Throwback To When I Took Painkillers And Woke Up With Photoshop Open On My Computer To This Image I Had

The ones where Sonics voice is in the background are my favourite

crazy I was crazy once they put me in my head my head was filled with ocs the ocs made me crazy crazy I was crazy once they put me in my head my head was filled with ocs the ocs made me crazy crazy I was crazy once they put me in my head my head was filled with ocs the ocs made me crazy crazy I was crazy once they put me in my head my head was filled with ocs the ocs made me crazy crazy I was crazy once they put me in my head my head was filled with ocs the ocs made me crazy crazy I was crazy once they put me in my head my head was filled with ocs the ocs made me crazy crazy I was crazy once they put me in my head my head was filled with ocs the ocs made me crazy crazy I was crazy once they put me in my head my head was filled with ocs the ocs made me crazy crazy I was crazy once they put me in my head my head was filled with ocs the ocs made me crazy

I like when people like a character so way too much that it transcends even self shipping or kinning and becomes more of a patron saint that you pray to type of deal

Would being called big dog fix me? Who knows?

homura's emotionality and fragility are so overlooked in the main series and i think that wraith arc, the rebellion movie, and hopefully the upcoming walpurgisnacht rising movie, does her proper justice in this aspect of her character.

she's characterized primarily by her cold and distant disposition, someone who's known to be capable of pushing aside her own emotions and suppressing it for the sake of the one and only objective that exists in her mind, and to the point that she would sacrifice even herself for it. this came with the misinterpretation that she is a heartless and abusive individual who never cared for the feelings of the other casts, that she was unkind and never cared for her companions that arent madoka.

imo the "i dont really care if you live or die, i dont really care" quote that was popular with homura is nothing but a defense mechanism—that mechanism, feigning an act of emotional aridity, is a vital part of her development because it led to her feelings being bottled up that we're left with an explosion of suppressed and repressed thoughts in rebellion, that of which caused her to become a witch. being hurt so many times by the fact that her friends died repetitively throughout different timelines, she thought that her emotions caused her to waver when achieving her goal and thus swept them under the rug, never fully processing them.

underneath that mask of coldness, she is a frail girl that never wished to become strong—she was only forced to be so by the narrative and this is shown in rebellion. homura's witch labyrinth is a reflection of her psychological distress that erupted like a volcano and her perception of what the 'ideal' would be. in that movie, we were shown a version of homura most prevalent during the earlier timelines; someone who is meek and shy, but that remained herself regardless, the her in the labyrinth, and that labyrinth being a projection of her mental landscape.

she doesnt mind being the weakest magical girl among the holy quintet if that meant that she could be with the people she loved most, as long as that meant that they are alive then she doesnt mind, because she's already pleased with the fact that she was able to work beside them and live in a world with them again, just like how they used to. this ties in as well with my claims of her being so attached to an idealized past because this version of homura in rebellion is one that was cradled in her memories and it showed the dynamics that the holy quintet had, or at least she wished to have.

still, homura didnt want to lie to herself and pursued the truth of the labyrinth, merely following her intuition that told her something was incredibly off with the place. mitakihara was the only city in the labyrinth and i think that showed how small her focus is in this world, her perception of things have always been so narrow because she didnt want anything else other than to co-exist and work together with the other mitakihara magical girls.

another piece of media that showed homura's emotionality is wraith arc, and i think this is where her fragility is beautifully presented, because it allowed the readers to see what was really going on in her mind and how she managed with the fact that her madoka became a concept in itself.

in this arc, she was seen to rely on her feelings the most, and specifically that of love. this was to the point that when she doubted her love for madoka, she allowed the wraiths to consume what was left of the soul contained in her soul gem. these doubts and worries came into the scene when she began to question what was it that she originally wished for? because in the wraith arc, she had no memories of how she became a magical girl there, she had no idea on what existed in that timeline before her consciousness was transferred over there, and she had no idea what her magic turned into.

this was until the sooner chapters where it was revealed that her time manipulation magic had turned into a memory manipulation magic. this was a result of the strong emotions she felt during the time she was separated from madoka and with her refusal to ever forget her, but this came with her skepticism—was her concept of 'madoka' simply a creation of her own mind? was it created by her imagination to cope with the lonely reality of the world? did she really harbor feelings towards something that never 'existed' in the first place? if 'madoka' never existed, what was she originally fighting for to begin with, why did she become a magical girl? can she truly trust her love for 'madoka' when it was the thing that caused her to feel so disconnected from reality itself? is she finally waking up to the 'truth'? if 'madoka' never existed, then surely there wont be any more reason to protect this world and to serve as a magical girl, right?

because of questioning how she feels towards madoka and how she remembers madoka, she began to feel out of touch—offbeat—and lost her desire to fight wraiths, and this character neurosis evident in her resulted in becoming a victim of those wraiths. the wraiths absorbed her feelings to the extent that she ended up being an empty shell of a person, her soul that rested inside the confines of her soul gem was eaten up that her magic became efficient, and eventually null.

when gradually, to the end of the arc's manga, she began to think deeply if this was what she truly wanted? why did she ever distrust her memories of madoka? if 'madoka' never existed, then surely she wouldnt have been a magical girl to begin with, and if her wish in that timeline would be to remember madoka, does that mean she wanted to remember something? she could only remember a thing if it really was there. if she couldnt protect the world that her goddess had sacrificed herself for, was her wish really worth it? why did she ever doubt her love?

at that moment, the strength of the emotions she felt, despite that mask of nonchalance, she was able to regain her time manipulation ability and go back to the start to ensure that the wraiths wouldnt ruin madoka's world ever again. the things that she felt became a huge driving force that if she felt none, if she was truly cold and empty and emotionless and hopeless, then she wouldve stopped and given up a long time ago.

note: this post is not proofread and i literally just made this in one sitting. never let me yap about my special interest ever again. this is also just an interpretation i have on her character; everyone is allowed to create their own opinions.

missing the sunlight -DaGOI au snippet

xhs