Demian 1919 - Blog Posts

[Max Demian voice] It's actually quite simple. When the chick emerges from its shell, it is born as yaoi

and then when it flies to god, it becomes yuri

Androgyny and individuation in Demian (Hesse, 1919)

Hesse's novel Demian explores the theme of androgyny and gender ambiguity in depth, using it as a symbol of overcoming the dichotomies that define the ordinary world. Androgyny in the characters is not just a physical or aesthetic characteristic, but represents the fusion of opposites, a condition in which male and female, good and evil, spirit and body coexist without conflict, and it is linked to Jung's theories on the psyche and individuation, the process of integration of the shadow, the dark part of the personality, and of the anima, the feminine principle in men. Emil must fight and create a new world beyond binary for himself.

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Individuation is a process by which one achieves individual wholeness, in the words of Jung “one who was supposed to be”. In this process, interpretation of dreams plays a dominant role, expressing the content of the unconscious, both personal and collective (this is explained by Jung in his Psychology and Alchemy). The individuation is not a linear process, but one with deviations and extremes , which place the individual in contradictory positions and often cause unbearable moral sufferings. Before birth, when the ego has not yet truly formed, the unconscious is one with the mother and its situation is associated by Jung with that of the Ouroboros, the snake that eats its own tail. From birth, the ego begins its development and separates from the mother to look for another woman, a sexual partner that Jung makes correspond to the archetype of the anima. Hesse showed perfectly in Demian that the essential complication of this relationship is the fact that the archetype of the anima in male psychology, is always initially mixed with the image of the mother (1). Dreams are very important in Demian, more than physical events, they shape Emil's growth and desires. It’s in a “love dream” that emerges the figure of what Emil calls his destiny, which evolves from a portrait of a girl, Beatrice, yet it resembles a boy, Demian, angel and demon, human and beast, and it is described as Sinclair's truest soul. Still cis tho.

Steps of the individuation, which can be connected to specific episodes in the novel, includes: 

the assimilation of the shadow (“defeating” Kromer) 

the confrontation with the anima (portrait of Beatrice)

the encounter with the archetype of the Wise Old Man (friendship with Pistorius)

For young Sinclair, society presents itself with rigid boundaries, separating the male from the female, good from evil. His childhood is marked by a sharp division between the world of light and the world of darkness, his family corresponds to the bright world, where there is good, righteousness, prayer, etc. In the same way, men and women are two poles that intertwine only to do “mysterious grown-up” things. The father represents authority and rigidity, Sinclair’s relationship with him is not very peaceful and he  disregards his father as he grows up and has open conflict with authority such as teachers in school. Meanwhile, the mother is loving but passive, and his sisters, who embody the world of light and are seen as angels, distance themselves as they grow up, finding Emil both amusing and awkward in his teenager body. 

In the opening chapter, Sinclair expresses a longing to be part of the world of light, yet he feels unable to fully belong to it. He loses the light when he chooses the darkness. The education that Sinclair receives from his family does not provide him with the tools necessary to face the challenges of adolescence, and this pushes him to look for answers elsewhere. Sinclair’s conviction on the dichotomy of the world is challenged by the mere existence of Demian, who contradicts duality and embraces both light and dark, male and female, young and old. When Emil hears of Abraxas, the novel makes a stronger turn towards the idea of ​​a conjunction of opposites. This idea is very similar to the process of individuation described by Jung. 

“What about masculinity? Do you know how much femininity man lacks for completeness? Do you know how much masculinity a woman lacks for completeness? You seek the feminine in women and the masculine in men. And thus there are always only men and women. But where are people? You, man, should not seek the feminine in women, but seek and recognize it in yourself, as you possess it from the beginning.” (2)

Many spiritual traditions consider the androgynous as an expression of the divine. Throughout the Middle Ages, the myth of the androgynous being, seen as a model of human perfection, was present in the secret traditions of mysticism and theosophy in both the East and the West. In Islamic mysticism, divine presence often appears as an "angel-man" with an androgynous form. In Hafiz’s poetry, the beloved is not assigned a specific grammatical gender. Many translations struggle due to Hafiz’s distinctive figurative language and deliberate ambiguity (3). Hafiz’s lyrics on divine love can be reflected in the being of love dreams of Sinclair. 

The alchemical operation for the preparation of the philosopher's stone was the union between the masculine and feminine principles.Gnosticism places great importance on the myth of the androgynous being, viewing androgyny as an essential condition for human perfection—a return to a primordial, pre-formal state, free from attributes or polarizations. In particular, the Naassenes, a Gnostic sect, held that the celestial archetype, known as Adamas, was androgynous. Adam, the earthly man, was only a reflection of this divine archetype and was therefore also androgynous. Since all humans originate from Adam, the androgynous is believed to exist within each individual (4).

Most of the characters in Demian are portrayed with an androgynous or ambiguous quality, often blending traits of both youth and old age. 

Demian 

“I saw Demian’s face, I saw not only that he had not the face of a boy, but that of a man; I saw still more, I thought I saw, or felt, that it was not the face of a man either but something else besides. There seemed to be also something of the woman in his features, and particularly it seemed to me for a moment, not manly or boyish, nor old or young, but somehow or other a thousand years old, not to be measured by time, bearing the stamp of other epochs. Animals could look like that, or trees, or stones” (Demian, chapter 3 , english translation by N. H. Priday, 1923)

Since his first appearance, Sinclair himself is not sure how to describe with precision Demian, this boy surrounded by mystery and rumors, a being who seems to have already overcome the categories imposed by the ordinary world. Recalling animal and mythological images, Demian seems to come from an ancient era.

“Perhaps he was beautiful, perhaps he pleased me, perhaps even he was repugnant— I could not then determine.” (Demian, chapter 3)

These feelings of repulsion and reverence at same time happen again in the dream in chapter 2, where Sinclair suffers by the hand of Kromer and then because of Demian, this time welcoming the torture. However, beyond being merely a mentor or an object of desire, Demian also functions as a projection of Sinclair’s unconscious self, his true self. Then again in this dream in chapter 5: 

“Rapture and horror were mixed, the embrace was a sort of divine worship, and yet a crime as well. Too much of the memory of my mother, too much of the memory of Max Demian was contained in the form which embraced me. The embrace seemed repulsive to my sentiment of reverence, yet I felt happy. I often awoke out of this dream with a deep feeling of contentment, often with the fear of death and a tormenting conscience as if I were guilty of a terrible sin.”

Emil experiences deeply ambivalent feelings toward Demian, this time present in the Abraxas incarnation of his dreams, torn between an undeniable attraction and the weight of his upbringing, which has ingrained in him the notion of sin and guilt, very aware of what the terrible sin and crime is (gay gay gay homosexual), to the point of fearing for his life and giving him a reason to feel guilty about himself once more. His perception of his feelings as something forbidden, even criminal, is something present since chapter 1. His longing for Demian is expressed repeatedly throughout the novel, making the queer subtext not very subtle. 

Beatrice 

Sinclair is immediately attracted and devoted to her. He isn’t really interested in the real girl, he values only her image and what it represents to him. Also worth noting that he likes her in virtue of her boyish features and ephebic beauty. 

“She was tall and slender, elegantly dressed, and had a wise, boyish face. She pleased me at once, she belonged to the type that I loved, and she began to work upon my imagination. She was scarcely older than I, but she was more mature; she was elegant and possessed a good figure, already almost a woman, but with a touch of youthful exuberance in her features, which pleased me exceedingly.” (Demian, chapter 4)

Pistorius   

Pistorius is a character who also embodies a dual nature: he is both a mature man and a child, a mystic and an unfulfilled dreamer. Hesse uses the word "effeminate” to describe Pistorius' soft features, in contrast to the strength of the upper half of his face:

“....his face was just as I had expected it to be. It was ugly and somewhat uncouth, with the look of a seeker and of an eccentric, obstinate and strong-willed, with a soft and childish mouth. The expression of what was strong and manly lay in the eyes and forehead; on the lower half of the face sat a look of gentleness and immaturity, rather effeminate and showing a lack of self-mastery. The chin indicated a boyish indecision, as if in contradiction with the eyes and forehead. I liked the dark brown eyes, full of pride and hostility.” (Demian, chapter 5)

This description ties in with how Pistorius has an unfulfilled destiny and dream of being a leader of a new religion and how he is the prodigal son, both an adult and a child, still tied to his family and even more, the past and institutionalized religion.

Eva

The culmination of the concept of union of opposites is represented by the character of Eva, Demian's mother. She, almost worshipped as a goddess, is the leader of the circle of the elite, the individuals bearing Cain's mark, which Sinclair joins toward the end.

“There it was, the tall, almost masculine woman’s figure, resembling her son, with traits of motherliness, traits which denoted severity, and deep passion, beautiful and alluring, beautiful and unapproachable, demon and mother, destiny and mistress. [...] Her voice and her words were like those of her son, and yet quite different. Everything was more mature, warmer, more assured.” (Demian, chapter 7)

Demian is a feminine boy, and Eva is a masculine woman: mirrors of each other. In Eva, all opposites come together, not in conflict but in harmony. She represents the final stage of Sinclair’s journey, the embodiment of Abraxas. At the same time, she reflects both his idealized mother figure and his hidden desires. Sinclair’s love for Eva is not just about maternal affection. It is a continuation of his feelings for Demian, but now expressed in a new way that fits societal norms. Unlike his hesitant attraction to Demian, his feelings for Eva are open and intense, showing that she represents both acceptance and fulfillment of something he struggled with before. Her appearance and demeanor is very similar to her son, except she is a version of Demian that Emil is allowed to love, because she is a woman and not a man. In this sense, she serves as an outlet for the emotions he has repressed for years. It is difficult to separate the characters of Demian and Eva, because they, as I said, are a mirror of each other. Emil's feelings towards both of them are intertwined, nonetheless valid on their own. I think Emil loves both of them, but the fact that they are likely projections of Emil's mind complicates everything. 

Eva is the end of Sinclair's journey, when he first meets her he feels at home, she is what he was looking for. Demian's home— Eva’s home is a garden, a new Eden in which Sinclair can love and be loved for who he really is, in opposition to his family home. Her name, Eva, also carries symbolic weight, as it is the name of the first woman, who sinned against God and the mother of Cain and Abel, this all circles back to the first encounter with Demian and the mark of Cain. Her eternally youthful appearance reminds me of another very important mother figure, the Pietà Vaticana by Michelangelo. In the Pietà, Mary appears much younger than one might expect for a woman who has lost a 33-year-old son. 

“But just as Max in years past had made on no one the impression of being a mere boy, so his mother did not look like the mother of a grown-up son, so young and sweet was the breath of her face and hair, so smooth her golden skin, so blossoming her mouth.” (Demian, chapter 7)

Michelangelo’s focus was symbolic: he depicted Mary as young, as she was when she conceived Jesus, suggesting that "chastity, holiness, and incorruption preserve youth" (5). This iconography of the Pietà, or Vesperbild, became popular in Central Europe during the 14th century, with small sculptures showing the Virgin seated, holding the body of Christ after his death on Good Friday. During the Middle Ages, Mary was considered not only as the mother of Christ but also as his bride and as a symbol of the Church. In a similar way, Eva is not just Demian’s mother, (according to students rumors in chapter 3, her lover, too) but the mother of mankind, an idea and a spiritual figure. Eva, a woman that Sinclair calls mother, lover, whore and Abraxas. Demian also has some connotations of a Christ-like figure, he embodies the Self, the archetype of psychic totality, according to Jung. 

She’s tender, loving, but also scary and confusing: the hallucination/vision of the gigantic Eva on the battlefield causes destruction, the mother who brings birth also brings death, like the hindu goddess Kali, worshipped as the mother of the universe, associated with death and destruction. 

"Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled.” (6)

 This hermetic principle of polarity, expressed in “The Kybalion”, perfectly encapsulates the gender of characters in Demian. 

(1) C. G. Jung. The archetypes and the collective unconscious. 1968. (2) C.G. Jung. The Red Book. 2009 (3) D. Ingenito. Tradurre Ḥāfeẓ: Quattro Divān Attuali. Oriente Moderno.2009. (4) https://www.rigenerazionevola.it/larchetipo-androgino/ (5) Giorgio Vasari. Le vite de' più eccellenti pittori, scultori e architettori. 1550-1567. (6) The Kybalion. 1908 by "Three Initiates" (William Walker Atkinson)

Girl the egg ☹☹ girl the bird ☹☹☹☹☹ girl it flies to god ☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹ girl that gods name is abraxas ☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹

the fact that I cannot find any YouTube videos/articles discussing gender themes (in depth) in Demian upsets me greatly. im considering taking matters into my own hands (<- has never completed a project ever in her life)

skgjsjsjf I get you I wish people looked more into it because there's a lot to talk about... Dont get me wrong it's nice to see people discuss how stupidly homoerotic the whole thing is because it's true but I wish there was more discussion about the themes around gender, specially surrounding Frau Eva? An idealized representation of motherhood, who shows up at the end of the journey and makes you feel safe and secured and on top of that is as androgynous as her kid?? How Sinclair associates motherhood and specially femininity with the world of light since childhood???? How the guy who's supposed to represent the duality of the two worlds has being androgynous as one of his main features???Whatever this was??

Theres a lot of "bro you gotta fuse with a woman" and "this woman represents your fate and inner self" stuff going around Sinclair and religious meaning aside the way femininity and masculinity are treated separately + the (bad) relationship Sinclair has with masculinity and masculine roles like fatherhood is so interesting. Theres something Big going on in here.

my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “Demian Chapter 6 : Jacob Wrestling” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit

five minutes later: dude I just woke up in the middle of the night not yet fully aware of what I was doing to burn my painting— the one that I’ve been praying at and masturbating to— yes, the one that looks like the milf that keeps appearing in my dreams and also Demian and also my soul and also Abraxas, that’s right— and awoke to find that I had eaten the ashes

my buddy Pistorius pacing: rad. do you want to sit next to me and stare at this fire for 5 hours straight again

realistically i know that bitch emil as a certified german boy is NOT having beautiufl golden locks. He has strassenköterblond hair most likely lets be real. Lets be true to ourselves. The chicken theme is irrelevant hes a little german boy first and foremost

does anyone remember that time demian called a guy a kitten and then procceeded to beat his ass so bad he had to leave the country

this shit is sending me

hes a 10 and but he only speaks in biblical metaphors consciously showed up in your dreams twice and affirms youre gonna end up telling him your worst secrets

you're in his dms i am awakening a part of his conscience that he did not know existed so that he can overcome his religious trauma have sex with women and enjoy his life we are not the same

Emil Sinclair & Frau Eva

A consistent problem I’ve run into while discussing the novel Demian is the rejection of Emil’s relationship with Eva in favor and treating it as if it is nothing but a tool to analyze the relationship that he shares with Demian. People treat his feelings towards Eva as fake, imagined, and entirely as misplaced affections that he holds towards Demian and become quite defensive when told that isn’t the case in the actual text of the book. I’m no stranger to interpreting things in ways that don’t quite match canon, especially when they make me uncomfortable, and it is clear to me that discomfort or even disgust is how a lot of people view this relationship as given the age gap between them and the general preference for seeing Emil with Demian instead of Eva. I have no problems with that aspect of this little debate, discomfort is more than allowed and I’m not writing this to force people into liking the idea of their relationship.

What I am writing this for, and what I do find a problem with, is the way that people attempt to force an erasure of this aspect of the book and will accuse people of misreading the novel when acknowledging its existence. To say that someone does not understand the book or Emil’s character because they made reference to his love for Eva or his general affinity for mature women just seems to signal that there is a confusion of what the book actually says. Emil does love Eva and it is not misplaced love for Demian. From the moment he dreams of her to the moment Demian passes a kiss from his mother to Emil, Emil loves her. (That doesn’t mean he doesn’t also love Demian, by the way, but this post/essay isn’t about that, so I won’t be dwelling on the feelings he holds for Demian).

This is not going to be a complete, in-depth look at her character and role in the story and will instead simply focus on the actual relationship Emil has with her throughout the story and the ways that the novel sets up their relationship and makes it explicitly clear what sort of relationship exists between them. I feel it has been a massive disservice to her character to view her as nothing more than a woman getting in the way of a relationship or as if all of the quite beautiful descriptions of her person and effect on Emil are inconsequential and/or imagined, so I hope that this does some justice to Hesse’s work.

All quotes taken from the translation of the novel done by W. J. Strachan.

To begin, I will actually be talking about Max Demian himself, because Eva can be understood through son as he acts as a bit of a proto-Eva in Emil's life. They have a similar appearance, as it is often noted, they both bear the ‘sign’, they are deeply linked to Emil’s personal growth and relationship with the world, so to get a full grasp of his relationship with Eva it is also important to look at how he sees Demian and the key overlaps between them. So, let's look at one of the descriptions Emil writes of his dear friend.

This remarkable boy seemed older than he looked; he did not in fact seem like a boy at all. He moved among us more childish members of the school strangely mature, like a man, or rather a gentleman. He was not popular; he took no part in games, still less in the general rough and tumble and it was only the firm self-confident tone he adapted in his attitude towards the masters that won him favour with the other boys. He was called Max Demian.

Note how it focuses on his age and maturity, even though he is literally a couple years older than Emil, spiritually, thematically, he is older than even that. He is like a man, an adult. Here's a similar passage from another moment where Emil describes his friend:

I saw Demian's face and remarked that it was not a boy's face but a man's and then I saw, or rather became aware, that it was not really the face of a man either; it had something different about it, almost a feminine element. And for the time being his face seemed neither masculine nor childish, neither old nor young but a hundred years old, almost timeless and bearing the mark of other periods of history than our own.

Once again we see that he is more than a child, Demian is aged, grown, but not old nor young. In contrast to Emil who is youthful and immature, someone who has not yet begun his true journey. Here we also see a hint at there being a feminine element to Demian. Demian represents not just the fact that he is mature and capable of leading Emil through the spiritual journey he so longs for, but that he is not limited to just one world. He is not stuck in the dichotomy of light and dark, of masculine and feminine, of age and youth, he is both and neither.

Continuing the subject of maturity, we can take a look at the moment we share with Alfons Beck, a relationship that Emil describes with "we seemed to have a perfect understanding of each other" and, while a character who does not stay around long, acts as a mentor in the way he teaches Emil to grow up when it concerns sexuality and affections. It isn't long after this moment that Emil begins his venture into the world of darkness and almost loses himself to indulgence and excess of drinking and what have you, but it is clear from the later scenes with Knauer that Emil retains this personal growth surrounding sex and desire.

I heard amazing things; things I would not have thought possible were trotted out as part of everyday reality and seemed quite normal. Alfons Beck had already gained experience of women in his less than eighteen years of life. He had learned, for example, that girls were only out for flirtation and attention, which was all very agreeable but not the real thing. There was more chance of that with mature women. They were much more reasonable. You could talk with Frau Jaggelt who kept the stationer's shop, and a book could not contain all the various goings-on behind her counter. I sat there spell-bound and stupefied. Certainly I could never have loved Frau Jaggelt - but nevertheless it was terrific. There seemed to be hidden springs as least for my seniors, whose existence had never suspected. It all had a false ring about it, a more ordinary and insignificant flavour than love should have, in my opinion, but at all events it was life and adventure and I was sitting next to someone who had actually experienced it and to whom it seemed a normal thing.

By the end of this talk, Emil feels like a boy listening to a man. He understands that in this area he is behind, yet still is drawn to it. Alfons Beck is here, quite clearly, setting up and building upon the themes of maturity, especially that of women. This is very important seeing how it is one of the first times he is so explicit about his feelings regarding sexuality, and it is not by accident that this conversation regards mature, older women.

Another element here is that Emil points out that he finds more passing encounters, attraction without the intent to form a significant relationship, to be not founded in love - or at least the type of love he desires. I point this out because it establishes the idea that the types of relationships and attraction Emil is most interested in are ones that are serious and lasting. Quick, temporary connections excite him, intrigue him, because of course they do, he is a young man away from home and free to explore the world for the first time in his life and he has wants and desires. But, as we will see in his actions towards Eva later on, what he is most interested in a more true kind of love.

I'm going to hop straight to the painting next, as it is the real start of his relationship with Eva. There's a lot with the painting that I don't believe needs to be quoted directly so I've chosen a description of his realization of who it reminds him of.

Then one morning when I awoke from one of these dreams, I suddenly recognized it. It looked so fantastically familiar and seemed to call out my name. It appeared to know me as a mother, as if its eyes had been fixed on me all my life. I stared at the picture with beating heart, the close, brown hair, the half-feminine mouth, the strong forehead with its strange brightness-which it had assumed of its own accord-and I realized that my recognition, my rediscovery and knowledge of it were becoming more and more a reality.

He says after this that it resembles Demian, it was not his features exactly but there is no mistaking the fact that it was ultimately Demian's face. A motherly, matured woman version of Demian. This will later be seen to be the same description he gives Eva, even beyond the fact that he explicitly states that it is her as I'll quote later.

The effects this painting have on him are, as we all know, quite extreme and trigger many contradictory feelings within him. It is obvious that he worships it, he puts it on the wall in a way he can look at the face first thing in the morning, the same way one would look at a lover in bed upon waking up, he cries over it and clearly experiences intense lust and attraction towards the figure depicted in it. He also finds these feelings towards it revolting and terrifying, and would sometimes call it a devil and a murderer. At this point in the story, he still has lingering shame for these sorts of desires, even if he has begun to embrace them in some ways, he hasn’t fully overcome his belief that the world is separated in two halves and as a result views many things in extremes of both the most beautiful parts of the world of the light and the worst of the tempting world of darkness.

But for full context on this painting, we also need to look at the dream in which its subject appeared in, the most important dream of his life that he dreamed of night after night.

This dream, the most important and enduring of my life, followed this pattern: I was on my way to my parents' home and over the main entrance the heraldic bird gleamed gold on an azure ground. My mother walked towards me but when I entered and she was about to kiss me, it was no longer she but a form I had never set eyes on, tall and strong with a look of Max Demian and my painted portrait - yet it was somehow different and despite the robust frame, very feminine. The form drew me to itself and enveloped me in a deep, shuddering embrace. My feelings were a mixture of ecstasy and horror, the embrace was at once an act of worship and a crime. The form that embraced me had something about it of both my mother and my friend Demian and also this embrace violated every sense of religious awe, yet it was bliss. Sometimes I awoke out of this dream with a feeling of ecstasy, sometimes in mortal fear and with a tortured conscience as if I had committed some terrible sin.

Here we see Emil's most important dream: one where he is filled with ecstasy when embracing a figure that is a sort of halfway point between his mother and his friend. I'm going to share another passage from later, when he sees Frau Eva for the first time since childhood.

Sensing my interest in them, she took me into the house, looked out a leather album and showed me a photograph of Demian's mother. I could hardly remember her but now that I had the small photograph before me my heart stood still. It was the picture of my dreams. There she was, the tall, almost masculine figure, looking like her son, but with maternal traits, traits of severity and deep passion, beautiful and alluring, beautiful and unapproachable, daimon and mother, fate and lover. There was no mistaking her! The discovery that my dream image existed on this earth affected me like some fantastic miracle! So there was a woman who looked like that, who bore the features of my destiny! Where was she? Where? And she was Demian's mother!

So, this figure he dreams about, the figure he paints? It is Frau Eva. And we see here that, much like how her son is described as feminine, she is described as masculine. She also is inherently full of contrasts: daimon and mother, beautiful and unapproachable. Frau Eva and Demian follow the same pattern of being opposing natures who exist in one, the deconstruction of the binary and embracing something that is less easy to categorize. They embody the same ideals as Abraxas, of Emil's dreams.

Speaking of Abraxas and Frau Eva, here is his proper introduction to her as an adult.

With eyes moistened with tears I gazed at my painting, absorbed in my reflections. Then my glance dropped. Under the picture of the bird in the opened door stood a tall woman in a dark dress. It was she. I was unable to utter a word. From a face that resembled her son's, timeless and ageless and full of inward strength, the beautiful, dignified woman gave me a friendly smile. Her gaze was fulfillment, her greeting a homecoming. Silently I stretched out my hands towards her. She took them both in her warm. firm hands. "You are Sinclair. I recognized you at once. Welcome!" Her voice was deep and warm. I drank it up like sweet wine. And now I looked up and into her quiet face, the black unfathomable eyes, at her fresh, ripe lips, the open, queenly brow that bore the 'sign.' "How glad I am!" I said and kissed her hands. "I believe I have been on my way here the whole of my life and now I have reached home at last." She gave a motherly smile.

Eva makes her entrance quite literally alongside the painting of Abraxas Emil painted not long after he put a name to the face of the painting he made of her. He describes this as reaching home, incredibly important to him after he has been feeling so outcast from the home he grew up in. And he loves her deep voice, her quiet face that resembles her son's, and her friendly, motherly smile.

Eva and Abraxas, the god he worships and adores, are linked beings. This all builds on to the Demian and Cain, Eva and Eve connections. Eve the mother of both Cain the murderer and Abel the victim, Eve the woman born of God who spoke to the Devil and committed the first sin (which to bearer's of the Sign was surely not a sin), is now properly linked to Abraxas and it all feeds quite well into a similar theme. Eva is mother and she is home.

Eva is the origin of Demian, an embodiment of his ideals with even more maturity, she created the one who created Emil in a manner of speaking. She truly represents a world that is not divided into light and darkness, the very world that Emil chases after and wishes to believe in. It only makes sense, then, that he would find her so attractive and want her, desire her. By this point, so late into the novel, Emil is quite grown up, literally and spiritually, compared to the young, lost boy he was at the start. He has accepted sexual desires, accepted the world is complex and rejected many of the beliefs he held as a child, and he wants Eva the way any grown man might.

But, of course as we established earlier, Emil wants more than a passing encounter fueled by lust. He wants a real kind of love. And when he has gotten to know her and understand her as a real person rather than just a figure in his dreams, he writes the following, detailed, heavily romantic, filled with yearning and love passage:

On many occasions I believed that it was not really just her as a person, whom I yearned for with all my being, but that she existed as an outward symbol of my inner self and her sole purpose was to lead me more deeply into myself. Things she said often sounded like replies from my unconscious mind to burning questions which tormented me. There were other moments when as I sat beside her I was consumed with sensual desire and kissed objects which she had touched. And little by little sensual and transcendental love, reality and symbol mingled together. As I thought about her in my room at home in tranquil absorption, I felt her hand in mine and her lips touching my lips. Or I would be conscious of her presence, look into her face, speak with her and hear her voice, not knowing whether she was real or a dream. I began to realize how one can be possessed of a lasting and immortal love. I would gain knowledge of a new religion from my reading, and it would give me the same feeling as a kiss from Eva. She stroked my hair and smiled with all her warm affection, and I had the same feeling as when I took a step forward in knowledge of my inner self. Her person embraced everything that was significant and fateful for me. She could be transformed into each one of my thoughts and each of my thoughts could be transformed into her.

This paragraph here always sticks with me, the way his love transcends reality. It mirrors the way that Demian's existence is questionably real, that the moments he shared with the Demian family are somewhere fundamentally between imagined and real. Does she kiss him or is it imagined? It hardly matters, because reality and symbol are mixing together and becoming one and the same. These are his manifestations, these are his calls to the world to make his love true. And that love is so true in his heart he can hardly tell when it is real.

Also I just want to point out how cute he is when he's in love... kissing the things that belong to her, linking his learning and his growth as a person to her. It is similar to his behavior with Beatrice, in that this woman is helping inspire him to improve upon himself, but now it is not the desperate clutch to an unknown figure as a guiding light he can never speak to, it is a woman who pulls answers from his own mind, a woman who exists as a symbol of his inner self. Frau Eva, again just like Demian, is an extension of Emil's self and soul.

Alright, so I have now established Emil's feelings towards Frau Eva, but what of her feelings towards him? This following passage comes immediately after the one before

When I arrived back at H-- I stayed away from her for two days in order to savour this security and independence from her physical presence. I had dreams too in which my union with her was consummated in a symbolic act. She was a star and I was a star on my way to her, and we met and mutually attracted, remained together and circled round each other blissfully in all eternity to the accompaniment of the music of the spheres. I told her this dream on my first visit on returning. "It is a lovely dream," she said quietly, "Make it true!"

Emil tells her that he had a dream of the two of them in which they consummated their union (which, just to make this abundantly clear, means having sex. there is no getting around that fact) through a symbolic act of entwining around each other for all of eternity and Frau Eva tells him to make it true. She tells him, explicitly, that this dream he has of them making love is lovely and that he should work on making it happen in reality. This is of course a further extension of her trying to help Emil manifest a kind of mutual attraction between them through his extended longing and deep, honest desires. While she does not currently reciprocate the romantic affections he has for her, she is clear about being open to the idea of that one day being the case.

Let's also look at this bit, which is mostly about Sinclair's affections towards her but provides a bit of a conclusion to this theme of manifesting her love.

One day this foreboding came over me with such force that my love for Eva flared up suddenly and caused me great pain. My God, what a short time I had left; soon I should no longer be seeing her, no longer hearing her good, assured step about the house, no longer finding her flowers on my table! And what had I achieved? I had luxuriated in dreams and comfort instead of winning her, instead of struggling for her and clasping her to me forever! Everything she had told me about true love came back to me, a kindred stirring, admonitory messages, and as many gentle promises and words of encouragement, too, perhaps; and what had I made out of it all? Nothing. I stood in the middle of the room, summoned my whole conscious being and thought of Eva. I wanted to gather all the power of my soul in order to make her aware of my love and attract her to me. She must come; she must long for my embrace, my kisses must tremble on her ripe lips.

Emil is realizing that despite her encouragements and his continued love for her, he has never truly spent the energy required to make his love reciprocated. These things, him wanting her be his forever, him wanting to kiss her so much that he shakes, to attract her to him so that she desires him in the same way that he does her... those are the things Eva wanted him to manifest. Now, this also makes it clear that for as much time as they spent together (the book mentions that Max was out for long stretches of time, leaving Emil alone with Eva for the majority of his days there), they did not get to do any of the things he wanted so passionately AND that she had still be encouraging him to manifest this.

And does she get this message? Yes! She does, only there is The War starting and so she does not go herself to him, but she does tell him that she heard his appeal and to do it again if he should ever need her.

Now, let's talk about the ending of the book, about the kiss.

"And there is something else. Frau Eva said that if things ever went badly with you, I was to pass on a kiss from her which she gave me … Close your eyes, Sinclair." I closed my eyes in obedience. I felt the brush of a kiss on my lips on which there was a bead of blood that never seemed to diminish. Then I fell asleep.

Demian (who is made clear to be a hallucination or a purely spiritual being at this moment, regardless of what you believe his regular appearances are that of a real actual boy or a reflection of Emil's self or a mixture of the two. in this scene he is a dream-like being existing from Emil's mind here to help conclude the narrative) passes on a kiss that his mother gave to him. Eva wanted to give this kiss to Emil after all of those appeals he made for her love, and uses Demian as a vessel to give this to him.

Now I am absolutely not here to deny any sort of queerness in this moment, in the fact that it is not Eva herself who appears but rather Max. What I am trying to say is that Eva and Max are linked people, especially in the mind of Emil, and therefore it makes thematic sense for the boy who had introduced him to the world of the enlightened and to the woman he would come to love to be here in this quiet, scary moment and pass on a message from his mother. I am trying to say that denying that this kiss is even the slightest bit from Eva and 100% Max's moment is ignoring her entire character and a large, large portion of Emil's.

I could’ve gone on for longer, I skipped over the story she tells Emil of the man in love with a star and how that star eventually came to love him in return and how Frau Eva is his star. His last description of her before leaving for the war is about the myriad of stars glowing in the night sky and it is quite romantic, but I feel getting into the star symbolism in Demian would double the length of this and her feelings towards him cannot get any clearer than the part where she encourages consummating their union, which itself is still linked to the star story. This was all done taking passages I remembered off the top of my head and not a full reread of the book, but I feel like this does more than enough to explain my point.

In conclusion: never tell me again that I misunderstood the 1919 novel Demian: The Story of Emil Sinclair's Youth by Hermann Hesse because I joked about how Emil is into MILFs. He is.

my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😋 this strain is called demian (1919) it'll have you zoinked outta your gourd 💯

me: yeah whatever i don't feel shit

5 minutes later: the bird fights its way out of the egg. the egg is the world. who would be born must first destroy a world. the bird flies to god

my buddy emil, pacing: abraxas is lying to us