Broken And Beloved - Blog Posts

Twenty-one sheets of paper. She'd started with just drawing the symbol—there had to be a better word for it. Rune? Glyph, maybe?—over and over, trying to recreate it without a reference this time. The first few didn't seem right, but the fourth clicked somehow. Her lines weren't perfect; the drawing lessons her father had given her so long ago were muddied by years without practice, but there was apparently some amount of leeway permitted.

A single tap and the paper crinkled upon itself and expanded into a dull glowing ball of light, and for a wonder, it didn't even hurt her eyes that much. In fact, she liked it so much that she drew it again and made another light, and then another, and then another, and before long she could draw the glyph from memory.

Twenty-one pages, twenty-one lights. If the light really had played any role in Eda's transforming back, Luz was certainly making extra sure the effect lasted as long as possible. Practical applications, practice makes perfect and all that. She wasn't just making lights for the sake of the sheer giddy joy of doing magic. Just... academic reasons.

In my fic, Luz thinks of herself as a bad person trying and failing to be better. That's her core character trait, her innermost motivator: the ways people hurt her and what she had to do in order to survive have imprinted upon her as evidence that she's irredeemable, but it doesn't stop her from trying. She can't help her past self, so she seeks to help everyone else today and will never feel like it's enough to make up for what she's done. The fact that no one is condemning her is drowned out by how much she hates herself first and foremost among the humanity she hates at large. When they broke her, they broke her faith in people. She gradually regained her trust in others with the unconditional love of Eda and her owl family, but that faith in herself remains shattered. She is Broken and Beloved.

the people i love don’t hate me enough

It doesn't work with how I interpreted Boscha in my fic (no major surprise since there isn't even an AO3 tag for how I decided to headcanon her), and yet not incompatible with a scene I have in mind for the future. Amused that weaponized kindness seems to be the evident approach we'd both think of for this witch. "Oh, so that's your problem. Guess what? I care about you now. And no, you don't deserve it. Tough; I'm gonna do it anyway. Deal with it."

Boscha (1/2)

Twenty-one sheets of paper. She'd started with just drawing the symbol—there had to be a better word for it. Rune? Glyph, maybe?—over and over, trying to recreate it without a reference this time. The first few didn't seem right, but the fourth clicked somehow. Her lines weren't perfect; the drawing lessons her father had given her so long ago were muddied by years without practice, but there was apparently some amount of leeway permitted.

A single tap and the paper crinkled upon itself and expanded into a dull glowing ball of light, and for a wonder, it didn't even hurt her eyes that much. In fact, she liked it so much that she drew it again and made another light, and then another, and then another, and before long she could draw the glyph from memory.

Twenty-one pages, twenty-one lights. If the light really had played any role in Eda's transforming back, Luz was certainly making extra sure the effect lasted as long as possible. Practical applications, practice makes perfect and all that. She wasn't just making lights for the sake of the sheer giddy joy of doing magic. Just... academic reasons.

I played this track on loop continuously while writing the first chapter of my fic. The use of minor key gives it such a lonely feeling which seemed highly appropriate.

Despite everything, it's still me.

Hi, I'm sanmeikitten. I'm a former psychology student from Parts Unknown. Eons ago, I fell to earth and landed in someone's backyard where I attempted to establish a base to conquer this desolate planet, but was unfortunately mistaken for a toaster. At some point I became quantum entangled with an angel, collapsed into a tesseract, and now communicate with three-dimensional space through an Owl House fanfic. I write a lot. Most of it is meaningless, but a lot of it will make you cry. Here's my pitch for the fic: This is the ongoing Owl House fanfic that I came out of a 21 year fanfiction retirement to write! Mature rated for an overall serious approach to trauma and mental health, with an emphasis on learning to live with mental health challenges through the support of community and found family. Everybody needs hugs; everybody gets hugs. You don't necessarily have to be familiar with the franchise to read it (I wrote it as if to a brand new audience), but you'll get more references and allusions if you are. And it's incredibly queer. https://archiveofourown.org/works/55091485/