Mindset

Wise things my sister has told me (friendship edition)

You hurt so much in friendships because you are more invested in it than they are or they care to be. Not everyone considers friendship to be such a precious and important relationship in their life and you need to be aware of that before you open your heart to people. 

When someone is being vulnerable with you, it says more about you than it does about them. It shows that you make them feel comfortable and like it’s a safe space and that you will not judge them or go around spreading rumours. They trust you. Because you are a trustworthy and emotionally mature person. 

You don’t need to have a huge showdown sort of confrontation with someone before deciding to distance yourself from them. You can decide that in your own head. Since you are neither ghosting them nor turning on them, you are not required to talk it out. You are simply toning down your affection towards them because now you see them for who they are. 

You need more people in your life who see you as an equal. And that can only happen when they are not so severely insecure. Insecurity comes out in two ways. One, where they put you down, are cocky and entitled and selfish. They think they are better than you. These are commonly recognized as narcissistic traits. But the second way is less known. It is when they are low on self-confidence and compare everything you do with what they do and then secretly try to copy that and never even acknowledge it. It is when they try to suck you dry, take everything they can from you to become ‘better’ and then pretend like you don’t exist. 

Every “failure” is a lesson

We’re praised for our successes but we rarely see someone having a positive attitude towards failing. Quite early on we learn to fear failure, even though it’s a part of life. We will always fail at something. Sometimes we might fail at everything.

We have to accept failures and what’s more, we have to see them as learning opportunities. Our success teaches us very little and rarely so but mistakes always teach us something as long as you are willing to learn that lesson.

Next time you fail at something or do something wrong, don’t beat yourself up about it. That does nothing. Find the lesson, figure out what you did wrong and then promise yourself you won’t do it again. Then move on. There’s nothing else to do but move on.

See the failure as a learning opportunity even before you fail. Take more chances, use your opportunuties, because you either succeed or you learn. Things are far less scary when you gain something from either outcome.

Real talk tips for studying

1. Get up early.

I know, it’s easier said than done. But it is going to be hard for the first 15-20 minutes, maybe even the first hour, but make yourself some coffee, and get the fuck out of that bed.

2. Do 3 useful things right after you get up.

This doesn’t have to be ‘cram one lesson’ or ‘take 500 pages of notes’. No. Brush your teeth, make yourself something nice to drink, comb your hair. Wash your face. Literally whatever you find useful, do it. It may take 10 minutes, but you will feel instantly better when you see you’ve done something.

3. Organize your study space.

I don’t mean organize all your highlighters by color. I mean arrange everything so it is within your reach. That means when you sit down to finally study, there won’t be any need for you to get up and get something.

4. Take breaks.

It’s easy to start scrolling through instagram, or facebook when you sit by a 200 page book. Trust me on this. But set an alarm when you plan on taking a break. Make the break your instagram time, or facebook time, or just chill time. Whatever you do, organize your time so you don’t leave anything out.

5. Divide your shit.

So you have a 300 page chapter to read. Or a 30 page paper to write. Divide it into smaller parts. For example, I will read through the first 30 pages and then take a break. Repeat. Or, I will write 3 pages and then relax. Repeat. Literally whatever shit you have, divide it into smaller chunks and then just tackle the chunks.

6. Don’t listen to music with lyrics.

There are a ton of ‘study music’ or ‘motivational music’ playlists on Youtube. Blast that. That way, you won’t find yourself mouthing the perfect lyrics to Shape of you, and not knowing shit about what you’ve been reading. I’ve been there one too many times and it’s just wasting time.

7. Don’t feel bad about not responding to texts, or not hanging out with friends.

There is time to study and time to play. No between. By all means you should go out and have fun. But your work time can only be your work time. That text can wait, that coffee date can wait. During the break you will have more than enough time to catch up. And your friends should understand that, after all, this is important to you so it should be for them too.

8. Drink water! ! !

This is the most used tip, but trust me, you get tired much quicker if you’re not hydrated. Get a nice ass bottle of water and fill that shit up. Everytime you finish a paragraph take a sip. (At least!)

9. Don’t worry too much.

I’ve lost countless hours by panicking and trying to reason with myself why I should just quit. And let me tell you, it’s very easy to get stuck in that vicious circle. But when you begin to worry, take a deep breath, drink some water and just do. Read that sentence. Write the opening line to your paper. Underline that unknown word. Just do. It will not go in vain. No effort is ever useless.

10. Relax.

You are not the first one to have trouble with this. You are not the only one struggling with this material. But you can do it. It is possible. In 10 years you won’t remember that godawful task or chapter. But you will remember taking shit into your hands. And that feeling when you accomplish your goal is going to be worth all the while.

That’s about it, worked for me. Just be real with yourself. Good luck and may the odds be ever in you favor!

I'm not the friend who would click pictures.

I'm the friend who would ask you to send the pictures later.

Fuck your dreams!

- or at least revise them from time to time...

So a few months ago my boyfriend (who is really fond of TED Talks) told me about one of the talks he listened to recently. The message was supposed to be "F**k your dreams!". I've got to be honest with you, I simply did not agree with him.

Well, about two weeks ago one of my few loved family members died and before I even could cry about it or realize what kind of loss that meant for me, something inside of me demanded change. Change concerning my dreams. And that was really a strange thought because I have been working so hard towards becoming a PI, having my own chair in some microbiological discipline, that it basically left me with nothing else.

Now, it has been some time since this initial spark. I did a lot of crying, thinking, reading and blankly staring into my computer - not really able to articulate what was going on inside of me. But this thought had stuck in my head because after all I felt like I've been saying "Sorry, I am busy" way too much over the past years. And I might have just discovered that my time, my boyfriend's time, my friend's time and sadly also my family's time on earth is limited. Everyone's time is limited. Somehow it felt like I forgot to use it the right way.

Still, not knowing how to communicate any of these thoughts, I straight out asked my boyfriend what he thought would happen if I just started all over and started a degree in engineering. And he said: "Well, then you'll become an engineer." The answer was so simple that it made me laugh because something within me expected him to talk me out of it, to give me a passionate speech about following my dreams and not have one through back make me quit. But he obviously asked for reasons and we talked them over. In the end he gave me a passionate speech - my own personal TED Talk on how I am not obligated to my old dreams and that I can revise them anytime I want to. And that's when I understood what the talk was about to say. (I am actually not sure if this one is the talk he got the idea from & my personal one was more inspiring to me but this one will do for you.)

I thought it would get harder to express my thoughts to other people. Especially, because I am still trying to figure out what I want to do instead. Engineering was just the first thing I could think of. But actually, nobody tried to talk me out of it. People asked questions. Obviously. Because suddenly I wasn't this stubborn fighter anymore who would do anything to become a well-known scientist. But they meant well & just tried to understand. And they did understand. Even my mom was full on in telling me that there are so many things I am interested in and that I am talented in that I would surely find my way. No word about finishing what I started. No word about how much longer I would want to study. Or if at some point I was going to earn my own money. (I am very much planning on it though.)

So, I guess, what I want to say is: If you ever find yourself doubting your dreams, don't be shy to revise them and take your time. And never be afraid to communicate it - you might find support where you never expected it to be.

You know its a good day for me when I get two eggs for dinner.

List of products and little tips that have made my skin (and my life) better pt. 2🌸

once again, this turned out way longer than expected, but this particular post doesn’t have as many product recommendations as pt. 1. this is more focused on tips that, i feel, make me a better version of myself

*the links show the brands i use but there are cheaper options you can find that work just as well

• shower at least two times a day.

• after showering at night use a pumice stone to remove dead skin from your feet then coat your feet with shea butter and put on socks overnight.

• have a diy manicure weekly. even if you dont paint your nails, make sure theyre clean and trimmed (or get your nails done professionally, whatever floats your boat.

• floss.

• y’all know im a natural ho when it comes to things i put in or on my body. ive always struggled with my teeth. they were yellow asf and i didn’t like it (if you dont care if your teeth are yellow and love them that way, kudos for you, i am not). i tried turmeric, oil pulling method, banana peels, strawberries, charcoal, baking soda… basically everything and it didnt work (these may work for some but they didn’t for me) so i bought crest strips and bitch. for $22 i have the whitest teeth ive ever had. it may not work for everyone but it did for me(ik that some dentists and orthodontists offer whitening services but my mom had it done and she has had sensitive gums ever since so due it at your own discretion).

• for fucks sake. clean. your. damn. ears. theres this beautiful invention called Q-Tips. use them.

• NEVER look at the floor while walking. look straight forward. if you make eye contact with a stranger, smile. this shows confidence and tbh i hate it when people, specially attractive girls, give you a nasty look. just smile. youll look good and possibly even male someones day.

• again, eye contact is hot. make eye contact. always.

• be polite and friendly. when entering a place say “good morning”, when leaving say “have a nice/good afternoon/evening”.

• your back should always be straight. posture is attractive.

• wake up early. (i usually wake up at six, go to the gym and in my opinion its the best way to start your day. ik its not for everyone but if you can, do so).

• do not. DO. NOT. drink sodas. its bad for you. plain and simple. drink water.

• try to get in 8 hours at the gym weekly. you dont have to go the 7 days but if you to two hours a day and have rests days in between youll be good. (before someone starts talking shit, im not saying to do two hours of cardio. nope. you do you. you can do 30 minutes of cardio and do weights or mat exercises for the remaining time. i usually do 1 hour of cardio and 1 hour of whatever i feel like doing (legs, arms, abs… sometimes i’ll combine them))

• i developed the bad habit of weighing myself everyday and im currently going to the gym and trying to lose weight so it’s frustrating if i dont lose as much as i wanted or stay the same weight. so if you can, try to weigh yourself only once a week. this is a tip im trying to apply to myself because obsessing over one’s weight is just unhealthy.

• if you part your hair, make sure the line is straight, not necessarily centralized.

• i have curly hair and my life has been a constant cycle of buying different hair products bc none of them ever seem to work but ive been using shea butter mixed with vanilla oil and damn. my hair has never looked/smelled better.

• own nice pjs. you never know if theres an emergency and you have to run out of your house with what you’re wearing. (i dont sleep with clothes so i just keep my silk robe near my bed whenever i go to sleep)

• this goes for underwear too. if you have hispanic parents you know what im talking about. (i don’t believe in period underwear. fight me.)

• please. please. always match your bra and panties. i was at the mall the other day and saw a woman bend over and her panties where beige……. her bra straps were black. just no. (im not saying i have a problem with seeing bra straps. but just make sure theyre the same color as your underwear.)

• get your hair professionally cut at least twice a year. if you can cut your own hair and not butcher it while doing it go ahead!

• stop eating foods you know bloat you.

• if you want to lose weight, dont focus on doing targeted exercises like crunches and squats. Do cardio. (not saying that you shouldn’t squat once in a while, but cardio helps you loose weight while targeted/focused excersices tone)

• if you happen to go to Planet fitness and want to shed a few pounds. use the Arc Trainer. its the best machine for weight loss.

• dont use setting powder after concealing your eyelids (gotta thank my girl daisy marquez i love her)

• when buying gift sets at sephora, only buy hair/skin care sets (a friend of mine used to work at sephora and said only to do so if you wanted to try certain products for the first time bc its not really cost effective)

• y’all gotta stop sleeping on stores like marhsalls and tjmaxx when you can be saving loads of money (ask an employee which day of the week they put out new merch)

• invest in silk sheets (trust me if/when you shave your legs you’ll know what heaven feels like)

• make a cup of tea and sit down and enjoy a book

• the B E S T brand for lip balms is burt bees. i love the peppermint one but they are all truly good.

• buy a diva cup. they are comfortable. cost effective. personally i dont like having to change my pad every 2-3 hours and a diva cup can be used for up to 12 hours. i changed like 5 times a day during my cycle while wearing pads and now i change around 15 times per cycle. you have to be absolutely comfortable with your body, especially your vagina to start wearing them tbh (diva cups come in two sizes i believe model 1 model 2 i bought both because my first two days are my heaviest flows. so during the first days i use the biggest one and use the small the rest of the cycle.) if you want me to make a post about my experience wearing them let me know!

• castor oil hair mask every two weeks.

• invest in scrub gloves for life changing, smooth skin. (although i shower 2-3 times a day i only scrub at night then coat my whole body with shea butter) \ let me know if y’all want my night routine merged with my boob/butt care routine in another post!

• get a journal/agenda and plan your week (i got this bullet journal)

• always make your bed in the morning

• if you like someones outfit, tell them. if you like someones smile. tell them. give compliments every once in a while.

• dont judge people’s clothing, specially if they’re fat and youre thinking some shit like “theres types of clothes for those type of bodies”. just shut the fuck up. i do agree that there are types of clothes for every ocasion but not for bodies. if you, a skinny girl, can wear a crop top in public, so can a fat girl. (this coming from someone who used to be very fat and stopped wearing crop tops in public bc of mean ass bitches)

• if youre in an office, wether it be a doctors or some government office or whatever, dont be talking loudly on the phone. me and the rest of the population hate you if you do this. it’s annoying and rude. nobody cares if your sisters bestfriends boyfriend had sex with a dog. i really dont care. if you HAVE to talk on the phone, quietly exit the room and talk all you want.

• a friend of mine (a girl) told me that she doesnt hold the door for anyone, and i mean ANYONE, bc she’s a lady. thats bullshit. if you see a woman with a stroller, an old lady, or basically anyone, hold the door for them. its plain rude for you to let the door slam in someones face bc you believe everyone should treat you like a lady. (im not sayin they shouldn’t but act like a lady, not a bitch)

• iron your clothes.

• never use your phone at the table.

• dont point out acne or sun burns.

• if youre a vegan or vegetarian or eat, protein shakes are always a good breakfast option if youre in a hurry or dont want to cook

• if you have acne scars mix an egg white and an apricot in the blender. thank me later.

• buy african black soap for better skin. (if you have sensitive skin i wouldn’t recommend it tbh)

• if youre at the gym: fucking wear appropriate attire. (ive seen girls with jean shorts and flannels wrapped around their waists… i get that some girls wear red lipstick to feel hot and theres nothing wrong with that. but dont lie to me and say that you’re comfortable running with jeans rubbing against your thighs. everyone is probably judging you.)

• always tip your waiters/waitresses. if the service is good tip atleast 15%. (i always tip 20% / if you have a favorite restaurant and you like a particular waiter/waitress ask for them to serve you. its more likely youll get a better service.) whenever i go to my favorite restaurant the same guy always comes to my table and we chat. he memorized what appetizers, main courses, and desserts my family usually orders so when i go there hes like “welcome to *****, 2 lemonades and a room temp bottle water?” and same goes for appetizers and the rest of the meal. always be friendly to your waiters/waitresses. always.

• smile more often and remember self-care isn’t selfish.

~~~~~~~~~~

im sorry this took so long to post… i hope some of these are helpful. reblog if you’d like to see a pt. 3¿? theres not much more to add but i constantly change products and routines so who knows.

I like sleep.

So if I ever skip sleep for you, that just shows I love you so much.

Other than that, dont flatter yourself.

Please.