favor.”

“A favor? I’m your assistant, I can help you with anything.”

“I want you to be with my husband for a while. With John please. I need him to understand that there can be no affairs.”

“Oh… I can be with your wife, no problem. I already like Julia.”

I said something wrong.

“Wait, wait. No, not with Julia. Julia is completely unimportant.”

“But she is still-”

“No, she is a… Manifestation of John’s inability to give in to his ideas completely. No, she is the REASON McCartney keeps bugging John and me.”

“Okay… With your spouse?”

And she again sighed, but didn’t want to correct me any longer.

“Try to help John relax… He is on edge all the time because of her and McCartney. That affair needs to end.”

“Oh…”, but isn’t that against that smile’s wishes… I need to do my job. And this is in the description of my job.

“Alright.”

“Thank you, May.”

That’s the end of my findings. John Lennon is Julia Lennon. I am his partner. He is illegally with his wife. I will try to fix his problems as much as I can… Even though I respect Mrs. Ono very much and think she is quite smart, the thought of rejecting Julia is stupid. I will try to keep her intact. Maybe I am as blind as a bat like John is…

Rest of Sacrifame

of course, the witty guy from that indie band is on my mind

hes bi hes straight hes married hes divorced hes single hes in a polycule hes a genius hes the stupidest bitch ever hes a very complex character hes just some guy hes trans hes cis. i didnt say a name but he popped up in your head, didnt he?

Real men are like Paul McCartney.

paul mccartney can only write about four things:

getting pussy

getting high

a woman with depression he just made up out of nowhere and it has nothing to do with him or his internal life.

john lennon

it hurts

it hurts...

Oh McLennon...this is intense!

Dear Boy, May 1971

I Know, July 1973

yours truly has played around with artificial intelligence

just listen to this absolute masterpiece (questionable)

(this is just the beginning...)

𝟏𝟗𝟔𝟖.

𝓝𝓸𝓽 𝓐 𝓛𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓚𝓲𝓭 𝓐𝓷𝔂𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

George’s Notes

We were in India. Another place. Far from home. Enjoying meditation. Having fun. 

This was my passion! In 1966. I brought the sitar and Julia loved it! Or John. Whatever. She used it in her “Norwegian Wood”. I always liked to talk about Ravi to them whenever I got the chance and all of them knew how much I liked Indian culture. So this getaway to our “ideological savior” seemed like a great way to relax ourselves. And for me, a great way to attract the writing pair’s attention! They always put Ringo and me down, even when they don’t necessarily mean it.

But the most important thing to me is that we all cleared our heads. Ritch left first. I felt sad, he and I hang out a lot, so the fact of him leaving first hit hard. Also, I understood why he did, he had bad allergies and the food here was upsetting for him. 

The two that were left gave me a hard time, each in their own way. They talked to each other from time to time. Haven’t seen them talk normally for a while. Paul would be prissy and make stupid comments, while John was unbearlably fucking around with the idea of the religion. Paul was a bit too conservative for this so he left next. He tried out all the things this place had to offer, and I must say, maybe he explored this place the best. Linda was fine too… She is a nice gal. Like Cynthia, who I had the biggest crush on for a very long time. She fit in fine, and only seemed to care about two things; relaxing and John. John decided to stay however long I wanted to stay. Of course, we are quite similar, she was starry eyed too. Pattie and I had a lot of fun together, just hanging about and talking about the most basic stuff. It became a lot quieter since Paul left. John made some jokes but her-or his-or goddamn it, I’ve known this for six years and still can’t get it right! John’s attention was elsewhere. 

What I didn’t expect was that Cynthia and Pattie became close and started to hang out on their own leaving us two behind. This was the chance to sell to John my idea for songs. Although, John looked more spaced out than usual. Offhanded comments here and there. Something about the sun, or nature, or the feel of the wind. John got poetic fast. And now, John and I are sitting here, on the beach. “Geo, do you really believe this small guru?”, oh… This is serious. It’s not really John when it’s serious.

“Yes, why?”

“Hum.”, she took a biscuit.

“Julia, why do you say that?”

“I think he is doing some fraudulent activities. Paul found something while he was scavenging.”

“And you still trust Paul?”, oh no, she is mad. Or no… Dissapointed.

She chuckled.

“Geo, he is still my songwriting partner. And here you are.”

She handed me the paper. It had a complete description of some customers' orders and the amount they charge. There was the order and then a tipping mechanism where they took 50% from people.

“I felt like Maharishi was a good little guru. Always setting up people. Making you bite.”, what the fuck are you saying Lennon!

“Me? We all bit it!”

“You bit it first.”

“Lord, Jules… Could be fake for all I know, or could be I dunno repurposed.”

“George. I’m not exaggerating aaaaand I’m not letting you spend any more money on this SCUM.”

“I know how to handle money! Sometimes better than you! Always better than John!”

“You don’t involve John in this! This is about you!”, Julia.

“Jules, I am not that fifteen year old anymore! I’m twenty five! I can make the right decisions on my own!”

Julia was distraught. But I told her the truth!

“Look, I know you are responsible, sometimes even more responsible than I am, but you are naive! You think everything can be resolved-”

“OF COURSE IT CAN! Julia, you could’ve made it known at any moment that you are a woman and it wouldn’t matter! We are on the toppermost of the poppermost Jules! You wanted to be there, remember!”, think woman, think!

Julia got angry, but not Julia angry but John angry, which was much scarier.

“We are there because people presume we are all men! And you never know what problems would arise should I do that! What if I put myself in danger? No, you in danger! I still don’t know why we’re on top. I know people dislike some of our music and want to see us fail! Half of the time I think our music is pure shite that won’t last a fucking day after if we hadn’t had such good marketing!”

“You must really hate yourself, Julia, if this trip couldn’t get you out of your mindset.”

“Georgie. Was it ever a secret?”, Jules laughed.

That woman drives me insane. I… This whole trip, the reason John was spaced out was because Julia was monitoring what I do! Lord, John or Jules always kept tabs on me! And I wonder how sometimes I could be lucky that Brian didn’t find out something or that Paul didn’t shout at me. Julia had my back! 

“Jules! You should let me fight for myself! Goddamn it! Fuck you! I… Can’t stand you sometimes. I can’t stand that you…”

Push me and want me to write more, sing more, play more? Then as John put me down and snuff out my confidence.

“I cannot let you fuck yourself up because of some unimprotant man and his cult! I can’t let anyone scream at you because of something stupid that happened. George, I do that for Ritch also, though Ritch doesn’t get into sticky situations that much.”

“Stop helping me in the worst possible way. I have to face the consequences! I have to see it for myself.”

“But what if you never figure it out?”, Julia hugged me, “What if you continue believing in your delusion and it costs you everything?”

“JULIA, that is the thing I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU!”, I hugged her.

“What?”

“You have to stop! Paul gave up on you. He married Linda, because he couldn’t marry you! You destroy yourself with drugs. You drift away more often.”

She was speechless.

“You hurt Cynthia, Ritch and I as John because of the stress and misuse of drugs! You are not yourself anymore.”

“You can’t say that you don’t use drugs too…”

“I don’t use them as much as you do. Our mommy’s death broke us. It broke you two the most.”

“Shut up, George.”

And here is John.

“John is becoming his own thing and I don’t think you can even see when you are the one or the-”

“JOHN ISN’T A REAL PERSON!”, he covered his mouth.

“He isn’t a person, he is just a device, an idea!”, he flailed his hands around.

“I can do everything and I don’t need your stupid advice. I came here to tell you and try to get you out of this cult, not to be lectured by some pussy.”

I sighed.

“George, I am going. Enjoy the view. I cannot anymore. I don’t even see properly without me glasses, so what did I even see in this place? Don’t think I didn’t get hopeful when I got here! I did. I was hopeful I would relax. I didn’t. I was scared half of the time someone would fuck up and with any interaction with Paul and other half of the time I was questioning this place. I am restless, and suppose I will be, for the rest of my life.”

“John, I told you what I meant. I am direct. Unlike you, just like Julia. I cannot watch you suffer any longer! I can’t watch people around me suffer! Just think about it! Just think!”

“I feel. I have to feel it’s right.”, John looked at me with teary eyes. Never seen Julia cry as John.

“Alright… I didn’t want to make you cry… Now it looks weird because you are still in that John getup of yours.”

Julia laughed.

“Getup, haha! Geo, you are getting more creative by the day.”

Julia lit up.

“Okay, if you want me to relax so much, I have an idea, juuuust look away for a… Couple of minutes.”

“Oh no, I have encouraged Julia Victoria Lennon to do something.”

She smiled and I turned away. I heard the sound of clothes moving around. Then bandages being taken down. Maybe even a hair tie being let down.

“Turn around!”

Oh, now it’s just Julia.

“Ta-da! Now I can relax.”, she spread herself on the sand.

“Wait- Don’t relax too much! I want to tell you about my songs!”

“Alright, Geo, what do you have in mind?”

I told her every minute detail about the songs I wrote. She listened to me! Yay! And she even approved some! And gave me some tips and tricks to work on my songs. It was really such a nice session of writing. I missed when she would give me some song attention instead of treating me like a little kid who can barely write and play.

“That’s great, I’m so proud of you!”, Julia scratched my head, “Baby George!”

“Augh, I thought you said you’ll stop calling me that!”

“Well, John said that, I didn’t.”

“You can’t get away with this!”

She calmed down.

“But seriously, continue working on this, it will sound better and better. Maybe I could get Paul to approve it-”

“No, I’ll show it to him just like I’ve shown you! Don’t do anything Lennon, I beg of ya!”

“I won’t then.”, she wistfully smiled.

You could sense the feeling of satisfaction coming from her.

“Maybe you aren’t so fragile and small like you were Georgie. But enough about that, I’m going for a swim!”

“Not without me!”

We jumped into the ocean and played around. Julia loved to swim, she was fast on foot, and she was a fast swimmer. She swam almost half a kilometer away in just 12 minutes. How does she do that with our clunky clothes? I followed her but I didn't like the chance of getting an ache and I went back to the shore. I was happy for her. This is the first time she looked naturally relaxed during this entire trip! She swam back after 20 minutes.

“I wonder how you can swim so far and not get scared? Or any aches?”

“I got aches. I just ignore them and paddle my way back, simple as that!”

“You are so weird sometimes!”, I chuckled, “And capable!”

“Um, that’s my job as your leader, dummy!”, she knocked my head.

I laughed.

“I wish I could relax like this everyday!”

“Well, that isn’t happening. But, I have a mystery to debunk, and that is Maharishi’s history. I’ll have fun.”

“You are still on about what Paul said? How about you stop thinking about him and just think about hm…”

“No, I’m doing more as a fuck you to cultists then because of Paul. I’m angry at Paul. I’m miserable because of him.”

“Glad you understand basic human emotions.”

She giggled.

“Okay, Harrison. Tell ya if I find more evidence, but knowing these kinds of trickster buggers, you won't be waiting much!”

The sun was setting and we were gazing at the view. Until I heard some movement in the trees.

“Where did we end up? Are you sure both of them are here! Oh, look, there is George!”, Pattie! Darling!

“Come here! Missed you so much!”, I hugged her.

“Where’s John?”, Cynthia wondered. 

Oh my Lord, where is Julia?

“Um, I dunno, he was just here with me.”

I searched with my eyes and found Julia hiding behind a rock all panic ridden.

“Why are there bandages on the floor?”, Pattie asked.

Cynthia realized what had happened.

“Just some trash we encountered, how awfully dirty the tourists here must be!”

“I’ll then find a rubbish bin suitable for them.”, Cynthia, thank you for taking care of John. I’m glad Julia chose to be with you and pretend than anyone else.

Julia looked at me. Her look was basically telling me: “What do we do? Should I go out or not? No, tell them to leave! Give Cynthia a sign to make them leave. I don’t want anyone else finding out.”

I scoffed.

“Where did you scoff at.”, Pattie said, “At that rock!”

Julia came out with her hands crossed.

Cyn was shocked but relieved to see her. She was waiting for what Julia would do.

“OH, it’s John, see Cyn we found him! Though I must say you look more frail than usual.”

“What can I say? This sun eats ya!”

We chuckled.

“And I had to see what Cyn’s relief looked like. Never expected such a big reaction from ya.”

“How can I not react that way when I love you so much!”, she ran towards Julia and hugged her as hard as possible, “I was already thinking I had to call the search party to search all over!”

“Don’t worry Cyn, I can handle a little labyrinth!”

“I don’t think so!”

“Alriiight.”, Julia sighed, smiling.

“Glad we are all here then! Let’s all go back together to our houses!”, Pattie was happy.

“Nah, I’d like to stay here a bit longer with Cyn.”, Julia disappointed me yet again.

“Oh- Oh, well have fun!”, Pattie waved them goodbye and I took her hand.

I sent another look to Julia. It meant “When are you going to stop lying!”

I figured Cyn helped Julia get bandaged up, because it was going to be dinner time soon. The rest of the day went normally. And the rest of the vacation was great, though it was cut short because of John’s investigation! He found out that Maharishi is a fraud, and really a fraud! So I dug deeper, and found the same, with more evidence! We united the evidence and presented it to the man, who said we were exaggerating and not understanding what it said!

“Look, you can’t deny your eyes and there are two of us claiming this against you! You lied to me!”, I began, “You lied to me that money wasn’t that important!”

“Well, I didn’t say that it was not necessary, you got to make a living!”

“By scamming others, not such a little good guru afterall! With this kind of behavior, I would’ve thought you would also pay flying carpet lessons!”

Maharishi chuckled.

“You know, this proves you’ll be absolutely the same as before if you leave. You, Lennon, have something to hide. Always look like that. You think you are clever, but you are not. You are empty, surrounded by enlightening remarks. But what is their purpose, you don’t know. For you, George Harrison, you will still be that insecure and childish egoist I met. Direct and naive; curious too. No wonder you dragged the whole group of you to-”

John was angry.

“You are not going to talk that way about us UNLESS I say what I think about you first! You are a snide, privacy breaking, yellow bellied, ass licking, greedy son of a bitch who likes to think he is so high and mighty! So it is just right to take away people’s hard earned cash like that!”

“The Beatles are basically the same thing!”

“We make good music.”, John replied.

“And we make good points? Explain the difference, Lennon, explain it! Oh, and haven’t seen this much emotion from you during your whole stay, I’m glad-”

“Because I didn’t get mad!”

“I’ll answer instead. We follow the regulations. We are not some other outside organization. We aren’t money grubbing. Maybe our producers are. And I know we will fix that when we find some inconsistencies.”, I jumped in to help.

“Maybe we are materialistic, but we aren’t putting other people in DEBT you whore! I checked multiple times.”, John continued.

“To check isn’t in character for John Lennon.”, Maharishi chuckled.

“It is if I think so. I don’t con people.”, John answered feeling confused on why Maharishi would say that. Then the guru scammer smiled.

“I’ll figure you out, Lennon. You have something to hide.”

John chuckled, “To hide is to survive? Isn’t that the principle of not getting caught in your scam?”

Maharishi got serious.

“You are feeling guilty of your scamming and blaming others, meanwhile I don’t have anything to declare.”, John stated with confidence.

“I know a deviant when I see them.”

“Oh, and now it’s John’s fault I have turned against you, isn’t it!”, I figured it out, “Trying to blame him for my complaint!”

Maharishi looked at me with some kind of disgust.

“Of course. Of course, we are leaving now. This instant.”, I got mad.

“Don’t go mad Georgie, this mister right here can use it against ya. You have to be relaxed and fulfilled, like he said. That’s how you get happiness, right?”, John joked.

I chuckled and calmed down.

“Yer right.”

“Well, mister, we loved the island and all, but you're a fraud and we have to go!”, John waved him goodbye and I followed. Maharishi pulled me back.

“Mr. Harrison, don’t listen to him!”, he told me, “He is a deviant, a snake, presenting himself as he isn’t!”

“And why would I not? He is one the lads! And you are the snake here.”

“No, no, that’s not a “lad” as you say, not a traditional lad, that’s a hijra.”

“A what now?”

“A… neither male nor female.”

I looked at him blankly. So he figured out the twin tale?

“You cannot trust someone who doesn’t know what they are. And this person, this “John Lennon” as they call itself, is absolutely not trustworthy. Always joking around, always monitoring you, always making inappropriate and underhanded comments. You want freedom and expression right?”

Lord, this slimy motherfucker.

“John is still one of my best friends and pals. You can’t make me stay here any longer. You just made me more angry and volatile. And you accuse John of such heinous acts with no evidence to support it.”

I began walking away towards John, who was packing with Cynthia and Pattie.

“Oh, I understand now. You know of Lennon’s decadency even before I even tell you! Both of you are flawed, go then! I don’t need a place for rude and deviant people like you!”

“Oh, where’s the “we welcome everyone to our family!” or “we are happy to accept any LOST soul”.”, John argued.

Maharishi smiled and walked up to John. He said something to him that made him shiver. Still John behaved cocky and said,

“Oh, I promise I’ll do that. For the chance to piss you off, I’ll continue doing that for as long as I want to!”

We boarded the boat. I looked at John perplexed. 

“What happened for us to go earlier?”, Pattie wondered.

“John, what did you do?”, Cyn asked.

“Absolutely nothing that deserved that kind of send off! Accusing me of deviancy just because George and I handed in some damning evidence that Maharishi scams people!”

“That’s… Fun.”, Cynthia sighed, “Well, at least we’re in one piece and haven’t been held up by that con artist in any other way.”

“You are so smart, Cyn.”, John chuckled, “Yer right as ever.”

John proceeded to kiss her. Before that he gave her a small, not really noticeable sign. He always warned Cyn before kissing her. But I never really noticed Cyn tensing up before the act.

I kissed Pattie as well and whispered in her ear:

“I’m glad this hellish discussion is over and you have absolutely nothing to do with it!”

“I’m glad you’re okay, George.”

Pattie looked at Cynthia and John, “Let’s go inside, it’s getting a bit chilly in here.”

“Wait for us two inside then, I have to talk to John about this shit in private.”

The wives giggled.

“Alright then, George, we’ll be inside. If you need any advice or a shoulder to cry on, you know where to find us!”

“Pattie, sometimes you could be so funny!”, my sweet Pattie.

“And not always? The insolence of this young man! We are going inside, pronto!”, Cynthia pulled Pattie with her.

John rolled his eyes while chuckling.

“No wonder Cyn is my best female friend.”

“Well, a wife is a best friend too.”, I joked.

There was a small pause. We looked at the ocean and the waves splashing in the sun. 

“John, what did that son of a bitch tell you?”

“There is something called a hijra in Indian or Southeastern culture. It is a person in drag, a person who identifies as the opposite gender… He told me that he figured out I was in drag. He told me I can’t keep it together and remain normal if I ever was. He told me I corrupted you… He told me I will drag the entire band into ruin. And even if I told everyone the truth that I would make everything the Beatles did worthless and meaningless.”

“What a freak!”, I couldn’t believe it. Maharishi was today very awful towards us, especially towards John. Was he always a bit more awful to women? Now that I think about it, he didn’t talk that much with our wives. He focused on us four. What a scammer.

“I know that, but it does send shivers down my spine, y’know.”

“I’m just happy we had fun and we’re going home, Jules.”, ahh, fuck this man.

“Yeah, I’m happy too. Let’s go inside, Geo.”

“Yeah. Thanks for looking out for me… But please don’t do it as much anymore, Julia.”

“I’ll try not to. And… Perhaps, baby George is right about some things.”

I think some things are going to change in the Beatles and I hope for the better. The most important thing is that I have proven that I’m not a child anymore - I’m an adult who speaks his mind and deserves to be listened to. Perhaps, they will put more songs on the next album… Can’t wait to work with Ritch again…

Rest of Sacrifame