Ass Pancakes X Reader - Blog Posts

ASS PANCAKES MY BELOVED 💙

Hi! Can I I request an x reader with ass pancakes that takes place during the 7 year time skip like in the comic after moving on from being a mercenary? : )

Hello!! This is my first request so I’m very excited!! I made this Romantic/Platonic since I wasn’t entirely sure, hope you like it!!

ASS PANCAKES X READER AFTER 7 YEARS

In my head, the story of Freak Fortress goes differently than the canon comics. They were an outlier team, a team of weirdos with unrelenting abilities, while there was the Team Fortress 2 classic team we all know, they rarely faced off with Freak Fortress. You were apart of this team, one of the few who was close to normal. They would all have retire at some point, but I feel like they would still go about their merry way and continue wrecking havoc. 

-Ass Pancakes had a fondness for you he never showed. Maybe it was because he felt bad that you did not have unfair powers given by whatever force of nature gave the entire Freak Fortress theirs. He always BONKED! the enemy team member that shot you. Going absolutely overkill and then looking blankly at you. Once you have a nervous smile, he grinned ear to ear before saying “See ya!” and jumping away. 

-(Romantic/Platonic) Speaking of, he would always übercharge himself with Bonk! to protect you from speeding bullets. This gave you the chance to run to cover and reload your gun. You would hide in the corner of a two-story with supply caches. Ready to run and your safety off, he would push you back down. Once you saw who it was, you lowered your gun. He look at you with that same, crazy eyed smile and said, “I Bonked! them all.”  So much for reloading.

-You two ended up living in a small, dingy apartment on the outskirts of Teufort. A sketchy area, which made sense, considering Ass Pancakes was now your roommate after being your co-worker/good friend (mainly so no one else bothered you). 

-I honestly do not see him changing much, aside from being a little more calm. Down the line, he started to do “side jobs” with the other former mercenaries that are exactly what you think they are. He would leave and come back like he had a regular job, but you knew what he was doing. And you did not want to see it.

-Any canned drink you have, he will take the opportunity to scare you. Imagine you’re reading a book and you move your hand to grab the can of pop you opened and suddenly feeling dry skin. You would jump, of course, and he would jump out of the can in front of you. It’s something he has been doing since he met you.

-(Romantic) He would always shake you by your shoulders before kissing you. It’s his thing! Speaking of kissing, he will always appear right in front of you upside down and face to face, and ask for a kiss, pointing at his lips, and once you gave it to him, he disappeared. You don’t even know how he was upside down, the ceiling was too high. 

-Your apartment is mostly your space. I feel like Ass Pancakes only owns the Warhammer of Zillyhoo and the many cans of Bonk! that fill your fridge. He lets you decorate however you want. However, he will come up to them, look for a moment and then ask, “You did this?” And then after you say yes, he grabs your shoulders, does his wide grin and yells “I love it!”. Do be warned about the carpet, he will leave bloodstains. 

-His hair, like canon Scout’s, has gotten longer and I like to think his leg muscles are very tense from all of the running around and jumping he’s done. 

-He watches you sleep since he doesn’t sleep. You two end up spending the night on the couch rather than your own bed (He doesn’t have one). You either wake up to wide eyes staring at you or him eating your food. 

-(Romantic/Platonic) If you cuddle on his chest, his regular heart rate is above average due to how much Bonk he drinks. He also pats your head rather than rub your head or run his hands through your hair. He’s gotten a lot calmer, but he does not understand social cues.