Own Up, Understand Your Feelings And Listen

I'm torn between trust and mistrust

And the thought of my betrayal of you

Fills me with guilt, shame and disgust.

I'm so sorry that I hurt you bad and

I wish I wouldn't have done that to you

So I tear my heart apart in deep regret.

"How many secrets

Is one secret too much, then?"

I wondered quietly.

Ghost And Mirror

You can’t see me even though you look at me

Hold my hand the touch ice cold like I’m a ghost

And theres no cure for this plague my dear

This pretty shell was always

Rotten from the core and you didnt seem to notice

That im drowning in this ocean of my negative emotions

And theres no saving me my dear

Youre my biggest enemy though youre close to my heart

You call me out and i call to the arms

And theres no saving me dear

You can’t save me my dear

Sometimes I wonder

How long it would take

For people to notice

If I'd went away

Weeks? Months? Years?

And the next thing

afterwards I wonder about

Is the how, the act

And how they'd react

When they'd find me

Laying lifeless in my bed

Like the husk that

I already am

Would they recognize me?

Would they understand?

To see you suffer

Over and over

And feel your sorrow

Again and again

Knowing that

The helplessnes

That I feel

Is only an

Approximation

Kills me

12 Uhr Mittags und ich komme heim'.

Mitte Oktober und die Sonne scheint.

Sie lacht... Über mich. Ich verstehs.

19 Grad, mir ist trotzdem kalt, innerlich.

The tears in my heart

They rise into my mind

Form clouds in my mouth

And rain down onto the void

I want to know you.

I want to be known by you.

I want to be near you.

I want to help you.

I'm commited to you.

I wish you the best.

Trying

I'm trying my best

To keep on going

Stay true and remember

To learn and adapt

To Be honest and open

Towards you and myself

And when I'm exhausted

I'm trying to rest

Da gibt es diese Stimmen in mir

die in Argwohn lauern

Auf Momente der Hoffnungslosigkeit

Auf Momente der Überforderung

Auf Momente der Niedergeschlagenheit

Um mir zu sagen

Siehst du?

Nichts kriegst du hin.

Du bist nur eine Last.

Aus dir wird eh Nichts.

Ohne dich wär' die Welt besser dran.

...Mit dir hat man nur Probleme.

Du bist ein Problem.

Hab dich jetzt nicht so.

...Wieso heulst du jetzt rum?

Du bist eine Strafe für mich.

Es wäre besser, du wärst niemals geboren.

Ich hasse dich.