Aids - Blog Posts

I’m not trying to be an ad on main, but Oh My God

If you’ve ever thought about getting Loops earplugs, but figured “how much could they really help?”

The terrible hell that is living in city traffic? Suddenly it’s not bad to stand next to the street.

The 4 kids next door in the 3 bedroom apartment? I can only hear screaming if more than 3 chime in.

I can still listen to music and engage in conversation with them. Only downside is I’m very aware of the sound of my own breathing, voice, and my tinnitus.

Sacheen Littlefeather has passed away on October 2nd 2022. While people remember her for her acceptance speech on behalf of Marlon Brando, know that she also ended the media blackout of the Wounded Knee occupation, won an Emmy & co-founded the American Indian AIDS Institute of San Francisco.

my night manager (who is a gay man) and i sometimes sit down and exchange stories and tidbits about our sexuality and our experiences in the queer cultural enclave. and tonight he and i were talking about the AIDS epidemic. he’s about 50 years old. talking to him about it really hit me hard. like, at one point i commented, “yeah, i’ve heard that every gay person who lived through the epidemic knew at least 2 or 3 people who died,” and he was like “2 or 3? if you went to any bar in manhattan from 1980 to 1990, you knew at least two or three dozen. and if you worked at gay men’s health crisis, you knew hundreds.” and he just listed off so many of his friends who died from it, people who he knew personally and for years. and he even said he has no idea how he made it out alive.

it was really interesting because he said before the aids epidemic, being gay was almost cool. like, it was really becoming accepted. but aids forced everyone back in the closet. it destroyed friendships, relationships, so many cultural centers closed down over it. it basically obliterated all of the progress that queer people had made in the past 50 years.

and like, it’s weird to me, and what i brought to the conversation (i really couldn’t say much though, i was speechless mostly) was like, it’s so weird to me that there’s no continuity in our history? like, aids literally destroyed an entire generation of queer people and our culture. and when you think about it, we are really the first generation of queer people after the aids epidemic. but like, when does anyone our age (16-28 i guess?) ever really talk about aids in terms of the history of queer people? like it’s almost totally forgotten. but it was so huge. imagine that. like, dozens of your friends just dropping dead around you, and you had no idea why, no idea how, and no idea if you would be the next person to die. and it wasn’t a quick death. you would waste away for months and become emaciated and then, eventually, die. and i know it’s kinda sophomoric to suggest this, but like, imagine that happening today with blogs and the internet? like people would just disappear off your tumblr, facebook, instagram, etc. and eventually you’d find out from someone “oh yeah, they and four of their friends died from aids.”

so idk. it was really moving to hear it from someone who experienced it firsthand. and that’s the outrageous thing - every queer person you meet over the age of, what, 40? has a story to tell about aids. every time you see a queer person over the age of 40, you know they had friends who died of aids. so idk, i feel like we as the first generation of queer people coming out of the epidemic really have a responsibility to do justice to the history of aids, and we haven’t been doing a very good job of it.

Wow wtf HIV/AIDS was discovered by Flossie Wong-Staal, an Chinese-American woman, and she’s the reason the HIV test even exists. AND THEN she invented the molecular knife that lead to treatments for HIV/AIDS. And she’s STILL ALIVE. We don’t hear about the contributions of Women of Color enough, my word. Madness.

avoiding the old poz guy

Rick was a 24 year old top. He liked to fuck guys his own age. Very much into himself. He would tease older men with the promise that he would bottom bareback for them. Letting them text their fantasies on Grindr. Even trading nude pics. One guy in particular an older man named Gus, at age 56 was diagnosed with HIV. And put on meds to help make him undetectable. However the meds didn’t work on this particular HIV variant. Gus wanted to be able to fuck but didn’t want to let anyone know he was positive. Rick would flirt with Gus. Promising him he could shoot his loads deep into his ass. Gus grew frustrated with Rick. When he kept avoiding hooking up. That would change. One Sunday night Gus and Rick were at a bar. Gus spotted him. And went over to say hi. Rick recognized Gus. And they engaged in small talk. Gus even brought Rick a drink. Unknown to Rick. Gus put a roofie into it. Gus got Rick out of the bar and into his car. Taking him to his house.Gus put Rick on the couch and undressed him. Then he undressed himself. Gus rubbed Rick’s ass cheeks. Kissed him on the neck. Gus also played with his and Rick’s cocks. He fingered Rick’s ass. Getting a moan from him. Gus lubed up his dick and Rick’s ass. Rick was slowly awakening up due to the thrusting of Gus’s dick inside his ass. “Wait” Rick said softly. “I’ve waited long enough and I’m going to see that you keep your promise to me.” Gus got more aggressive with fucking Rick. Who was too weak to fight him off. Gus flipped Rick around to fuck him missionary. He wanted to see Rick’s face when he came inside the young man. “Ahhhh” Gus grunted. “I’m cumming inside of you!” “Take my hiv loads, you teasing bitch!” Rick pleaded. “Please no!” But it was too late. Rick had Gus’s loads inside him. And Gus put a butt plug into Rick’s ass to be sure his loads stay inside him. “I’ll have you arrested for assault.” Rick said. Gus without a word got his phone and showing him Rick’s text that he could fuck him raw. Rick knew then he would have no case. And Gus fucked him one more time and secretly recorded the second fuck. As evidence in case Rick decided to arrest him.