Ancient Rome - Blog Posts

Caesar: Knowing when to shut up. 

Tertulla: Remembering when friends’ and relatives’ birthdays are.

Brutus: Any sense of self-preservation. 

Cassius: Seriously guys! It was a rhetorical question. 

Cassius: other than cooking, what basic life skills don't I have?

Antony: I was going to get you another cat. 

Cleopatra: We already have Cynane, and the animal shelter’s closed anyways. 

Antony: Shit! 

Cleopatra: where are you

Antony: I left early

Antony: sorry I couldn't stay longer :(

Cleopatra: wtf where are you going

Antony: I'm going home

Cleopatra: are you kidding me come back

Cleopatra: you're drunk

Antony: don't worry I called an Uber

Cleopatra: We drank at my place

Antony: oh

Antony: where am I going

Julian ( 331/332  – 26 June 363), also known as Julian the Apostate, as well as Julian the Philosopher, was Roman Emperor from 361 to 363 and a noted philosofer and Greek writer.

Wikipedia

He’s such a complex-adorable-sweet-awesome character ç___ç <3<3<3

Fictional Meeting

Adrian Ivashkov: Wait! So you’re that Antony guy I read about in history class. Let’s party together!

Mark Antony: As long as this party includes gallons of wine, I’m in.

Sydney Sage: Damn it, Adrian!

Cleopatra: Just hide their car keys, and then they’ll have to call us to rescue them.

Sydney Sage: Good point. 

I laughed at this more than I should.

Doctor: You literally have every STD

Antony: Gotta catch 'em all

Damn! This is both funny and accurate.

Can I Copy Your Homework?

Caesar: I'll help you with it!

Cassius: Yeah sure

Antony: Bold of you to assume I did the homework

Pompey: Lol nope

Brutus: Wait we had homework??

Octavian: *Read 5:55 PM*

Ridiculous Conspiracy Theory

Caligula was actually trying to introduce a video game console two thousand years early, but historians didn’t understand and thought he wanted to make his horse a consul. 

Fulvia and Cleopatra

How the men chronicling history saw them:

-catfight over Mark Antony, Fulvia pining after Antony until she died

How they really interacted:

Fulvia: That Octavian guy is a manipulative twerp, so don’t trust him. I’m praying to Fortuna and Minerva you kick his ass into next week. It’ll make dying in exile worth it. 

Cleopatra: I’d be willing to do that for you. Don’t worry about Antyllus and Jullus. I’ll look after them. 

Fulvia: Oh, and just as a warning. Marcus snores louder than a herd of elephants.

Mark Antony: I don’t snore!

Fulvia and Cleopatra: Yes, you do!

Fulvia

(c. 83 BCE-40 BCE) The first non-mythological woman to appear on Roman coins. She was married three times (Publius Clodius Pulcher, Gaius Scribonius Curio, Mark Antony) and actively involved in all her husband’s careers. She testified against the murderer of her first husband, and inherited several street gangs. She unsuccessfully plotted against Octavian in retaliation for divorcing her daughter Clodia. She was exiled to Greece and died. One of her sons by Mark Antony, Antyllus was executed after the Battle of Actium, while the other Jullus committed suicide after participating in a plot with Julia (the daughter of Augustus). 

She’s not as well known, due to being overshadowed by both Livia Drusilla and Cleopatra (who was also involved with Mark Antony). 

 Ides of March was already an important day. Julius Caesar’s assassination just made it more important. 

Imagine going back in time and telling Caesar that his assassination is a minor, unofficial holiday

“quod sis, esse velis nihilque malis”* —Martial, circa 100 *“That which you are, may you wish to be and may you prefer nothing else”

Aeneas, holding the hand of his son Ascanius/Iulus and bearing his father Anchises on his shoulders, flees the burning city of Troy. Terracotta sculpture by an unknown artist; 1st cent. CE. Found at Pompeii; now in the Museo Archaeologico Nazionale, Naples. Photo credit: Alphanidon/Wikimedia Commons.

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