Isn't It Funny How I Could Talk To You For Hours But It Seems No One Else Can? I Enjoy Your Company.

I hate myself because no one has ever cared enough to teach me why I should love it.

Then I met you

You look at me but see her. You touch my skin, but you feel her. You kiss my lips, but you think that your lips are touching hers. I’m not her. I’m not the perfectly thin girl you used to date. My stomach comes out to play most nights, but you don't know this yet. I’d rather not be picked up and spun around yet you do it anyway. I’m not her. Yet you still call me pretty, attractive, fit. I feel I am none of these things. You look at me, but you see this perfect image of what I wish I was. You look at me and see something I’m just not.

I’m not her

I still look for you during my games even though we ended it months ago.

On the court or bench

When he left, it was the color of the sheets. The first day without him, it was color of my coffee. The first time I saw him alone in that room, it was the feel of the air. The last time I saw him, it was color of my tears hitting the cold, tile floor. That bitter January day, with the casket lowering into the hole in the earth. That day became the color of my heart.

The color is blue

Why do I like you? That’s a hard question to answer. I will always have a different answer to give you when you ask because I like so much about you. From your smile to the way you laugh, even how you talk about things you love. You think I don’t notice these things but I do and they are exactly why I like you.

Because I'm in like with you

In the dead of night, I can only find you. So I’m left to wonder, When it’s 2 am and you can’t sleep, Do you think of me too?

I hope you do

My worst nightmare is waking up to you not next to me. That you will fall out of love. That all of the little things I do will start to annoy you. My worst nightmare is being there when you kiss another girl. That everything about us was a lie. My worst nightmare is watching you walk out on what we had.

Losing you is my biggest fear

Why me? Why now? Why this? Why me? Out of all the other girls who would pay to have you attention for even a minute you chose me, someone who never came to you to seek any. I’ve admired you for a while but you never felt the same way, so why now? I have so many questions in my mind about why you have taken an interest in me, but I won’t get a straight answer even if I asked. So I’ll wait until we get close to ask. But before we do anything…. Why this?

I don't know what to think

Dear Me,   You are much stronger than you think you are. You have your whole life in front of yourself. The number on the scale isn’t a life determiner. That bottle on the counter isn’t something to reach for. Remember what you have. When it’s three in the morning and you can’t close your eyes look to your left at the beautiful brunette boy next to you. He’s been kinder to you than you’ve been to yourself. You have all of the love you need, you are important to more than the deadline you have to make.     Don’t regret what you’ve done. Look back on your years and smile. Just smile. Because you made it this far, you’ve had bad days but you’ve had more good ones. Don’t think of what you have to accomplish. Go out and do you. Because you are you. And at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

With Love

I’m scarred that one day you’ll wake up and not love me anymore.

When we get distant.