A Sleepless Night Isn't As Bad As It Could Be When I Am Talking With You.

I don't think you know how many times you've talked me off a ledge without even realizing it.

I really do need you

You look at me but see her. You touch my skin, but you feel her. You kiss my lips, but you think that your lips are touching hers. I’m not her. I’m not the perfectly thin girl you used to date. My stomach comes out to play most nights, but you don't know this yet. I’d rather not be picked up and spun around yet you do it anyway. I’m not her. Yet you still call me pretty, attractive, fit. I feel I am none of these things. You look at me, but you see this perfect image of what I wish I was. You look at me and see something I’m just not.

I’m not her

You help me see the world in color.

Before, it was all black and white

    I want to see the world through your eyes. I want to know what it is like to be unnoticed, to know how the wind can feel without running through it. I want to see how you see me, not as what everyone wants me to be, but just as I am. Just as me.

Inside the Artist #2

After you, I don’t know if I believe in love or I believe in how the idea of having you was more appealing than being alone with myself. Still, I don’t blame you for leaving, who would want to stay to begin with? I dont even like myself.

I’m sorry if I seem distant. I’m sorry that I keep apologizing about the little things I do. I’m sorry that sometimes I stumble over my words when I know what I want to say. I’m sorry that you had to order food for me sometimes because I was afraid to speak to the waiter. I’m sorry that I made this situation more awkward than it should have been. I’m sorry that I made whatever we had weird. I’m sorry that we became so close. I’m sorry that I upset you because you couldn’t make me happy anymore. I’m sorry that my mind decided to close itself off to you. I’m sorry that this bottle of pills is the only thing standing between me and happiness.

I’m sorry that I ruined you

How do you love someone who won’t love you back? Easy. You suffer in silence and pray for something to stop the pain. Whether or not it is the person you love is completely up to circumstance. But I can’t say I’d take love from someone else over the bullet to heart that you so easily gave to me.

From the bottom of my (not yet dead) heart

Can we all wish for my AP Physics grade? I need a hail mary of a grade on my final to get a B right now.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so naive to think that I could have a chance with you. My best friend.

You always respond to my snapchats

I doubt you realize how easy it was for you to make a home in my heart. To make me feel as if you were all that I needed. Now here I am, with blood on my chest and my heart in my hands that you so easily ripped out. And what hurt the most isn't that my heart was torn out. It was that you knew how easy it would be to do just that.

You've made me numb