Photo Credit: @thiu_thiubo

Do you have tips to becoming more lady like/classy ?

(Keep in mind that this is simply from my own perspective and everyone’s definition of what is considered “classy” and “ladylike” varies.)

1. No drama! Classy women do not participate in drama or messy behavior of any kind. Of course, this doesn’t apply to serious matters like being threatened or assaulted or any kind of situation where your safety is at risk. Pick your battles wisely. Sometimes it is more than okay to say “You know what? I’m too grown for this.” Or “I’m too classy for this.” The last thing you want is your name attached to some mess that you could’ve simply chosen to ignore and not participate in. This goes for gossip as well. There are some celebrities who never have anything to say about anyone. Even when they’re asked outright, they’re smart about avoiding the question. What’s the point?

2. Discretion, discretion, discretion. When I think of women in the media who I consider to be classy and ladylike, they have several things in common, but the main one is that they’re discreet. They’re very careful about what they say, how they say it, and how they move in the public eye. Yes, I might consider them to be very ladylike individuals, but in truth, I really know nothing about them. The generic information like education and background and such might be out there for me to see, but when it comes to their personal life and ideals and opinions, I know next to nothing. And that’s how it should be! The whole world does not need to know your business or what you think of every insignificant thing that’s popular at the moment.

3. Time and place! Some people will tell you that classy women don’t listen to rap or rock or whatever other music they’ve deemed off limits to ladylike individuals, but I disagree. I think the true definition of class is knowing there is a time and place for everything. This goes for any kind of media you consume or any kind of way you choose to enjoy yourself. There’s no law on class that says you shouldn’t let loose and have fun, because you certainly can! As long as it’s understood that certain behaviors are not for certain spaces.

4. Manners! I cannot stress this enough, but manners will take you far. Make “please” and “thank you” a regular part of your vocabulary. Offer condolences to people you know who need it. Send thank you cards to people who have been a great help to you. Check on those close to you here and there. Be polite and show that you are a thankful individual.

5. This is sort of an extension of part 4, but be mindful of the things you say. Do not be the kind of person who only says things out of anger that you know you will regret hours later. Be respectful to those you love even if you’re mad at them (obviously this doesn’t apply to truly toxic and abusive situations but more so petty arguments that, in the grand scheme of things, really do not matter all that much). Even in more tame discussions, you don’t always have to say what’s on your mind. If it isn’t going to help someone, then ask yourself why you feel the need to say it? Furthermore, if there is something you feel needs to be said, there’s a way to be honest without being rude. Now yes, in some situations, you can’t spare someone else’s feelings. This is the truth, but there’s a way to stand your ground and get your point across without being malicious and ugly about it.

6. Carry yourself well. You’re poised and always put together and you’re articulate in how you express your thoughts. Please keep in mind that I do not mean you speak perfect and fluent English or anything like that. In my eyes, someone with broken English who knows more than one language will always be above a native English speaker who only knows English (sorry not sorry). You take the time to think about what you’re going to say before you say it so that you are heard and understood. You walk with confidence and hold your head high. You have wonderful etiquette.

7. Cut back on vulgarity. It’s going to ruffle some feathers, but I don’t consider constant swearing to be ladylike. I myself have stopped swearing as much as I used to. I really only swear in the privacy of my own home and it’s here and there (usually when I mess something up or hurt myself 😭). Let my coworkers tell it, I never swear, and the thought of me cursing doesn’t even sound right to them. Out in public, there’s also a way to say certain things. If I’m at a company dinner or something, I’m not going to tell everyone I need to go pee or do number 2 🤢 I’m going to politely say I need to excuse myself or as my aunt likes to say “I need to use the ladies room”. In addition, if you can’t get your point across without yelling, then you need to re-evaluate that. Again, this does not apply to truly toxic and abusive situations, but simple discussions and disagreements. You should be able to convey what you’re trying to say in a calm and respectful manner.

8. You mind your business! I do not mean in the selfish way of being unconcerned with the hardships your loved ones are facing, but I mean out and about. You’re not judging some random woman on what she’s wearing or some man on how he’s eating. You’re focused on yourself. If you’ve ever seen Gilmore Girls, there’s an episode in the first season when Dean first approaches Rory, and he tells her that he absolutely had to get to know her because he saw her reading a book one day, and all the while, there was a commotion with a fight and an ambulance and this whole big thing that captured everyone’s attention, but the entire time, she did not look up from that book even once. Now I’m not saying you have to be that extreme, because if there’s a fire or something serious, you need to know so you can skedaddle. But don’t always concern yourself with what everyone else is doing or how they’re behaving. Focus on your food, focus on your book, focus on your podcast. Just focus on you!

“In my friend, I find a second self.”

c.s. lewis / my best friend by the coral / alivia horsley / @billypotts / hanya yanagihara / ‘after party ll’ salman toor / the kids aren’t alright by fall out boy / a summer’s tale / lorde / hanya yanagihara / abed and troy (community) with a winnie the pooh quote @weelezzer / isabel norton

If you’re constantly doubting who God is, it’s because you’re allowing life to speak louder than truth.

Real talk tips for studying

1. Get up early.

I know, it’s easier said than done. But it is going to be hard for the first 15-20 minutes, maybe even the first hour, but make yourself some coffee, and get the fuck out of that bed.

2. Do 3 useful things right after you get up.

This doesn’t have to be ‘cram one lesson’ or ‘take 500 pages of notes’. No. Brush your teeth, make yourself something nice to drink, comb your hair. Wash your face. Literally whatever you find useful, do it. It may take 10 minutes, but you will feel instantly better when you see you’ve done something.

3. Organize your study space.

I don’t mean organize all your highlighters by color. I mean arrange everything so it is within your reach. That means when you sit down to finally study, there won’t be any need for you to get up and get something.

4. Take breaks.

It’s easy to start scrolling through instagram, or facebook when you sit by a 200 page book. Trust me on this. But set an alarm when you plan on taking a break. Make the break your instagram time, or facebook time, or just chill time. Whatever you do, organize your time so you don’t leave anything out.

5. Divide your shit.

So you have a 300 page chapter to read. Or a 30 page paper to write. Divide it into smaller parts. For example, I will read through the first 30 pages and then take a break. Repeat. Or, I will write 3 pages and then relax. Repeat. Literally whatever shit you have, divide it into smaller chunks and then just tackle the chunks.

6. Don’t listen to music with lyrics.

There are a ton of ‘study music’ or ‘motivational music’ playlists on Youtube. Blast that. That way, you won’t find yourself mouthing the perfect lyrics to Shape of you, and not knowing shit about what you’ve been reading. I’ve been there one too many times and it’s just wasting time.

7. Don’t feel bad about not responding to texts, or not hanging out with friends.

There is time to study and time to play. No between. By all means you should go out and have fun. But your work time can only be your work time. That text can wait, that coffee date can wait. During the break you will have more than enough time to catch up. And your friends should understand that, after all, this is important to you so it should be for them too.

8. Drink water! ! !

This is the most used tip, but trust me, you get tired much quicker if you’re not hydrated. Get a nice ass bottle of water and fill that shit up. Everytime you finish a paragraph take a sip. (At least!)

9. Don’t worry too much.

I’ve lost countless hours by panicking and trying to reason with myself why I should just quit. And let me tell you, it’s very easy to get stuck in that vicious circle. But when you begin to worry, take a deep breath, drink some water and just do. Read that sentence. Write the opening line to your paper. Underline that unknown word. Just do. It will not go in vain. No effort is ever useless.

10. Relax.

You are not the first one to have trouble with this. You are not the only one struggling with this material. But you can do it. It is possible. In 10 years you won’t remember that godawful task or chapter. But you will remember taking shit into your hands. And that feeling when you accomplish your goal is going to be worth all the while.

That’s about it, worked for me. Just be real with yourself. Good luck and may the odds be ever in you favor!

Queen of Studies 📚

A small guide to adopt that study queen mindset

Ditch all social media you can. No Instagram account to scroll up endlessly, not checking the Facebook feed, no mindless scrolling, etc. If you use a social media, curate what you read. Declutter the time wasters. Only keep the accounts that genuinely bring you good. Uninstall games and useless apps. You'll use them when you're on vacation. Now it's study time, from the beginning of the semester TO THE END. "But I use them to uncompress!!" Bullshit you can do something more productive like workouts or cleaning your room. It's not an essential need.

For food, focus on meal prep, get 4 Tupperware (or mason pots if you have) and prepare 4-6 meals (2-3 dinners, 2-3 suppers) that contain veggies, proteins, carbs, good stuff that feeds your body and brain. The breakfast is optional, I use my breakfast prepping routine to relax and ground myself before attacking my day. Doing 4 meals at a time is easy and not quite as daunting compared to the traditional 1-week meal prep, and it will stay fresh. You have more time to focus on what matters, you don't waste decision energy on meals and you're less likely to eat junk food.

Impose yourself a "no junkfood" rule in your room or house. You're less likely to spill and eat brain rotting stuff. If you receive sweets as a gift, stick them at the back of the freezer, and only take out ONE at a time. Drink plenty of water. More than you think you need. The body will declutter the excess for you. But never too little water. Prepare some precut veggies and have a stock of your favourite fruit on hand.

Get your sleep together. It helps with memorization and with sufficient sleep, nutrition and water, your brain can heal up and start memorizing efficiently the information you learn. Never neglect sleep. Never do late study sessions, instead planify better your study times.

Cut off people that bring you down. People that always bring you to parties and guilt trip if you don't wanna. They don't care that much about you. Cut off those that aren't serious in their studies, they don't realize the importance of studies and it's lifetime impact. If you can't cut them dry (block and move on), ghost them, don't reply their questions with a question back, be bland to them. A Queen only wants the best around her, and is ruthless in her judgement.

Once you start the semester, study every day, even if you have nothing to do that day (especially at the beginning of the semester). You can even get ahead in your studies and use the class as a refresher for what you did study. You'll feel more comfortable and have some questions prepared too! Figuring things out while it is being taught can be quite stressful. For laboratories, do several weekly hours of self-study, repeating the methods you learned. Use your teachers free hours anytime you have additional questions or need additional explanations, not only right before an exam. Take your time and speed up once you're comfortable. Learn to fail when it doesn't matters so you won't fail when it will matter.

Re-read your notes twice or thrice or four times, annotate them, summarize every paragraph. Write a "fake cheatsheet" that summarizes every step of the semester. Draw some conceptual schemes, make links between concepts. Do all the excercises, and redo the hardest ones before the exam. Do the pratice exams, check the past years exams if they're available. They'll give you an idea of your teacher's exam style.

Studying bit by bit instead of a big rush at the end will help you immensely assimilate correctly the information (less stress = better memorization, and repeated study = the memory is more precise and you have less memory losses).

Doing a cardio workout everyday increases your brain power. It can be a 30 min energetic walk outside, it can be a intensive cardio workout, it can be a 1 hour yoga session. Pair that with a good stretch routine (that back needs stretches sfter that long study session!) and a muscle workout too to tone up your muscles and keep you looking sharp. Excercise helps you relieve your stress, and feel more grounded, and feel more confident. More confidence also means there's less stress, better focus, and better social interactions. Make it a fundamental tool in your study artillery.

Combine several activities at the same time, you can watch movies while you workout instead of sleeping too late. You can study your biology while doing your cardio workout. Listen to audiobooks relevant to your domain while walking outside. Do your mask while you're doing your yoga routine. No wasted time, and no excuses.

You gain points if you send “I know you’re asleep but…” texts. They’re my fav.

Life tips?

I’ll answer this question by echoing notes I’ve left for myself in my journal:

Eyes on the prize while you stop to smell the roses

You are loved, even when you don’t feel like it and even when those that love you don’t do it in the most efficient ways

Try not to take shit personally, everyone is just projecting

The success you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding

If he isn’t in awe of you, he doesn’t deserve you

Outgrow feeling like you have to play small to protect peoples feelings

The pain of self-discipline is better than the pain of regret

If you allow a man to feed you he has the power to starve you—be independent and have your own income and assets

If God puts rice in your basket, there is no point in wishing for soup—instead of wallowing in self-pity, make the most of your situation and excel

Fashion is for your everyday life, not just for big occasions

Your brain changes more in your twenties than at any other time in your adult life—whatever it is that you want to change about yourself, now is the time to do it by building good habits

Speed is relatively unimportant, forward is forward

Low self-esteem often leads to adverse self-fulfilling prophecies; break the cycle and build a strong sense of self-worth

The people who reach the greatest heights are not always the strongest, nor the most intelligent; they are the most responsive to change

Some of these are truisms I’ve found on Tumblr, some are quotes from books I’ve read, some are wisdom I’ve received from the people in my life, and others are things I’ve realized from self-reflection. This probably wasn’t the most organized but I hope it was still helpful! ❣️

[28/05/13]

are your excuses more important than your dreams?

need to get more motivation for mid-yearlies from somewhere