[28/05/13]

The number of times I've changed my ringtone to make it peaceful is insane.

The moment I hear my ringtone, all the peace and silence leaves me with the coming onset of dread and anxiety.

How do you stay motivated?

Motivation is a fickle bitch. Don’t expect motivation. You don’t stay motivated; you work through the periods of exhaustion and disinterest with relentless discipline and enjoy the moments of motivation when they come, ride the wave, and then struggle through the depths again.

(Habit, not motivation, should be your best friend. Routine, persistence, patience.)

Fuck your dreams!

- or at least revise them from time to time...

So a few months ago my boyfriend (who is really fond of TED Talks) told me about one of the talks he listened to recently. The message was supposed to be "F**k your dreams!". I've got to be honest with you, I simply did not agree with him.

Well, about two weeks ago one of my few loved family members died and before I even could cry about it or realize what kind of loss that meant for me, something inside of me demanded change. Change concerning my dreams. And that was really a strange thought because I have been working so hard towards becoming a PI, having my own chair in some microbiological discipline, that it basically left me with nothing else.

Now, it has been some time since this initial spark. I did a lot of crying, thinking, reading and blankly staring into my computer - not really able to articulate what was going on inside of me. But this thought had stuck in my head because after all I felt like I've been saying "Sorry, I am busy" way too much over the past years. And I might have just discovered that my time, my boyfriend's time, my friend's time and sadly also my family's time on earth is limited. Everyone's time is limited. Somehow it felt like I forgot to use it the right way.

Still, not knowing how to communicate any of these thoughts, I straight out asked my boyfriend what he thought would happen if I just started all over and started a degree in engineering. And he said: "Well, then you'll become an engineer." The answer was so simple that it made me laugh because something within me expected him to talk me out of it, to give me a passionate speech about following my dreams and not have one through back make me quit. But he obviously asked for reasons and we talked them over. In the end he gave me a passionate speech - my own personal TED Talk on how I am not obligated to my old dreams and that I can revise them anytime I want to. And that's when I understood what the talk was about to say. (I am actually not sure if this one is the talk he got the idea from & my personal one was more inspiring to me but this one will do for you.)

I thought it would get harder to express my thoughts to other people. Especially, because I am still trying to figure out what I want to do instead. Engineering was just the first thing I could think of. But actually, nobody tried to talk me out of it. People asked questions. Obviously. Because suddenly I wasn't this stubborn fighter anymore who would do anything to become a well-known scientist. But they meant well & just tried to understand. And they did understand. Even my mom was full on in telling me that there are so many things I am interested in and that I am talented in that I would surely find my way. No word about finishing what I started. No word about how much longer I would want to study. Or if at some point I was going to earn my own money. (I am very much planning on it though.)

So, I guess, what I want to say is: If you ever find yourself doubting your dreams, don't be shy to revise them and take your time. And never be afraid to communicate it - you might find support where you never expected it to be.

• 9th June 2021 •

I've been planning for a long time to post here. But I never got the courage neither the time.

However, my final semester exam just got over today. It was a breeze because we submitted online but am already dreading the results.

Now I have all the time in the world for me

- to ponder on what I should do next

- binge read books that I have collected

- work on my cooking skills

- study for my competitive exam

If you’re an adult, be your own parent

A very simple yet effective substitute for parental affection and approval is finding those within yourself. I know, this guru-type preaching annoys the crap out of you, but there’s no way of putting it simpler. I guess it can be the final stage of personal individuation/separation, becoming a whole and independent thinking organism (in most situations). When I passed this stage, I was no longer looking for approval and appraisal, critics didn’t make me mad, because I wasn’t a girl trying to please her parents with excellent marks or provoke their anger with smoking. I was an adult, never willing to get back even to my 20’s, when my frontal lobe was far from being in a full swing. Accepting responsibility for your own life also helps raise an inner parent. If you don’t take care of yourself, no one will. You can feel weak for an hour, a day or a week, but things won’t start getting better until you do something. The inner voice that is telling you should quit smoking, cut sugar, wear fair-trade cotton or simply stay true to yourself, is your inner parent, is the essence of you to be cultivated.

- Ana Goldberg on Is It Okay To Not Love Your Parents

Can you list some harsh truths that the general population (especially women) need to hear in order to improve? I feel like society likes to sugarcoat everything.

Family is a privilege, not a right. Men being allowed to cum inside is a priviledge and not a right.

Men can never DEMAND to women, they can only ask. If they demand, it's divorce time.

It is okay to marry richer/higher status. Marrying lower is just not a good idea for women. You need to always be upgrading and upgrading. Never settle.

Also, at the same time, be reasonable in your standards. The higher your standards are, the smaller your pool will be and the higher caliber you have to be to distinguish yourself.

For dating hypergamously, practice is KEY. Date date date date date date and GET OUT THERE. Mr Perfect won't be impressed by your low-experience awkard nerd ass.

By gaining dating experience you also learn to recognize yourself the red flags.

The higher the salary the more likelier he's a psychopath. Read up on psychopathy and other Dark Triad traits so you're prepared to counteract. If you're not sure about some man, next. Better be safe and save your skin than be a victim.

Your boyfriend working at MacDonalds or smoking pot is not him being "cool" he's being lame. He drives a rusty noisy corolla? Nah. This ain't cute. Get it together.

If you feel you don't deserve dating high value men, get the fuck off the dating pool, recenter it all on you, take a 1yr break and work on your glowup. Read about buliding self confidence AND WORK IT.

Never have children before marriage. Marriage is the legal protection of women. In case you separate outside of marriage he may be never required to help out financially with alimony. Marriage is protection for women.

Fuck the baby mama culture. See previous point. It just isn't cool, it's lame.

It is okay to prioritize career over men, and career first before founding a family. You MUST be seeking out for yourself FIRST before endangering yourself and putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

If you need to have a baby in order to keep a man, let him go. Bye.

The current dating market is heavily unfavorable towards women, as most men just don't know how to behave nicely. And this ain't our problem to solve in any way. Do not hesitate to be cutthroat. Red flag? Block, delete, forget and NEXT.

Fuck protecting men's feelings. Breakup when you don't wanna be anymore with him, say things honestly. They're already brutally honestamongst themselves, they can handle you being honest and asserting yourself.

Mantrums shouldn't make you comply, in ANY way. You need X, he doesn't wants, don't care, you need X or you gtfo.

You have to take accountability for your own actions on yourself and others, but do not blame yourself for EVERYTHING everyone does. That's what a PickMe does. If you got unhealthy body, this is not the fault of your mama if you're above 20. If you went broke, this is not the fault of everyone else if you went shopping excessively with that nice brand new CC card.

Being fat is not cute. Being skeleton thin is not cute. Get it together and strive towards actual wellbeing. Stop smoking cigarettes nobody might tell you but it makes you stink and gives off a bad impression. Same with excessive alcohol consumption.

Like said in the Teenager post, therapist stuff should stay at the therapist's office or your journal.

Live the lifestyle your salary allows you to live. You shouldn't be buying Prada shit on MacDonald's salary. If you want better stuff, strive to improve your salary. Going broke is just awful and not a nice personality trait.

Refuse to work too much you have zero life outside of work. That's exploitation and not being "hardworking". If you feel you can't ask that, read up about "boundaries". Currently, the market favors heavily employees so you have leverage for better. .

You should strive to be autonomous, you can't expect Mama or Friend to help you out everytime you're stuck. Prepare ahead, think of all possibilities ahead of time and ask for help when you're actually stuck. People get helping fatigue.

Do not just read about dating strategies or beauty stuff. Read up about news, science, culture and so on. Listen to podcasts, videos, read reference books, etc. There's a topic you wanna learn more about? Head to the librairy to get a good foundation.

To become a queen requires work, time involvement, energy, focus. You can't hope to become a queen just by scrolling on Tumblr and doing nothing else. Go workout, read, go out, etc. Have a life.

reblog if you’re the science and sarcasm friend

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“A healthy relationship is where two independent people just make a deal that they will help the other person be the best version of themselves.”

— Unknown

If you can't even spend 5 minutes with God now on earth how are you going to last eternity with Him?