Astarion Angst - Blog Posts

☆ with you, eternally

astarion x male reader [he / him]

sypnosis: (spawn) astarion decides to step out into the sun after his partner passes away so they could be together forever. (meant to be viewed as romantic)

the lowercase is intentional !

- warnings: character death

it had been a while since all the mindflayers and the tadpoles and the brain. actually, it had been years. decades had already come and go since then, and astarion couldn't tell that so long had already passed.

yet, so many things reminded him that time was going past.

[name] was aging, gracefully in fact. astarion loved all the wrinkles that adorned his lover's skin, or the greys that streaked [name]'s hair. those small details helped remind astarion that the world was still progressing, that he wasn't stuck in one place dreading for his end like when he was with cazador. though, it did feel like he was stuck in time, but that was because he was with [name]. he always felt as if he was stuck in slow motion with him, never wanting the days, weeks, months and years to come to an end.

but, as time progressed, [name]'s health started to decline. it wasn't anytning at first, he was perfectly fine. yet, when the wrinkles started growing deeper and when he'd get ill more often astarion knew something was up. he knew that his time with [name] wasn't going to last long. it wasn't going to in the first place anyway. astarion was cursed with immortality, whilst [name] was blessed with mortality.

astarion looked over at his lover, watching as their gaze was focused on the window outside. it was getting harder for [name] to do simple tasks on his own such as walking, eating and other mundane tasks that he had brushed past during his younger years. of course, astarion helped [name] every step of the way. he wanted to spend every moment with [name], even if it could be their last one together.

[name] looked over at astarion, noticing that someone's gaze was on him. "i don't understand why you still sit and stare at me.. i'm far too old for you to still find me attractive." [name] laughed lightheartedly. he then started coughing, making astarion's eyes widen and ears perk up out of worry and fear.

once [name] stopped coughing, astarion sighed. "i still find you attractive, dear. i'll always find you as dashing as the first day i met you, even if you were a pile of mush." astarion responded, a small smile on his face even though it pained him to see what [name] was going through.

"you are too kind.." [name] laughed a little again, his breathing deep and slow as his eyes trailed back to the window. "i'm honestly.. surprised you're still here with me. i could die at any moment, yet you stay by my side even though you can live forever." [name] whispered, his voice carried with a twinge of sadness to astarion.

astarion felt himself frowning. he didn't like where this conversation was going, not one bit. he didn't like the idea of [name] leaving him so soon, he couldn't bear it. he didn't want someone to leave him, he didn't want to be alone.

sure, astarion could've always made some effort to find an immortal lover like himself. yet, he made no such efforts to do so. [name] was his, for forever. no matter if [name] was a mere mortal or not.

"my dear, i will stay by you for as long as i will roam the earth." astarion replies, his own voice coming out as a whisper. he kneels infront of [name], taking their hand in his own before he pressed his lips to the hand. "whether you are dying, or well, i will always be by your side. i could never leave you." astarion mumbled as he pressed another kiss to [name]'s hand.

[name] hummed, turning his head back so he could look down at astarion with a small smile. "thank you, my love." the man responds, voice croaky and hoarse from the old age.

"there's no point of sharing this.. immortality of mine if i couldn't share it with you." astarion whispers, trying to refrain himself from tearing up. "even if it's just for a glimpse, a brief part of my life but all of yours.. i wouldn't want it any other way." astarion admits, looking up at [name] with a smile. yet, behind the smile were broken eyes full of pain and grief for what's to come.

[name] stares down at astarion in awe from his words. he feels touched and warmed by his lover's words. "my love.. you don't know how much i appreciate your words. you don't know how much i appreciate you.. how much i appreciate you sticking by my side.." the old man speaks, voice wavering and shaking.

astarion presses his forehead against [name]'s hand, using his own hand to squeeze theirs. he tries to keep himself from letting tears spill, but it's too late. a few start to fall onto [name]'s hand, then more and more fall onto the hand the floor.

[name] takes his free hand and he strokes astarion's cheek with it, trying to get him to look up. "don't cry, my love. i'm not gone yet.." [name] adds, a small chuckle leaving his lips as he spoke to try and lighten the mood. he just didn't want to come to terms that he'd be leaving astarion so soon.

astarion looked up and he nodded, wiping his face with his sleeve. he tried to calm down before he spoke again, he didn't want to look weak now. he couldn't act weak now. he still had to be there for [name], and [name] wasn't gone yet.

"can you lead me to the bedroom, please? i think i need to go and take a nap." [name] asks, moving the topic of conversation along. he didn't want to dampen the mood any further, the air was already thick with sorrow after all.

astarion nodded and he got up, brushing the dust off of his knees. the vampire spawn then took [name]'s arms, helping him walk over to the bedroom. once they arrived into the bedroom, astarion helped his lover onto the bed. he tucked [name] in, pressing a kiss to their wrinkled forehead before he got in next to them.

"i love you, my little star. i always will, even when my candle goes out." [name] whispers, closing his eyes slowly so he could get his rest.

astarion rested his head on [name]'s chest, listening to his slow heartbeat. "i love you, forever and always my dear." astarion whispers back, a smile on his lips as he tries to not think about what the future holds for them.

a few hours pass, and astarion moves to see if [name] is awake. the man should've woken up a while ago, his naps weren't always this long. maybe [name] was just feeling extra drowsy? astarion didn't want to think of anything else.

astarion lifts his head and he sees that [name]'s chest has stopped moving up and down. surely he's just seeing things, right? astarion just stares for a few seconds and he gulps. there's no breathing.

the vampire spawn reaches out and grabs [name]'s hand. it's cold. yes, [name] had recently been growing colder and colder, not being the same firey warmth astarion was used to. but, this time the coldness was different. it was almost as if [name] was a solid block of ice. maybe it was because there was a breeze in the room? that was surely it, right?

astarion rests his head on [name]'s chest once again to confirm his suspicions. he needs to be 100% sure of something before he jumps to conclusions. and there it is.. [name] no longer has a pulse. there's no longer a heartbeat astarion can hear to remind him that his lover is alive.

"no.." astarion mumbles, lifting his head up once more to take a look at his dearest. "no, no, no.." astarion shakes his head, trying to blink away incoming tears but it's no use. his love is gone. nothing can bring him back. no tears, no cries or screams are going to bring [name] back. there was absolutely nothing. [name]'s candle had been blown out, and too early for astarion's liking. there was so much unspoken words, so many things astarion could've said and things he wanted to say. but it was too late.

astarion started bawling. he gripped tightly onto his dead lover's body, not letting it go. it was as if he was protecting it from some unknown entity, scared they were going to take away [name] from him. but, they already had.

"no.. [name] why?!" astarion sobbed into [name]'s chest. he couldn't even let out any proper tears, he was silently crying, screaming even, into [name]'s unbeating chest.

astarion's mind and heart rattle inside of him. they wrestle, trying to get astarion to listen, to do one thing that they offer. yet, astarion does not budge. he does not hear his heart or his mind. the only thing he can hear is his silent crying into [name]'s chest, the sound he desperately didn't want to hear until years into the future.

the vampire's mind screams and yells at him, telling him that astarion should join him. his mind screams that they could be together forever if astarion just joined him. but how? there was no possible way for astarion to join [name], as much as he wanted to.

yet, there was a solution. the sun.

astarion was only a spawn, he couldn't walk out in the sun without a fear of being burnt into a crisp. the only method of him joining [name] would be walking out into the sun or getting staked in the heart. astarion opted for the sun.

astarion let go of [name]'s body, running out of the house and into the sun. the golden hues kissed his pale skin, until they started to burn. piece by piece, astarion started to flow away as ash. the ash littered the sky, almost telling a story of the words astarion wanted to say, the story of his tragedy.

perhaps it was a spur of the moment thing, a stupid, silly idea that astarion shouldn't of acted upon. but it was too late now. astarion could now finally be with [name], eternally. they could finally be together until the end of time.

astarion didn't want anything else, just to be with [name] forever and always.

- author's note: hope you guys enjoyed :)

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