Dissociative Identity Disorder - Blog Posts

Hello, Tumblr!

today, we’re gonna be talking about my head cannons (in my Transformers AU) about BlitzWing! Yay!! [below keep reading, it’s a long one]

Lets get one thing clear…I DO NOT HAVE D.I.D.!! I NEVER HAVE, AND ONLY KNOW ONE PERSON FROM THAT ONE CAMP THAT ONE TIME!! I DO NOT SPEAK FOR, OR REPRESENT ANYONE WHO HAS D.I.D.!! PLEASE DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH AND DO NOT TAKE WHAT I SAY AS FACTUAL ABOUT ALL DID INDIVIDUALS!! Any refrenced information is mainly from [here]

Next, I’m not sure if BlitzWing in TFA is actually stated to have DID, but in my AU, we’re making it some-kind of thing like that, but with alien war robots in space. The TFA BlitzWing (seems to) switch based on emotion, but to make it more accurate, that won’t be how it works in this au.

Finally, to not misrepresent anyone, (As a person with very mild childhood trauma,) We will not go into depths about why BlitzWing has this. The only ‘hint’ I’ll give is it’s one of a bajillion reasons he hates the Quintesson, and the main reason that sends him into a rage.

Lets set some basic information for BlitzWing first

-BlitzWing has three alters, though the alters and BlitzWing doesn’t give them names. Mostly, others will just call all the alters BlitzWing. In addition to this, all Alters have understood they are one body, and know that they are all tied to one form. BUT!! Just to make it easier to understand in this post, we’ll be calling them by their main emotion, Icy refers to the base personality, Anger refers to the more aggressive personality, and Crazy to the…crazy personality. (Though, crazy might be offensive in this way, I hope we’re not becoming Twitter and making everything a big ass deal.)

-They choose to refer to sleeping/recharging as ‘a meeting’ or something similar to that. Because when sleeping/recharging, all the alters meet in the void that is their head and talk until they get back up and one of them fronts for a while.

And…Lets meet the people!

Normal/Base/Regular BlitzWing

Thoughtful, Observant, Straightforward, Calculated, Calm, Stern, Intelligent, Quick-Thinking, Reserved, Creative, Cooperative, Antisocial, Serious, Mature, Reliable, Blunt, Diplomatic.

He’s AroAce, and sees love in any way as a distraction for their important position. However, he does acknowledge his alters do not feel the same way about this, and doesn’t prevent them from seeking it out.

He hates functionalism, and generally wants to free all cybertronians from any kind of oppression, to be free and do as they wish with no judgment. Not only was he oppressed because he couldn’t control his alters (in the past), but he was also oppressed for what he used to do for work [unspecified].

He struggles to remember all of what his alters do, but he can remember snippets of what happened. Not even ShockWave can force him to remember them. Along with that, he also struggles to remember some of the trauma they have, remembering his work and being with the triple changers, but not explicitly what happened. But, he remembers enough to keep it away from Crazy.

As the Decepticon’s tradesman (or tradesperson? Tradesmech? Idfk), he’s gotten good at being straightforward and unmoving. He may not be Swindle levels of bargaining, but he knows a bad trade when he sees one. He knows exactly what anything is worth, and what is best to risk.

Though he keeps a face a seriousness and holds emotions back to keep his profession appearance, there is a part under it all—usually only reserved for his alters and special friends—that wants some kind of relax, to not have to be serious all the time, though his way of being unserious is being boring. (He doesn’t think it is, but it is to others.) He wants to do art just for fun, even if it just doesn’t many any kind of sense. But his other main priorities is keeping his alters safe and content, so he likely won’t get to any time soon.

He’s good friends with SkyWarp, having been for a while, though he doesn’t have anything romantic with them. He knows they identifies as a femme, but in all honestly, he couldn’t care about it. It doesn’t mean anything to him, but it’s not going to affect him.

Anger/Emotional/Persecutor

Strong, Firm, Incisive, Irritable, Emotional, Irrational, Inconsistent, Illiterate, Dauntless, Independent, Protective, Critical thinking, Thorough, Unpopular, Brave, Serious.

He says he knows why they have three personalities, but he absolutely refuses to say why, and ShockWave wasn’t able to find anything while in this alter, as all three of them have the same memories from their past, and it seems to be erased and/or corrupted beyond recognition.

He can be triggered into coming out by any mention or seeing any figure or picture that looks like or similar to the Quintessons. He is usually sent into a blind rage by it, and if—hypothetically—a human showed him an image of the Quintessons, that human would by nothing more than a puddle on the floor in the next two seconds.

tentacles also make him uncomfortable (especially ones from the Morphobots since they look very similar to Quintesson ones).

On the surface, he’s rude to everyone, especially sparklings. (The living embodiment of the “Yoo Xan Get Your Boy Dawg” meme) He’s upset by nearly everything, and is hardly ever in a good mood. Nobody really tries to talk to him or get in his way, especially because they know how badly he’ll react.

He’s a good solider, being strong enough to overpower most, thorough with his kills, brave enough to dive into any situation, and treating it with seriousness, but he likes to work on his own, and will get more upset with any kind of taunting or teasing. Though no matter his anger, he’ll always be precise.

With battle smarts comes a downside, and his downside is his illiteracy. He does feel embarrassed he’s the only alter who can’t read, but he doesn’t know that a lot of Decepticons share the same problem. (Maybe not ‘i literally can’t read a single thing on this page’, but certianly ‘uhhh…One….Fisuh…Twoh…Fisuh…’)

His only close friend is AstroTrain, as they both fought (Autbots and each other) on Earth, with a lot of time to spare. Though, he only sees him as a friend. He might be willing to give romantics a shot, but he doesn’t know, as nobody would be willing to do that. (More than one reason why)

Crazy/Childish

Kidish, Commanding, Carefree, Creative, Blissful, Uplifting, Annoying, Intolerant, Energetic, Adventurous, Jovial, Effeminate, Irritable, Clingy, Venal, Messy, Innocent, Undisciplined.

Unlike the other personalties, he feels a much larger range of emotions. He can be angry, calm (as much as crazy can be), but he can also be sad, happy, bored, scared, and will love anyone and anything. And since he’s the most emotional, it’s a lot harder for the other alters to take over when he’s fronting, and they have to catch him off guard (crying, sleeping, etc) to get control back, and keep him down for a while.

He was suppressed while in the hold of the Quintessons, both Icy and Anger not wanting him to come out and be ruined by what was happening, and they somehow managed to do that for years.

His friend is BumbleBee, yes the autobot BumbleBee. They met during the earth wars, and ever since, He’s been enamored by him, even bringing him to his base and accidentally making him a prisoner. (He had good intentions)

In human terms, he’s very dog-like. He’s clingy to anybody who’s nice to him, overly happy, energetic, playful, and messy. Looking at their room, it’s clear BlitzWing lets Crazy out the most there, probably because he keeps him cooped up in his head for long periods, and their room is the one place where BlitzWing is fully comfortable letting him go wild in. He’s drawn on the walls, has his things all over the room, but the one place HE KNOWS not to go near, is their shared self, where all three personalities share VERY PERSONAL things to remember.

He isn’t disciplined by the Decepticons, being treated more as a child than an actual member, knowing eventually he’ll switch back to a different, more competent one. He’s easily bribed to doing anything, but doesn’t always get what he’s promised because usually they’ll switch before they have to. (Usually convincing him to do missions and jobs.)

ALSO because he isn’t disciplined, he doesn’t understand what anything he does is wrong, unless the alters go out of their way to tell him. If someone ignores him, refuses to do things with him, or doesn’t let him do things, he’ll get upset. (Though more times than not, he doesn’t get his way anyways.)

He assumes that anyone who’s even slightly nice to him really likes him. To anybody who isn’t firm or stands up to him, he will not shut up, will not let go, and he has no dignity for himself.

so, that’s all we got so far! This post will be updated if new information comes about, and if anyone does have DID and wants to correct me on something, please do so! I don’t want to offend any of you! I strive to be well informed!

I present my current hyperfixation on wall. Love how it turned out.

ALT text and paper sketch under the cut 

[Image Description - 

Colored Street art, background bright blue. Centered sits Sunny hugging himself tightly knees at his chest, head tilted to the side and supported by his knees. He is crying a big black tear, expression depressed. Omori hugs close Sunny as he holds a knife in his left hand, staring forward, expression neutral. Underneath them black hair with an eye in the middle of the black mess, close to Omori's knife tip. There are 3 dark blue waves next to Omori on the right, underneath in the same color is the tag "BlauesPikmin".

End I.D.]

question!!

Is it normal if I hate my other personalities/alters? I don’t know what to call them, but I hate them. It feels like they’ve stolen my life from me. I don’t even have any names for them, they just stay in my body that I want to myself, begin torturing me by telling me things I should do or how I should react or just trying to take my body away from me, and when they do I don’t even remember. I haven’t seen any other systems like this and it kinda makes me feel like I’m a faker even though I’ve been diagnosed. :(

I hate it whenever people say “mental health matters!” Until you have a disorder that their neurotypical brains can’t understand. Because the second you tell them about it and it doesn’t fit their romanticized versions of the disorder, they look at you as if you have three heads.

can anyone else relate to this problem? :(

Moon, Eclipse, I’m looking directly at you guys

-Eliza

Ben: I'm going to use a voice modification app to use for gaming when I play video games.

Me: Okay.

Ben: *messes our settings up* uhm

Me: What?

Ben: I may have done a thing...

Me: What?

Ben: *points at settings*

Me: What did you do??? How?

*computer microphone and headphone settings completely messed up*

😬🙃

Fog-Borne Snapshots

All would be consumed by shadow if not for an unseen, smudged streetlamp blanketing all beneath it in everlasting burgundy mist. In some space-time ripples, it is evergreen. For other eternities, it is cerulean. Despite the variance, universal commonality is found in its blurred glow.

This light delineates all forms, together interlocked in a state of static, monochrome bliss. These relics change, but never while I see them. Those that have graced my apertures in eye and mind include wet playground equipment, monoliths with tops trapped in mist, and abandoned antique cars.

The aura that permeates my body remains the same. It is the tinge of warmth felt within someone’s embrace, somehow gleaned from facing someplace where this had last occurred at least a decade ago. It is a sign of life found in one of countless mounds of dilapidated structures in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. It is a spiritual sign of the possibility of solace within the cold, concrete walls of an insane asylum whose inhabitants offer only volatility. It is an infinitesimal, but nonetheless unmoving constant in the midst of chaos, contained and concealed forever from the surrounding universe.

In my disillusion, I believe in the approach of a day when I may graze my fingertips across all of the surfaces. Thought ensnares me while my frozen body maintains a glassy stare as my daydreams and memories, whether fabricated or true, turn to burning rubble where no flame dances. I once again watch the fog-borne snapshots fade to charred blackness behind my eyelids.

https://twwrt.wordpress.com/2023/08/04/fog-borne-snapshots/

Wh... What?? What is?? What does this mean??

The headmate?

Wh.... I don't remember this being made or the context. Did he scream in *Innerworld* and wake us? I... Am so confused...

Last night i woke up to a scream because there was a bug in liliths room, rip

Drew myself and also a Femtanyl Inspired Persona!! Probably will draw her a bunch :3 I'm a Frequent Fronter now! - Venus (will prob draw an Intro thing for here soon <3)

CW // SH scars + Imagery, Many Eyes

Сегодня утром я поняла что ни разу не рисовала Серёжу из фильма, так что вотъ

Reblogging so I can answer the question.

There are several things that I can do to influence a switch, though I would like to preface this with two things.

1: just because it doesn’t look or feel like you would expect it to doesn’t mean you aren’t switching. For us a switch is a huge personality shift even though our conscious stays mainly unaffected. Sometimes the only way we’ve realized we switched is cause either our likes and dislikes don’t match the hosts, or a friend will point out something small we often didn’t realize we’re doing that the host would never do. (Including but not limited to: breathing patterns, posture, word choice, tone, and energy level)

2. As stated in previous posts of ours, forcing a switch when it’s not necessary can be really harmful to the system and your mental health. Trying to prove to yourself that you are valid by forcing a switch is one of the worst things you can do. You validity does not hinge on if you can switch when you want to or if you even switch at all. Your symptoms are valid even if they don’t fit into the box you’re thinking of. That being said, if you need it to happen it most likely will, but if you find yourself in a situation where you can’t switch, here are some tips of how to get it started.

Positive triggers

A positive trigger is anything that can get a headmate closer to the front. Maybe it’s their favorite song or a food they really enjoy, maybe it’s as simple as talking about them irl. It’s anything that gets them excited to front.

Environment

I personally have a hard time switching in an environment that I’m not comfortable in unless I get badly triggered and someone else comes out to deal with it. So if you’re looking for a casual switch just to learn more about you’re system, try surrounding yourself with people who are aware of the system and support all of you. Or if you would rather do this on your own, try going to a safe space where no one will interrupt you.

Unmasking

It’s possible that your headmates aren’t comfortable coming out because you are telling them they have to mask perfectly. So maybe to get them used to being in the front, let them come out when you are in a safe space and no one will judge you. Give them some time and space to be themselves. Since this is mainly a covert disorder a lot of alters very well might be great at masking, but that’s no guarantee. So start of in a safe space and a healthy mindset.

Inner system communication

This is a big one, if you have any communication between your different parts try using it to express what you would like. Be honest, they share your brain and may very well know when you’re lying. Explain that they are safe to come out and do as they please, that no one’s going to hurt them (again make sure you are in that safe space and healthy mindset). This simple encouragement can do wonders, but if they’re still hesitant for whatever reason or if the straight up just say no, respect that. Otherwise you might cause discourse or tension in the system which is the last thing you want.

I know a lot of this was more mindset stuff you can work on, but that stuff can be really helpful. I’ll end this post with another warning against forcing a switch when you don’t need to, and some encouragement that even if you don’t switch like you’re ‘supposed to’ it doesn’t make it any less valid, you’re feelings are still there and they’re real to you.

Have a good day, hope this is helpful.

-Apollo

Follow-up from this post here:

How do you personally leave the front? Is there any specific thing that you do that you consider important to the switching process?

Also, are there any tips you could possibly give me about switching out of the front?

"You're so good at writing this character" thanks. They live in my head. I consult them on the plot points. I literally know them.

i want to talk to my crew again but i’m scared of being a fictive in an online space and also what if they’re mean to me?-

-TS

"...there is literally no way to put [life as a system] into words... that shared depth of our shared soul. the immense hope in it all.

it's so strange. sacred in a way. something given to me by god. in those moments, i... faith becomes conviction. that trust is solid. i don't just "believe" that there is life after death and hope after everything, I know that there is. there is something about headspace that all but confirms that there is "more to life than this life." that what we see is not all there is. in here, what i see, what i hear, what i feel... the absolute love between us all, that's what i bring into church, and lay on the altar, and sob for joy about. that is the heart of every prayer and song i offer. this is what leads me to God, more than anything else, because this is how he teaches me of himself. of unconditional compassion. of mercy and justice. of what it's like for someone to live and die for you and what it's like to want to do the same thing in a heartbeat. joyfully so. kissing the cross.

this innerworld is blessed. it really is. even the wars, even the struggles were seen and known by god. of course they were. we all know we could never have become who we are now, could never have become as tender-hearted as we are now, if we had not bled and wept and fought together for so long. we learned so much. we lost so much. we gained so much."

(121622)

My System naming plushies:

This is Smidgen. She’s a precious little lamb and is the purest bean in the known world.

This is Mildew. He knows only how to create mischief and if you harm him I will detonate you.

…oh yeah and that’s Twitch Chat.

Are you supportive of endogenics it doesn't say anywhere and I can't tell if I need to ignore the blog or not (no offense I just don't fw endos)

Hi there, anon! We are a traumagenic system and we believe that plurality only develops through trauma. We do not police what kind of trauma is “enough” to cause plurality. We also don’t believe that all “endogenic” systems are faking (they may not have access to the memories of the trauma that they went through or they may be experiencing other forms of dissociation or mental health concerns), so we don’t go out of our way to attack anyone based on their system origin. I hope that makes sense.

“Hey Quill! How are you doing?”

“Oh doing alright! Thanks for asking!”

Narrator: They were in fact the farthest thing from alright.

I guess we have a BMO fictive who’s like a translator for headmates who don’t speak or don’t speak English.

The thing about being an autistic system undergoing a host change is that now all our former safe foods don’t taste the same and we have to figure out safe foods all over again…

The entire system tonight. Even Fiasco.

Our partner and I joke about this by saying “Stand users attract stand users.”

We’ve noticed over the years that plurals tend to sorta… flock together. Even as egg cartons/pre-syscovery. As an egg carton we had a friend group that was mostly other plurals; initially all of these plural friends were unaware of their plurality, but slowly things became unveiled and they came out as plural. There were also singlets present, but A WHOLE LOTTA PLURALS TOO

Later when that friend group inevitably began to fall apart (~60-80% our fault, we got better though I swear), we branched out to other communities and interests for reasons that would likely de-anonymize me, and the rp we joined was populated nearly entirely by plurals and egg cartons.

Apparently, according to our mentor system, they have a habit of, as they put it, “accidentally hitting people with the plurality beam.” (Or, discovering a person they met was masking as a singlet, or being the snowball that leads to someone abruptly realizing they’re plural.)

So, is this something you’ve also noticed?

haha, honestly? we've noticed it too, in the past. our closest friends for about 3-5 years (a long time ago, when we were pre-system discovery as well) turned up to be plural, last i can remember. we had a best friend for about two years who was also a system, like ourselves, that we met coincidentally. in high school, said friend had a bit of experience with others questioning whether or not they are a system as a result of knowing them. we were never too public about our system, so i can't speak for us. maybe we are all like magnets. /j

but it is definitely interesting to hear of similar experiences. thank you for sharing your thoughts!

We’re rapid switching and blurry so we aren’t sure who is who in the following. So everyone is just “me”

THE TALE OF MOVING HOUSE: PART BATHROOM

Way Past Me: I will gather all the bathroom items in a handful of bags so it will be easier to get that room functional again quickly.

Past Me: I need more bags than I thought. I’ll need to empty a few. Good thing the bathroom stuff is all together! I’m going to dump it all INTO the bathtub so that I can’t avoid putting stuff away in here when I want to bathe.

Slightly Past Me: CURSE YOU, PAST ME. I JUST WANT TO BATHE BUT I HAVE TO PUT ALL THE BATHROOM STUFF AWAY FIRST.

Current Me: (in the bath, having plowed through everything in about a half hour) …Okay, Past Me. You win. That was smart.

Talking to one of our dogs while we’re having a bath triggered some memories of pre-system discovery things that make so much more sense now.

Let me explain.

Valor very much enjoys stealing my towel while I’m bathing. He’ll dig around in it to make himself a little nest and then nap in the towel while I bathe.

So today I’m getting ready for a bath and I say “Oh boy, Valor! It’s time for your Favorite Thing!” referring to stealing my towel. But I know this is not actually his Favorite Thing. It is probably not even in his Top 5 Favorite Things. But because it’s something he definitely enjoys, I call it his Favorite Thing.

But that’s not what “favorite” means. A favorite implies a single thing that is liked more than all other things. People have favorite colors and movies and books and meals. And this struck me today. Examining my use of the word, I realized that I have always treated “favorite” in this way - as a way to describe something I “really really like” not necessarily more than all others. I’ve always had “multiple favorites” in just about every area of life. And I’ve always just written it off as an inability to be decisive or a quirk. Other people, at their worst, have described it as me being weak-willed, wishy-washy, or conviction-less.

But it’s none of those things.

It’s the fact that I’m plural. Of COURSE we’ve had multiple favorite movies for as long as we can remember. “The Care Bears Movie” has always been Madison’s favorite movie. That didn’t make Howl’s Moving Castle any less Aina’s favorite movie. Nor did Leigh developing an obsession with Frozen 2 make Aina’s favorite movie and less her favorite movie. But before we knew we were plural, it seemed and felt like we had multiple favorite movies. Or multiple favorite songs. Etc.

Now I’ve got thirty years of using “favorite” inaccurately to undo in myself. 🤣

A poetry anthology but the poems are written by different headmates in a DID System. Is that anything?

We made it. Barely. But we made it. The weekend won’t be long enough. But hopefully it’s enough to get us through another week.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

Today was one of the best days we’ve had in ages. We got chores done. Fen got to spent a lot of time with Maeve (her reborn), including setting up her new stroller! Our partner made a lovely lunch. We hung out with a new friend a little bit not long enough that we got over socialized. We got to watch tv with our partner - we’ve been getting through a season of Master Chef. The dogs have been very good. Fritzy was gifted a new dragon plush which meant a lot to him (he’s been having a tough time lately). We got a little high. We got back to a journal we haven’t used in ages that our QPP got for us that we’re using to work toward living more openly and authentically as a System. A big thunderstorm is rolling through right now and the dogs are just sleeping through it while an hbomberguy video plays softly in the background (it’s our go-to sleep video now).

To all the middlespace blogs we just followed - our system’s middlespace regressor blogs are:

@gq-olivia and @gq-pippa

In case you’d like to follow them.

It’s our birthday today. We turn 35. (Well, the body does. The majority of our headmates don’t really age right now. I don’t know if that will ever change.)

Birthdays are kind of complicated for us. We’re smooshed right up against Mother’s Day. That meant for a lot of our childhood, we were placed in situations with one of our major abusers. And as we have transitioned into adulthood, our inability to be a mother (parent in general) continues to be extremely painful for us. So it’s hard to feel celebratory on the day right after we have had so many conflicted emotions about celebrating and honoring our own mother and mourning the fact that we won’t ever be one ourselves.

But we’re going to try really hard to move past the weird feelings and celebrate ourselves this week. This WHOLE week. My planner is full of ways we can celebrate ourselves this week. And why it’s worth celebrating.

We’re gonna keep working on healing.

Because we deserve that.

Someone was panhandling at a stoplight I always get caught at today. And when I handed over the couple dollars in cash I had in my wallet to him and he thanked me, I realized something.

I wasn’t afraid at all.

I had to think back. Because there was a time when I was so unreasonably afraid of homeless people that I unintentionally taught my Sheltie to bark at them because I would get so stressed out if I even got stopped next to someone panhandling.

And that was when it hit me.

That fear isn’t mine. It’s a former host’s fear. And her fear was because if people she knew could hurt her the way they did, she couldn’t even imagine what a stranger might be able to do to her.

I empathize with her fear. But I’m glad that I don’t share it. It feels like growth. In some small way.