Actually Did - Blog Posts

We have been so fuzzy and not knowing whos fronting i hate it. Probably cause our birthday but it’s still annoying.

Ive been in a weird sick state since yesterday. We think it’s probably psychosomatic, but it’s still super annoying. Easter has always stressed us out, but its been getting worse every year now.

New job got us acting like one person……little do they know……

One thing that pisses me off about most DID/OSDD rep is that its almost ALWAYS EXCLUSIVELY “mr normal” and then “mr evil kills everyone for no reason”. No in between or variation. I feel like having alters who are more “aggressive and violent” can be excusable depending on context, like if it was during a war or everyone for themselves situation? But nooooooo it’s always some suburban white collar dude.

I want two sooo bad when i was little, i made a big slideshow for a school project in elementary. I totally forgot about thisss.

My heart-

I find one big misconceptions about fictives in systems is that they are characters that you like/liked. Like I’m a Vriska Serket fictive, and our system HATED the character Vriska. And it took me a while to be myself and be okay with it, and now everyone is chill with me. Just something Ive been thinkin about. It was kinda funny cause one day everyone was like, “oh you actually chill as fuck”. Some of them still dont like the character, but we also know that im not my source.

Bit of system rambles

Something that's, always kinda bothered me as a system is, how it feels like almost every other system we know just, magically has a great memory, like they sometimes have larger chunks of memory missing but, that's like, it, now please understand this absolutely isn't us fake claiming any of them

It's just, we struggle so much with memory, even without switching out we can barely remember what we've done,, 5 minutes ago, and it's like that all the time, for us it's not just those chunks of memory missing, it's fucking everything, what did we do an hour ago? I don't know, a few minutes ago? Whoooo knows? Not me, we struggle so much with our day to day memory it's fucking impossible. The body's family jokes and laughs about us having "on set dementia" because of how horrible it is, we're never trusted to remember things because we just can't, I hate how it feels like everyone but us has such,, limited issues with this

Autism, the worst one (/silly) mlm, c-did, c-ptsd, gad, and insomnia

audience test

How many disorders do you match with me

NPD

ASPD

STPD

ADHD

AUTISM

SENSORY PROCESSING DISORDER

MAN LOVING MEN (the worst one)

C-DID

C-PTSD

DYSLEXIA

LIKES PICKLES

BIPOLAR / MANIC DEPRESSION

GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER

SELECTIVE MUTISM (fluctuates)

HYPER MOBILITY DISORDER

RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME

INSOMNIA

HCD (huge cock disorder. contagious so I have to be quarantined)

(all medically recognized. don't come @ me because I'm a fucked up guy) ((huge cock disorder is self diagnosed but you have to believe me))

this was actually a very vulnerable post to make but I want ableists to block me and we should not be ashamed to be disordered

Uhhh, my poll thingamajig said Red Son so I'm doing his bull and human form! Here's the sketch!

It's different than the other one but it's still going to be similar.

Hmm I’ve noticed a distinct lack of discord servers or really any spaces for Hetalia introjects/fictives and the like. Would there at all be any interest in a discord server made and ran by yours truly for other Hetalia fictives to hang out and talk? Leave this post a like of you’d be interested and if there’s enough interaction, I’ll make us all something!

🎶The Mischief System!🎶

◝ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵

・゜・.・゜🪐 BASICS !

◞ ︶ ︶ ︶ ︶ ︶ ︶ ︶

❩ ⋆₊☆ ⊂System Name⊃ : The Mischief System

❩ ₊⁺⸝ ⊂Pronouns⊃ : Dependent on Alter, but otherwise They/Them

❩ ⋆₊☆ ⊂Bodily Age⊃ : 21

❩ ⋆₊☆ ⊂System symbol⊃ : 🎵

◝ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵

.・゜・.・゜💫 BOUNDARIES !

◞ ︶ ︶ ︶ ︶ ︶ ︶ ︶

❩ ⋆₊☆ ⊂Interaction Status⊃ : Open to friend reqs and @s! Feel free to ask for my discord!

❩ ₊⁺⸝ ⊂DMs⊃ : Absolutely!!

◝ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵ ︵

Frequent Fronters & Their Signoffs:

Feli 🍝 @bello-ciao

Lovino 🍅 @lovino-tomato

Dusty 💖 @dusty-darling

Cori 😈 @chaos-and-brimstone

Oliver 🧁 @sugar-crashout

Pinky 🐠 @puka-pinky

Charlie 🌈 @charlies-infern0

Marj 🎀 @i-cant-believe-its-not-marjorine

Rocket 🚀 @rocketship-n-roll

Niente 🔪 @hauntingly-nothing

Meowth 🌟 @meowth-dats-right

Fayrin 🎶 @faently-gleau

King 👑

Pancho 🔥

MoonShadow 🌕

Ciao! We are an avid roleplayer and video editor with a passion for music! We’re not here for a long time, but here for a good time! So feel free to hit us up or slide into our DMs to chat or be friends~!

Endos who claim to want things to be different for them but freak out when they encounter a system with system experiences 💀

We are NOT splitting a guy about it

Putting this here in case Forest decides to spy what i have to say again

Do not do any of the stuff i talk about guys

Pretending to be tougher than you really are won't shield you from the lack of love and affection you experience pretending you don't need it btw.

You know what makes me more enraged about this? He kept acting like i was talking about it as if having alters is some funny shit when i hate these fuckers. I want them dead. I'm being so serious when i say if there was a way to detach them from my brain i'll just instantly kill them. I'm suffering here i'm not here for the shits and giggles. Fuck you

I seriously need endos to fuck the hell off, what i go through daily isn't fun quirky little game you can decide to play, it is a fucking trauma response and i actually have to waste tons of my energy not to cause any more unreversible damage to the other alters. Having other people in your head isn't fucking funny, they're not just "friends you can have inside jokes with". It's tiring. It's debilitating. It's not knowing what will happen when you're not in front. Is having the others getting potentially exposed to danger and being unable to do anything to protect yourself and/or the body. It's others hating you for doing exactly what you were formed to do. The shame, the guilt, the self hate you constantly have to carry around that came after years and years of terrible trauma. It can sometimes be fun but the main point is it's a fucking disorder. I can't stand you guys fucking de-medicalising it so that you can enjoy a fake ass romanticised version of it. I hope my traumas hit you all at once. I hope you split a pre self-consciousness me. I wish all the worst to y'all

I've been very hesitant to post here because i can't keep up with the social media i already have... but alas, my impulsive thoughts got the best of me.

For my first official post on this art account, i'm posting a self portrait! It's nothing special, but i used my favorite colors (purple and green) so i like it.

What can you expect from this account? Well... to be fair, i don't really know myself. I'll try to keep this only for my own art, but don't get surprised if i reblog something every now and then.

Asides from human art, i also do fantasy and furry art (nsfw included). You can dm me if you would like to commission anything. But no pressure /g.

The next post will probably be my commission sheet, so keep an eye out for that!

Thanks for reading!

Love, Jade 💜

Yep. This. Literally this.

There are SO many things that I didn't realize I actually experienced because the descriptions of those symptoms sound like they're saying something else.

About 85-95% percent of our memories are in third person but I totally thought most people had that to a good extent until I talked to several people who not only thought it was super weird, but also didn't even know what I was saying because the very idea of it is so foreign.

This is why discussions of dissociation in CDD spaces REALLY should be only for 'traumagenic' systems. Whether you believe you can be a system without trauma, if you don't believe you have the trauma or the disorder caused by it, you shouldn't be in spaces for those trying to figure out how to manage disorder.

Also the mental health medical system sucks ass. We need more professionals who can actually bridge the gap between text book definitions and what it actually fucking looks like. We went to an evaluation and downplayed our symptoms so fucking much because we didn't think they fit the written descriptions (and growing up being gaslit into believing we're overreacting about everything). We got a very noncommittal place holder diagnosis from that appointment, that we waited six months and drove 2 hours for, probably because we told the doctor we didn't have amnesia because we had no fucking idea what emotional or grey out amnesia was, AND we didn't know that you can have black outs and not realize anything. is missing. We figured the lack of 'waking up' and not remembering how we got where we were, meant that we had zero amnesia. But holy shit is that wrong.

Anyways. All that to say, OP, you are not the only one who experiences this.

-Apollo (maybe?)

Sometimes I genuinely hate that I have a disorder where I take things literally.

Especially when that's intersectioned by CDD spaces where a lot of the descriptions of dissociation are hard to relate to, despite having several periods of time where strong dissociation is the only explanation.

And it's not even necessarily because I can't relate to them, it's just that my brain gets caught on the literal wording of that experience and immediately thinks that I can't experience that because I don't feel that specific way.

Does anyone else reading this feel the same?

Because I hear descriptions like feeling like you're outside of your body or over the shoulder, and I never feel like I experience that in real time. It only happens with memories, where a ton of those are in third person.

There are periods of time where I want a certain drink, but my brain fights to find the right word because several different parts of me want a different drink, even though I know that I want the specific drink that my brain suddenly can't recall the word for.

Honestly, I feel like 90% of my dissociation happens without me being able to cognitively recognize when it's actively happening, and I only realize after looking back that I remember maybe the bare fucking minimum.

And I dunno, maybe I've just been dissociated for so much of my life that it's so normal to me that I don't even know it's dissociation. It's really hard to parse what is and isn't normal when you 1) are neurodivergent and 2) see your normal as normal.

If any of you out there have any other descriptions of what dissociation can look like I would love to hear them, because that's the only way my brain will get over the mental block / confused phase of trying to understand.

WAIT BECAUSE WHY DID I JUST REALIZE THAT SIMPLY PLURAL HAS THAT LOGO BECAUSE ITS AN & MEANING AND. THATS SO COOL WHAT??

trying to unlearn misinfo and beliefs brought upon us from our abusers is by far one of the hardest things that we’ve ever had to do for our recovery, but we’re progressing.

Do you have alters that speak different languages? If so, which languages? :0

We personally don’t have any alters that speak different languages. While collectively we know a bit of Spanish, there’s no one who speaks a different language exclusively, at least not that we know of! Who knows, haha. Thank you for the ask!

mentions of sexual assault and grooming

nah because what is up with being confident in your memory that you were sexually assaulted (and you still are being sexually harassed and groomed btw) but the perpetrator shows basic human courtesy once and now you’re the delusional lying fuck.

insert funny thing here about plurality because i remember i had this really funny idea for a post in my head but now its forever lost to the void that is my subconscious

HAPPY EASTER TO MY FAVOURITE SYSTEM <3333

(you’re the only system I know so automatically my favourite)

happy Easter (and 4/20)! and to everyone else who sees this as well who celebrates! i know our younger ones have been having a lot of fun, and i hope you’ll have a good day as well!

Hii I’ve recently discovered that we’re a system and was wondering what your favorite thing the person you like or your friend you mentioned has done for you!! I’m kind of scared to tell our friends but your blog gives us hope

hey! welcome to the community! one of the best things one of our friends have done to accommodate us is by doing their own research themselves! i am absolutely blessed to have them, haha. they have also made sure to respect our boundaries, including not interacting with particular alters such as littles due to our own hesitance, and other forms of assistance!

if you have supportive friends, it’s definitely great to tell them about it! we were apprehensive at first as well, but they ended up being one of our most supportive people. :) something i recommend is allowing them to ask questions and explaining the basics! and if they’ve already heard of systems before, especially from ‘cringe’ posters, make sure to re-educate them and point them to more informational places or sites to correct any misinformation.

of course, they won’t understand, at least at first, but the important thing is they are willing to learn and try and understand, even if they cannot at first.

hi guys!!!!! idk if this question is too personal (if so just delete this from your inbox) but you mentioned being in love?????? i wnated to know how that would work with all of you guys needing to agree and also what is this person (or persons) like?????

hey! i definitely agree having a crush on another person outside of the system is definitely difficult sometimes, especially due to opposing opinions. however, it's super important to note that not all alters will have to be in a romantic relationship with the person aforementioned! while it's quite complicated and things definitely have to be worked out with the other people or person, it is totally possible depending on their preferences. of course, other alters may not have the same affection towards this person or people as others may, and to that it gets complicated. depending on comforts, could be a polyamorous relationship, open relationship, or monogamous relationship- whatever is most comfortable for both groups overall. as for the person/people, they're the sweetest ever, lol! very supportive, accepting, open-minded, albeit a bit stubborn and competitive at times but we love them for that and honestly think its adorable! :D would genuinely fight whatever lord or god above is there for them and it's just asdiufhuihrh. rambly stupid stuff, i won't talk about it too much, but we appreciate them a ton!

thank you for the question! we rambled a little hard there, sorry if we overshared or anything a little, lol. hope that helps answer your question!

figuring out that the trauma holders weren’t lying to you when you discover physical evidence of the trauma occurring……… like bitch i thought you were saying that shit for shits and giggles?

generalized amnesia and emotional amnesia goes hard because oh yeah that extremely terrible thing happened and i don’t feel anything i felt while i was experiencing and oh this other thi- NERVOUS SYSTEM SHOWS UP

chronic hyper vigilance is ah yes, i have my survival mode. and then i have my SURVIVAL MODE.