If You’re An Adult, Be Your Own Parent

You gain points if you send “I know you’re asleep but…” texts. They’re my fav.

The 'No Excuses' Study System to Get That A

I  School Days 

1. Show up to class a little early. It’ll give you time to set up, read over some old notes, put your water bottle/thermos on your desk, fill out your planner if you couldn’t in the previous period(s), check your planner to see if you have something on that day etc.

2. Sit in the front or second row. I’m serious, you will definitely benefit. Write detailed class notes. Pick whatever system works for you. I usually write my titles in red pen, notes in black pen, underline points that are repeated/emphasised, highlight keywords at home

3. If you have time at school, do as much homework as you can. If you know you have commitments that day, please for the love of your education do your homework at lunch. I know you might feel awkward, but your friends will understand. 

4. When you get home, first list down all the homework received that day on a q card (cross off as you go). Then write the same tasks in your bullet journal, but as a daily spread. Use stayfocusd or self control for mac + leave phone in a different room. FINISH ALL OF YOUR HOMEWORK. If for some reason you couldn’t complete a homework task, write it on a sticky note and place it on your wall. After homework is done, write your revision notes (flashcard the info as well). Place the notes in your accordion folder/binder. If you have some loose sheets at any point, place them in a ‘To Be Filed’ box. Sort that out when you’re packing your bag for the next day.

5. Go through the flashcards made that day and the flashcards made on the previous days.  List out all assignments/assessments on another q card with their due dates. This will come in handy later.

6. Pack your bag the night before. Remember your accordion folder + make sure your ‘To Be Filed’ box is empty. Put water bottle in the fridge and make meals for the next day.

7. The next day, wake up early, complete any unfinished homework, go through flashcards again, read through revision notes, make lunch for the day, put laptop in bag, put food + water in bag, exercise (esp if you have commitments after school), shower, change, blah blah blah. Only do this if your schedule is packed, and in my case, this is a must.

II  Weekends

1. On Friday nights, first off, do homework. You will thank yourself for it. Whip out that list of assessments/assignments and allocate half days to knock off at least two of these little assholes. Work ahead, you will feel much better.

2. Do your readings. For English, knock off some wider reading novels, for HSIE, knock off some textbook unit readings (two units ahead), for science, knock off some more textbook readings. Write summaries of each page. Type these summaries. Print these summaries. Place in accordion folder/binder. Flashcard the info. Spend like half a day doing this lmao.

3. Spend 1-2 hours going through the flashcards you made that week for each subject. This counts as studying my friend. 

III Weekends When You Actually Have Assessments 

1. Due to your working ahead, homework completion and readings, you shouldn’t be panicking too much. Get those revision notes and slot in the textbook readings notes. Highlight, annotate, read aloud, go through flashcards and get someone to test you on the content. Make sure you know all terms, formulae, key concepts, vocabulary etc etc

2. As for assignments, again due to your working ahead just print them out and heavily edit those little asshats. Then type the edits into the doc. Repeat this process four times. Then get someone to read it. Make sure all your assignments are on your USB + email them to yourself because you never fucking know tbh. 

3. You’ll probs have to sacrifice your reading time but that’s chill because the teacher/prof will probably be focusing on prepping you for the actual assessment + you gotta do what you gotta do.

SUMMARY

Seriously, just do your homework the day you receive it, write revision notes, do your readings, write notes on those readings, make flashcards, knock out assignments as soon as you know they actually exist, read every wider reading novel (analyse these novels), read your required readings (analyse this too), go over flashcards every morning/afternoon, make use of spare time in class, do homework at lunch if needed, stick to your schedule, buy coffee/hot chocolate in the mornings and put it in a thermos, keep a necessities pouch in your bag, keep your P.E shoes in your locker, use a planner, track your spending, wash your hair, brush your hair, go to commitments, attend school events, attend events you’re invited to, go shopping, watch movies, be kind to yourself, take bubble baths, light candles, listen to music, SLEEP, get that A and most importantly be proud of yourself. 

In one condition of the experiment, six flavors of jam were available for tasting: peach, black cherry, red currant, marmalade, kiwi, and lemon curd. In another condition, twenty-four flavors of jam were featured: the six flavors just mentioned plus eighteen others. In both conditions, customers who tasted the jam could then use a coupon to buy a jar at lower cost.

The key finding in the study was that the twenty-four-flavor table attracted more attention yet it resulted in fewer buyers. Shoppers flocked to the exciting array, yet most became overwhelmed and dropped out of buying jam altogether. Only 3 percent of those who visited the twenty-four-flavor table went on to buy jam. In contrast, shoppers who visited the six-flavor table were more able to decide which jar was right for them, with about 30 percent leaving the store with jam in hand.

The next week, I told Ian about the jam experiment and wondered aloud about whether he felt too overwhelmed by life’s purported possibilities to pick something.

“I do feel overwhelmed by the idea that I could do anything with my life,” he said.

“Then let’s get concrete. Let’s talk about choosing jam,” I offered.

“Am I at the six-flavor table or the twenty-four-flavor table?” he asked.

“That is an excellent question. I think part of making any decision in your twenties is realizing there is no twenty-four-flavor table. It’s a myth.”

“Why is it a myth?”

“Twentysomethings hear they are standing in front of a boundless array of choices. Being told you can do anything or go anywhere is like being in the ocean you described. It’s like standing in front of the twenty-four-flavor table. But I have yet to meet a twentysomething who has twenty-four truly viable options. Each person is choosing from his or her own six-flavor table, at best.”

Ian looked at me blankly, so I went on.

“You’ve spent more than two decades shaping who you are. You have experiences, interests, strengths, weaknesses, diplomas, hang-ups, priorities. You didn’t just this moment drop onto the planet or, as you put it, into the ocean. The past twenty-five years are relevant. You’re standing in front of six flavors of jam and you know something about whether you prefer kiwi or black cherry.”

- The Defining Decade by Meg Jay, PhD

Notes from my last program with a client 🤍

SOURCE

What if, and hear me out, people DO love you

Your coworker who loves when they get to work a shift with you, even if you don’t talk

Your cousin who’s relieved when they see you at family gatherings, who thinks you’re “the cool cousin” but hasn’t said anything out loud

Your classmate who thinks you have great taste, even if they’re too shy to speak up about it in class

Your childhood friends who remember you fondly

The waiter you tipped during a busy night

That person you complimented on the street

The little kid you waved to

The old woman you made small talk with

People love you, because you’re lovable. And you’re worthy of love. Even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes

(Self depreciating comments will be removed at best, bluntly and remorselessly told to shut the fuck up at worst. Fuck around. I dare you.)

“A healthy relationship is where two independent people just make a deal that they will help the other person be the best version of themselves.”

— Unknown

quotes that help me survive:

“You are not lost. You are here. Stop abandoning yourself. Stop repeating this myth about love and success that will land in your lap or evade you forever. Build a humble, flawed life from the rubble, and cherish that. There is nothing more glorious on the face of the earth than someone who refuses to give up, who refuses to give in to their most self-hating, discouraged, disillusioned self, and instead learns, slowly and painfully, how to relish the feeling of building a hut in middle of the suffocating dust.” — Heather Havrilesky, Ask Polly

this tumblr text post:

“To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.” — Mary Oliver

From an interview with Kazu Makino:

Instructions On Not Giving Up, Ada Limon:

And this poster by Yumi Sakugawa

“You have to believe, in your heart, that even if you don’t work hard and exercise and think positive thoughts and make new friends and march triumphantly into the future, you are still enough. You will always have bad days. Being broken doesn’t make you a loser. You can crumble, and you will still be enough. Make that your religion moving forward. You are here to feel this moment. You are not here to become someone better. You are not here to impress or compete. You are not here to prove yourself. You are here to savor this life. Let down your guard. You are already enough. Believe it.” — Heather Havrilesky

“The first feminist gesture is to say: “Ok. They’re looking at me. But I’m looking at them.” The act of deciding to look, of deciding that the world is not defined by how people see me, but by how I see them.” -Agnès Varda

lyrics from the song Grow by The Oh Hellos:

“The world’s otherness is antidote to confusion, that standing within this otherness—the beauty and the mystery of the world, out in the fields or deep inside books—can re-dignify the worst-stung heart.” — Mary Oliver

“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you,and that you will work with these stories from your life--not someone else's life--water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom. That is the work. The only work.” — Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Fuck your dreams!

- or at least revise them from time to time...

So a few months ago my boyfriend (who is really fond of TED Talks) told me about one of the talks he listened to recently. The message was supposed to be "F**k your dreams!". I've got to be honest with you, I simply did not agree with him.

Well, about two weeks ago one of my few loved family members died and before I even could cry about it or realize what kind of loss that meant for me, something inside of me demanded change. Change concerning my dreams. And that was really a strange thought because I have been working so hard towards becoming a PI, having my own chair in some microbiological discipline, that it basically left me with nothing else.

Now, it has been some time since this initial spark. I did a lot of crying, thinking, reading and blankly staring into my computer - not really able to articulate what was going on inside of me. But this thought had stuck in my head because after all I felt like I've been saying "Sorry, I am busy" way too much over the past years. And I might have just discovered that my time, my boyfriend's time, my friend's time and sadly also my family's time on earth is limited. Everyone's time is limited. Somehow it felt like I forgot to use it the right way.

Still, not knowing how to communicate any of these thoughts, I straight out asked my boyfriend what he thought would happen if I just started all over and started a degree in engineering. And he said: "Well, then you'll become an engineer." The answer was so simple that it made me laugh because something within me expected him to talk me out of it, to give me a passionate speech about following my dreams and not have one through back make me quit. But he obviously asked for reasons and we talked them over. In the end he gave me a passionate speech - my own personal TED Talk on how I am not obligated to my old dreams and that I can revise them anytime I want to. And that's when I understood what the talk was about to say. (I am actually not sure if this one is the talk he got the idea from & my personal one was more inspiring to me but this one will do for you.)

I thought it would get harder to express my thoughts to other people. Especially, because I am still trying to figure out what I want to do instead. Engineering was just the first thing I could think of. But actually, nobody tried to talk me out of it. People asked questions. Obviously. Because suddenly I wasn't this stubborn fighter anymore who would do anything to become a well-known scientist. But they meant well & just tried to understand. And they did understand. Even my mom was full on in telling me that there are so many things I am interested in and that I am talented in that I would surely find my way. No word about finishing what I started. No word about how much longer I would want to study. Or if at some point I was going to earn my own money. (I am very much planning on it though.)

So, I guess, what I want to say is: If you ever find yourself doubting your dreams, don't be shy to revise them and take your time. And never be afraid to communicate it - you might find support where you never expected it to be.