Writetastic - K A Z U M I

Ladies, if you have a crush, are obsessing over a guy or fantasising about a man that is inaccessible for whatever reason this message is for you. This a wake-up call. A slap-in-the-fucking-face moment to tell you to GET this person out your head so you can start living and enjoying life WITH an actual person you desire instead living in this made-up fantasy world with a man that’s out of reach. 

Firstly, why the hell are you letting any man live rent free in your mind? A man you’re not even with, a man that’s not even paying your bills? Sweetie, get-it-together. Do you know what mentally happens when you overthink about a man? You put him on a pedestal. You create separation. You focus in and you repel, because you are now in masculine energy. A man in his masculine hunts, and focuses in on his target. How can there be healthy polarity between you both if you are also in the masculine role? Do you see how damaging this is? Instead of living in separation from your desires, start telling yourself, it’s normal to be in a relationship with a man you desire, it’s normal for men to be attracted to me. If you’re in the habit of having crushes, but not actually having relationships, work on using the statements above every single day for re-programming. 

Finally. Everything you want is accessible to you, don’t ever fucking believe you can’t have a healthy relationship, that you’re not worthy of an actual relationship with a man you desire. You can and will have it all sweetie, maybe not this guy, maybe not even the next. But the right man will be accessible to you. You won’t need to be dreaming about being close to him, to having him touch you, kiss you, fuck you. This will be your reality. Don’t even think about wasting a moment longer on a crush, a man who friend-zoned you, the man who wants you but doesn’t want you. Let them go, you deserve available men. Over and out. 

They’ll probably mispronounce my name at my funeral

• 10th June 2021 •

Constantly changing tabs in my brain between "You got this, everything will be fine." and "You are useless, you will never amount to anything in your life."

I'm not crying and neither are the lights off

Anaïs Nin, from “The diary of Anaïs Nin, vol. 3: 1939-1944”

Constantly reminding that this body is fighting for you to be alive.

Stop belittling yourself.

In one condition of the experiment, six flavors of jam were available for tasting: peach, black cherry, red currant, marmalade, kiwi, and lemon curd. In another condition, twenty-four flavors of jam were featured: the six flavors just mentioned plus eighteen others. In both conditions, customers who tasted the jam could then use a coupon to buy a jar at lower cost.

The key finding in the study was that the twenty-four-flavor table attracted more attention yet it resulted in fewer buyers. Shoppers flocked to the exciting array, yet most became overwhelmed and dropped out of buying jam altogether. Only 3 percent of those who visited the twenty-four-flavor table went on to buy jam. In contrast, shoppers who visited the six-flavor table were more able to decide which jar was right for them, with about 30 percent leaving the store with jam in hand.

The next week, I told Ian about the jam experiment and wondered aloud about whether he felt too overwhelmed by life’s purported possibilities to pick something.

“I do feel overwhelmed by the idea that I could do anything with my life,” he said.

“Then let’s get concrete. Let’s talk about choosing jam,” I offered.

“Am I at the six-flavor table or the twenty-four-flavor table?” he asked.

“That is an excellent question. I think part of making any decision in your twenties is realizing there is no twenty-four-flavor table. It’s a myth.”

“Why is it a myth?”

“Twentysomethings hear they are standing in front of a boundless array of choices. Being told you can do anything or go anywhere is like being in the ocean you described. It’s like standing in front of the twenty-four-flavor table. But I have yet to meet a twentysomething who has twenty-four truly viable options. Each person is choosing from his or her own six-flavor table, at best.”

Ian looked at me blankly, so I went on.

“You’ve spent more than two decades shaping who you are. You have experiences, interests, strengths, weaknesses, diplomas, hang-ups, priorities. You didn’t just this moment drop onto the planet or, as you put it, into the ocean. The past twenty-five years are relevant. You’re standing in front of six flavors of jam and you know something about whether you prefer kiwi or black cherry.”

- The Defining Decade by Meg Jay, PhD

“A healthy relationship is where two independent people just make a deal that they will help the other person be the best version of themselves.”

— Unknown

Red Cantonese bear dog

(via)

notes to self *new information edition*

🌼 Human life is filled with its little miseries. The little irritations of human life. I don't know the exact translation, but Van Gogh, in his letters to his brother, kept saying 'misères de la vie humain'. And he said it as such a factual thing. Like 'oh, that's just the little miseries of our human life. What are yours lately?'

It left me so stunned. That sort of acceptance? It's golden. Currently my misères de la vie humain are job hunting and not thinking about how the world is increasingly becoming dystopic.

🌼 This desire for slow, mindful living, the rejection of a fast-paced hustle culture driven life where we glorify being burned out and busy all the time - it's not stupid. Read this passage by the writer Jeff Brown where he speaks about when we are not centered, it's easy to be manipulated and targeted by others including capitalism. To force yourself to align your goals with those of others. Because you don't know your authentic self. You don't know what you want.

But you have to focus on noticing everything - from your breath, to your body, to your inner self. And you have to centre yourself. He says it may be counter intuitive but actually the slower you move, the faster you will return home. And that just validated what I've known and felt all along.

🌼 Saw this reel on Instagram that revealed the best advice for overthinkers. It said, when you're overthinking: write. When you're underthinking: read. When you're confused: do both.

How has something so simple yet profound not found its way to me before? I hated the word overthinker because as a teenager everyone used that against me. But then one day this random girl from my class said it's not that you overthink, it's just that your standard level of thinking is already so high from the others that to them it's beyond their normal processing capacity. I wish she is doing well right now.

🌼 Hearing some hypocritical people talk about boundaries in their distorted victim blaming narrative, I realized that bro you need to communicate a boundary when you want to set it. Like if you've known someone for 10 years and suddenly you want to change something about your relationship and you decide to set a boundary that demands that change - then you can't just set it in your mind and not communicate it to the other person. And you certainly cannot get mad when they cross a boundary they didn't even know exists now suddenly.

People are increasingly misusing popular narratives surrounding mental health and well being to justify their shitty behaviour. And it's just fucked up.

🌼 To end on a lighter note, I just learned tonight how to say 'my hobby is reading' in Korean and it makes me very happy. I can finally understand sentence formation and structure better and am confident to carry on.