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Cigarettes - Blog Posts
I love cigarettes and alcohol, cigarettes and alcohol does not love me yet I will keep trying. That’s how big my heart is.
⋆˚࿔‘I cry a puddle of dreams and despair entangled in misery and enlightenment’࿔˚⋆
Rest easy Freddie, you are dearly missed by many! Forever the King of Queen!
Happy 58th birthday beautiful boy, you are dearly missed by many! I love you Jeffrey Scott Buckley.
God cursed the world with treacherous penis-ridden meat sacks, causing havoc to what could’ve been peace if only they knew how to keep their crippled genitalia in their underwear. Although my hatred runs deep for those punished with masculinity, Jeff Buckley was a dear apology for God’s mistake. Jeff Buckley was perfect, the only flaw’s he beholds are those human and forgivable yet not a single flaw comes to mind at the thought of Jeff Buckley. He had a special gift; gifted with a poetic soul, the ability to craft lyrics that drive deep into your soul and embed themselves painfully yet comfortably, bringing solace to the heart yet beautiful misery. He could’ve aided in the revolutionization of the male way of thinking, bringing a respectful manner to their demeanour but God knew all too well he was too good for this evil world. Unfortunately Jeff Buckley died 29th May 1997. He is very dearly missed by many and his lyrics continue to pierce and bless the hearts and souls of many.
mourning.
What’s Inside a Girl?~
La petite mort - The little death
Resembling or prefiguring death; a brief weakening or loss of consciousness, specifically in sleep or during an orgasm.
Romanticism
When there is beauty to be found it becomes closure for the disturbed and the broken-minded, offering a home in the darkness, the darkness beholds beauty of which is mirrors the light and healthy. We as humans romanticise the pain until it becomes glorified, we feast off it and make it the norm, does this make sense? only to some it will.
Nonsense
‘Kill all the men, everything is dead to them’ - Your Flesh Is Nice by Jeff Buckley
Its all wrong and its all right but no matter what it is, it’s fucked up and repulsing; art.
Rottenness
Yearning,Rotting:Yearning=Rotting
Rotting is a desease, it eats at the dead and the living, the mind and the body. It searches every crevice of your system for every sense of life to suck out of you, its a slow painful process, it kills.
Art
Im a sad sad girl with a weird mind so to me this is written art, expressive. art.Art.ARt.ART. fuck knows what this is.
Art is not in one form, art is anything and anything you just need the open eye to see it; music,poetry, drugs, literature, misery, sex, anatomy, film, paintings, drawings, collages, each breath you take and the moon + music, the most important one of them all.
UgLy Is A..r?T
Make it make sense. Open Your Eyes……👁️
“Everything Means Nothing To Me.”
“To understand me you must eat me,
consume every thought that has surpassed the minds of most at my young age,
you will consume the musical magic that has orchestrated my life,
you will see where my wit stems from,
my pain will finally be understood by those other than myself, by you my love,
to eat is to love so consume me and love every part of me,
from the tip of my toes to the top of my head,
every cell that has died and been born within this vessel of which i call my body,
every stream of blood that becomes me you will take into your system and you will feel me,
my emotions will come in waves, washing over you and giving you the guilt i once felt,
for this day,
you will ache like i ache.”
this made sense in my head atleast :|
~“And someday you will ache like i ache”
˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊
"When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king
What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight
And he'll win the whole thing before he enters the ring
There's nobody to batter when your mind is your might
So when you go solo you hold your own hand
And remember that depth is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand then you know where to land
And if you fall it won't matter ''cause you know that you're right" Fiona Apple 1999
Ive been thinking about this poem a lot recently.
This song is how i feel on a daily basis, this is no joke i genuinely feel like this and it is the worst thing, i have so much emotion packed inside of me yet i cant cry and that doesn’t make sense or i cant when i want to anyway. Im holding it back but why i js i cant. All i need by radiohead is how feel all the time, think of me once in a while, take care is how i feel all the time, left alone is how i feel all the time, i want you to love me is how i feel all the time, a million songs song in tune to the melody of my soul, they sre the melody pf my soul but fuck its getting to much now. I feel everythibg so deeply but i only feel the empty, im so full of it its consuming me and eating me whole, i want to feel what a real emotion feels like again, i know what it sounds like, what it looks like but when can i feel it because ot feels like im gonna implode. Theres so much i wanna say, but i dont know where to start. Thats a quote from one of my favourite films tbat i watched for the first time recently’i belive in unicorns’. This video os really how i feel aswell, the twat diddnt seem to love me af my lowest, its so fucking intese it visibly pours from my eyes and my mouth and basically im a dissolving wreck of a broken mind, when it hits it hits hard because it’s everywhere, you see it in my room and on my body and its in my head and its the way i est, sleep, function in life. It was too intense for the cretin to handle that even the bare minimum of reassurance caused me to receive annoyance and yelling, The second request on my autumn wishlist stems from this. Love me how i love you which means at my lowest, at my highest, through all my flaws, quirks and all that i have to show; for you i would but when is it my turn to fucking feel love. I felt loved for a short amount of time but with the fact it was a short amount of time means it was short lived so even throughout the initial relationship i did feel how the creature changed, grew less attentive, didnt care as much, not payong as much attention and not putting enough time aside for me and partly thst is my fault for allowing them to act like that ss even thogh they did ask i js said everything was fine to everything because im scared of being physically hurt os shouted at or them losing love for me. I am so fucking lonely snd even tho i have friends it js doesnt feel like the pure human connection i crave. I hate living. im no longer scared to die and only its something sought after. Theres so much i wanna say but idk where to start.
“Cosmic as fuck”
I have absolutely no idea what im doing with my life, im not im school so im lonely, the situation that has been going on with my ex since we broke a MONTH ago has really been fucking with me. Shes a manipulative, lying piece of motherfucking shit. Im so incredibly lonely and sad i could throw up, ive been running away from my feelings for so long i dont even know what i feel anymore, every inch of me is full of pain. Atleast i have my bestfriend and my vape to keep me marginally on the lines of sanity, im not sane im just trying to manifest it if you get what i mean. I need a cherry cola, a monstrously gigantic bottle of vodka, new lashes and white face paint for my goth makeup, some cigarettes, the whimsical gothic house of my dreams and spotify to allow unlimited songs on my fucking playlist. Its okay though as Im miss world(somebody kill me). One actual positive is the girl ive met recently(i wrote something for her which i will put here) and also i got some new clothes snd a BUNCH of jewellery. Anyway enough of my yap!
☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★
written by your Sweetheart the Drunk🔮
The familiar, melancholic melody travels throughout my electrical system, infusing my delicate heart with a sudden yearning for connection. As each strum of the guitar plucks at the chords of my heartstrings, her angelic features are vividly illustrated in my mind. As the light of day ever so gently caresses her delicately pale complexion, her transfixing features evoke a current of instant attraction throughout the very essence of my soul. The twinkle in her green eyes strikes joy into my heart, while the cherry-blossom tint in her lips and their subtle glossiness ignite a longing to connect mine with hers. Her lustrous waves cascade down her chest, clipped away from her face, allowing me to admire her ethereal allure. Her softly defined jawline fits perfectly within the harmony of her face, and her nose, softly freckled, catches the light exquisitely. Her features, so strongly engraved in my mind, give me the joy of being able to bask in the warmth of her beauty without needing to include my phone in the intimate moments I share with my cat and the moon as I speak my words of love and reverence for her.
˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊
the girl i wrote this about is called angel and shes such an angel oh my god🙌
i really need a fucjung hug, a cigarette snd someone to talk to im literally about to kms i cant do this anymore. i fucking cant
anyway heres a poem or wtv
drenched in my own misery,
physically visible on my skin,
intoxicated by the burden of deeply felt emotions,
deep as the sea,
i wish to claw through the skin of my chest,
past my ribs,
to gauge out my already broken heart.
blood on my hands as my tears burn through my skin,
maybe ill melt into the ground,
maybe once the essence of my existence has disintegrated into the ground and my bones are the only part of me left,
maybe then someone will truly care for what i have gone through.
𝓲 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓮𝔁𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓮₊˚⊹ ࿔
~🔮🌞🥀~
~i find raw emotions beautiful, the ‘uglier’ they are the more beautiful i think they are because its genuine. Im disgusted but also mesmerised by my own emotions. I only ever want to get worse. ive never had any wish to recover. It hurts but its the hurt that i feed off. if thst makes sense. time and time again i tend to imagine myself at the bottom of a tower thats like a prison, sprawled out on the floor. suffering because i’d finally let myself succumb to my mental illness. I dont know if any of this even makes sense.i i think its time for a cigarette🫶💖i dont wanna live(ldr reference) but atleast music is good~
𖦹₊ ⊹Anyway heres a poem~
how to never stop being sad
let the anguish fester inside of you,
let the chilling hands of this demon become your embodiment,
let the waterfall free from the imprisonment of your eyes,
drain yourself of the blood congested in your veins,
drench yourself in the crimson trickling into the crevices of your body,
as if swimming in the deepest body of water,
let yourself drown,
become the sorrows you fear,
depleted as you begin to embrace the void,
leave it free to poison your mind and body till your left an empty carcass,
walk through the simulation of life,
a living dead girl,
the void in your eyes so potent,
let the torment orchestrate your life.
~.°˖✧ 1 of 89 poems ✧˖°.~
im not so sure whether i like the poem or not but its there to read anyway<3🫶💖
~𝜗𝜚
no one really cares for what i have to say, not even my ‘friends’.this blog is like my safe space idk.i spent ages trying to make this perfect.hopefully this post reaches the girls(and non girls) that get it!💖
⋆⭒˚.⋆if your reading this i love you ₊˚⊹ ᰔ
~𝜗𝜚
Song im listening to~
(i do this because i love music and im always listening to music and i like letting people know what im into)
I know - Fiona Apple
everyone on this app is too real i swear. or maybe its just the side of tumblr im on. whatever but i smoked 9 cigarettes today. ive been up for 4 hours. i feel great. ill probably post like poems amd song lyrics on here idk i write poetry. whoever is reading this i love you<3🫶💖
my spotify link because my music taste is amazing🙌
idk this app is my safe space
current song playing -
bag of bones - mitski 🌀
Vogue Italia July 2007 ' Supermodels In Rehab' - Sasha Pivovarova by Steven Meisel
old cigarettes and bitter black coffee a taste of discontent on the tip of my tongue closing my eyes to enter a storm of endless thoughts, a dusty brain sometimes my body feels too heavy to carry so I lay down and just stay in a strangers bed for as long as I can get away with it old sheets and red-stained walls a strangers bed became my home