Thoughts From Another Day 002

thoughts from another day 003

endless consumption leaves no room for thought or solitude or reflection or doing anything meaningful, no wonder I feel like a fucking waste of space. But even though I see this connection, I can't find it in myself to stop. 

(see also: behavioral addiction)

(also see also: reread dopamine nation 👀. also probably digital minimalism and relentless elimination of hurry)

He was a capped jug; the contents there for sure. Rain on the outside didn't stir the brew.

Ray Bradbury

from the short story: Powerhouse

Brennan: Make a religion check for me

Ally:

Sources: Fantasy High Sophomore year, ep 17 and ep 20

Same Energy

Sources: Fantasy High S1E16 & The Unsleeping City S1E17

simple poem 004

I spend my hours doing neither what I should be doing nor what I’d like to. my eyes unfocus on the the task at hand my hand catches my heavy head as it pounds and sinks down under the waves bubbles slip from my lips as the depths suffocate me with darkness I am split by a screaming and thrashing for something to change and a hopeless, relieved resignation that this is how it always has been and this is how it always shall be

simple poem 001

I no longer fit within these walls for I have grown and stretched under a different sun and the confines of old spaces feel just so

Same Energy

Sources: Fantasy High S1E16 & The Unsleeping City S1E17

The Ten Thousand Doors of January

A gorgeous, aching love letter to stories, storytellers, and the doors they lead us through. Absolutely enchanting.

When I saw this book at the library, I picked it up off the shelf because I remembered someone telling me it was their favorite book they had ever read. But this quote above (that was on the back of the book) was what convinced me to check it out and take it home.

This book was absolutely gorgeous; one of the loveliest books I’ve ever read. The prose is flowing and poetic, wrapping you in the warmth of the beauty of written language. The plot is a story within a story that twist in and around and through itself in interesting and exciting ways. The main character is a girl who’s grown up with conditional privilege, and must now discover and learn what it means to be strong. It is a story full of love - not only romantic, but also of friendship and family.

10/10 absolutely recommend.

There's not an answer at the back of the book

In the middle of episode 2 of Dimension 20's The Seven, Jawbone's speech to Penny hit quite close to home for me.

As someone who was a high-achieving student, I currently feel so overwhelmed facing the reality of the sheer volume of choices I have to make for myself in the adult world. Up to this point, I "could always just try harder to keep every single plate spinning."

And now, suddenly, not only are there too many things to successfully balance at the same time, but there's no objectively right answer on what I should be doing with my life.

~

I am continually blown away by Brennan - both his incredible depth of understanding of the nuance of human experience and his ability to capture that deep truth, pull it out, and articulate it so profoundly within these beautiful story moments.

Jawbone is not trying to give Penny empty reassurances that "everything will be okay if she follows her heart." It is out of his desire for her wellbeing that he, in truth and love, gently but firmly conveys the difficult reality of stepping into adulthood.

And by cutting through the fluff and grasping straight at the heart of the issue, Brennan drilled in to exactly how I've been feeling lately. In that moment, I felt both a deep discomfort to the vulnerability of feeling so seen and exposed, and also a great warmth and assurance to feeling so seen and understood by someone expressing a true depth of care along with their depth of insight.

~

In conclusion, D&D rules.

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You have a real bond with these friends. That matters. Yes things change over time, but also, you can hold on to things that matter to you.

What I see, if I can, be honest with you, is a little bit of anxiety, maybe like, in your life you've never had to choose, because you could always just try harder to keep every single plate spinning. And maybe, as you approach adulthood, something is coming that might actually mean that something gets dropped.

...

Flawless grades, [you] keep a lot of things in the air, I think there might be, a part of you that is feeling anxiety, again, not just around the social aspect of all of this but the fact that, for the first time, you're starting to see that in adult life you're not on the rails anymore. We structure the lives of kids to have an amount of brass rings where you can grab them all. Year after year, there's grades and there's finals and there's all these things, and as you approach adulthood, all of a sudden, you're not on a ride, you're in the amusement park, and it's closing. Eventually. And you gotta decide what rides you wanna go on and what brass rings you wanna get, 'cause you, Penny I need you to hear me here, you're not gonna be able to get them all.

...

Again, mostly it's - you know what you gotta do. And the hard thing is this, Penny. Stuff that's coming, no one's gonna give you a grade on most of it. Your friend group? You have to decide the right thing to do, and there's not, an answer at the back of the book. It's just gonna be what, you, want.

I urge you to immerse yourself fully in the life that you've been given. To stop running from whatever you're trying to escape, and instead to stop, and turn, and face whatever it is. Then I dare you to walk toward it. In this way, the world may reveal itself to you as something magical and awe-inspiring that does not require escape. Instead, the world may become something worth paying attention to.

Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence by Anna Lembke, MD

simple poem 003

My head feels heavy and my body’s full of lead slowly poisoning itself and going mad I feel like I could sink my fingers into my skull, and rip out a piece, like a chunk of cake pull myself apart the pieces don’t quite fit as they are like a jigsaw forced into place where it doesn’t belong