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Ɨ nɇɇđ ŧø ǥɇŧ øᵾŧ øf ħɇɍɇ….łɇŧ mɇ øᵾŧ, łɇŧ mɇ øᵾŧ! Ɉøɇɏ! ĐȺmn ƀȺsŧȺɍđ, Ɨ ꝁnøw ɏøᵾ'ɍɇ øᵾŧ ŧħɇɍɇ…!
ȼøᵾǥħɨnǥ
Ɨf Ɨ ȼøᵾłđ ɉᵾsŧ…ĦȺħ….ħȺħȺ.
ĦȺĦȺĦĦȺĦ!!! Ɨ'M ǤØƗNǤ ŦØ ĐƗɆ! Ɨ'm ǥøɨnǥ ŧø đɨɇ….
Ɨ đøn'ŧ wȺnŧ ŧø ŧħøᵾǥħ….ƀᵾŧ, ŧø ƀɇ ħønɇsŧ….Ɨ'm nøŧ sᵾɍɇ wħȺŧ Ɨ wȺnŧ.
MȺɏƀɇ mɏ ɇɏɇs ƀȺȼꝁ wøᵾłđ ƀɇ nɨȼɇ…mȺɏƀɇ Ⱥ ȼħȺnȼɇ ŧø ǥø ħømɇ.
Ⱥ đȺɏ wħɇɍɇ ŧħɇ ħøᵾɍs Ⱥɍɇ sᵽɇnŧ wɨŧħ łȺᵾǥħŧɇɍ Ⱥnđ ǥøøđ sᵽɨɍɨŧs.
Nøŧ ɇnsłȺvɇđ ŧø Ⱥ ŧɏᵽɇwɍɨŧɇɍ. Ħøƀƀɨɇs sħøᵾłđn'ŧ ƀɇ ŧħɨs…ŧøɍŧᵾɍɨnǥ.
Ɨ đøn'ŧ wȺnŧ ŧø ƀɇ føɍǥøŧŧɇn…ɇvɇn ɨf Ɨ đø đɇsɇɍvɇ ɨŧ. Ɨ wȺnŧ ŧø ƀɇ łøvɇđ ɇvɇn ɨf Ɨ'm nøŧ sᵾɍɇ wħɏ. Ⱥnđ Ɨ wȺnŧ ħɇłᵽ ɇvɇn ɨf Ɨ đøn'ŧ ꝁnøw ħøw ŧø Ⱥsꝁ.
Ɨ łɇŧ ɇvɇɍɏønɇ đøwn.
Sø mȺnɏ fȺȼɇs…sø mȺnɏ nȺmɇs…Ɨ sħøᵾłđn'ŧ ħȺvɇ ƀɇɇn mɇȺn sø Ħɇnđɇɍsøn, ɇvɇn ɨf Ɨ wȺs ɨnsȺnɇ. Ɨ sħøᵾłđn'ŧ ħȺvɇ ᵽᵾsħɇđ ȻħȺɍłɨɇ ȺwȺɏ, sħɇ wȺs ŧɍɏɨnǥ ŧø ħɇłᵽ.
NøɍmȺn, Ɍɨđɇɍ Ⱥnđ WȺłłɏ đɨđn'ŧ đɇsɇɍvɇ Ⱥnɏ ɨnsᵾłŧ Ɨ ŧħɍɇw Ⱥŧ ŧħɇm. Ŧħøᵾǥħ..Ɨ đøn'ŧ ȺȼŧᵾȺłłɏ ɍɇȼȺłł ɨnsᵾłŧɨnǥ ŧħɇm ɇvɇɍ.
Ⱥnđ ɈȺȼꝁ….đȺmn ɨŧ…ŧħɇ đȺɏs łɇȺđɨnǥ ᵾᵽ ŧø ŧħɨs…Ⱥłł ŧħɇ ᵾsɇłɇss Ⱥɍǥᵾmɇnŧs Ⱥnđ føɍ wħȺŧ? Ŧħøsɇ wøɍđs wɇɍɇ ɉᵾsŧ ɨnfłᵾɇnȼɇđ ƀɏ sømɇønɇ wħø đɨđn'ŧ ɇvɇn ȼȺɍɇ Ⱥƀøᵾŧ ħɨs øwn søn. ɈȺȼꝁ ȼȺɍɇđ føɍ mɇ. Ħɇ wȺs ŧħɇɍɇ møɍɇ ŧɨmɇs ŧħȺn ħɇ ɇvɇɍ wȺs føɍ mɇ.
Ɨ'm sø fᵾȼꝁɨnǥ ŧɨɍɇđ. Øf ŧħɨs. Øf ŧħɇ sŧᵾđɨø. Øf mɇ.
Ɨ Ⱥɍǥᵾɇđ ƀɇȼȺᵾsɇ Ɨ ȼȺɍɇđ, ɈȺȼꝁ. Ɨ snȺᵽᵽɇđ Ⱥŧ ɏøᵾ føɍ nøŧ ɇnłɨsŧɨnǥ ƀɇȼȺᵾsɇ Ɨ wȺs sȼȺɍɇđ ŧħȺŧ ɨf ɏøᵾ wɇɍɇn'ŧ ŧħɇɍɇ…ɏøᵾ wøᵾłđ føɍǥɇŧ mɇ.
Ⱥnđ mȺɏƀɇ…
ɏøᵾ wøᵾłđ sŧøᵽ ȼȺɍɨnǥ ₳฿ØɄ₮ ₥Ɇ.....
Ⱥs føɍ SȺmmɏ…… Ɨ wȺnŧ mɏ đȺmn ɇɏɇs ƀȺȼꝁ. Ɨ đøn'ŧ ȼȺɍɇ wħȺŧ ɨŧ ŧȺꝁɇs.
Ⱥnđ ɨf ɏøᵾ ƀȺȼꝁ đøwn nøw….đøn'ŧ ƀɇ sᵾɍᵽɍɨsɇđ wħɇn ŧɍøᵾƀłɇ ƀɇǥɨns ŧø sŧɨɍ.
Ⱥnđ đø NØŦ ᵾsɇ ŧħɇ ɇłɇvȺŧøɍ.
I shouldn't be so wrapped up in this, I'm aware.
In about a month, I'm quitting the studio and packing up my bag for Canada. The Air Force awaits....
I should be proud to have ties to RCAF. I should be ecstatic about following my Dad's footsteps, and his Dad's footsteps....and his Dad's footsteps...wait does that even make sense? Whatever, pretty sure it does.
I was once an Air Cadet. What the hell did I expect? Never go to the Air Force? Yeah, right.
I should be proud. Brave. And......Oh to hell with this!!
Why won't he be proud of me? What do I have to do? Lead a bunch of P-51 mustangs and P-40 Kittyhawks into battle? Like heck I would!
I just......
I just want him to be proud of me.
I joined Boy scouts to impress him. I joined Air Cadets to impress him. I made ties here in New York by myself. I......
Am I......
Good enough?
If I go to war and die like a hero......
Would he finally love me?
Proud to call me his son?