barbedfable

Latest Posts by barbedfable

i just wanted all of this together...

wow this was really educational i learnt quite a bit abt marx in sociology and connected to his ideas abt classism but i had no clue abt his teachings on the "Lumpenproletariat".

You don't have to like weed but I find people who are vehemently anti-weed but claim to be left leaning infuriating. If you go into a rage because you smelled someone smoking pot, how the fuck do you expect to form community with people addicted to meth? It's easier to say you hate smokers than to say you hate all drug users in leftist spaces because one makes you sound a bit like a square while the other is the writing on the wall. You aren't anti-weed, you're anti-drug user and anyone who uses substances is not safe around you.

i'm not invested in "harry potter was never good" conversations because it doesn't matter if it's good or not. quality does not positively correlate with socio-political praxis. it could be a really good piece of art, but if it's still supporting a vocal proponent of transmisogyny and transphobia, i don't give a shit. harry potter good or bad, who cares, its success is unambiguiously providing financial and social capital for a morally despicable person.

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`USERNAME` : george :)

`PASSWORD` : * * *

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  *WELCOME BACK* ❤︎ *GEORGE*_⋆ ‹𝟹₊˚⊹

  ／／ «I am out with lanterns, looking for myself» ＼＼ 💠

      ⤷ he/him 🌐 trans masc. 21 / (reg 10-12)

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[My Love Mine All Mine]

[Mistki]

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    ↻ [◁] When Memories Snow [||] The Frost [▷] Star ↺

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yj side blogs - @polyjackets (general/memes), @jackietwinklor (nsfw) & @polyjacketpockets (agere, new)

started the legacy challenge <3 vampire edition

introducing the gen 1 heir: phoenix chambers

he's my trans vampire astronaut. his current aspiration is to be a good vampire. um his traits are genius, geek and loyal.

phoenix hates being a vampire and is trying to assimilate.

vladdy daddy tried to call and he shut that right down.

he refuses to get a coffin.

hes in that weird like book club in get together.

his best friend is some guy named emit who has blue hair and im pretty sure is a time travellor? idk what his deal is but hes cool.

lilith vatore came over to train him and he was thristing so bad he forgot how bad he hates being a vampire they became woohoo partners. the fucking burgular TOOK my umbrella and he got carried away and bit him (the only time hes drunk from a person) immediately got the guilty drinker. he was really super tense so lilith took him to hers and they woohoo'd

the next day was love day so obviously they kept hanging out. caleb came in right after they woohoo'd which was awkward :/

lilith asked phoenix on a date!! this is when i trans'd lilith bc i need the next gen and the t4t thing cute asf <3 they tried for a baby in a bush (it didnt take sigh)

little ! nat scatorccio headcanons .ᐟ with caregiver ! misty quigley .ᐟ requested by 🌸 anon𓈒 cws — cursing , vent regression , talk of nat 's home life𓈒

nat tends to hide his regression , preferring to keep it a private matter𓈒 it may be partially due to shame , partially due to the non - conventional way he prefers to regress with weed , partially due to his home life or even simply preferring to keep this vulnerable part of himself away from prying eyes but whatever the case he was initially quite peeved when misty quigley of all people discovered his secret𓈒

nat is laid back , while misty is𓈒𓈒𓈒 well𓈒𓈒𓈒 quite the opposite𓈒 so he wasn 't too pleased when she walked in on him in the locker room after hours , thumb jammed in his mouth , cheeks tearstained after another night his dad had apparently forgotten to pick him up𓈒 maybe he was being punished for the way he 'd slammed the door of his car that morning , the stupid chickenshit car he seemed to like more than nat𓈒 whatever the reason , nat was still at school𓈒 he wouldn 't have dared to let his thumb slip into his mouth if he 'd have known anyone was there but it was coming up on 8:00 and the doors were meant to lock at 7:30𓈒 count on misty fucking quigley to be creeping around after hours𓈒

"shit !" his gravelly cracking voice𓈒 misty with a comically shocked expression on her face , standing stock still by the door she 'd just come through𓈒 "natalie𓈒𓈒"

he 'd scoffed𓈒 "it 's nat𓈒" a hand flew to misty 's mouth𓈒 "sorry !" an awkward silence had passed , nat wishing he could just disappear𓈒 he 'd braced himself for the worst , misty jumping to infantilize him or attempting to blackmail him but to his surprise she 'd awkwardly moved to sit down next to him looking about as shy as he 'd felt𓈒

he 'd cringed at this and yet𓈒𓈒𓈒 "i won 't say anything , nat ," she 'd said emphasizing his proper name𓈒 more silence𓈒 "y'know𓈒𓈒𓈒" she started , shifting to pull her knees to her chest𓈒 "i do it too𓈒" she 'd giggled nervously , blushing at nat 's incredulous look despite his clear embarrassment𓈒

nat had refused to speak , too embarrassed , too exposed𓈒 but misty was content to continue , rambling on about her own regression , and𓈒𓈒𓈒 "oh oh oh ! i always wanted to be a caregiver𓈒" well shit𓈒

despite nat really not even wanting a caregiver , misty had been persistent , giving him her best puppy eyes and everything𓈒 nat had been frustrated but it was clear misty 's intentions were pure and maybe it wouldn 't completely suck getting to know her𓈒𓈒𓈒 "fine ," he huffed , not wanting to argue or have misty turn on him𓈒 "but if i want it to stop it stops , 'kay ?" misty nodded profusely , clearly excited𓈒

things start off tentatively𓈒 misty continuously checks on nat to see if he 's feeling little , speaking to him in a babyish tone that embarrasses nat who is not regressed in the slightest𓈒 it frustrates him to be spoken down to𓈒 he 'll whine at her to "stoooop" huffing in frustration𓈒 "this isn't working , okay ?" he 'll grumble𓈒 "just lay off ," he 'll mutter , stalking off ashamed𓈒

still later when his dad is berating his mom about some goddamn thing out of her control and he begins to drop , it 's misty he calls on their shitty landline , apologizing profusely for the yelling in the background𓈒

as soon as he gets the go ahead to come over , nat 's sneaking out his window with eyes full of tears𓈒 he 's hardly even aware this is the first time he 'll really be regressed around misty𓈒 misty 's waiting for him on the front stoop , a concerned look on her face as she drapes an arm around the weepy boy , ushering him upstairs to her room𓈒

it 's the first time he 's been to misty 's house , yet he 's too worked up to really take it in𓈒 he 's embarrassed and ashamed , and a small part of him is kicking himself for crying in front of misty but more than anything he just needs comfort and misty is more than happy to provide it , doing a surprisingly good job at soothing the regressor , sitting him on her bed and kneeling down below to look at him , a firm hand planted on his shoulder𓈒

misty who cautiously envelops him in a hug , letting him sob into her shoulder , softly shushing him and rubbing a tentative circle into his back𓈒

that night nat runs , apologizing profusely to her the next day at practice , a shy blush on his cheeks𓈒

over time nat grows more comfortable around misty𓈒 he still gets easily embarrassed when she babies him or fawns over him , not used to his more childish whims being encouraged or used to such gentle easy praise𓈒 he 's a very blushy kiddo𓈒

nat has a wide age range , ranging from baby to teen depending on his mental headspace and mood𓈒 around misty he 's typically toddler or kiddo range , tending to feel safe but still quite embarrassed about his regression𓈒 sometimes he 'll involuntarily slip into babyspace which he 's really ashamed of , spending most of his regressed time weeping𓈒 misty is quite delighted to have a baby on her hands , used to playing with her babydolls and having taken many babysitting classes𓈒 it 's so exciting for her to get some real experience𓈒 she 's oh so attentive getting him to calm down , and doesn 't shy away from the idea of padding although at that prospect nat flushes a bright red , protesting vehemently and refusing to look at her𓈒

nat is an outdoorsy little one , something that delights misty𓈒 though he 's shy about going out regressed at first , misty will often take him on backyard picnics and jumping in puddles with him𓈒 nat loves to hike although misty struggles to keep up with him𓈒

sometimes a small nat can get insecure about his height with the way he towers over misty𓈒 although as a tboy , nat will often lament his height in the opposite direction while not regressed yet small nat 's height is a cause for insecurity as well𓈒 how can he be little if he 's taller than misty ? sometimes it causes dysphoria , and may lead to tears of frustration and humiliation𓈒 misty is very understanding of this , however , letting him know it 's okay for him to regress regardless of how tall he is𓈒

misty who has a huge collection of toys and stuffed animals notices that nat doesn 't have any𓈒 he has his one bear but that doesn 't leave his room and she 's actually never been to his trailer𓈒 he 's quite honestly scared to bring her there , worried of what his dad might say or how he might treat misty even were nat to be in his regular headspace𓈒 she doesn't push him about it though , instead offering him one of her old ones , a golden retriever puppy that nat latches onto immediately𓈒

although nat denies wanting any gear (he secretly does but doesn 't want to bother misty , worrying about the cost and where he 'd keep it) , misty is insistent on getting him a few items𓈒 he cries when she surprises him with a brand new dinosaur figurine and a glass bottle decorated with a green dinosaur𓈒 she also gets him a pacifier , apologizing that it 's of the baby variety and therefore not being big enough for his mouth𓈒 still he can 't stop thanking her tearfully , treasuring the items with his entire being𓈒 misty even offers to keep them at her house so his dad can 't find them𓈒

nat can be quite stubborn which misty picks up on shortly after she begins caring for him𓈒 he 's a big thumb sucker , no matter how many times misty scolds him or offers him her pacifier his grubby thumb will end up back in his mouth𓈒 although he 's typically quite obedient this he refuses to give in on much to misty 's chagrin𓈒

little tboy ! jackie taylor headcanons !! ⤷ featuring : he him jackie 𓈒 toddler re 𓈒 tmasc cgs ! shauna & nat 𓈒

regressuary day 7 : LGBTQ themes | link to bingo card & @regressuary

spotted these jorts and was reminded of this jackie outfit and couldn't stop thinking about tmascjackets agere 𓈒𓈒𓈒 this is purely self indulgent i fear 𓈒 you can find my yellowjackets masterlist here and my upcoming list here 𓈒

jackie who tearfully comes out first to nat and then to shauna 𓈒 the weight of his secret is crushing him , each time they call him "she" or girl hitting like a slap to the face 𓈒 nat who holds him , letting the boy cry , rubbing soothing circles into his back 𓈒 shauna who shrugs it off as no big deal , casually dropping that in fact he's in a similar position though it had been much easier for shauna , now shaun to accept 𓈒

jackie (who still wants to be jackie at least for the time being) begins regressing more often in the freedom of nat's cramped room in his trailer , far from the taylor's own sprawling manor 𓈒 nat , no stranger to jackie's regression is pleased to take on the big brother role , seeing it as euphoric not only for himself but also to be a part of giving jackie his "proper" childhood 𓈒

with nat and shauna being the only two to know about jackie's being trans , he'll often go to them tearfully when he's feeling dysphoric 𓈒 dysphoria is one of jackie's biggest triggers to regress , oftentimes leaving nat and shauna with the large task of dealing with a dysphoric toddler 𓈒

nat is more open to having emotional conversations with jackie regardless of if he's regressed or not 𓈒 shaun on the other hand isn't great with tears , trying not to cringe and doing his best to coax a more calm jackie out with a toy car or dinosaur 𓈒

nat calls him "buddy" , "little man" , and "bubba" which always brings a shy smile to jackie's face 𓈒 shaun has affectionately dubbed him "squirt" and "booger" which he always delivers with a playful toss of jackie's curls 𓈒

although he's certainly not a baby , jackie's still little enough to sometimes have accidents 𓈒 he'll be busy roughhousing with shaun who won't stop tickling him and all of a sudden it's too late 𓈒 his laughter will stop abruptly , tears filling his eyes in embarrassment 𓈒 as if it's not bad enough to have an accident while playing with your big brother , jackie's quite dysphoric about the situation 𓈒

shaun will stop teasing him immediately , exchanging a look with nat 𓈒 jackie's clearly doing his best not to cry , legs crossed and hands covering the crotch of his pants 𓈒 nat is always able to calm him down though it's a process 𓈒 "shhh , shhh 𓈒" he'll soothe 𓈒 "you're okay , jack 𓈒 it's just an accident , huh buddy ?" jackie will initially refuse to talk around shaun , worried that he'll bully him 𓈒 he's a hiccupy mess but after reassurance from shaun that it's okay he'll let nat help him clean up and calm down 𓈒

nat who saves up his money to buy jackie supplies both for his transition and his regression 𓈒 he gathers together a box of things for his little brother , giving it to him the next time he's over by himself 𓈒 nat doesn't have much money and as much as he loves shaun he's worried he'll be jealous or want stuff from him as well 𓈒 the box is full of items squirreled away by nat : pull ups ( the boys ones ) , nat's old binder , a new package of boxers , a few shirts from goodwill and a mostly new set of army men toys 𓈒

jackie gets shy at seeing a few of the more intimate items but can't thank nat enough 𓈒 nat beams at his little brother , tousling his hair and letting him know how proud he is of him 𓈒

jackie is so fascinated watching nat do his t-shots and shaun expertly put on his trans tape 𓈒 he's too afraid to try trans tape himself , not wanting his parents or another one of his teammates to find out but he's very curious about it 𓈒 sometimes he'll get upset hearing nat's deepening voice or just how flat shaun can get his chest to look 𓈒 he wants to look like a boy too 𓈒 nat helps him into his old binder , teaching him how to move the tissue of his chest so the binder is more effective 𓈒 although he can only wear the binder at nat's jackie can't help but sob the first time he feels his flattened chest and sees the effects of the binder in nat's shitty bathroom mirror 𓈒

jackie's not supposed to wear his binder while regressed yet he often tries to get away with it 𓈒 shaun doesn't mind as much , just wanting jackie to be comfortable but nat will gently but firmly scold him 𓈒 when jackie learns that wearing his binder too long can affect him getting top surgery in the future he's really upset 𓈒 although he's typically well behaved he'll throw tantrums when he's feeling dysphoric not wanting to give up his flat chest even if he's already been wearing his binder for too long 𓈒

it's not until shaun offers up his most oversized flannel that jackie stops fussing 𓈒 still he's moody for the rest of the afternoon , hardly wanting to play with his toys or joke around with his brothers 𓈒

growing up an only child with overprotective parents , jackie was never allowed much freedom as a child , hardly even allowed to play outside 𓈒 nat and shaun are determined to make up for this , teaching him how to catch frogs and skip rocks 𓈒 ( nat is a real master at skipping rocks 𓈒 )

personal agere moodboard :3 (10-12)

can’t stop imagining tiny little host!vic getting pinched by nana for swearing and their mom asking where the marks came from and vic insisting it was steffi pops. their mom not believing them and telling them to stop blaming things on steffi.

can’t stop imagining their mom writing it off as weird little kid stuff instead of investigating any further, eventually getting so annoyed by vic’s “antics” she just stopped caring when they came back from nana’s house with marks - because every time little five year old vic told her it was steffi pops. though it crossed her mind, their mom refused to entertain the notion her mother was abusing her child.

throw in vivid childhood dreams and you get distorted memories of childhood, the internalization that maybe the pinching really was just a series of dreams they had as a kid about their weird doll.

anyways. steffi pops as a coping mechanism, a tulpa made of false memories and real abuse. nobody touch me

Shout out to trans men/mascs with uterine or menstrual health issues, disabilities, diseases, or any other issues of the sort

Shout out to trans men/mascs who still get misgendered or have their issues dismissed at the doctor

Shout out to trans men/mascs who get denied uterine and reproductive healthcare

Shout out to trans men/mascs who have to deal with "women's health" issues and get told to "get over it"

Shout out to trans men/mascs who feel painful dysphoria when going to the doctor

Shout out to trans men/mascs who have excruciating periods and constantly get told dismissive things or to just get over it

You are strong. You deserve to be visible. You should always get the medical help you deserve.

i have a transmasc friend who has been feeling really bummed recently that he hasn't seen much in the way of transmasc positivity on his dash, and i see how much it impacts his mood and self esteem. i care about him a lot, so i want to do a little something to maybe help raise his spirits a little bit:

share some memories of trans masc folks you know or have known, who left a positive impact on your life!

i'll start:

here's to a boyfriend i had years back! he was a very autistic demiboy with a reptile special interest and a love for aquariums! we'd go visit a small local herpatarium together, and he'd tell me all about the animals there. his excitement was contagious! he even had a pet snake who was so cute. we both loved Pink Floyd, and i really treasure the time we spent sharing music with eachother!

here's to a friend i had back in Texas! he was a really warm and chill dude, always so kind and patient. he loved his community and organized a local trans social group so that we could have something more laid back than a support group. he was a scholar in queer and jewish history, as well as jewish theology, and i learned so much from him.

i have a friend now who is a very kind and sweet guy. he's been there for me in some of my darkest moments and is a delight to be around! he is a very skilled cook and baker who helps make incredible food for our household. he has a passion for hair and has helped everyone in the house with cutting and styling our hair. he loves musicals, and i've learned so much about musicals from listening to him and watching movie musicals with him. i could say more, but i know this post is going to be long enough as is lol

CHAPPELL ROAN accepts the Best New Artist award onstage during the 67th Annual GRAMMY Awards (Feb 2, 2025)

okay the uni stuff is going thru. i was honestly catastrophizing but uh still nervous for the start. feel better knowing its part time and that all tutorials are recorded

coming here to vent bc i feel really dumb and anxious. ive been working towards going to online university for next month but i just realized i did the student finance wrong. ive been in pain and lowkey sleep walking thru life and im autistic too and like i had no help so im not 100% surprised i messed up and i wont be super shocked if it falls thru but idk i dont want it to. idk ill try to take whatever happens as a sign. if i get in i can try to get my life on track. if i dont then maybe i need to wait til i get this pain figured out first. im just really scared ive blown up my life and im too late and ill just be stuck sitting here doing nothing waiting for a solution for the pain to come from my doctors to get on waiting lists. i legit feel like a ghost yk something bound to a house where they cant escape. but im also scared of dropping out again and that im not ready so im just in this state of being between a rock and a hard place and everything sucks. idfk what im going to do. happy 2025 ig idk

coming here to vent bc i feel really dumb and anxious. ive been working towards going to online university for next month but i just realized i did the student finance wrong. ive been in pain and lowkey sleep walking thru life and im autistic too and like i had no help so im not 100% surprised i messed up and i wont be super shocked if it falls thru but idk i dont want it to. idk ill try to take whatever happens as a sign. if i get in i can try to get my life on track. if i dont then maybe i need to wait til i get this pain figured out first. im just really scared ive blown up my life and im too late and ill just be stuck sitting here doing nothing waiting for a solution for the pain to come from my doctors to get on waiting lists. i legit feel like a ghost yk something bound to a house where they cant escape. but im also scared of dropping out again and that im not ready so im just in this state of being between a rock and a hard place and everything sucks. idfk what im going to do. happy 2025 ig idk

rhiannon stockholm syndrome-esque situation?? we know she’s an obsessive girlie… maybe you see something you’re not supposed to and she acts before thinking and next thing you know you’re tied up in her garage and she’s not wanting to kill you because of her little moral ‘bullies die’ code and eventually her need for human affection and love wins over and yeah maybe it’s weird!! but she is a little weird!

— summary: rhiannon kidnaps you after you see something you’re not supposed to…

— warnings: stockholm syndrome type of situation. kind of. but rhiannon is a sweetheart. so: fluff?. canon typical violence. kidnapping. unfortunately, i still don’t beta read before posting.

— a/n: oh i love this! i was too lazy to make a proper header, i might add one later (why am i lying?) but i hope you like this, anon <3

you were never meant to be in the position you’re now in. you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and one thing led to another. who would have thought that all the hard work of staying late at the gazette would never pay off the way you wanted? you only wanted one thing: recognition. you wanted to be seen by your pain-in-the-ass coworkers, not constantly overlooked despite your abilities. what you did not want was to walk out of the office, long past midnight, and witness a murder.

and what you wanted even less was for the murderer to notice you: walking out just as she drove the knife into a man’s body, over and over, covered in his blood as she straddled him.

she, because you recognized the figure instantly. the last thing you remember is the harsh impact of the knife's handle against the back of your head before everything fades to black and you lose consciousness.

truthfully, you’re surprised that you wake up at all. she could’ve killed you too. it seemed easy enough for her when she was stabbing that guy. either way, you’re not dead. your racing heart and the painful throbbing of your head prove as much. you are, however, tied up against something you can only feel, not see, behind your back. as the dim light settles over your vision, you notice the rough, cold metal pole you're bound to, the edges of rope digging into your wrists uncomfortably. you’re in a garage, a small, barely furnished space, and smelling faintly of gasoline. there’s a closed door to your left, a thin line of light beneath it. on the other side of that door, she’s pacing. you can hear rhiannon's steps, sounding quick and frantic and moving back and forth. you’re not sure how much time passes as you sit, still half-disoriented, piecing together what you last remember: she saw you. she knows you saw her. and now, she has to figure out what to do with you, the only witness.

rhiannon, who -in spite of kidnapping you- acts strangely kind.

it’s almost alarming how quickly she can shift from calculating to affectionate. one minute, she’s sternly reminding you why she had to do this, and the next, she’s making sure your restraints aren’t too tight, brushing a stray hair off your forehead. there’s a tenderness there that she doesn’t seem aware of, like she can’t help but want to care for you, despite the circumstances. "you weren't supposed to be there" she mutters under her breath as she holds a straw to your lips so you can drink. it sounds like she is reminding herself, rather than you.

rhiannon, who'll start yapping to you like you're not technically one of her victims.

she spends a lot of time talking, explaining her reasoning as if she’s trying to make you understand that this isn’t really so bad. rhiannon insists she only did this because there was no other choice once you saw too much. but her words falter every so often, and you can tell she’s trying to convince herself just as much as she’s trying to convince you. "think about it" she reasons. "you would've gone to the police. but I couldn't- I can't kill you, either"

"why not?" you demand, then. "you killed all these people on the news, too, didn't you?"

"but they were bullies" rhiannon points out matter-of-factly, as if that explains anything. "they were bullies and i- i protect people from bullies."

rhiannon, who is lowkey an awkward sweetheart!

you do learn, eventually, that she isn't an actual life-threatening danger to you. rhiannon makes sure of this from the start: when she notices you’re scared, she’ll switch gears instantly, giving you a painfully awkward but oddly sincere smile. she promises she doesn’t want to hurt you, that she’s “actually really nice” if you’d just give her a chance. she even tries to charm you in her own offbeat way, talking to you like this is a perfectly normal situation.

rhiannon, who starts caring about you. a lot more than she‘d ever admit.

she never had anyone waiting for her at home, even though you're obviously not there willingly. it's easy enough for her to forget about that part entirely, when she's with you after a long day at work, trying to make conversations and keeping you updated about the situation at the gazette. despite keeping you bound, rhiannon is obsessively attentive. she keeps popping back in to check on you, offering food, drinks, or blankets if you seem cold.

rhiannon, who begins to open up to you.

it’s only a matter of time before she starts hinting at how “special” you are to her. she’ll stand close, just within reach, telling you that nobody’s ever made her feel this way and that she “doesn’t want to be alone again”. and the thing is, instead of being freaked out, you actually understand. that's what freaks you out. instead of fear, you feel sympathy. sometimes you’ll catch her, sitting near you but looking lost in her own head. she’ll drop her guard just long enough to tell you something personal, maybe about her childhood or the way no one seems to see her.

rhiannon, who genuinely starts to like you.

she makes attempts at what might as well be considered flirting at this rate. these attempts are as unsettling as they are endearing. she’ll bring you flowers she found on the side of the road on her walks with tink, beaming about how she remembered your favorites (whether or not she got it right is another matter). if she feels extra daring, she’ll reach out to brush her fingers along your cheek, her voice dropping as she says, “you’re so pretty. has anyone ever told you that?"

rhiannon, who doesn’t really realize how much trouble she’s in…

...until you spark jealousy in her. she might be sitting with you, carefree until you mention somebody. maybe an ex, or a person who had asked you out on a date before she kidnapped you. either way, rhiannon starts fumbling with her hair at the mere thought before she knows what she's doing at all. it’s a strange mixture of protectiveness, control and anger that rhiannon can’t seem to place.

rhiannon, who has clearly underestimated your power.

she might have control over your situation, but she’s unaware of how much power you hold over her. every time you’re gentle with her, it chips away at her defenses, exposing that, at her core, she’s someone who has always craved acceptance. every soft-spoken word or lack of resistance from you leaves rhiannon more helplessly attached.

rhiannon, who forces awkward conversations just to have something to talk about.

she will sometimes just sit across from you and fire off random questions about your life, interests, or favorite foods, songs etc. she listens way too closely, her eyes slightly wide as she stores each detail like it’s a precious secret. she also uses every chance she can get to talk to you: she even insists on saying good night every evening with a soft smile, lingering at the door like she’s waiting for a response.

rhiannon, who finds herself craving your touch.

she gradually becomes more comfortable with casual touches: a brush of your hand, her leaning closer than necessary. it’s all very tentative and hesitant, like she’s still trying to wrap her head around being this close to someone. her dorky smiles and blushing every time she touches you suggest she’s totally smitten. she’s been touched starved for so long she’s forgotten what it’s like to have a shoulder to lean on. maybe one night, where she’s struggling to sleep, she sneaks into your space and leans her head down in your lap/against your shoulder. she doesn’t mean to fall asleep, really, and she’s actually so embarrassed to wake up to a nudge of your arm the next morning.

rhiannon, who is so excited for some “quality time” together.

on days when she has something “special” planned (like a home-cooked meal or a movie night), she bounces into the garage with a grin and an excited, “guess what i got today?” it’s like she can’t hide her enthusiasm, even if it’s something simple. at first you might think it’s something work-related that has her so giddy, asking: “did you get that promotion at work?” the thought of said promotion hadn’t even crossed rhiannon’s mind until you bring it up. “no, silly” she brushes it off, before revealing that you’re gonna spend some time together.

rhiannon who arranges almost date-like scenes for the two of you.

she eventually sets up little “date nights” in her garage: a picnic blanket on the floor, candles on the shelves, and some soft music. it’s clear she went overboard on making it feel cozy, and she glows with pride as she beckons you over, asking you to just “try and enjoy it”. during those nights, she’ll sit across from you, mumbling about how rare it is for someone to truly “understand” her after having a little too much of the wine she bought for the occaion. she makes an effort to believe you might stay willingly, someday, even if she can’t say it out loud.

rhiannon, who brings in tink to “meet you”.

one day, she enters the garage with her beloved dog in her arms, beaming as she shows her off. she makes tink paw at your hand, whispering, “see? she already likes you” this is all evidence she needed that you seem to fit right into this little world she's created, in which you're not the victim of her kidnapping. in her defense, tink is sweet as she lets you pet her belly.

rhiannon, who wins you over too, somehow.

she starts painting an imaginary picture of what it could've been like if you two met differently. she talks about going to the movies, some fancy restaurant, or meeting up after a long day at work. you'd be lying if you said you hadn't noticed her at work before: every time one of your shitty coworkers stepped over her, like they'd do with you too, your heart had ached a little more for rhiannon.

"i'm sorry," you tell her during one of these nights when she's found herself by your side again, the two of you watching tink with one of her toys. "that they didn't notice you, i mean"

rhiannon lifts her head from where it's been resting on your shoulder and glances up at you. it's the first time anyone ever took it upon themselves to apologize. she has beautiful eyes, you can't help but notice. "you deserve better than that" you whisper, with her close enough to hear. and, as if the proximity is not bad enough already, you raise your hand as much as the ropes allow you to and awkwardly slide it into hers.

i know love exists because i exist and i am full of it

EMBODIMENT: A PORTRAIT OF QUEER LIFE IN AMERICA

Ducky and her friends, 2008 | Kate and Laurel, 2007 | Princeton and Lena, 2009 | Ronnie and Jo, 2005 | Simon and West, 9AM | Damian and Daughters, 2009 | Cat and Brittany, 2009 | Jentleman of Distinction, 2009 | Mandy, 2005 | David and Isaac, 2007

lounging around in my boxers with my homemade amateur sock packer feeling very gender rn. still a lil scary but come a long way got a gf and everything.