A Lot Of Their Songs Are Shifting Coded Imo - Blog Posts

definitelymaybelilac

1 month ago

maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me

gaining consciousness in my arrowverse dr for what felt like only three minutes (but i suspect it was longer..)

i was desperate. yet again.. if you remember my first post on a successful shift (where i opened my eyes) i had gone to sleep in desperation and intense desire to leave this reality. and the reason i bring this up? so that you know how easy and how capable it is to shift, even in the throws of desperation

it was a standard story — i stayed up late, contemplated existence, had a random burst of motivation to write 2k words for one of my fics, sat and stared at the wall while imagining edits to the music i was listening to, got distracted by barry allen edits before finally deciding to lay my head on the pillow and actually make an attempt

i chose an alunir meditation (the one for waiting rooms bcs that’s my main goal) before getting comfortable and allowing myself to relax

the problem is . i had a hard time relaxing.. tossing and turning, random joints spontaneously feeling itchy, distracted thoughts and an overall sense of despondency . but i persevered :/

i dipped in and out of sleep a couple of times and the last thing i remember is getting bothered by my earbuds and nudging them out of my ears before i completely blank out

i don’t know when i started to feel myself waking up again, but i do know how and why .. i could feel another presence beside me. i could feel the mattress dip down and the relaxed sigh of someone who just got into their bed after a long and tiring day

looking back on it now .. i’m surprised how normal?? that felt??

normally i only act this way in my cr with my parents like when my mum comes into my room for some extra crash when she’s going to get groceries, or my dad needs to borrow a charger. i’ll be asleep but i’ll be mentally awake, and i’ll hear their shuffling and recognise their footsteps, so i’ll be completely relaxed albeit a little annoyed by the noise

it’s baffling yet reassuring, the way that there is such normalcy, such seamless existence, between one reality and another i mean IT FELT LIKE IT HAD HAPPENED SO MANY TIMES BEFORE (and IT PROBABLY DID) this was probably something so normal for my dr and my life there

as i felt that sense of consciousness and mental awareness start to kick in, i noticed the faintest sound of cars on roads, a few light horns, just the constant white noised hum of traffic (and i can’t explain this in any other way but) it felt like a state of calm to me. it felt like something i should always expect. i honestly didn’t notice it until i heard a very distinct horn of a truck and then it went back to being the natural form of background noise

at this point, i don’t even know what i was thinking. the only thought i had was sleep. getting more sleep, going back to sleep, staying asleep . sleep

i must have moved or shuffled, i must have done something to indicate my slowly waking self because i was quickly tucked back under the sheets, a soft “shh” whispered against the back of my neck, gentle hands weaving their fingers through my hair and it felt like i was floating yet completely cushioned by some cloud of comfort

^ reading that over . it would sound scary and psychotic if i wasn’t so comfortable with my surroundings aksjdjskdk like, i knew that i could trust this person? i didn’t even remember his name bcs i was so exhausted but i was like “oh. it’s him, i love him… i’m tired” [starts relaxing again]

it felt so fucking relaxing .. it felt like i could sleep for eternity with not a worry in the world, it felt like every stressor was alleviated from my mind with every stroke of his fingers through my hair

and what made it all more worth it than it already was — he quietly started to hum

it was strangely unfamiliar yet so familiar at the same time, it was a melody i’d heard over and over again and yet i couldn’t quite place it but that was probably bcs my body was forcing me to go back to sleep

i really didn’t have much of a choice in the matter unfortunately :/

believe me, as soon as i woke up back here, i wanted to go back there, i wanted to return to that moment of peace, keep it in a capsule of love and take it with me everywhere, i want to paint it onto the canvas of my heart and keep it framed for good bcs i will never forget how complete i felt in that moment

maybe if i had known, maybe if i had been more awake to recognise that i had shifted, that i was in my arrowverse dr, that it was BARRY who had probably just returned from patrol and was finally going to sleep, it was BARRY who had brushed the curls of my hair with a touch so soft it felt like velvet, it was BARRY who’s voice carried me off into the sweetest slumber that cannot be compared

bcs when i tell you that waking up here was JARRING?? i’m not shitting you . i heard my air con, and the neighbourhood cat and i was thrown back into this life with a jolt.

it’s like i relaxed so much, it became too much? that’s the only explanation i can think of

i just stayed on my back, staring at the dark abyss of my room’s ceiling, regulating my mind

i could hear barry in my head but it was different, it was like a memory, bcs at this point it is a memory — i lived something without realising and now all i’ve got is the memory..

i sat up and checked my phone to see that it was 3:24 in the morning, meaning i had officially turned 21 and the birthday blues hit me full swing

bcs i had done it again, i’d shifted, i’d accomplished what i’d wanted, and while i felt happy, i still feel this void.. bcs it felt so NICE and i want to go back so badly

and that’s what i plan to do

anyway, some odd things that i noticed upon waking up here — my headphones (which i remember pulling out of my ears) were now safely back in their case. again. (this has happened before) so i’m assuming my cr-self did it but idk why i can’t remember, idk why i didn’t get the memory download ..

anyway, another thing, the song? THE SONG !! i remembered it instantly (maybe cuz in this reality i actually woke up fully conscious) it was WONDERWALL BY OASIS

safe to say it has been on repeat all day

(specifically the cover by zella day bcs apparently i already had it downloaded?? i remember being obsessed w this cover back in 2019 and now it means smth completely different to me, smth more personal)

idk what to make of this shift, i wasn’t even intending to shift to this dr, i was planning on going to my waiting room but i guess my subconscious was thinking abt barry (probably bcs of all the edits and working on my arrowverse fic)

i can still hear his voice and it’s such a soothing memory :(

idk why i feel such a void in me when logically, i knew i succeeded in accomplishing my goal.. but i’m gonna try and use this as a form of motivation for how much power our subconscious has on us, bcs i may have been intending to shift to my wr, but i genuinely needed this shift to my arrowverse dr

it was helpful in a way i can’t quite put into words, but to try : it rejuvenated me

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