Personal Vent - Blog Posts

So... Reason I haven't really been posting is mostly due to the fact I am losing the passion for making my art, I do still draw and have stories I wish to share! It's just become so much for me, I feel like I'm losing it all especially with the fact that I'm considered homeless. I've been thankful enough that my uncle has taken my family and I in but, I feel like we are imposing. I've been looking for a job but, no one bothers calling or even looking at my resumes. I feel so empty and tired that I don't know what to do. I only keep going for my mom and friends along with my pup.

I apologize for venting but it sometimes is too much to the point I can't even make art or post art sometimes. So I deeply apologize for this. I will find a stable place and income but for now, I'll share what I can and I hope you all can be hopeful for some art sooner or later.

I struggle with:

ADHD & neurospicy-nes

Rejection sensitive dysphoria

Possible Autism diagnosis is on the bacckburner for an indefinite period of time.

Depression

Borderline personality disorder

And being told "you can't"

My response to you can't is: "watch me"

And that usually leads to me crashing and burning in spectacular fashion.

(TW:venting)

I’m so tired, like so dead tired right now

I’ve gotten sick 3 times in the last 3 months, barely gotten any rest from it because my family somehow always throws endless tasks at me whenever I end up sick, and I’m not allowed to miss school either so I never end up fully recovering

I’ve had 35-40 nose bleeds in the span of 3 weeks, now I have to go to an ENT specialist to find out if I have to get cauterized, which is extremely painful

I keep having my own personal doubts about myself and my own insecurities, like whether I’m good enough, or if me friends actually care for me, etc

I don’t like going deep into my personal life, especially with my family, it’s a very complicated life with them but I love them so dearly that I feel so guilty whenever I feel upset with them

it’s so loud here, every little sound and movement ticks me off, I have an endless migraine and I’m sick of the school nurses looking at me with pity or thinking I’m lying to get out of class

and I’m so fucking sick and tired and being treated like I’m stupid. I’m in all honor classes, I learned how to be a therapist for my family when I was younger than fucking 5, I basically raised my older brother, I work so hard. And then people treat me like I’m stupid in the areas I’m actually working and doing well in, like I don’t know anything. Like I’m a stupid little girl in their eyes and I hate it.

when I finally shut down and tell people how I feel, they laugh and think I’m overreacting or that it doesn’t matter, that everything will be okay

and not everything has been okay, but I’m so thankful for the things that are. I’m thankful for my best friends, my absolutely amazing boyfriend, and family even though they have their problems, my school and my education, my hope in my health getting better, and especially shifting. There are so many good things going on in my life but when I get like this all I can focus on are the bad and negative and the pain and hurt.

I just want to sleep, I just want to rest, I just want to go home, I want to be with my found family, I miss my mom, I miss my waiting room, I miss my pets, I miss them so bad

I almost shifted today, I took a nap and the second before my alarm went off to go to theater I saw my waiting room and almost started balling tears.

that moment made me realize how much I need to be home right now, I need to rest, I need to breathe.

to whomever took the time to read this, I appreciate you for hearing me. I don’t get to express my emotions much, but I appreciate you

take care of yourself, and whomever you are, I love you, you deserve love, and if you feel like how I’m feeling right now, you deserve it all the more <3

Thank you, and good night <3

coming here to vent bc i feel really dumb and anxious. ive been working towards going to online university for next month but i just realized i did the student finance wrong. ive been in pain and lowkey sleep walking thru life and im autistic too and like i had no help so im not 100% surprised i messed up and i wont be super shocked if it falls thru but idk i dont want it to. idk ill try to take whatever happens as a sign. if i get in i can try to get my life on track. if i dont then maybe i need to wait til i get this pain figured out first. im just really scared ive blown up my life and im too late and ill just be stuck sitting here doing nothing waiting for a solution for the pain to come from my doctors to get on waiting lists. i legit feel like a ghost yk something bound to a house where they cant escape. but im also scared of dropping out again and that im not ready so im just in this state of being between a rock and a hard place and everything sucks. idfk what im going to do. happy 2025 ig idk

Y'all ever have one of those 9/11 to 50 shades of gray butterfly effect days? Like where one little thing ruins your entire day in two hours 💀 like I love my family and friends but I may become a felon if they don't start acting civilized.

Why do the most beautiful things have to hurt you the most? Why is love so trigger happy, ready to rip your heart out as soon as it dares to get even just a gram of hope? Why must life be so cruel to cut short the existence of those who deserve to live the most?

Fuck she had at least 10 years left, he tried to wake her up, he's been calling her but I can hear him giving up, does he know she's not coming back, if I had gotten home just 10 minutes earlier she would still be alive, fuck I failed her, I'm sorry I let you down, please forgive me I'm so sorry I didn't mean to, everything was fine just 2 hours ago, "funny" how so much can change in such a short time fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry please forgive me my sweet little angel

Yall, I'm tired

im tired of being ignored at my lunch table, by people I thought were friends, and in general

in my house hold, you have to do your chores before you can really do anything, right? Well yesterday, I "forgot" to deep clean the bathroom, which I totally did!!! And so I got in trouble, well, here's the thing my moms not specific when it comes to being grounded, lets say I'm grounded from the tv, you'd think "oh! Just that? And only for the day?" Nope! Two days, and every electronic! And get this! when I used to have a phone, when I would get grounded from it, I would lose all electronics! Bit!!! With my older brother, it would JUST be his phone! Like, wtf?! Favoritism much!

Vent!!!!!!

So trigger warnings!! Death, and depression!! You've been warned!!

My aunt died Wednesday night from terminal colon cancer and it spread to her brain. My mom, dad and older brother are with my grandparents helping with funeral plans. My little brother and sister are stressing me out!! And mind you my little brother has anger issues, and my little sister has disabilities, like not being able to talk right, or thinking straight. Anyways as of this post my little brothers b'day is tomorrow, and my little sister has a concert to attend for her choir grade, and so that stresses me out even more, and we have 7 pets, and I have to take care of them, and we have two Rottweilers and they bark alot and it's annoying, and they are jealousy elementals and so they push people outta the way for love and attention, and you can't really get them to stop it we've tried a whole bunch!! Anyways why I'm posting this is to say sorry that I'm stressed, and looking for someone to talk to, crap if I could get a gf or bf that would be amazing!! I just want someone to talk to about my life ♥︎

Vent warning yall!!❤❤❤❤

So I have bad habits, like any normal teen, and so you know that's fun, I've been in 3 mental hospitals, those were fun, and I'm coming up on my one year release on April 4 of my residential facility, so yay! But anyways, I steal shit, I lie,cheat,you know normal things ig, I'm so off topic sorry lol. Aaanyways who I'm making this is because I have such a bad urge to cry and yell that I'm sorry to everyone I know, so yeah! Gods this is a ramble- but like I know that rumors are being spread about me for... Reasons and a whole lot of that actually has to do with the way i was in 7th grade, I was a serial dater, and was poly, and I was trans, went by Tommy, but now? I'm just looking for the right person, and yall know me as moss, and I'm a demi girl lol, yall get to know that ig, I know that this is a rant now, but like, I just want to feel loved, by someone any one! Even if its ai's... Or even online, is this too much? I think it is- sorry!!!-

Moss

I love yall ❤❤❤

small update!!

𝜗𝜚 my aunt is getting me piano lessons!!

𝜗𝜚 im cleaning my room more often!

𝜗𝜚 my algebra teacher is giving me assistance with my homework (reminder that im in 8th grade :3)

𝜗𝜚 my friends and i are making plans!!

changing myself for the better!🤍

gonna try to change, because my life is going down and I can’t sink to the floor.

personal changes!! 🤍

𝜗𝜚 learn fluent french

𝜗𝜚 learn piano

𝜗𝜚 clean room once a week again (used to be a neat freak)

𝜗𝜚 apply for a basic job (just to get out the house and get money)

𝜗𝜚 finding a better outlet for emotions

𝜗𝜚 create a secret food stash

𝜗𝜚 become engrossed with books again

𝜗𝜚 find better hobbies

𝜗𝜚 learn how to tango/ salsa (or a form of dance in general, I have 2 left feet)

academic changes!! 📚

𝜗𝜚 study from 12-4 (on weekends)

𝜗𝜚 get a tutor (for math)

𝜗𝜚 complete 3 short response questions for application + apply for program

physical changes!! 🍵🧘🏽‍♀️

𝜗𝜚 go to gym from 10-12 (weekends)

𝜗𝜚 work out at home

𝜗𝜚 purchase skincare

𝜗𝜚 purchase clothes

𝜗𝜚 purchase books/makeup

if anyone has tips on how to achieve any please let me know!

i go into high school this year and i just want to be the best version of myself 🤍

i’ll come back to this in 2026, or I’ll add updates 😋😋

time to glow up or grow up

one step at a time!

I just looked at my phone and started crying

@carcin0-88

lavender, orange, sky blue, purple

I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH

Alrighty! Another ask game, let's do this!!

i watch sitcoms because they remind me of what i could be raised like and the life i wish i could have.

a supportive and sweet family :(

ɪɴᴛʀᴏ?..🥀

୨୧ ɪ’ᴍ ʀᴀɪɴᴇ/ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ! ☕️

୨୧ ᴅᴇᴘʀᴇssᴇᴅ ʙᴜᴛ ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴅʀᴇssᴇᴅ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴇ <𝟹

୨୧ ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀᴇᴅ ɪɴ sɪʟᴋʏ ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ʀɪʙʙᴏɴs

୨୧ sʜᴇ/ʜᴇʀ ⛈️

୨୧ ʜᴏʙʙɪᴇs: ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ, ʙᴀᴋɪɴɢ, ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ, sʟᴇᴇᴘɪɴɢ, ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ, ʀᴏʙʟᴏx 🫀

୨୧ ғᴀᴠ ᴀʀᴛɪsᴛs: ᴅᴇsᴛʀᴏʏ ʙᴏʏs, ᴍᴄᴄᴀғғᴇʀᴛʏ, ʟᴀᴜғᴇʏ, ᴍɪᴛsᴋɪ, ᴡᴇᴇᴢᴇʀ, ᴍsɪ, ᴀʏᴇsʜᴀ ᴇʀᴏᴛɪᴄᴀ, ᴛɴʙʜᴅ, (ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴏʀᴇ!) 🎸🎧

୨୧ ᴀsᴋ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ! ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ʙᴇ sʜʏ xx

୨୧ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅs: ᴛʜᴇ ɢɪᴠᴇʀ (ǫᴜᴀʀᴛᴇᴛ) + ᴛᴡɪʟɪɢʜᴛ (ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍɪʟʟɪᴏɴᴛʜ ᴛɪᴍᴇ) 📚

୨୧ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴄᴀʟʟ ᴍᴇ ʀᴀᴠᴇ ɪғ ᴡᴇ’ʀᴇ ᴍᴜᴛᴜᴀʟs! <𝟹

୨୧ ғᴀᴠ ʙᴏᴏᴋs: ᴛᴡɪʟɪɢʜᴛ sᴀɢᴀ, ɪ ᴀᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴇʀғᴇᴄᴛ ᴍᴇxɪᴄᴀɴ ᴅᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀ, ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴜ ɢɪᴠᴇ + sᴜɢᴀʀ 📓

୨୧ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛs: ⭐️ ᴍᴏᴜᴛʜᴡᴀsʜɪɴɢ ᴛʟᴏᴜ/ᴛʟᴏᴜ𝟸 ᴘʟᴜsʜɪᴇs ɴᴇᴡ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ʀᴇᴄs ᴀʀᴄᴀɴᴇ

ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʏʟᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɪᴍᴍᴇᴅɪᴀᴛᴇʟʏ ᴍʏ ʙsғ 💋

ʜᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀs. ᴏʜ ɢᴏᴅ ғᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ʜᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀs ɪᴍ ɪɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɪᴛ 💕 ᴄᴏsᴍᴏᴋɴɪɢʜᴛs (ʙᴏɴᴜs ɪғ ʏᴋ ᴛʜɪs ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ) ⭐️

୨୧ sᴀᴅ ʙᴏᴏᴋs ᴀʀᴇ ᴀɴ ᴏʙsᴇssɪᴏɴ

୨୧ ɪ’ʟʟ ᴘᴏsᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛ, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪ ʟɪᴋᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛᴇᴠᴇʀ ɪs ʀᴇʟᴀᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ (ʜᴏᴘᴇғᴜʟʟʏ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴛᴏᴏ! <𝟹)

୨୧ ɪ’ᴅ ʙᴇ ɢʟᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴍᴜᴛᴜᴀʟs! ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀ sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀ 💕

୨୧ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴀʟsᴏ ᴀ ᴠᴇɴᴛ ᴘᴏsᴛ sᴘᴏᴛ <𝟹

୨୧ ʏᴏᴜ’ʟʟ ʜᴇᴀʀ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʟᴏᴜ𝟸/ᴀʀᴄᴀɴᴇ/ ᴍᴏᴜᴛʜᴡᴀsʜɪɴɢ + ᴄᴏsᴍᴏᴋɴɪɢʜᴛ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs ᴏɴ ᴛʜɪs ᴘᴀɢᴇ

୨୧ ɪ ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ᴘᴏsᴛ ᴍʏ ᴘᴏᴇᴍs (ᴡʜᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡs?)

ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ʙʏ ᴍᴀxxxɪɴᴇ

Having mental health problems in a house with people that don’t really understand sucks. They have the happy-go-lucky mindset while I’m stuck nonverbal, anxious and the butt of every joke. Is it just me??

Nightmares and..

Vent stuff

What do I and the corn from thanksgiving dinner have in common??

Being on the back burner of ppl minds. 😁😁😁😁😁

Tw // mentions of corpses, decomposition of them, a little bit of swearing, and straight up talking about my trauma experiences. This post is not tagreted towards anyone, i just wanted to get all of this off my chest.

—

Ok just me yapping about my c-ptsd again

I've been trying to recover for like 2-3 years and it's hella hard for me, ESPECIALLY the triggers. Sometimes you can just discover what is it that triggers you and you can warn people around you about it, but when you can't discover what triggers you, that's the real problem there.

Yeah, people can trigger me even though they don't mean to. Even though i am the one who has it i don't even know half of my triggers, i am still trying to note them down but trust me it's so fucking hard when you lose half of your memory when you go through an episode. Do i get triggered from people talking about my mental illness unless i don't bring it up myself? Yes. Do i get triggered by people telling that i am a bad person? Yes. Do i get triggered by people i recently met are mean to me? Yes. Tbh i don't really give a damn when it's a stranger but when it's someone i just met it just makes me go up the walls.

And trust me, i have MUCH more triggers, but i don't know half of them due to my severe memory loss and shit, and it's so frustrating!! Like, i want to tell someone to stop doing a certain thing but from how absurt that trigger is people will just assume that i am a fuckass "you are faking your mentall illness!" kind of a person.

No, i don't fake any of this bullshit. Why the absolute fuck i would?? Do you think i enjoy starving myself for days because someone said a word that reminded me one of my traumas? Clearly. I'm sorry but people who say that i am "faking it" learns from shit like this:

And then try to assume stuff about me as if they are the ones who have this disorder. I am sorry but i am not going to listen to someone who learns about disorders from stuff like this, and then tells people that they are "faking it", i apologize once more, but do you even realize how harmful it is for us? Especially for c-ptsd since you don't know the half of your triggers and when they occured. There's a critical importance of learning mental illnesses properly. I apologize dearly but everyone deals with mental illnesses different, and you can't assume that people are faking it unless they are very obviously faking it/don't fit the !!very basic!! criteria.

And then there's this feeling i have, when i see something completely traumatic— i go through a lot of suffering, and then that traumatic thing is nothing to me.

Don't ever get me started on how my mom just let me see an extremely decomposed corpse—she used to work as a pathologist til i was 10—it's was horrifying. I was traumatized. That corpse was just carved into my brain. I couldn't sleep for days, i couldn't eat any meat because it just disgusted me. It lasted a few days and now, i am literally just neutral about corpses. I can visit that morgue just fine. And after all of this— people just tell me that i am being heartless, yeah don't go around babbling that i am an "edge lord", this is literally what i go through. I can't feel emotions like a normal person does, i don't feel any pity when i see people suffering, i don't feel love when i see my favorite person, the emotions i can feel intensely—like a normal person does—is fear and anger, expect these two i am completely numb. I don't really know if something is right or wrong unless someone tells me about it or i watch how people react to it, that doesn't make me a bad person, too. I am just saying that i can't understand right and wrong all by myself, however since i desire to be someone who is good, i always try to do the right thing— and by all of this, i am trying to tell you guys that ptsd is not something all about nightmares and flashbacks, it affects the person's way of thinking too. The reason i got my emotions this dulled down was the fact that I've been emotionally traumatized many times. Ptsd is not something you can learn off from the ableist information from google. It can give you correct information, yes. However the information there is very likely to be untrue, especially for personality disorders.

Okay, let me give an example— the most of the information on google says that cptsd lasts under a month, however, I've been dealing with it almost my whole life, only 2-3 years of diagnosis.

"but ismene, how can we learn about i-" i am pretty much sure that there's THOUSANDS of people who have diagnosed mental illnesses, you can always ask them about it on social media. Or maybe you have someone who's diagnosed? Go ahead and talk to them if they are comfortable. Do a deep research about it, and then compare the information you got from couple of diagnosed people and your research— find the same spots. And these same spots are very likely to be true. Researching about a mental illness shouldn't take you five minutes if you do want to understand people who have them. Mental illnesses are something serious and you need to take them serious.

Welp, i guess i yapped a bit too much— i hope all of this bunch of experiences and information does actually helps some people.

feeling v sub-human as of late. i’m not that scary to talk to i don’t think?? i know i have a disorder. i know i’m like a pitbull and everyone seems to think i eat toddlers. but i genuinely just want to talk to humans n have real friends for once,

like i love poetry, and folk & indie music, and playing ukulele. i love my gods and i read tarot sometimes and collect cool rocks. i have the cutest cats and want people to send pictures of them to. my favorite color is a muted tone of forest green.

i’m a pitbull, but i think i am a little human sometimes too. i promise the genes don’t make me a completely bad dog. someone just take a chance on me, im begging,

TRIGGER WARNING:

fake bl0od :/

keep yourself safe plz plz plz

lmao

Your delusion🩸

Sensitive topic!

TW: svc1d3, mention of 0v3rd0s3, 4lch0h0l p0¡s¡0n¡ng, and s3lf h4rm as well as other issues, please read at your own risk.

basically, I probably won’t be active anymore, I’m planning on km$ today, sometime during the night. I’ve had a cranky shitty 4ss life. I don’t look forward to anything anymore and I feel like absolute shit. I’ve got everything ready, the letters, all that bs. The only thing I want for now is the final step. No quote can turn my the cogs in my brain, no kind of guilt will convince me otherwise. This has been the only thing I look forward too. And I truly, entirely cannot fathom how much I desire the mere suggestion of d34th. I feel as if my whole world lights up. And for once, as soon I take the final step, one final push, I will feel like a true free bird. Of course, I’ve always wanted to at least have some fun before I d¡3, I plan on dr¡nk¡ng down the p¡11s I’ll take, I used to just merely cvt myself yet the pleasure of bl00d flowing out is no longer enough.

goodbye cruel world, sincerely, everyx.

I think this might just be my little vent area/ the stuff I want to post on my Snapchat story but then remember most of the people are my family and I don't really feel like getting yelled at. Or because my best friend is the best but I'm Lowkey a little jealous of her because she noticed and I disappear.

I'm delusional 😭😭😭

Random vent

Life feels so meaningless right now, I'm bored with life, nobody is here to hold me like I want and I have ZERO friends. Sometimes I truly want to 💀 just because of how boring and meaningless llife feels, my birthday is literally tmrw and yet I feel like it'll just be another boring ssad day laying down being misrable, wishing and hoping life will change for the better rather than think about the negative parts of life, the people I've lost, the bullying I used to face, the place I currently live ect.

I just want this BS to end, maybe it's the pre-birthday blues?

i honestly feel so invalid and unaccepted because like i’m doing a shit ton of research and taking quizzes and tests to find out if i’m autistic or not. most of them say that i’m most likely to be on the spectrum. i’m trying to talk to my mom about getting an actual diagnosis by a professional but it’s so frustrating and confusing because she doesn’t think i do but im genuinely concerned about myself!! and i honestly feel like im losing my mind. i hope you don’t mind me ranting on about this because i feel like my feelings are invalid and wrong because of my mom and that she doesn’t seem to care about my mental stability at all. again very sorry that this isn’t usually what i post. i hope you guys understand 🫶

Tw : vent . . . I dont know what the heck im doing rigth now , i love but i hate doing art i get withouth energy so easely and i cant help but compare myself to others, i have soo many w.i.p’s that i cant get myself to finish and soo many complete projects that i cant get myself to post because of how bad i think it is , lately i dont have energy for almost nothing, put effort in school , play my favorite games heck i dont have te energy to even eat i eat at mos two times a day because i dont have the energy to do it , im soo tired recentely that even my teachers started to notice but my classmates dont give a break soo much soo i had to call the principal to make something about it because i cant do nothing withouth getting picked on for it and when i talk Back to them they get angry at me saying I have to respect them to be respected while the pick on me since we are little kids , i changed my hole personality just so they would like me but for them is never enough everything i do is wrong , i understand i have my problems but i try my best to be a sweet person thing you can ask the few people that are my friends yet they still say im anoying, talk too loud ( im not very good at controling my voice volume/tone and have bad hearing thing they have known for ages since im on the same school since im 2 ) , that i need to talk less ( i very rarely talk because people dont really give me that opotunity often soo when they let me talk about things i know or like i get very exited since i know a lot of things because im very curious) and at that point i dont even know what to do since this is not even my worst proble , at that point internet is my only safe space and im dissociating , daydreaming or sleeping more than half of the time

GUESSWHOJUSTREALIZEDTHEIRMOTHEREMOTIONALMANIPULATEDTHEMFOURYEARSAGOANDITWORKEDSOWELLTHEYDIDN'TREALIZEITUNTILNOW

Yeah, I know my life is better then others. I'm not starving, I don't get beaten, I'm not in a war-torn country, I don't need to worry about if we'll have food tonight.

But I'm just a kid, I can't do anything to help them, if you care so much help them instead of bitching about it only when it benefits you.

Why do parents get so defensive when you say "I've been feeling overwhelmed lately"?

I know I don't have a job, I know I don't have a kid, I know I don't have to worry about bills. But that doesn't mean that my feelings are less, this is the most school I've ever had to do and it's only going to get harder, I can't hang out with my friends because their busy, and you invalidate my feelings by listing all your responsibilities you have, and because I am getting older I do have more responsibilities then I ever have before.

Your "lecture" to "help me" is just making me bottle up my feelings and not tell you anything.

Why do parents get so defensive when you say "I've been feeling overwhelmed lately"?

I know I don't have a job, I know I don't have a kid, I know I don't have to worry about bills. But that doesn't mean that my feelings are less, this is the most school I've ever had to do and it's only going to get harder, I can't hang out with my friends because their busy, and you invalidate my feelings by listing all your responsibilities you have, and because I am getting older I do have more responsibilities then I ever have before.

Your "lecture" to "help me" is just making me bottle up my feelings and not tell you anything.

tw vent

i'm so fucking angry. it's not even like i can help it. i don't have my phone, my old stuff got deleted, and i literally only have the time that i'm doing SCHOOL to be online. i can't talk to my friends bcs of time zones and shit or bcs they're busy too

it feels like shit. everything does. i'm exercising, i'm eating, i'm journaling, and it still feels like shit.

i can't use tech unless i ask, and every time i do i'm just bracing for a "Why? You're just going to use it wrongly" kinda response. every. single. fucking time. i can't rp, i can't chat i can't do my art the way i want to.

i love my parents i do, but their protectiveness makes me want to peel my skin back.

i want to dye my hair, to cut it, to go out to a park, i want to meet up with friends irl, i want to do things

i can't even just go anywhere- i can't drive, i don't know how to ride a bike, i don't have anyone i trust irl that i can go to

and there aren't teachers or school clubs bcs i'm fucking homeschooled

i don't have any online games and those that i do are severly monitored

i just want to exist and feel like a teen, like an actual teenager.