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Summary: Silly little headcanons with Dazai :3
Pairings: Dazai x gn reader
a/n: I don't really know how to write Dazai correctly so apologies if he's mischaracterized 😔
• Before you started dating he most definitely tried to act mysterious to try and attract you.
• It was the trope of he fell first and he fell harder.
• If you don't respond in less than 10 seconds he'll spam you.
D: 'heyy prettyy'
D: 'why aren't you responding.'
D: 'HEY'
D: 'fly low pretty 🦍(I couldn't find the dove)'
Your Initial: 'I WAS SLEEPING'
• He would spam you with random videos. Mostly ones he would find funny but it's depressing.
• If you were shorter than him he would constantly make jokes about it. If you're taller he still makes jokes about it.
• Teases you constantly.
• He annoys you whenever you don't give him enough attention. You could be doing important work and he'll be at your side.
Dazai: "Are you done yet? This is so boring!"
Y/n: "I just started. Wait like 30 minutes."
• He would kind of stop his suicide attempts. He'd still attempt but keep it to a minimum to not worry you as much.
• Would ask you to do a double suicide and you change your answer every time just to tease him.
• In a modern au he would put in his bio 'captured by this creature' with your @.
• Whenever you both go on walks and encounter a dog he will stare down the dog before pulling you to continue walking.
• He loves you but if you want a dog he would convince you not to get one since he dislikes them.
• You would have to drive everywhere since he's a reckless driver. Do not trust him behind the wheel.
• You keep him in line. Kunikida has your number on speed dial just in case Dazai slacks off.
• You are Kunikida's favorite person because you keep Dazai in check.
• Because of how people think of Dazai, they would expect him to be overprotective and possessive. But he's COMPLETELY THE OPPOSITE. He doesn't care if you stay out at night or who you're around, because he knows you're loyal . But if shit goes down expect him to be there in a second.
• Dazai is one sarcastic man. Like if you see him going to the bathroom and you ask "are you going to the bathroom?" he'll say "no, I'm going to the shed to bury Chuuya. YES IM GOING TO THE BATHROOM."
• If you were sad he'd probably say something stupid like "turn that frown upside down bbg"
• Dazai sings and hums when he's not paying attention , and you've definitely seen it a couple of times.
• At first you two were no labels but now he's super proud to be with you.
• If you had any insecurities he would always say he found you to be breathtaking no matter what.
• To be fair, he probably doesn't find PDA as an issue. If you intertwined your hand with his, he wouldn't find it as a big deal. He doesn't mind kisses in public either. (RAHHHHJHH)
• His favorite spots to kiss you would be the forehead, lips and your hands.
• If he were to take you on a date it would either be a restaurant or a at home movie night.
• He gossips with you. You have any sort of drama from work or friends? He's sitting with you listening to everything. Especially on spa days you insist you both have.
Y/n: "Then she found out her husband was sleeping with her co worker."
Dazai: "I knew something was up."