It’s The Smallest Habits. How You Spend Your Mornings. How You Talk To Yourself. What You Read. What

Anaïs Nin, from “The diary of Anaïs Nin, vol. 3: 1939-1944”

i hated - hated - my 7th grade english teacher, but he did say something that has stuck with me this whole time: the actual mark of maturity in someone is whether they take responsibility.

over time, this has become something i find to apply to too-many things. this weighty, complicated thing - responsible. almost direct from the latin respondere - the verb for "to answer to".

taking responsibility is not just "being in control of". it also means being gentle. being able to apologize. being able to accept fault. to notice your own actions and change them to be better. it is not just saying "ah fuck i dropped the plate," it is saying "okay, i'll go get the broom."

at 16, when her parents tell her i put a roof over your head, she spends that night curled in my lap, sobbing, trying to articulate something too-heavy-for-words - that they think responsibility is just about obligation; that she is bound to them because they are responsible for her. that she feels, over and over, responsible for their emotions. that she spends hours cartwheeling over eggshells, feeling the drip of their expectations slowly sushing down her body.

according to my mom, responsibility and privilege are partners. this is probably true. a car (privilege) is a weapon if used (responsibility) incorrectly. my dog is my responsibility, and he brings me the privilege of hours spent in sunshine. there are, though, a lot of times people are given one without the other - the privilege, and no responsibility for their actions. the responsibility, and nothing but hours of obligation, over-and-over. i have also learned: there is a difference between fault and responsibility. this will be important for you at some point, if you are watching.

at 21, when i am begging him again to just listen, i am asking him to take responsibility for the span of our relationship. for the ways he has shoved thorns into every part of my body. i come across as needy, because it is my job to be responsible for the relationship - somehow, he has escaped that. it is always my job to ask for help. to beg for him to just put in any-ounce-of-more.

how easily responsibility becomes assumed. it is the responsibility of the [ ] to take care of dinner. it is the responsibility of the [ ] to get groceries, to clean the house, to mealplan, to do laundry. it is the responsibility of the [ ] to wear smart clothing. it is the responsibility of the [ ] to blend in with the rest of society.

at 25, it is happening again. this is a different man in a different city, and the responsibility is one that is demanded of me. he tells me he will skip off the world and into the darkness if i break his heart, no matter how much he breaks mine. i am back to begging - get help, get better, i cannot lift you if you do not try to stand with me. i am also responsible for myself - and then, suddenly, responsible for the entire life of somebody. i remember sitting there asking him - when will it be your turn to do the carrying? and the way he wrinkled his nose at me. i would laugh-cry: i feel like i'm your mother and he would start gagging. nothing would change. still running after him, making sure he washed his clothes and took care of himself and made those appointments and did anything. my own health was suffering.

a lot of discussion about consequence is really a discussion of responsibility. i am an internet poet. i made a little hellsite my unfortunately-unpaid home. i believe, in my heart of hearts - make what you want, but be responsible for it. whenever we make things, we are bound to them, end of story. this is a real-life thing. watch who in your life hates having responsibility. watch the way they expect other people to have responsibility. this sense they have: that responsibility is punishment, is unfair to unload on them. that someone else should do the carrying.

i am 26 at the start of 2020. we all know what happens then. the average person is asked to take responsibility. for many, this is second-nature. simple. occasionally annoying, but eventually habitual. for many others, though, this is their great and honest reckoning. they misunderstand civil liberty to mean - a land where everything, always, is just-about-me. on a personal level, when i am not absolutely livid about this population, i am sort-of sad for them. one of the good things about responsibility is that it builds community. each of these people, one at a time, has been making the same statement: i am alone in this world. i am blisteringly, horribly lonely.

i have noticed, over time - the way that responsibility is borne. how careful i have to be as a queer cuban writer. how careful some asshole on twitter is-not-careful-at-all. knowing that if i am too-loud. abrasive, unflattering: i could make my whole community responsible for my behavior. that people would read my work and say - see! this is why there aren't that many of these types of writers. that others can make bigger, bolder mistakes - but it will just be their mistake to make; their-singular-responsibility. that what i am "careful" about is making my posts well-researched, thought-out, accessible, funny. that what others are rabidly angry about being careful about - that they would suddenly become responsible for bigotry. this horrible sense: you have no idea what it means to be forced to bear this weight, and you find it terrifying.

i have been responsible for a long time. laughing, i tell my therapist eldest daughter, middle child syndrome. i was a latchkey kid. i was the first one home and had to be sure i got the fire lit or there wasn't heat. written like that, it sounds like something from charles dickens: alone, shivering in a house that isn't home, feeding tinder to the back of the wood stove. i have been a delight to have in class. i was always charmingly responsible. i have had-to-be. there was no other option.

burnout is high, i'm told. over and over, the media paints people like me as being responsible for how we are treated. they will say it's not your fault, but we all know they think it is my responsibility. people are violent to me; it is my responsibility to be a more properly-trained minority. my boss is cruel; it's my responsibility to find a new job or just go hungry. it is not the responsibility of others to help me figure out my medical debt, i should try asking more questions at the pharmacy. it is not the responsibility of public schools to help students get an education - it is the responsibility of 17-year-olds to sign into a lifetime of debt. it is not the responsibility of the government to protect my right to choose; it's my responsibility to simply not get into any situation that might require me having an opinion. it's satisfying to watch the general, quiet strike of minimum-wage workers: the way others, confused, are demanding the same question - why aren't other people taking responsibility for the things i don't want to do myself?

the other day, i saw a post from someone who hurt me. it was sort of embarrassingly on-the-nose. he's kissing someone new now (god protect her). under the two of them smiling, the caption reads: thank you to this responsible, beautiful queen for constantly taking care of me.

now be honest. answer the following. fill in the blanks. bring your truth to your throat and keep her. 1. in general, it is normal for a [ ] to have more responsibility than a [ ]. 2. you are responsible for [ ]. 3. when you tell [ ] to take responsibility, they will say [ ]. 4. in your life, it is normal for [ ] to take responsibility. 5. when did that start? 6. and how is it going?

You gain points if you send “I know you’re asleep but…” texts. They’re my fav.

Develop your business first before building your house.

Proverbs 24

The Ultimate Law of Assumption Guide 🦋

Mental diet - only thinking thoughts and only having (inner) conversations that align with your desired reality.

How to trust that your negative thoughts are powerless: by understanding that your thoughts would cease to exist without you. You are not your thoughts, rather, you are merely the observer. If you have a negative thought, simply allow yourself to acknowledge its presence. Don’t try to fight it as doing so will only perpetuate it. Distract yourself by doing something you enjoy and it will dissipate in due time.

The psychological lifespan of an emotion is 90 seconds. If you experience a negative thought or emotion beyond this timeframe, you are the sole perpetrator via your thoughts and inner conversations.

Everything you experience is a part of the bridge of events. In the grand scheme of things, your undesirable circumstances are irrelevant. Your desires are a promise and if you truly accepted this, you wouldn’t allow your circumstances to sidetrack you.

Reasons you have yet to receive your desire: 1.) you think you’re keeping a mental diet but you’re still having negative thoughts disguised as imaginary arguments 2.) you’re constantly discussing your undesired circumstances and/or how you don't have your manifestation 3. You’re assuming you’re doing something wrong (always assume you’re doing everything right).

Where you place your attention is where you will see results. Where focus goes, energy flows.

As you--through the medium of imagination--assume a state of consciousness, the state begins to clothe itself in form, but you must be faithful to that state. You cannot oscillate from state to state—you must patiently persist in your desired state until it becomes an objective fact.

Revision: There is no inevitable permanence in anything. The only reason the past and present continue to exist is because they are sustained through your imagining them on some level or another. A radical transformation of life is always possible through man’s revision of the undesirable aspects of it for the past—although it is experienced in this world—dates back to imagination. To revise an undesirable scenario, simply imagine something more magnificent in its place; imagine it as you would have liked it to be for “man and his past are one continuous structure”. “The past and the present form the whole structure of man; they are carrying all of its contents with it. Any alteration of content will result in an alteration in the present and future.” and “If the past is recreated into the present, so will the revised past be recreated into the present.”

In consciousness / imagination, you already have what you want but you must trust in your imagination as it is more real than anything you see without (aka the 3D). Stop looking for evidence in the 3D for the most common cause of failure is failure to live in the end: “If you judge after appearances, you will continue to be enslaved by the evidence of your senses.”. Continue to possess it within and its possession without is inevitable.

Jealousy: Whenever you experience jealousy, remember that another person's success does not equate to your failure or lack. Positive things happening to others should serve as your reminder that good things are also available for you. A success for one person is a success for all as we are all one and connected.

Obsession: obsession is the result of a deep rooted insecurity and/or an overall poor concept of self. If you are obsessive over something--especially a person--you have fallen into the illusion that you must have this thing to be happy. You have forgotten that you are the only one who can create this feeling of fulfillment and happiness for yourself. Identifying what it is you believe your desire will fulfill within you and creating that feeling for yourself will allow your desire to manifest in a swifter and easier manner.

How to become the ideal version of yourself: Ask yourself what that version of you looks like; What do they do? What does their life look like? Now all you must do to become that version of yourself is think like that version.

Your desires are not greater than you. You are the only one who gives your desire purpose / value. Your desire is merely a thing…an inanimate object with no life separate from you. The only reason it seems so elusive is because you have placed it on a pedestal. Take your desire it the pedestal and stop treating it as though it’s greater than you. Your desire would literally cease to exist without you…not the other way around.

Whenever you experience negative thoughts: Remember that you have free will—you can choose to counteract those negative thoughts by choosing positive, constructive thoughts instead.

Stop checking the 3D to see if it’s conforming for when you do this, you’re attempting to change your outer reality instead of persisting in your inner reality. In other words, you’re dwelling in a state of lack rather than a state of wish fulfilled (abundance).

If your desire feels unattainable: if your desire feels unattainable, it’s simply due to your predominant focus being on doubts and failure rather than faith and success. Fortunately, repetition in your desired story can fix this.

Simple way to ignore the 3D: by focusing only on what you want.

What you desire is already done / created / true in another, parallel reality. Hence, you’re not ‘creating’ anything, you’re merely shifting to the reality in which your desire is already a present fact. All you must do to align yourself with your desired reality is mentally live there now .

Stop trying to rationalize everything by worrying about the how. Think only of your end goal and trust that the ‘how’ will work itself out.

Your inner dialogue = affirmations. Affirmations aren’t always prefaced with “I am” for your inner conversations are also affirmations. The inner conversations you’re having with yourself and other people are also reflecting in your outer world.

Quantum physics states that when 2 or more particles (or people) interact, their states remain linked regardless of distance, thus disproving the illusion of separation. Thus, every affirmation regarding your SP must reach them.

If you feel your manifestation is taking too long: your predominant focus is on the lack of your desire (the 3D) rather than its presence (imagination / 4D). Persist in your desired reality within and it has no choice but to appear without.

Despite your persistence, your 3D looks the way it does as a result of the state you fell into for it is merely reflecting your old states (hence, the time lag), but without your awareness, it will cease to be. In other words, refrain from thinking or paying attention to your undesirable circumstances and they will cease to exist. Despite what your 3D may look like now, your new thoughts (state) will shortly catch up.

Because your state produces thoughts in alignment with your desires, use your thoughts as a tool to measure which state you’re predominantly occupying.

Disregard any possibility other than the one you want and believe, no matter what. As long as you allow an alternative outcome to be an option, it will always remain an option. Choose to drive anything other than what you want out of your consciousness and saturate your mind only with that which you desire.

It doesn’t matter how you feel. Keep affirming / visualizing / whichever technique you prefer and your feelings will automatically change for your thoughts create your feelings.

State = thoughts, emotions, beliefs, attitude, reactions, and impulses. To change your state, experience in imagination that which constitutes your desired state.

EIYPO - what you feel and believe to be true about yourself and others will be reflected in those around you. If you feel insignificant and unworthy, people are going to reflect that by treating you as such. This is exactly why you’re encouraged to focus on your self concept rather than SP: when you improve your self concept, everyone (including your SP) will reflect that. If you feel worthy and attractive, your SP has no choice but to reflect that by treating you as such. People are merely messengers revealing to you what you believe to be true about yourself and others. If people are pointing something out, it’s because you are heavily focused on it. Think and speak about yourself in the way you want to be perceived by others.

How to stop waiting / checking for results: Think (affirm) as though your desires were already yours. Your desired reality is the only thing you should be focused on.

The moment you have a desire, it is done. The delay in the outer world is simply the orchestration of the people, places, and things necessary for the realization of your desire.

Once you start feeling natural / nonchalant about your desire, that’s when you know it’s close.

How to get rid of a third party: simply stop thinking about them. What you remove your attention from will eventually dissipate.

Stop giving attention to things you don’t want. If you don’t want it, it doesn’t deserve your time or energy.

How to get rid of resistance: The only way to get rid of resistance is through repetition & persistence in the new story.

By expecting / assuming something, you are only perpetuating it. If you expect / assume people always leave you on read, that will continue to be the case

To change your SP: if you want your SP to change, all you must do is change the way you think of and perceive them. If you’re annoyed with the way your SP constantly ghosts you, stop focusing on the ‘fact’ that they constantly ghost you and instead, focus on the version of them that’s communicative and loving.

How to let go of the old story: stop re-affirming it and stop allowing your old thoughts to creep in.

What to do if you’re not seeing movement: If you’re not seeing any movement, you’re simply focused on the lack of movement. This is a tell-tale sign that you’re living in the 3D (physical, perceivable reality) as opposed to the 4D (imagination).

Consistent thoughts = consistent results. Inconsistent thoughts = inconsistent results.

Think and speak as though you already had your desire and saturate your mind with that story. That should be the dominant, if not only thing, playing in your mind.

As eager as you may be to vent about it, repeating your old story isn’t going to make you feel better, but changing your thoughts to that of the wish fulfilled will.

You’re not creating, attracting, wishing, or hoping for your desire to manifest—you’re simply entering the state / reality in which it’s already a present fact. Every reality already exists now and all you must do to shift to / experience your desired reality is persistently dwell there.

What happens when two people are manifesting the same thing: trust that will win every single time. Your thoughts are the only thing that can allow you to ‘lose’ your desire to someone else.

Why things go ‘backwards’ : The only reason why things may go ‘backwards’ (aka why you’re not seeing progress or why your circumstances may he even worse circumstances than they were before) is because your thoughts and focus aren’t as persistent as they once were—when you were seeing steady progress .

“Die to your former self by yielding to other (favorable) states”. In order ‘die’ to your former self, you must enter a new state of consciousness, which will inevitably result in completely new life circumstances.

Your primary goal when manifesting shouldn’t be to gain something without (the 3D) but for your mental state to be aligned with your end goal. Rather than looking towards the 3D for ‘proof’ or ‘evidence’, you should only be looking within: Are you thoughts in alignment with your end goal? Do your inner conversations match those with the state of the wish fulfilled? Is your dominant focus on your desired reality rather than your current circumstances?

Persistence is the only way to get rid of resistance.

Rather than constantly focusing on the 3D, just persist. It’s okay if you don’t believe it or if the 3D is triggering you, but you must keep going. Remember that the 3D is irrelevant for everything is conforming behind the scenes: “An assumption, though false, if persisted in will harden into fact.”

When a desire comes upon you, immediately accept that it is done. It is already yours and God is nudging you to experience it.

Because the light of God within you is so strong and overpowering, your negative thoughts dislike you as much as you dislike them.

Your negative thoughts only have power over you if you believe them. If you can remain the mere observer of those thoughts and replace them with better, more positive thoughts, they will eventually dwindle and die down. Even if they do resurface, your awareness of who you really are will be so strong that they will no longer bother you.

Persist in reminding yourself that you are God. Anytime you’re feeling down or powerless, ask yourself, “What would God be thinking right now?”, “How would God act?” and do just that. Whatever you affirm to be true for yourself is exactly how your reality will unfold. Until you create a new story for yourself, you will only perpetuate your old, undesirable reality.

What you desire is already yours and there is nothing for you to do but accept your desires. Accept and feel the joy of fulfillment. Because your desires are meant to be, there is no reason to affirm the opposite.

Through your desires, you are able to catch a glimpse into your future that starts the moment you have that desire.

The number of times I've changed my ringtone to make it peaceful is insane.

The moment I hear my ringtone, all the peace and silence leaves me with the coming onset of dread and anxiety.

Things You Don't Comment On:

- someone’s eating habits

- appearance issues that can’t be fixed there and then

- someone else’s “bad” decision if it can’t now be undone

- someone’s laugh or voice

- someone’s “unrealistic” dreams

- someone “not looking their best” in photos

- someone not wanting to do something and trying to subtly avoid it without making a fuss

- anything that you know will make someone self conscious or insecure unnecessarily

Things I want to learn

Recently, I realised there are so many things I want to research and learn, I had to write it all down. I wanted to share these with you today!:

📚 Thing to research:

politics

nutrition

investing

dog care/animal care in general

zero waste living

veganism

intuitive eating

solo travel

music and rhythm

herbology

map reading

fashion

home design

etiquette

bitcoin

taxes

🔨 Skills to try, learn or practice:

cooking

german

spanish

dancing

baking

gardening¨

digital art

photography

art (traditional methods)

yoga

programming

sewing

writing

mushroom picking

public speaking

makeup

photoshop

embroydery

czech sign language

laundry

hair styling

splits

blogging

Feel free to take inspiration and if you have more ideas please share them with me!

You're welcome.

when is it my turn to get the feminine urge to study for three hours straight