Curate, connect, and discover
Be angry at Nina for making things so difficult. Instead of talking to me, she could’ve just written more notes for me to ignore.
Ponder on Nina’s words
Overthink
Go back to sleep because my brain hurts from overthinking
Wake up and work up the courage to speak to Maggie and to Muriel
Have a few drinks to be more courageous
Sober up because I can’t very well talk to them drunk. Maggie would probably not take me seriously and Muriel would be really confused or even scared. They haven’t experienced me in full drunk mode yet.
Yell at plants to let off some steam
Drive around, not necessarily in the right direction.
Nina says that Muriel thinks it’s their fault that I’m not talking to them, not visiting the bookshop anymore and not responding to any of their notes and cards. I was so shocked I almost dropped my shades.
I can’t wrap my head around it. I couldn’t even wrap my entire body around it if I was in my snake form.
I mean, we all messed up in some way or other. The angels messed up, the demons messed up, Gabriel and Beelzebub messed up, Shax messed up, Aziraphale messed up, Floating-Head-Coffee-Or-Death-Guy messed up, Maggie und Nina messed up, and I have been walking chaos since I started walking on legs. (Might have been crawling chaos before that). The only person who really didn’t have anything to do with any of this, was former-inspector-constable, now bookseller-to-bee.
Why do they think it’s their fault? I don’t understand it at all. I know that humans sometimes feel guilty for something they’re not responsible for, but Muriel is an angel. They should think that they’re always doing the right thing.
But then, Aziraphale has experienced guilt before. Even then when things weren’t his fault. Perhaps guilt is an angel thing after all.
I wish I could tell Muriel that this has nothing to do with them. It's a good thing that they keep the bookshop safe.
I just can’t be in there at the moment because everything reminds me of him. But I can't talk about that to Muriel. I can’t be on Whickber Street, I can’t talk to Maggie and Nina, I can’t deal with this, I can’t process it. And I’m sorry for causing them pain. I don’t want any friends because I don’t want to cause others pain.
It was my damn job to cause others pain for so long.
~*~
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