Note To Self - Blog Posts

As someone with a cancer mars I keep getting attracted to/obsessed with cancer rising men and it needs to stop!!!

When we are learning, almost by definition, we are going through the harrowing, humbling experience of recognizing how ignorant we really were up until this very minute.

Sooner or later, Sam is going to die. What are people going to say about him after he’s dead? That he was a good man? That he was a kind man? That he accomplished something great, or even that he had great aspirations that he never accomplished, but that show the goodness of his intentions in this life, in this world?

Diet staples include:

Almond milk, calcium fortified

Hemp seeds

Bananas, dates, berries, etc…

Pea protein powder

Chickpeas, black beans, lentils, etc…

Oats

Tofu/Tempeh

Spinach/Kale

Nattō

Sweet potatoes

Damn.

Things that I'd daydream about are actually happening.

Doors are opening. Opportunities are arising.

I just need to fucking latch on to them with a firm grip and give it my all.

I can't handle any more regrets.

Must go camping immediately

Fuck it. Gonna learn how to make a proper neapolitan pizza. Also, somehow figure out a wood oven system in the garden.

pick your poison LMAOOO

Franz Kafka, 1912

please try before assuming you will fail at something and become paralyzed by fear and end up doing nothing. give yourself the chance to try what you’d like to do. maybe you won’t fail. maybe you’ll feel a little better just for trying. no one is judging you as much as you think they are. try.

i hope that in 2025 u get to take more walks, read more books, connect with more people whom u love and who love u, achieve ur goals (even if ur goals are having no goals and just living in the moment), exercise fun hobbies, move from a place of self-direction, and weave together a beguiling assortment of beautiful little moments. remember that no feeling lasts forever. love u

bitch this is all you’re gonna get. this life, this face, this body. you better not ‘maybe in another universe’ your way out of everything. sit your ass down and face this. go make tea and have a picnic and read a goddamn book. kiss your loved ones, send that damn text, and hug your siblings. this is all you’re gonna get.

bitch you better not be sitting and staring at your old wounds forever wtf

you didn’t deserve to be treated that way. remember that. 

i gotta remember this

FR GURLLL

Music

I think one of the most underrated topics when it comes to self-improvement is music. I mean it. No one really talks about it. And not in the “listen to classical/jazz music, go to the opera, become a cultured individual” way. In the “stop listening to music all the time” way.

And before jumping at conclusions, hear me out.

I am and I’ve always been a fan of music. I don’t have a type - I listen to everything that I like. I had so many phases - Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, kpop, depressive music (let’s keep it a secret ok). You name it, I’ve been there.

For about two years, I listened to music nonstop. Not in the “music is my life” way, but in the “let’s open spotify while I’m getting dressed up” kind of way. I was listening to music in the morning, after I woke up. I was listening while I was doing homework, while I was getting ready, while I was eating. All the time. And I liked it - it’s not like I was scrolling, right?

I only noticed everything two weeks ago, when I was in an awful mental state. I was feeling like the pressure was too much, like the world was too much. I couldn’t hear my thoughts. Why? Partly because of the music that I was listening to.

Music blocks the outside noise. It is an escaping mechanism, much like social media or watching series. It makes you numb, or happy, or sad, according to the lyrics and the beat. In the end, music is content.

Let’s get back to the story. After that, I decided to search about the effect music (with lyrics, especially) has on people, and here, loves, is what I discovered:

Dopamine Desensitization: Excessive listening to highly stimulating music can lead to dopamine over-release, causing temporary pleasure desensitization, where one needs more intense stimuli to feel pleasure. Eventually, you may find it harder to feel good without intense music. Over time, this can feel almost addictive.

Dependency on Music: As many people do (and I am no exception), you might be tempted to use music as a coping mechanism, a way to escape the reality or regulate your stress levels. Over the time, though, this dependency may hinder emotional self-regulation and negatively impact your mental resilience.

False Cure for Loneliness: Listening to music is often perceived as a “cure” for loneliness. You’ve probably experienced it. Songs are relatable - they talk about love, family, trauma and all that - and this the reason for the overconsumption. And loneliness, as we know, is the no. 1 cause of depression and mental illnesses. The thing is, which I hope you are aware of, the only cure for loneliness is meeting other people, socializing. Music makes you think everything is getting better. Well, no. Everything is getting worse.

Mood Manipulation: As well as music boosts your mood…it can always take it down. Let’s say you got a bad grade. You listen to depressive music. It feels good for a moment, right? Your feelings are validated. But then the trauma and the mommy issues come to light and that bad grade leads a feeling tsunami. Music won’t let you live in the present. Wake up, love.

Internalizing Negative Messages: As a note to no. 4, humans tend to mimic everything they see and understand. So when a song is telling you that no one will miss you when you’re gone or some other bs, you believe it, huh? Because you are human. You’ve heard of the subconscious mind - find some other posts about it and read (I don’t have any, but there are plenty on tumblr - you can even find articles so dive in).

Overstimulation. Your brain is fried. Why, love, why? You need music 24/7? No, what you need is a walk in the nature and a therapy session, not living in a world inside of your head. When you can’t hear your thoughts and all you can hear are the lyrics…it’s time to stop. Please.

Note: by any means, I am not telling you to quit listening to music. What I want you to understand is that you have to live the present and be aware of your own feelings, without being influences by the break-up song of whatever singer. What I did after I noticed all this: I switched to classical music. It rebuilt my focus, it helps me stay calm and relieve stress and I don’t have to deal with the drama. Now, feel free to choose your own path. Or even keep listening to music if you think you can manage it - but stay present. I’m telling you once again.

I hope this helps! Rya

- 5/10/2018 I didn’t feel like drawing much so I wrote a list of things I need to get better at in art. There are many more I’m just not planning on focusing on them next. (Backgrounds, perspective, and so on)