Curate, connect, and discover
Hey everyone! I’m finally back from my hiatus, and boy howdy did I need to take one. I’ m not going to info dump my reasoning, but I feel like there needs to be context for why I did. It’s a bit heavy, both text wise AND content wise.
I don’t want to go on a big spiel on the state of internet culture, but it is clear that it has become beyond noxious. And there’s a lot of reasons for it: AI-generated art monstrosities, deepfakes, constant propaganda and disinformation, increasingly expensive paywalls, cryptocurrency scams, excessive sex-negative porn, political grifts, conspiracy theories...
But to me, nowadays internet culture is nowadays utterly hostile, out of touch, nihilistic to the core and always offering a gateway to violent radicalization in some capacity wether through culture war dogwhistles or TikTok shorts. And it’s not just a one-sided thing, I feel. Even a handful of the most progressive and inclusive of internet circles I’ve seen are rife with conspiracies, racism, misogyny, ableism and LGBTQ+ hate. That’s utterly terrifying. It’s not new, certainly, but in light of current events, the internets’ brand of negativity, polarization and extremism has increased significantly.
I also lost a lot of admiration and respect for the myriad of internet content creators ranging from artists, adult content makers, video editors, writers, streamers, VAs and Vtubers I’ve consumed or was associated with in some circles, and it’s always the same: dealing with a pattern of increasingly toxic behavior so predictable you could cross it off on a checklist:
Diva-esque drama including competing, backstabbing and feuding with former colleagues and friends? Check.
Suicide bait? Check.
Toxic positivity AND negativity? Check.
Constant trauma-inducing harassment and unironic hatred disguised as ‘edgy’ black humor? Check.
Flaunting of wealth, fame and privilege? Check.
Casual CP, lolicon or shotacon exchanges on private Discord servers? Check.
Gradually violent political radicalization?
Excessive and toxic porn consumption?
Cynically pandering to gooners, incels and Nazis for a few extra bucks and some publicity?
Grooming and/or sexually harassing women, transgender people and minors?
Check, check, check and check!
And how did this behavior form? Again, the same: total insulation from mild pushback, artificial followings, conflict avoidance, social maladjustment, sexual frustration, greed and a positive feedback loop create undeservedly arrogant, self-important, creepy and hostile internet users and influencers.
I admit that I was wrong engaging with these kinds of people. I’m no saint, but all of this was disgusting, upsetting and morally repugnant. I had to cut ties with these people, and while not every internet content creator is like this, sadly way too many are very comfortable being toxic, cruel, hateful and haughty individuals. Because of my experiences, I’m super cautious with how I engage with the internet now. If I don’t know these people in person, I don’t see why I should be following or seeing their work.
But I think the greatest aspect of why I wanted to leave internet culture behind was how creators were influencing a vulnerable, identity-searching me to do things and or believe in stuff that I didn’t particularly like or care for, and that included collecting too much retro video games that I hated playing, or eating sponsored food that tasted disgusting, or watching movies that traumatized me, believing awful misinformation I’m reprogramming myself from to name a few. My internet usage also sunk my opinions on the likes of Pokemon and Star Wars due to the large amount of toxicity in both fandoms (especially with behavior coming from some major content creators I actually knew in the former). I could go on and on. All that noise...man, I needed to walk away.
Keep in mind, I don’t have any issue with people who use the internet as a tool to get themselves out in the open and express themselves with art, voicework, videos, prose or adult material or whatever else (so as long as it’s not sex negative, authoritarian, a blatant grift or a rabbit hole into extremism). I still think the internet, again, as a tool, is still great, as it allows me to reach out all across the world beyond just my community. But nowadays, I have zero incentive and drive to deal with the current brand of internet toxicity and content. I feel that treating my social media space in a casual, hobbyist way is probably the healthiest outcome for me.
For the longest time, I really had a pretty dysfunctional relationship with the internet. I was chronically online so to speak, and I used social media and the internet as an outlet to escape from the realities of my social anxieties, personal issues and childhood trauma, and it ended up damaging me even more as a result. I was narrowly dodging extremist rabbit holes, toxic relationships, harassment on every internet circle I was in and the constant mental health crises caused by my excessive internet usage. It got so bad at one point I considered self-harm. At that point, something was really off, and I had to think about what I was doing.
Now, I reprioritized what I can do in my community and my space around me. I have to focus on utilizing these resources, the healthy outlets around me, so I can be myself, show the world who I am, protect my peace and my self-worth. To put it another way, I’m touching grass a lot more now, and man it’s been absolutely amazing so far! I’m grateful for how well I’ve done (at least) from my very limited social media presence nowadays, and it helps that being on sites like Tumblr and BlueSky, even though they are absolutely not perfect they are much more customizable and I can just create my own space in them. I can express my true self and duck out from the hostility that seems to be norm in so many parts online.
It’s been a learning experience, I had to come to terms with what happened on the internet and in my life, and my experiences taught me some tough but important lessons. I’ve healed and come a long way since then, I’ve made a lot of positive changes and while I still have to break some habits they’re more superficial than life-changing. I’m grateful that I went to therapy and I have a proper support system in place as opposed to back then. I’m glad that my morals and beliefs help me make the right, meaningful decisions for myself and those around me.
But what does that mean for my output? I’m still going reblog the stuff I like. I’m still gonna post my art and my comics. I’ll be working on a new set of Gang comics in June, alongside preliminary work on my first graphic novel and another comic, both of which I’ll share more details of in a few months from now. I’ll also be making a personal comic that will debut on my Medium soon if anyone wants to check it out. I’m just going to post when I feel like it (sans The Gang, as that’s on a schedule), that’s all.
And of course, I have a really big announcement coming in the following days. I can’t wait to show it when it’s time!
TL;DR: I’m reducing the time I spend online due to getting burned out from radicalization, toxicity and hostility. I’ll be active still, but not as much, and it will be at a pace that I find healthy and sufficient.