You Know Which Two Characters I’d Love To Watch Interact? Fëanor And Bilbo. I Just Know That Bilbo

You know which two characters I’d love to watch interact? Fëanor and Bilbo. I just know that Bilbo would put the fear of god in Fëanor. The guy would change his name to Fëarnor after ten minutes in a room with Bilbo. Bilbo says completely out-of-pocket things every five minutes like it’s his day job. He once stabbed a pillar in Elrond’s house just to show Frodo that his sword was actually sharp as if there was no other way to do it.

That Hobbit would take one look at the Silmarils and ask Fëanor why he threw away his immortal soul for “what to me looks like a glorified matchstick, my dear fellow”. He would write a five page poem about all of Fëanor’s misdeeds from the time he broke a window as an elfling to the kinslaying, and then recite it to his face and make him give constructive criticism on the rhyme and meter. He’d say Nerdanel should have “gone for the smart one, not the pretty one”. He would say “my dear father is dead too but you don’t see me going around screaming like a banshee and killing everyone, do you?” He would tell Fëanor that many problems of the psyche can be traced to trapped wind, and inquire as to whether or not he ate anything “bean-adjacent” on the morning he made the Oath. He would ask him if he’d never heard of contraception, and suggest that he try breathing exercises next time he feels the urge to burn a ship or two. He’s mansplain Tengwar to him. He’d write a letter to Finwë telling him all this was the result of not disciplining his child at the age of five and send him a list of Supernanny-type childcare tips, “in case you want to try again, because I don’t think this world can handle underpopulation”. He’d have Fëanor crying in two minutes, I know it, I know it in my bones.

KOTLC AND TOLKIEN'S LEGENDARIUM: READERSHIP OVERLAP

I've been feeling curious about how much overlap there is between the readership of these works, because I've seen several KOTLC people posting legendarium-related things recently (and I myself suspect that some elements of KOTLC were inspired by it, and thus find these elements interesting). So, if you could humour me and answer the question below:

Read the options CAREFULLY and vote whichever option FITS YOU BEST (I think I've covered most if not all). If you're confused about the options, the relevant information is below the poll. Also, I'd love it if you could tell me what you voted in the tags!

So without further ado:

REMINDER: If you have NOT read KOTLC (Keeper of the Lost Cities), then PLEASE do not vote.

Please REBLOG for larger sample size! Because I really am quite curious :)

If you are confused about any of these options, please read the explanations below:

If you've watched AND read some of these, please don't select the watch-only option :)

The definition of READ here (for everything but HoME where a dedicated skim or half the book counts) is if you've read the text IN ITS ENTIRETY or closely enough that it may as well be so (leaving this one up to your judgement but as a rule, let's say about 80% to 90% and with skipping only non-essential bits (LOTR prologue and appendices, geography chapter etc -- again, these may seem essential to you, but these are the ones most people seem to skip/skim)).

Also, although I doubt this will actually be a cause of debate, audiobooks count. They always count.

(rest of the explanation under cut if needed)

You do not have to have read all the Great Tales either; having read only one or a few counts.

The osmosis/pop culture option is for things like 'I mean I've watched 'They're taking the hobbits to Isengard' and/or 'I have an irl friend or beloved mutual or person I follow who's read the books/watched the movies and talks about them a lot'.

For ONLY WATCHED, fan-films and fan-adaptations (such as the many Silm-related rock operas) count.

Silm refers to The Silmarillion (1977), as in the published text only.

The Great Tales refers to The Children of Húrin (2007), Beren and Lúthien (2017) and The Fall of Gondolin (2018). For the purposes of this poll it also includes The Fall of Númenor (2022)

HoME refers to The Histories of Middle-earth (1983-1996). For the purposes of this poll, it also includes Unfinished Tales of Númenor and Middle-earth (1980) and The Nature of Middle-earth (2021) and (though this one's iffy) The Letters of J. R. R. Tolkien (1981); if you've read Letters but not any of Silm/Great Tales/other HoME, just vote for the LOTR and/or Hobbit option.

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writerthatcannotwrite

1 year ago

A cursed thought just occured to me and I decided to make you all suffer to

So in Tolkien lore elves are immortal right? After a certain point they don't age and will just keep living, save for the intervention of accidents, illness/poison, or very pointy objects. This leads to a whole laundry list of questions on biology but there's one in particular I want to bite into today(pun much intended).

Teeth.

How do elf teeth work? Because the main issue with teeth over time is that they wear down with use. This is not as much of a problem in modern times, we are spoiled with a lot of very soft easy to chew food, but it's still a thing and historicaly you wore down your teeth alot over the course of your life. Things like smoking a pipe can carve a grove in your teeth where you hold the pipe stem.

And this means that if you're immortan and alive long enough, your teeth will wear down to nothing because elves do need to eat. But obviously Galadriel and Elrond aren't looking like grandmas who forgot their dentures, so elves must have something to solve this.

I therefor present my 3 running theories for how elves keep their teeth:

- The OP Teeth Of Steel Theory

Elf teeth are simply to strong to wear down. A bit boring if you ask me.

- The Elves Are Rodents Theory

Rodent front teeth grow continiously their entire life, it's realy cool. It's also why they're always chewing on things, because if they don't their teeth will grow so long it stops them from eating. This theory proposes elf teeth also just grow forever(this could lead to a extremely annoying habit of elves to grind their teeth to keep them down, but oh well).

- The Elves Are Sharks Theory

Sharks tackle the problem of teeth by simply?

Growing more teeth?

Like they just keep loosing teeth and growing new ones. For elves this could mean that when a tooth gets to worn it simply falls out and a new one grown in, like human milk teeth but their entire life.

This was all writen in about 10min while getting ready for bed, so please enjoy these lovely cursed thoughts while I escape to dreamland :)

@tathrin

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writerthatcannotwrite

7 months ago

'Twas amazing. He honored his adopted kinslaying fathers, and it was iconic!!!!!!!

Did anyone else cheer went Elrond went feral?

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writerthatcannotwrite

7 months ago

Please consider reblogging to increase sample size 🖤

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writerthatcannotwrite

4 months ago

Hera from War of the Rohirrim is aroace. This is canon. She literally says she'll be the bride of no man, and when asked who she's pledged to, she says "Death." Fucking metal. Fucking aroace power move. Fucking icon. That is all.

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writerthatcannotwrite

3 months ago

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writerthatcannotwrite

7 months ago

NOOOOOOOO NOT THE FAMILY HEIRLOOMS!!!!!!!

SHUT THE FUCK UP EVERYONE HE THREW THE FUCKING HAMMER?

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writerthatcannotwrite

6 months ago

Celebrimbor made a super tiny set of elf armor for his favorite forge mouse, equipped with a trademark Feanorian star on his lil' shield. Annatar is not impressed.

Inspired by this fic from the POV of the mouse: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59500966

Happy TROP!Day! Every Thursday I'm gonna post some TROP artwork! I was going to do a serious hardcore artwork, but I wanted to make this doodle about the mouse so bad, so I did this instead.

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writerthatcannotwrite

5 months ago

If you could transimigrate anywhere in Arda with rock solid, Eru insured plot armor where would you go?

I'm falling right into Nerdanel's arms

(A poll for my shi lil munchkins lurking around. Rest can comment)

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