Alias Talks - Blog Posts

Me and Mr. Fairchild have very similar reactions.

I was expecting a quiet little episode, AND I GOT SIMON FUCKING FAIRCHILD-

I already loved the concept of an old man flying out planes for fun... Hearing him interact with people, FUCK.

I love his character already... I can't say I'm disappointed.

"Don't you dare try and be funny, Bitchard. You had your chance. You decided to go and traumatize my babies, so no, you don't. 💚"

-Me, trying to convince myself that Elias Bouchard isn't making me feel something other than hate

✨❤️Just Basira wrecking Elias' shit❤️✨

✨❤️There's more where that came from❤️✨

Is this podcast really going to make me fall for the literal personification of arachnophobia?

Yes, I'm talking about Annabelle Cane, and yes, I'm also very gay.

Gertrude was Agnes's "anchor"...?

Sounds kinda gay to me :)

It all makes sense now. So much more sense. Through all of that badassery, Gertrude is an old lesbian :)

Gertrude Robinson threatening people has the biggest dick energy I've witnessed in a while, pass it on.

Look at them, mutually pining and worrying about each other...

All of this would be amazing if I ALSO WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT THEM-

My god, Daisy, I love you almost as much as I love when people make fun of the Archivist.

Also, he's thinking about Maaahtin <3

A friend called me Archivist today, and I think the feeling I got was the closest thing I've ever gotten to ✨pure euphoria✨

I FEEL LIKE I'M READING A SLOWBURN FIC AND FUUUUUUCK-

I love you both so much please just kiss already

(Season 4 spoilers, my dudes)

Oh yes, the dumb™ Jonathan Sims is back and ready to stick his nose or well, his entire body where he shouldn't!

So, um, I know Breekon's an eldritch being and a villain...

But

He has just lost his other half and I'm sad because of it.

PETER LUKAS. I JUST STARTED TO LIKE YOU.

You seemed like a fine man, a nice guy, a good change from Elias Bitchard...

BUT NO.

You had to go and do something to Martin.

I'M JUST SO ANGY. I CAN'T TRUST ANYONE NEW AROUND THESE ARCHIVES.

Hey, Episode 124 Jon? Jonathan Simps? How does it feel to finally be the one pining after someone that won't consider you?

After the S4 trailer I was getting ready for a tearful reunion and instead I get these two emotionally constipated men, I'm loving it.

So, I hate Elias Bouchard with a burning passion. He hurt poor Melanie, he hurt poor Martin, light of my life, committed multiple MURDERS (even if Leitner kinda deserved it, the rest PROBABLY DIDN'T), and overall, traumatized the entire cast just by existing.

Imagine my joy to hear him getting beaten at the end of season 3.

As many of my friends say: "Better than an orgasm."

So, some thoughts about episode 117:

"I don’t quite get those two. I suppose what they’ve done, seeing what they’ve seen… it’s a hell of a bond." I thought that with the Eye's power you would be better at seeing things like this one

But then again, you haven't seen how much Martin's been trying to get closer to you, so I should've expected that.

THEY'RE GAY, ARCHIVIST-

God, Basira, I just want to hug the shit out of you.

"How the hell did I end up having to save the world?" Dear I don't have the slightest clue, other than Elias Bouchard being a dick and involving you and your girlfriend into this mess.

Melanie being awkward is adorable, but then she monologues about her violent tendency and thoughts against Elias...

I am worried.

Like, Miss King, please, PLEASE. I know Elias Bouchard is, as you said, and asshole, but please don't.

I know that at least two entities feed on violence and FUCK I DON'T WANNA LOSE ANYONE TO THEM-

"Good luck, John. I do hope you win." Good Melanie! :)

"...But I also hope it hurts." Bad Melanie! :(

I love every single Martin interaction.

EVERY SINGLE ONE.

Baby! Dear! Don't worry! It's normal to feel scared!

 "I need them to be safe, I need him to be okay. So-sorry, umm." Don't say sorry, dearie, you just made my day, don't say sorry-

Oh, okay Daisy, good talk. :)

Getting ready to kick some plastic ass!

God, seeing Tim this fiery and passionate is SO GOOD, but, as I said for Melanie, PLEASE DON'T DO DUMB SHIT.

"I’m gonna hurt them, though. I’m gonna hurt the thing that stole my brother and wrecked my life." UHHHH, TIM?! PLEASE DON'T DIE-

"I’m the distraction. If it looks like any of the circus folk, mannequins, whatever, are gonna see the others, I’m to make the biggest mess I can, draw them away, keep them busy." TIM, LOVE, YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE TODAY, ARE YOU?!

"I don’t expect I’m going to be coming back from this. I don’t know if I want to."

TIM NOOOOOOO-

"You, you know what, no. I’m, I’m done with that. No more paranoia. It’s almost got me killed more than once, and Georgie was right. If I am, uh, slipping then I need people I can trust. And I… I don’t think that can happen naturally for me an-anymore, so I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them."

YES ARCHIVIST, YES!

"Ex-except Elias, obviously, that’s not – I mean – I’ve listened to the tapes."

OH LOOK AT YOU, BEING SMART AND WHOLESOME FOR ONCE!

I'm in an episode 111 mood...

*squeaky voice* Jonathan's discovering stuff! I'm so proud!

A statement from Italy read by Martin? Fuck yes.

I can't even get angry at a wrong pronunciation as I usually would, I physically can't.

Everytime he says something in italian wrong I just say: "No sweetie❤️".

And everytime he says something right I just go into cardiac arrest.

So um,,, loving the enthusiasm here Mrs. Jude Perry, but burn the dumb little archivist again...and, seeing how much you love the heat, I will drown you in a pool of ice.

So...just started season 3 of The Magnus Archives...so...

We all hate Elias Bouchard, right? With a burning passion, right?

How dare you make me feel feelings. How dare you make my heart happy and sad and thrive for these characters to then say:

"No, Martin is not going to be okay."

Then, I try telling myself that maybe everyone are gonna suffer in a light amout, y'know... a "spreading the hurt equally" situation.

But then.

Then you add:

"Especially Martin."

Jonny Sims...you really want me to have a breakdown, don't you?

[CLICK]

[DUMBASS]

A Season Two Finale, a commentary by an insignificant little woman, head dumbass of my household, somewhere in Europe.

Commentary Begins.

[DUMBASS, COMMENTARY]

AAAAAAAHHH-

THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES SEASON 2 SPOILERS, MY DUDES

"Then finally, after what seemed like forever, a stupid, arrogant, little man cut the webs and set the monster free."

The Magnus Archives, 79, "Hide and Seek"

Okay, I hate you, "Not-them"

I don't like you and whatever the fuck you represent.

I hope you will get rebound in whatever the fuck you mean with "webs".

I hope Michael helps and... Idk, slices you to pieces with his big, sharp hands (very unlikely, seeing what's happening, but a girl can dream).

I hope that Elias gets his head out of his office and stops being a "waste of a suit" (good one, Tim).

But FUCK, I love how you're calling out Jonatham there.

I've got reactions starting to listen to episode 62:

Who's this little old lady? She seems sweet?

Why is dear Gertrude so mean to her?

And then the answers to all questions:

Oh. It's Mary Keay.

Aaand it's a Leitner episode, goddamnit.

Go Gertrude, be mean, fuck her up

Lovers?

I just spent the entirety of episode 47 chanting to myself: "Michael, Michael, Michael"

And you know why?

For once the person giving the statement didn't describe the person (or entity masking themselves as person) being the source of their miseries as "short".

I get that short people are closer to satan, but as a certified monserfucker I'd like to see more tall eldritch monsters! Please!

(Even if I do have the feeling that I'll probably regret having wished this very soon)

Edit: OKAY I POSTED THIS BEFORE FINISHING THE EPISODE AND SINCE MICHAEL APPEARED I'M MORE THAN HAPPY TO SAY I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED

WAIT. WHO'S THIS SPEAKING? I'M INSTANTLY INTERESTED AND I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW IF SHE'S UP TO DATE M-

oh. it's Gertrude. the previous archivist. the previous now dead archivist.

Me, The Magnus Archives 44, Tightrope

Just begun The Magnus Archives Season 2 and I've got something to say:

JONATHAN, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEAN TO POOR MARTIN?! HE'S JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU, YOU PARANOID ADORABLE LITTLE ARCHIVIST.

Is it so difficult to believe that somebody cares about you, Jonathan? Is it? For the love of whatever type of eldritch being is listening to my rambling right now, I CARE ABOUT YOU AND I'VE LISTENED TO YOU TALKING FOR JUST ONE SEASON-