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I dunno if anyone is reading the World Between Worlds sequence like I am, but as someone with PTSD its giving me so many feelings about the process of ‘recovering’ from war trauma.
How Anakin has being watching over her and seeing her become stagnant and sick and emotionless and pushing people who care away. Pushing away her identity and responsibility to train the future because of this weight on her. She’s just going through the motions of being a Jedi.
And as soon as he has an opportunity he intercepts her. He knows how she’s been doing. But she sees him and immediately starts deflecting and putting on a mask. Reverting back to a teen and giving a cocky little comment about successfully hitting him. And he’s like oh you’re so powerful and put together? Let’s shake it up then.
And then she’s right where she’s always been, but now it’s literal. Trapped in time in the war. Years and years have passed but she’s still that little girl. No matter what she does she can’t move past this point. She’s never been able to leave. She sees the wounded and dead clones like she always sees them, and she feels so much guilt.
But Spirit Anakin isn’t there to feed into that. He’s here to get her to wake up. So he teases her. Ahsoka gets angry. HOW can he be so callous? How can he not care? Doesn’t he realize this terrible thing happened? And Anakin basically responds with brutal honesty. What the fuck is me being serious going to change? It wont take away the mistakes. But they were mistakes. You didn’t cause harm deliberately.
But Ahsoka isn’t getting it. She’s so tired. She asks him, what if I don’t want to fight my guilt anymore? And he’s honest again. Then you’ll be dead. Fight it or die by it.
And then they’re on Mandalore. And Anakin tries again to get her to see she’s more than this terrible thing that happened. But she’s still stuck and not ready to listen. She turns the blame on him. And Anakin is like oh this is what it’s about? You want to give up because of me? You say you’re like this because of me? Fight what you think I am then. Why don’t you just let Vader kill you then. Fight or die.
And as Vader beats at her it finally clicks. She won’t let Vader win. She won’t let the terrible thing win. She wants to live! There still a spark of fight left in her.
And Anakin can finally let her go because he knows she’ll be alright.